tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84191049518794625422024-03-14T00:00:41.326-06:00The Apathy MythUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger293125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-58672997694083061912010-03-30T20:54:00.004-06:002010-03-30T20:58:02.746-06:00Follow me to tjsullivan.comI have moved my blog to my new website at <a href="http://tjsullivan.com">http://tjsullivan.com</a>. Please visit me there or at the Facebook Fan Page at <a href="http://www.facebook.com/tjsullivanblog">http://www.facebook.com/tjsullivanblog</a>. You can do an RSS subscribe from the new blog, if you like. I'll be leaving this site live indefinitely for those who have linked to existing articles. Thanks for all of your support!<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-77147058388625258632010-03-16T21:27:00.006-06:002010-03-16T22:02:16.020-06:00Make them show their work along the way<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S6BTxPZKa9I/AAAAAAAAA5w/X3249lNB01k/s1600-h/house-framing2.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S6BTxPZKa9I/AAAAAAAAA5w/X3249lNB01k/s320/house-framing2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449447654529067986" border="0" /></a><br />Think back to high school when you had your first big paper due. Remember how the teacher wanted you to turn in a preliminary outline, then a draft, then another draft, then your bibliography, and then finally your final paper?<br /><br />If you were like me, you probably found the whole process annoying. I hated all the steps – showing my work along the way. I wanted to do the damn paper hardcore, right at the deadline, counting on the pressure of the due date to inspire me.<br /><br />That's how I worked dammit! I worked better on deadline!<br /><br />But, the teacher wasn't having it. She wanted to make sure I was thinking the thing through instead of simply pulling it out of my butt six hours before the paper was due.<br /><br />As a student leader, it's now your turn to be the annoying teacher.<br /><br />Do you have officers with big projects? How do you know your officer or committee chair is thinking it through and planning things out well? How do you know she isn't just going to pull a half-baked effort out of her butt at the last minute? Is it smart to simply trust that everything will work out OK?<br /><br />No, not really.<br /><br />Smart leadership, like smart teaching, sometimes means asking people to show their work.<br /><br />Several weeks out, ask your officer to show you his plans, his list of deadlines, his to-do lists. Have him give a complete, exhaustive presentation to your executive committee about 3-4 weeks out. Ask lots of questions. Are we on budget? What are some of the trouble spots? Where can others pitch in to help? Are lots of good ideas being brought to the table, or is everything riding on one person?<br /><br />Applying this pressure along the way causes your officer to "show his work" before procrastination turns into excuses. More importantly, it gives you a chance to spot a leader who is slacking on the job.<br /><br />Be warned: some people will hate this. They will say you are micromanaging. They will ask why you don't trust them. They will assure you that everything's under control, and they will be eager to assure you they have everything well in hand. A lot of people simply hate to be managed.<br /><br />Well, too bad.<br /><br />Bring it to the table. Show us what you've done so far. We have a lot riding on this, so it's important that we all feel confident about the planning and the thoughtful implementation. What's working, and where are the struggle points? Plus, it gives us a chance to get excited and contribute to the project.<br /><br />And, if your officer or chairperson can't produce some demonstration of progress, remove them from the project now before they completely screw it up. Or, make them sit with you and other leaders to get things on track.<br /><br />Your teacher was pissing you off for a reason. She was trying to teach you that a thoughtful well-done product comes from a developmental process. It's time to pass that lesson along to your officers and chairs.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-28366361814457131362010-03-15T10:28:00.005-06:002010-03-15T13:21:24.379-06:00In defense of old-school Greek Weeks<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S56GWoXpefI/AAAAAAAAA5k/LqtSITM6K-U/s1600-h/greek+games.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S56GWoXpefI/AAAAAAAAA5k/LqtSITM6K-U/s320/greek+games.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5448940322516728306" border="0" /></a><br />Greek Weeks have been with us for a very long time. Whether the tradition is viewed as good or harmful depends largely on your campus, the local history of the event, and on the attitude of your fraternity/sorority advising professional.<br /><br />For many decades, Greek Week was a big party excuse, and a chance for chapters to compete. It was a marquis event on campus. In the afternoons, there were contests. In the evenings, there was beer. Lots of it. Admittedly, it was a very male dominated tradition. IFC fraternities loved the opportunity to inflict as much pain and shame on each other as possible, then drink until the bruises felt like badges of honor.<br /><br />In the last two decades, however, Greek Week has changed dramatically. The games and sporting competitions were supplanted with other events: speakers, service, blood drives, award banquets, etc. The alcohol was discouraged, or eliminated entirely.<br /><br />It's easy to understand why this happened.<br /><br />The competitions had gotten ugly and out of hand in many places. Greek Week became a massive expenditure of money and effort that many believed could be better focused toward more positive community service activities. Poorly managed events were a giant headache for all involved, particularly the Student Life professionals who escorted fraternity men to hospitals with concussions.<br /><br />Some argued that a competitive Greek Week was also exclusionary to smaller historically-black and culturally-based fraternities and sororities who had neither the person-power nor the interest in competitive events. In the minds of most campus advisors, eliminating old-school Greek Week became a moral imperative. If the event wasn't inclusive of everyone, it needed to change. <br /><br />This week, the <a href="http://www.aflv.org/">AFLV</a> organization posted <a href="http://aflv.blogspot.com/2010/03/best-greek-week-ever.html">a blog about Greek Week</a> which pretty much reflects the prevailing attitude among those professionals who shape the interfraternal mindset. The dominant conventional wisdom tells us that Greek Week is a big pain in the butt, emphasizes all the wrong things, and doesn't reflect the values of our organizations.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Because these days, everything needs to be about values.</span><br /><br />So while many fraternity and sorority advisors nod their head in agreement, I offer a different point of view. We've moved pretty far one direction, and now it might be time to move back toward the center a bit. Including service and education in Greek Weeks is a positive evolution, but it's time to bring back some of the fun that made old-school Greek Week a beloved campus tradition.<br /><br />Many of the things that motivate young people were present in the old-school model. People were having <span style="font-weight: bold;">FUN</span> together. They were spending time with their <span style="font-weight: bold;">FRIENDS</span>. There was <span style="font-weight: bold;">COMPETITION</span>. There was a strong social element, food, prizes. Love it or hate it, Greek Week was among the most motivational of all things our members did all year.<br /><br />I only took part in one Greek Week at Indiana University, but I can tell you, mine was a lot of fun. It gave my brothers and me the chance to "play" together. We lost miserably at every competition, but it was a fun time for bonding. I still have my t-shirt. I loved that damn t-shirt. Wore it non-stop.<br /><br />It's important for fraternity and sorority communities to do some things simply because they're fun and bring people together. That's not a bad thing. Student leaders – properly advised and given resources – can find positive ways to accomplish this without concussions and alcohol poisonings.<br /><br />Could we not find ways to inject some of the motivational things – the prizes, the games, the bonding, the bragging rights – with some of the newer stuff? Could we not play games and do community service? How about a social event with food and music after the speaker? Can competition serve a positive purpose in our communities?<br /><br />If building interfraternal spirit is the underlying idea, then fun needs to be part of the equation. And, ladies and gentlemen, there are few things more entertaining in this world than a sorority tug-of-war. <br /><br />It might not demonstrate our values, necessarily, but it's a hell of a fun way to spend an afternoon.<br /><br />There are a number of campuses that have done a good job of preserving the games alongside the other positive events. There are several that have de-emphasized winning in favor of simply having fun together. Let's celebrate those who have found the right balance.<br /><br />Because enjoying your friends while having some good, clean fun is a value I find exceptionally fraternal.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-86370009501234490732010-03-10T11:54:00.006-07:002010-03-10T12:32:23.295-07:00When you meet with someone, bring something to the table<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S5fytuVnumI/AAAAAAAAA5c/OUyRdm3yBxo/s1600-h/barney+FRANK.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 251px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S5fytuVnumI/AAAAAAAAA5c/OUyRdm3yBxo/s320/barney+FRANK.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447089141674654306" border="0" /></a><br />One of my most valuable leadership lessons came from Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.). It was a humbling and humiliating lesson, but one I still carry with me.<br /><br />In the Nineties, I made my living speaking about HIV/AIDS prevention with my good friend, Joel Goldman. By the mid-part of the decade, we were getting lots of attention. We were speaking at about 100 campuses a year, and we had gotten a fair amount of national and local press coverage. We were doing good work that many admired, and we were getting lots of validation for it. People all over the country were opening doors for us. We were winning awards and meeting lots of celebrities. Truthfully, we were getting pretty big heads about the whole thing.<br /><br />A friend of Joel's was a staff member on Capitol Hill, and he offered to set up a bunch of meetings with Senators and Representatives for us. We jumped at the chance, because we both had strong interests in politics, and it was a chance to rub elbows with a bunch of cool names. I was particularly interested in meeting Rep. Pat Schroeder, the legendary Colorado Democrat.<br /><br />We went to Capitol Hill and began our day of visiting famous lawmakers. Schroeder was awesome. I remember New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg being incredibly pleasant (probably because he knew Joel's dad). We were impressed with the offices, and people were very welcoming. Our meetings were short, but pleasant, and we were floating on air.<br /><br />Then, we went to Barney Frank's office.<br /><br />He's a busy guy – lots of aides running in and out. He's a work horse in a stable full of show horses. More than any other office we visited that day, we knew that lots of important activity was going on around us.<br /><br />We were ushered into his private office, shook his hand, and we took seats on the other side of his desk. He's an intimidating presence –gruff, badly dressed, twitchy. I felt like we were meeting with Jim Henson's grouchiest Muppet.<br /><br />We proceeded to tell him about our travels, what we were doing, and how little college students seemed to know about safer sex at the time. He listened politely. After we had been speaking to him for about three minutes, he said the words to me that I will never forget.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">"Great, but what do you want?"</span><br /><br />Joel and I quickly looked at each other. We didn't <span style="font-style: italic;">want</span> anything. I stammered and answered that we were just there to share our story, to meet him, to let him know what we were learning as we traveled the college circuit. We thought that as an openly gay Congressman, he shared our interest in the issues surrounding HIV awareness.<br /><br />He pretty much cut me off, thanked us for coming, and ended our visit. He wasn't mean, but he made it pretty clear that if we were not there asking for something, he didn't really have time for a social visit. We realized that he was bombarded all day long with people lobbying him, and we had claimed a 15-minute appointment time with absolutely no real purpose in mind. At least,no purpose that served his needs. <br /><br />We definitely felt stupid for wasting his time, and needless to say, our big fat heads were deflated a little bit.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"Great, but what do you want?"</span><br /><br />For a while, I was pissed. I thought he was a jerk. I told everyone I knew how rude he was to us. But of course, eventually I put it into perspective and extracted an important lesson.<br /><br />Thanks to Mr. Frank of Massachusetts, I always make sure I go into every appointment with a few goals in mind. What information do I want to share? How can this person contribute to an outcome?<br /><br />I don't just meet people so I can say I did. I treat every person I meet with as if he or she was a very important, busy person. I respect his or her time, and I make sure there's a reason for me being there. I don't just meet people to meet them.<br /><br />As a student leader, you will probably get lots of face time with VIP's in your college community. When you get time with someone who is busy (your university president, a member of the Board of Trustees, a visiting VIP), you need to bring something to the table. Ask some relevant questions. Share some information. Let them know how they could contribute to a goal or need.<br /><br />Before you go in there, have a few ideas in mind. Go in there with something.<br /><br />Busy people aren't interested in killing time with you, particularly when their to-do list is 100 items long and growing longer. Even someone much friendlier than Barney Frank wants their time to be used respectfully.<br /><br />If they invite you to visit, and they want to sit and chat about nothing in particular, that's a different thing.<br /><br />You may never have the benefit of the direct, blunt lesson Representative Frank gave me. When you ask for a person's time, give him or her something – information, a need, a challenge – that makes that time worthwhile for them. Make that meeting count.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-46786302980666151742010-03-06T14:52:00.006-07:002010-03-06T16:02:05.786-07:00Don't be a bystander, but don't be a pain in the ass, either<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S5LbWr-LIBI/AAAAAAAAA5U/kdgYFcExB8I/s1600-h/why-you-up-in-my-damn-face.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S5LbWr-LIBI/AAAAAAAAA5U/kdgYFcExB8I/s400/why-you-up-in-my-damn-face.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445656082251456530" /></a><br /><div>Everyone's telling you not to be a bystander. I've been talking about it for years in my confrontation program, and one of our newer speakers, <a href="http://www.campuspeak.com/speakers/dilbeck">Mike Dilbeck</a>, is becoming an anti-bystander crusader. It's a good and timely message. In a world of detached, communicate-only-by-text-message citizens, we need to be reminded that seeing a problem, stepping up, and saying something is a worthwhile thing to do.<div><br /></div><div><div>It's important not to be a bystander. Hear me loud and clear.<br /><div><br /></div><div>But – like most things – refusing to be a bystander and confronting others should be done in moderation and with the use of your good judgment. If you confront absolutely everything you see that worries you, you will officially become your organization's biggest pain in the ass.</div><div><br /></div><div>And nobody likes a pain in the ass. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>People go out of their way to avoid a pain in the ass.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>When you see someone smacking around his girlfriend, getting ready to drive drunk, skipping a week of class, doing drugs, not paying her dues, stealing your professor's Adderall, sporting a culturally or racially-insensitive Halloween costume, urinating on the chancellor's Mercedes, hooking up with a serial killer, or wearing polka dots with stripes – OK, confront right now. Seriously bad decisions require immediate confrontation.</div><div><br /></div><div>When there's danger – when your gut tells you it's a crisis situation – you need to act.</div><div><br /></div><div>Somewhere in all this talk of bystander behavior, though, some have begun to suggest that immediate confrontation, regardless of the circumstances, is always the right thing to do. Confront every single thing you see that you think is wrong, they say. Your conscience and your mouth must simultaneously engage. I respectfully disagree.</div><div><br /></div><div>Don't become that person who confronts anything and everything, all the time, on a moment's notice. Ask yourself, at what point does becoming a superhero in the fight against bystander behavior make you a pariah? At what point are you rendering yourself completely useless as a leader because no one wants to be within 100 feet of you, lest they be confronted about something?</div><div><br /></div><div>Pick your battles. You can't confront absolutely everything, and nor should you. Plain and simple. If you've gotten to this point as a student leader, then I hope you have some measure of good judgement. Use it.</div><div><br /></div><div>If something is scary or terribly wrong, act immediately. If it's an annoying pattern, you might want to pick your moment, and it might be after you've spent a little time strategizing about the best way to approach things.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most of the time, confrontation as a leadership skill is not an impulse behavior.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Do not misunderstand me. I'm all for confronting the smaller things, too: continuous silly lies, missed deadlines, burping at the dinner table, voting Republican. I had an intern who yawned with an uncovered mouth while I was talking to her at least once a day, and something finally needed to be said. </div><div><br /></div><div>But you don't go off half cocked every time something annoys you.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and definitely don't become one of those people who feels the need to turn every difference of opinion into a huge confrontation. Delivering a self-righteous lecture about values every time you don't agree with a group decision makes you annoying. Demanding to know why you weren't invited to someone's birthday party – in the name of "refusing to be a bystander" – makes you pathetic. </div><div><br /></div><div>Learning to confront, and refusing to be a bystander, is an important leadership lesson. Knowing how to use good judgment, however, is an even more important one.</div></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-20662334323568830942010-03-03T05:53:00.003-07:002010-03-03T06:48:14.919-07:00You are always wearing your letters<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S45ofi6LdnI/AAAAAAAAA5M/eH7xgyRMEco/s1600-h/old-town-stairs-big.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 391px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S45ofi6LdnI/AAAAAAAAA5M/eH7xgyRMEco/s400/old-town-stairs-big.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444403890693568114" /></a><br />You're interested in joining our fraternity? We'd love to have you. You're the type of person we look for: committed, enthusiastic, a leader. We think you'll do great things here, and we hope that we'll open some doors for you. You will make lifelong friendships, and hopefully, you'll be the type of person whose positive impact will be felt here for many years.<div><br /></div><div>This is the start of something really cool.<br /><div><br /></div><div>We know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the reasons you'll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one. People tend to join for the image, the props, and the social stuff. They stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they can impact the lives of others. It's a family. We know this. Soon, you will, too.</div><div><br /></div><div>Soon, these letters will be yours. But, there's one lesson that we need to impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It's the single most important thing we're going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand it, now, before you say "yes." </div><div><br /></div><div>It's the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can impress upon its new members. It's the one lesson that every group must impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one simple lesson and taking it to heart.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's more important than our history, our traditions, our structure, or our rules. Because, if you don't understand this most fundamental lesson, then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don't get this one "golden rule of fraternity," then your son or daughter won't have this kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a fuzzy memory.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here it is. Ready?</div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.</i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>I'm going to repeat it.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; ">From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.</span></div><div><b><i><br /></i></b></div><div>We're not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors of the group. We're not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt. </div><div><br /></div><div>What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.</div><div><br /></div><div>When you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent us. </div><div><br /></div><div>When you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you represent us.</div><div><br /></div><div>When you go home and sit at your mother's dining room table, you represent us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you represent us. When you commit your life to that special person, someday, you represent us.</div><div><br /></div><div>You are always wearing your letters.</div><div><br /></div><div>From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.</div><div><br /></div><div>As surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every dumb thing you do tears us down.</div><div><br /></div><div>We live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that generations of men have worked to build.</div><div><br /></div><div>All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.</div><div><br /></div><div>If this seems a little intense, that's good. Because it's serious. If it sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don't think you can behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away now. Do us the favor. We won't think less of you. In fact, we'll thank you. This sort of commitment isn't for everybody.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, don't say yes unless you understand. </div><div><br /></div><div>We're not asking you to give up anything. We aren't asking you to become something you aren't. We're asking you to become something more. We're inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We're asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be. </div><div><br /></div><div>We're asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where you're the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you are on Tuesday morning.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you've heard up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask yourself one question.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Are you ready to never take them off?</i></div><div><br /></div><div>Because when you say yes, you're not just putting letters on a sweatshirt. You're putting them in your heart. You're forever stamping your identity with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.</div><div><br /></div><div>You will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment. There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their promise, and you'll need to remind them. That's part of this whole "fraternity" thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.</div><div><br /></div><div>If we're doing fraternity right, then we'll make you a better man. If you're doing everything right, then you will make us a better organization. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, please think about it. Take it seriously. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your responsibility forever. </div><div><br /></div><div>That's the promise.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-4061777579769957622010-02-18T21:40:00.004-07:002010-02-18T21:52:31.181-07:00Bouncing back from a blunder<p class="MsoNormal">We all make mistakes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you're a high profile student leader, there is a solid chance that something will happen that will knock you squarely on your ass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your ego will be in tatters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Everyone will be angry at you, or at least delighting in your misstep. </span>You'll be sure that everyone is out to get you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In our culture, there's a certain twisted sweetness to watching the mighty fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Look no further than the demonization of Kanye West, or the critical trashing of Jay Leno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You can practically hear the giggles from Detroit as Toyota gets ripped apart in the press.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The higher you sit, the higher you fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When the leader screws up, it's news.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Initially, you will get angry. You will lash out. You will plot revenge. You will whine incessantly to your inner circle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You will resolve to fight back, because damn it, "It's not fair!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>People don't understand the truth. No one has asked for your side of the story. The public doesn't understand the details. They don't know the truth about how evil the other person is.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Whether you're the world's greatest golfer (Tiger), a top-earning actor (Hugh), or a struggling President of the United States (Barry), you are going to need to quit the whining at some point and accept the reality that you screwed up. Fair or not, you have a decision to make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Are you going act immediately to try to repair things, dig the hole deeper with excuses and denials, or hide?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> If repairing things is your choice, here are some things I suggest.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>Take your lumps, and openly admit your mistakes.</i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Our culture is big on redemption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The cycle – build 'em up, rip 'em down, and build 'em up again – is a worn cliche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you're going to repair your image, make the necessary public apologies, admit your mistakes, and ask people to forgive you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Take responsibility for your role in the debacle, even if you feel that you've been handed more than your fair share of the blame.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><b>Look like you learned something.</b></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">After the apology, people will still be watching you, and if they see more of the same behavior, there will be hell to pay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Let people watch you do the exact opposite of the behavior that got you in trouble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You can bet you won't be seeing Tiger Woods out at any strip clubs anytime soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You'll see lots of pictures of him with his mother and child, helping people in need, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If he's ever going to regain his pre- sex scandal status, he's going to have to look like Mother Teresa for a while.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> <b><i>Drop the arrogance.</i></b></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Watch how Toyota promotes itself in the coming year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Television ads won't be trumpeting their sales prowess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You won't hear Toyota calling itself the best, the most trusted, or the coolest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That's what you'll hear from Ford or Honda perhaps, but not Toyota.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Toyota is going to be promoting safety, a resurgence of quality – all aimed at rebuilding trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>To regain what they lost, they need to look solid, not flashy.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><b>Reach out and rebuild relationships.</b></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you, or the situation, has yielded negative feelings and burned bridges, the first steps to rebuild those relationships need to come from you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You can't expect much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You can't expect embraces and giggles. But, if you show some sincere effort to reach out, make amends, and support those you might have alienated, something good might return. Remember to expect nothing, and give freely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When you demonstrate a sincere attempt to get things moving in the right direction, without an expectation for anything selfish, forgiveness and trust have a greater chance to return.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>Acknowledge your real friends.</i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">There's a temptation to look for ways to hurt those who hurt you, but it's better for the soul to turn the other direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Make time for the friends who stood by you, who helped, who listened. Thank them sincerely, and spend time with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Let them know that their loyalty and unconditional support was not taken for granted and that you stand ready to support them if they ever need the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Anyone who has ever been through a debilitating injury, a divorce, the death of a child, a bankruptcy, etc., will tell you that the low points are when you find out who your real friends are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Take that as a gift and appreciate it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>Watch your mouth.</i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">John Mayer got in trouble this week for a Vanity Fair interview in which he said some pretty arrogant and insensitive things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>John will likely be keeping his mouth shut for a while, and so should you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>All that anger you still feel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Find a benign way to get it out that doesn't involve you shooting your mouth off to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>People talk, and many are looking for any hint of negativity from you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>Put on a happy face.</i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">No one feels sorry for you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>Do good work.</i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It's the most important element of redemption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Demonstrate that the talent you brought in the first place was real and that the initial praise was deserved. You have to earn that high place again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Let your good work speak louder than your damaged image.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Kanye West probably will again release a great CD again. Jay Leno will go back to producing mildly entertaining late night television, his core fans will tune back in, and he'll be back on top of Letterman within a year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I'm betting Barry has strong approval ratings by 2012.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Only a few short months after coming clean about his steroid use, Mark McGwire begins his new job as the hitting coach for the Cardinals this week in St. Louis.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Bouncing back from the blunder is possible, but the only person who can get things moving toward that goal, is you.</p> <!--EndFragment--><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-11118181345367515822010-02-17T09:17:00.003-07:002010-02-17T10:26:16.583-07:00Never confront a group<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S3wmmv-v7JI/AAAAAAAAA48/5hkH8U9vYes/s1600-h/fists.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 248px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S3wmmv-v7JI/AAAAAAAAA48/5hkH8U9vYes/s400/fists.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5439264897113255058" /></a><br />Let's say there are a group of people in your organization who are the root of a problem. Maybe it's a group of critical former officers, or a couple of friends who band together to cause drama at social functions. Maybe it's all the juniors who feel disconnected from the rest of the group, or perhaps it's the last class of initiated new members, or the women who live on that end of the residence hall.<div><br /></div><div>The best course of action might seem to pull the group members into a room for a strong discussion about their behavior. Although it might appear to be an efficient solution, you could end up reinforcing their behavior instead of interrupting it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fraternity and sorority chapters frequently have the "pledge meeting" where they chastise the neophytes for a certain lack of enthusiasm, lack of progress, or incorrect behavior. These meetings feel effective to the members because the pledges snap into shape, but it is not exactly developmental. The pledges bond in a defensive way against the active members, creating long-term chapter unity issues. </div><div><br /></div><div>The coaching staff of a sports team might use the same method: calling a team meeting and letting the players have it. A short term fix, that could have negative long-term morale implications.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you confront a group of women who live at the end of the hall, it will likely reinforce the "us versus them" attitude. The women might sit and listen quietly, or they might flare defensively. In either case, they will quickly group up somewhere (probably in one person's room) and process the event as another justification for their negative attitude. When confronted, groups tend to adhere. </div><div><br /></div><div>The answer is to do several, smaller confrontations aimed at the opinion leaders of the group.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every group has leaders, formal or informal – people whose ideas shape the actions of the group. Calm, isolated talks with these individuals – from a place of mutual respect – is a better approach. From these conversations, you might learn some of the root causes of the conflict which will better illuminate a path forward. You can't solve an underlying problem if you don't understand it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Your goal is that these individuals work with you to help create resolution. You can surely yell at their group members. Or, you could affect the opinions of influence leaders and send them back to their group with some collaborative ideas. It doesn't mean there will be a group hug right away, but small steps can move things along. Find common ground. Look for small bits of progress. Demonstrate a willingness to listen and get back to a good, positive place.</div><div><br /></div><div>Humility and a willingness to listen are the best tools in resolving a conflict with a group. Usually the conflict originates from a group of people bonding over their sense of disconnect from the main group. That disconnect might be for a perfectly legitimate reason ("We don't have a voice!") to something more ridiculous ("We used to be really fratty and now we suck!"). </div><div><br /></div><div>Regardless, your only real option is to get things out in the open, to get people talking to each other, and to bring leaders to a place where the conflict can be resolved. Do this individual to individual – leader to leader.</div><div><br /></div><div>Groups don't solve emotional issues. Individual leaders who care about the big picture do.</div><div><br /></div><div>Congress, are you listening?</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-82808542259980737152010-02-13T15:21:00.003-07:002010-02-13T15:48:51.971-07:00The Situation: which students are getting attention on your campus?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S3csJeBNgKI/AAAAAAAAA40/DQT3WttTW1E/s1600-h/situation.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S3csJeBNgKI/AAAAAAAAA40/DQT3WttTW1E/s400/situation.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5437863616261750946" /></a><p class="MsoNormal">There's <a href="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1963739,00.html">a great article</a> in this week's Time about the longevity and impact of reality TV. It's difficult, honestly, to find someone who isn't a fan of at least one show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your mother loves The Amazing Race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your aunt has strong opinions about The Celebrity Apprentice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your niece can't wait until she's old enough to audition for America's Next Top Model. Reality programming, apparently, is here to stay.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Becoming a reality TV star is actually a profession now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Back when my friend, <a href="http://www.campuspeak.com/zohn">Ethan Zohn</a>, was eating bugs on the African savannah, he was joining a pretty small niche of quasi-celebrities. No one quite knew how to classify them. They fell somewhere on the spectrum of celebrity between "real actors" and porn stars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Today, according to the article, there are more than 1,000 people participating this year in some sort of TV reality show. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Twenty years after the debut of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Real_World">The Real World</a>, and 10 years after the first season of <a href="http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor/">Survivor</a>, there are too many reality TV alums to count.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They are part of Hollywood actor unions, now. They have conventions where they get together and discuss business strategies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They have clothing lines, agents for personal appearances, book deals, and consulting contracts with non-profit organizations needing a dose of cool. One will be coming soon to a blood drive near you.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Whether you love reality TV, or loathe it, it's hard to argue the impact it's had. We find ourselves living in a culture where stardom is measured by attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Getting punched by a boy at the beach in the presence of your camera crew gets you more attention than earning an Oscar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You don't have to win anything, or be particularly good at anything (Heidi Montag, anyone?) to become a brand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Kate Gosselin gets more press and online chatter than our current Secretary of State. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">We might not admire orange-skinned Sookie from <a href="http://www.mtv.com/shows/jersey_shore/series.jhtml">The Jersey Shore</a>, but just about everyone under 30 in this country knows exactly who she is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>A parody bit of her on the venerable Saturday Night Live is <a href="http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/update_snookie/1187091/">a recurring bit</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She and her abtastic little buddy, The Situation, are <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">interesting</i></b>, and today's students have grown up in a culture where being interesting rules.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It is just as accepted – and probably more profitable – as being accomplished at something.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i>Why write about reality TV in a blog about student leadership?</i> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Which students on your campus get the attention?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>At most, student athletes (of certain teams) and high profile student leaders are still the ones who claim the limelight. There will always be students whose ambition takes them the accomplishment route – who become important on campus for what they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Right now, they're the ones who make the campus paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But, could that soon change? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If status and attention come from outrageous attention grabs in our popular culture, how long will it be before some ambitious students take the outrageousness route on your campus? </p> <p class="MsoNormal">It's not a new idea. Forty years ago, the students of note were protest leaders. But, that's so old fashioned.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If Heidi Montag can become famous for a sex tape, how long before a student on your campus gets the idea? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>A viral sex video circulating around campus could make some student a star.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Are you ready to handle that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It might not earn them a dinner invitation at the president's house, but it will sure get them into all the right parties.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.perezhilton.com/">Perez Hilton</a> has become a national celebrity by pedaling sexualized gossip on his website. How long before some student starts a website where students can share their sexual conquests from the weekend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>How about a site where people post pictures, snapped with cell phone cameras, of their friends exposing themselves at various sites around campus?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Look!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I flashed my breasts at the main circulation desk of the library! There's Mike showing his junk at convocation! Isn't he hysterical?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you can become legendary on your campus for doing something outrageous, some students will find that a perfectly fine option. Infamy is alluring, and for some, it beats the hell out of spending three years in meetings about risk management, running for elected office, and having to suck up to the Student Life staff.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And if it makes a certain portion of the campus population look down on you, who cares? You'll be gone in a couple of years, and you can reinvent yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Scott Brown, the newest Senator from Massachusetts and the new darling of the Republican Party, posed nude in a magazine once upon a time. If he can do it, why can't I?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Maybe I'm sounding a slightly ridiculous alarm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But, if a battle looms on the horizon between "status by accomplishment" and "status by notoreity," then we might be wise to go on offense now, rather than on defense later.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Am I suggesting that you put banners in your student center with the photos of your best student leaders?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Am I suggesting that you put ads in your student newspaper celebrating their accomplishments? Do I suggest that we make them into campus rock stars? Am I asking you to give them scholarships, awards, and generally pump up their heads?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes, I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">If celebrity is the cultural goal, then we better consciously make the right students the celebrities. We need to make sure that doing good things on campus continues to be the golden ticket to opportunity, admiration and appreciation.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Do the student leaders on your campus feel important?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Do students on your campus know them and admire them? If not, it's something worth talking about.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">As for me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I've preordered the first season of The Jersey Shore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It releases on February 23, and who am I to argue with the appeal of oversexed boys with tanned abs and hairdos of steel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">By the way, the current Secretary of State is Hillary Clinton.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <!--EndFragment--><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-78789413087589376032010-01-28T17:30:00.006-07:002010-01-28T17:58:37.473-07:00Learn to leave a decent voice mail message<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S2IxJNzJkjI/AAAAAAAAA4U/Dz4tsIyQnNo/s1600-h/voicemailmessage.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S2IxJNzJkjI/AAAAAAAAA4U/Dz4tsIyQnNo/s320/voicemailmessage.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431958134955020850" /></a>This morning, I arrived at the office, and there were six voice mail messages waiting for me. One in particular blew my mind.<div><br /></div><div><i>"Hi. Yeah. (3 second pause...) I'm calling about some speakers and want to find out how much they cost and what days they could come here. So call me back. Later."</i></div><div><br /></div><div>Really? </div><div><br /></div><div>No name, no phone number. I don't even know what school she is from. I suppose that she's so used to calling her friends' cell phones that she assumes that anyone she's calling automatically has her number on caller ID. Needless to say, she didn't achieve her objective with that phone message because there was no way possible for me to reach her back.</div><div><br /></div><div>Today, dear student leaders, we are going to talk about some tips on leaving a voice message. As a student leader, you can stand out by leaving intelligent voice mails. Trust me... an intelligent voice mail makes you seem much more intelligent.</div><div><br /></div><div>• Always leave your full name, your phone number, the time you called, and some sort of action oriented message.</div><div><br /></div><div>• Why tell them when you called? Because when they are jotting down your message, they'll probably write down the day/time when you say it. That makes it less likely that your message will sit there a long time. When you note the time, they are more likely to note it, and return the message in a timely manner. Doesn't always work, but it sure increases your chances.</div><div><br /></div><div>• Please don't just leave your first name and assume I can recognize your voice and know immediately who you are. Give your last name, every time. If you simply say, "It's David," I have no idea which one you are. I know 42 Davids. And, for heaven's sake, don't say, "It's me."</div><div><br /></div><div>• Don't assume I have your number. Leave it every time. I suggest you say your number slowly and clearly twice in every voice mail message. I leave the number for people who call me every day, even though I know they have it. </div><div><br /></div><div><div>• When giving your phone number, leave your area code. Yes, people leave me phone messages all the time with no area code.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>• If you are calling a place of business, make the effort to sound professional. Say your name clearly, state where you are from, say your phone number slowly and clearly. A voice mail you leave at a business location, with a professor, or some other non-friend person should sound different than the voice mails you leave for your best friend on a Friday night.</div><div><br /></div><div>• Never leave a voice mail that is longer than a minute. People who leave "flow of consciousness" voice mails are the devil.</div><div><br /></div><div>• Try not to call from a loud place. All that noise in the student center food court makes it almost impossible to understand you. Plus, you're yelling, and that's unpleasant.</div><div><br /></div><div>• Slow down, dammit. Nothing more annoying than having to replay a message three times because the person spoke too fast.</div><div><br /></div><div>• If there's a good time to reach you, let the person know. </div><div><br /></div><div>• Sound pleasant. If I'm deciding between going to the break room to get my next cup of coffee and returning a call to a dreadfully boring caller, I'm picking the coffee.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I recorded myself leaving a voice mail message today, and here's what I said. I think it's a decent example of a useful voice mail message.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>"Hi Katie. This is T.J. Sullivan from CAMPUSPEAK in Denver, 303-745-5545. I'm calling at around 2 pm our time here in Denver, about 1 pm your time. I wanted to let you know that Rick Barnes is available on the date you requested. If you're ready to book that date, please give me a call at 303-745-5545, and we'll get right on it. I'm going to be in the office for another two hours today, and all day tomorrow. Also, feel free to email me at (spelling out my email) if that's more convenient. Have a terrific day, and thanks for getting back to me. I look forward to connecting with you soon."</i></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-66303592149319742712010-01-24T15:34:00.005-07:002010-01-24T16:17:25.617-07:00F-I-R-E is the key to an overwhelmed membership<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S1zUxnpcbFI/AAAAAAAAA4M/hnpgjAqyA4w/s1600-h/smile-frown-damp.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 250px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S1zUxnpcbFI/AAAAAAAAA4M/hnpgjAqyA4w/s400/smile-frown-damp.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430449199623466066" /></a><br />Is your calendar getting a little crazy with too many meetings and events? Does it feel like your members are overwhelmed? Are you having to make everything mandatory, or financial penalize members if they don't attend events?<div><br /></div><div><b><i>If your members seem overwhelmed, it's because they are.</i></b> As their leader, what are you doing to address this serious problem?</div><div><br /></div><div>Student organizations are great about adding events. Every year, new officers create new events. Unfortunately, they are not so good about cleaning the schedule from time to time. When you add, add, add, and you never delete, you end up with an insane calendar that burns everyone out.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sit your officers and key influential leaders down for a couple of hours, and fix it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Get a giant piece of paper – one that runs the length of a large table. Draw horizontal line across the center of the paper. At one end of the line, put a big happy face. On the other end, put an unhappy face. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then, think of everything your members have an opportunity to attend, and place them along the continuum. Everything – intramural games, meetings, social events, committee meetings, recruitment, ritual, campus events, Homecoming, Parents Weekend, educational speakers. (It might help if people bring their calendars from the last year.) Try to think of every single obligation you, your university, or your governing councils ever place upon your members. This will probably take a while to do. Be exhaustive.</div><div><br /></div><div>Place each obligation on the continuum based on its popularity. Place the events that everyone loves further on the continuum near the happy face. Place the events that everyone dreads toward the unhappy face. Obligations that some people like and others dislike will probably end up toward the middle. People might love formal, and it sits high on the continuum, but if parties have gotten a little lame, they might sit a bit south of the middle mark. Be honest.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every group will be different. A fraternity might have more social events toward the happy face. Club sports teams might rank home games higher than away games. If your group is a professionally oriented group, you might see that your members love the networking and learning events, but don't really love your social events. In any case, as you look at your continuum, ask if it truly reflects the current attitudes and priorities of your members.</div><div><br /></div><div>Once you have everything plotted, discuss it. Are there any trends? Are all the social things popular? Are service events unpopular? Do your members enjoy any of your meetings?</div><div><br /></div><div>Next, start labeling the entries. I like to use F-I-R-E. Put an "F" by the events that are fine, fulfilling, fantastic. Put an "I" by the events that need improvement because they are important but need some reworking to make your members enjoy them more. Put an "R" by the events that need to be replaced – the goals of the event are valid, but the event needs to be completely reworked. Put an "E" by the events that need to simple be ELIMINATED.</div><div><br /></div><div>You'll probably discover in doing this process that much of your conversation centers around whether an event deserves an "I" (for needs to be improved) or an "R" (for needs to be replaced with something entirely different). This is a very valuable conversation. Encourage it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Discuss where combinations can be made. Combine your alumni event with your community service event, for example. If one event can fulfill three purposes, that beats the heck out of single-purpose event.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's been my experience that this F-I-R-E process can reduce an organization's calendar by at least a third. Remember, morale is positively affected by having fewer events that are higher quality, more fun, and more beneficial. </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-61236186920884941602010-01-06T15:55:00.003-07:002010-01-06T16:23:56.704-07:00Some people want to see you fail<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S0Ubbu_g9uI/AAAAAAAAA4E/IdQpxmopnAM/s1600-h/thumbs-down-small.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 302px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/S0Ubbu_g9uI/AAAAAAAAA4E/IdQpxmopnAM/s400/thumbs-down-small.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423771489522480866" border="0" /></a><br />There are people rooting against you. That's one of the unattractive realities of holding a leadership position. No matter how well-liked you are, how hard you work, how qualified you might be for your job – there will always be people who just aren't pulling for you.<br /><br />Some of these people will be indifferent to your efforts. Nothing you do will impress them. Others will roll their eyes when you suggest an idea or show initiative. Some will trash you behind your back when talking to other members. Some will take a more active role and will attempt to undermine you in small or large ways.<br /><br />Your detractors will come in all shapes and sizes. Some are people you thought were close friends once upon a time. Some are people you've clashed with before and never really liked. Others dislike you in spite of the fact that they've never actually had a conversation with you. <br /><br />Their motivations are numerous. They might be jealous of you, or they might simply get enjoyment out of messing with you. Perhaps they have actual problems with your leadership style. Maybe they feel that there was someone better suited for the position. Maybe you offended them with a joke you told two years ago, and they can't get over it. They might hate the way you dress, or the tone of your voice. This can be very visceral, unexplainable stuff, and it often defies logic. They just don't like you, and they never will.<br /><br />You can analyze it, agonize over it, complain about it, cry and scream at the unfairness of it all. Or, you can just get over it and move on to doing your damn job. Whether you were elected or appointed to your position, there will always be people who celebrate your shortcomings and errors.<br /><br />Right after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, then-President Bush had approval ratings around 80-percent. These were historic highs. By and large, Americans rallied behind their president at a time of national crisis. But even at that amazing moment of national consensus, 20-percent – a fifth of Americans in opinion polls – still didn't like the president.<br /><br />Even when they don't like you, they still are members of your constituency, and you have to do your best job to lead them. If you ran for office hoping for 100-percent approval and support, then it's time to bid farewell to the delusion. There's nothing you can do to control it, change it, or avoid it. You can lead them, you can do great things for your organization, in spite of them.<br /><br />Do your job the best you can. Include everyone at the table. Make ethical decisions with the well-being of your organization front and center in your mind. Expect and admit your mistakes, and always keep your mind open for better ways to do things.<br /><br />Learn to separate honest criticism from the silly, nasty stuff based in negativity. If you're looking for a dependable gauge of the quality of your efforts, find four or five fair-minded people in the organization (not your friends!) and check in with them regularly for feedback. Give these people permission to point out your areas for improvement, and respect them by demonstrating a willingness to fix mistakes along the way.<br /><br />If you work hard and do the right thing, a beautiful moment awaits you about a year after you get done with your position. Someone you thought HATED you during your leadership term will come to you and thank you for all you did. It will blow you away when it happens. That feeling, at that moment, makes up for all the crap you tolerate from the detractors during your term.<br /><br />Trust me.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-76693032596974575932009-12-27T19:44:00.003-07:002009-12-27T20:12:18.745-07:0010 great things to do during this down time<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Szgh_o88alI/AAAAAAAAA38/nsH6XIhINiA/s1600-h/get+busy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 275px; height: 276px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Szgh_o88alI/AAAAAAAAA38/nsH6XIhINiA/s400/get+busy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5420119528748902994" border="0" /></a><br />Hey, Student Leader. Bored yet?<br /><br />You've opened your gifts, and you've seen three movies at the theaters since you got home. Saturday night with your high school friends proved that one night with them is sufficient. What are you going to do this week other than watch <a href="http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/">Anderson Cooper </a>and <a href="http://kathygriffin.net/">Kathy Griffin</a> on CNN Thursday night?<br /><br />Here are 10 useful ideas.<br /><br />10. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Connect with your mentors.</span> You know... those people you always turn to when you're in the ditch but who get very little love from you when everything's going well? Yeah, those people. How about sending them a note, letting you know what's going on in your life and wishing them a happy new year. Maybe you could thank them for always being there for you.<br /><br />9. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Read something that isn't a text book.</span> Get thyself to the library or to <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/">Barnes and Noble</a>, and pick up something engrossing that you can spend a little time with this week. Maybe a biography of someone who's been successful in your chosen field? Or perhaps just a fun, trashy book. Just because you don't have to read, doesn't mean you shouldn't.<br /><br />8. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Set some goals for the second half of the academic year.</span> This quiet time, away from the daily pressures, is a great time to evaluate the progress of your year and make some midstream adjustments.<br /><br />7. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Spend some time with a loved one.</span> Take grandma out for breakfast. So sale shopping at <a href="http://www.basspro.com/">Bass Pro Shops</a> with your dad. Spend some time with the people in your life who willingly take a back seat 96-percent of the time. We'll be dead soon, and you'll wish you'd paid attention to us instead of texting 2,000 times with your college friends.<br /><br />6. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Brush up the resume.</span> Before you know it, you'll be looking for that summer job or internship. Work on the resume now, while you have time to do it thoughtfully.<br /><br />5. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Choose three charities and send them each a tiny donation.</span> This is something many of us out here in the real world with real world taxes do the last week of each year. Even if it's only $5 or $10 each, pick three charities that deserve your support, and write them a little check. It's a good habit to get into now, and charities are having a rough year. Every little bit helps. Here are three that I gave to this year, if you need some ideas: <a href="http://www.specialolympics.org/">here</a>, <a href="http://www.theserpentineproject.com/">here</a>, and <a href="http://www.wishofalifetime.org/index.html">here</a>.<br /><br />4. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Make a dental appointment. </span> Seriously, when's the last time you had those things cleaned? Your mom and dad will be impressed, too.<br /><br />3. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Clean your car.</span> That thing is disgusting. You can go to the car wash to clean the exterior, but do the interior yourself. Change out the CD's in there. Clean out the junk in your glove box. Use some glass cleaner on those windows. Starting the new year with a clean car is good for the soul.<br /><br />2. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Box up high school. </span> It's time to put the past where it belongs... in boxes in the basement or in the trash can. OK, you can save the pictures, but really... that stupid glass from 10th grade Homecoming? Time to go. If you carry more than 2 boxes of junk from high school with you past college graduation, you've got problems. Plus, Mom would probably really like to start using your room as a guest room anyway, and that Gnarls Barkley poster ain't helpin'.<br /><br />1. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Go to the gym, every day until you have to go back to school.</span> Personal health is found in the establishment of routines. Maybe if you go every day between now and the drive back to school you'll be a bit more motivated to make time for the gym when the semester starts. The gym is a great escape from the stresses of daily life, and you could probably use more of those opportunities in the course of your hectic semester. Take this week to remind yourself of how good it feels to run for 30 minutes, swim a lap, or play basketball with strangers.<br /><br />And yes, I know, I need to do #1 myself. <span style="font-style: italic;">Yes, I know.</span><br /><br />Have a terrific new year.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-77434824319481692072009-12-21T15:01:00.005-07:002009-12-21T15:49:41.882-07:00Avoiding dump trucks<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Sy_5otfIBcI/AAAAAAAAA30/nKUF3PPmJ6Y/s1600-h/Dump_Truck.png"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Sy_5otfIBcI/AAAAAAAAA30/nKUF3PPmJ6Y/s400/Dump_Truck.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417823354550224322" border="0" /></a><br />I am an answers guy. I like to solve problems. Like many of you, I'm the guy who steps up with solutions. I have gotten to where I am by being the guy who takes a challenge and meets it. When someone complains, my first instinct is to brainstorm possibilities.<br /><br />No problem is unsolvable! Cue the Superman music.<br /><br />The bad part of being that kind of person, however, is that people love to lay their problems at your feet. The complainers, the whiners, the helpless incompetents – you are their best friend. When their love life is a disaster, you provide good ideas for fixing things. When they haven't done an adequate job on a task, you pull a last-minute solution that saves their ass. When things are hard, you are willing to get in there and help them manage.<br /><br />These "dump trucks" come to you to fix things. They come because you kick them into gear. They come to you because "you always know just what to do."<br /><br />And, it's exhausting.<br /><br />If you don't figure out a way to repel some of this problem dumping behavior, you're going to spend the rest of your life solving other people's issues, taking on their stress, and sharing responsibility for their failures. One of the toughest things I've had to learn to do is to simply hold back on the impulse to help the dump trucks in my life. The minute someone complains about something, my brain goes into turbo autopilot. Left to my natural devices, I would start developing an action plan with them before they finish their sentence.<br /><br />It takes all of my willpower to keep my mouth shut and simply say...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Hmm. I don't know. What do you think you should do?</span><br /><br />As an experiment, try it for a week (or a month!). When a dump truck complains, or is worried about something, or has her weekly crisis, ask her a bunch of questions.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What ideas have you thought of?</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />What solutions have you ruled out?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">So, what choices does that leave you?</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br />What do you think should be done first?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What's your best idea for how to move forward?</span><br /><br />When you try this out, you will find that people fall into a couple of different categories. <br /><br />There are those dump trucks who can keep control of their payload. These are the ones who actually have an idea they want to knock around and who probably just need validation. They have ideas, and they're just afraid to be wrong. Or, they are missing something, and they feel unsure. When you ask them "What do you think?" they will venture a tentative answer. We like these people because they actually have put some thought into a problem before dropping it at our toes. For these people, a little encouragement, validation, or a conversation to flush out a solution is all they need.<br /><br />It's the second group of dump trucks you need to worry about – those who give you a blank stare. These people are dumping their payload at your feet before you even know what's in the truck. Their idea of searching for a solution is to simply dump it on you and make you a party to the problem. They throw their hands in the air and act like the whole world is hopeless.<br /><br />Just say, <span style="font-style: italic;">"Hmm. I don't know. What do you think?"</span><br /><br />And that's all you give them. <span style="font-weight: bold;">No dumping here, damn it!</span> The really persistent ones will reply with, "I don't know what to think. That's why I came to you."<br /><br />Hold your ground, even though your problem-solving brain is throwing a million good ideas at the inside of your mouth. Hold back. Don't solve their problem. They won't love you more for solving their problem.<br /><br />"I have no idea either. That's a tough one," you'll say. "I'll think about it. Let me know when you get some ideas and we'll bat them around."<br /><br />The person will probably be annoyed, ask why you aren't being helpful, and then they'll drive their dump truck to someone else's house. Worst case scenario: they stop dumping their problems on you and dump them on others. Best case scenario: they take more responsibility for solving their own problems.<br /><br />When people are asked to take responsibility for solving problems themselves (with you just offering some encouragement), then they stop making their problems your problems. When you can help people do that, you've truly achieved a student leadership milestone.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-9988058331379700112009-12-18T06:19:00.002-07:002009-12-18T06:58:20.732-07:00The wrong and right things to say when a friend suffers a loss<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SyuKZUVjNSI/AAAAAAAAA3o/IdOKiT40pKY/s1600-h/grief+day+1+side.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 234px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SyuKZUVjNSI/AAAAAAAAA3o/IdOKiT40pKY/s320/grief+day+1+side.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416575144403612962" border="0" /></a><br />Grief is a perfectly natural and healthy emotion. All of us will suffer losses in our lives – deaths, loss of jobs, relationship breakups, ends of addictions, and more. Yet, we live in a culture that is profoundly uncomfortable with grief, and we Americans hate feeling uncomfortable. When we have someone near us devastated by a loss, most of us look for the exit. We don't know what to say, or what to do, so we retreat.<br /><br />For Millennials that ends relationships by text messages, avoiding uncomfortable contact is a generational norm. The sad part is that a Tweet that says, "Sorry your father died. Let me know if I can help" just doesn't cut it when you have a friend in real emotional pain.<br /><br />I want to give you some ideas of the wrong things to say. Then at the end, I'll tell you the right thing to do. As usual, the correct answer is quite simple.<br /><br />When we see someone suffering from a loss, our impulse is to say something that will help make the pain go away. We try to say something to cheer them up, divert their attention to something more hopeful, turn them away from the acute pain they feel. We do everything but validate the fact that they are suffering, because suffering makes us uncomfortable. Some examples of wrong things to say when someone is grieving:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"He's in a better place now..."</span><br />A favorite of the religious, but not very helpful. Even if the grieving person believes in heaven, he or she can simultaneously believe that their loved one is in a better place and feel horrible about losing the person in this world.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"At least her pain has ended..."</span><br />That's like telling someone who lost a finger that they still have nine. Yeah, duh... but I still lost a finger! No one wants their loved one to suffer, but that doesn't mean that the death of that person is any less of a loss.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"Thank God you're both young and can have other children..."</span><br />The most hideous thing you can say to someone who has lost a child or suffered a miscarriage. The person is grieving what they lost, and the promise of some future opportunity doesn't change the fact that he/she just lost something incredibly important right now. What you're saying might be true, but it's not helpful.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"You'll bounce back..."</span><br />Optimism is wonderful, but when someone has lost a job or has watched their house burn down, they are feeling loss in the moment. Looking forward is a good strategy for later, but for now, they are feeling sad and defeated. You need to honor today's emotion.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"We'll go to the store and get you a new puppy this weekend..."</span><br />You don't address a person's loss by offering them an immediate replacement. You wouldn't tell someone whose grandmother just died that you're going to take them to a nursing home and find them a new old lady. Then why would you tell a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend that you're going to take her out to meet hot guys at the bar this weekend? Let the person mourn the loss they just suffered. Finding an immediate replacement for what was lost is not productive for anyone. In fact, it's actually detrimental. Thinking someone will bond with a new puppy when they are acutely missing the pet they just lost is counter-productive.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"I know how you feel..."</span><br />No, you don't. I don't care if you went through a similar loss a week ago – every person's loss is unique because it involves the loss of a unique emotional relationship. Two siblings who just lost their father can feel it in completely different ways, based on the emotional relationship each had with their father. How can you know how the person feels when they are struggling to understand how they feel?<br /><br />So, what's the right thing to say?<br /><br />The key to helping a friend who is suffering a loss is to simply give him a safe place to express how he feels, no matter how sad, ugly, angry, immature, or hopeless that emotion might be. Let the person feel whatever they need to feel at the moment, and just listen. Comfort them by being there and caring. Most of the time you don't need to say much at all.<br /><br />When someone near me suffers a death of someone close, I usually just ask them to tell me about the person. Or, I'll simply ask, "What happened?" Then I shut up and let them talk. I let them feel sad and upset. That's the natural emotion to feel when you lose someone, so I let them feel it. I've had several friends in recent years lose their jobs, or get seriously bad medical diagnoses. I just ask them how they feel. I let them vent. I let them tell me what fears dominate their minds at the moment. I don't worry about turning their attention to job search techniques or advances in chemotherapy in that moment... I just let them be pissed, scared, or angry.<br /><br />Shut up and listen. Don't try to do anything. Don't feel compelled to cheer them up. Just listen and be there for them. That's what you do in the short term.<br /><br />In the long term, after the initial loss, you want to help your friend "recover." I strongly recommend a very small, easy read called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261144456&sr=8-1">The Grief Recovery Handbook</a> by John W. James and Russell Friedman. It's an amazing book that I've read a dozen times and have given to friends suffering with unresolved grief many times over the years. They just came out with a 20th anniversary updated edition, and it's wonderful.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-59355536098262307532009-12-16T06:32:00.004-07:002009-12-16T07:21:49.660-07:00The "post risk management era" for fraternities and sororities, Part One<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Syjs7T6HYRI/AAAAAAAAA3g/ur11XwDZENQ/s1600-h/scold.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 165px; height: 212px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Syjs7T6HYRI/AAAAAAAAA3g/ur11XwDZENQ/s320/scold.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415839055613485330" border="0" /></a><br />I entered the fraternity and sorority world about the time that the risk management mania began. I joined my fraternity in 1987, and I went to work at the fraternity headquarters in 1988. These were the years when kegs were banned, <a href="http://www.fipg.org/">FIPG</a> came about, and undergraduate members of fraternities and sororities began paying steep annual insurance premiums.<br /><br />My second job out of college was as the national coordinator of <a href="http://www.bacchusnetwork.org/greek-life.asp">GAMMA</a>, Greeks Advocating Mature Management of Alcohol, and I was kept very busy helping Greek communities respond to risk management policies. Most Greek communities had speakers visit to promote risk management practices. For quite a while, most men's national fraternities hired lawyers as their executive directors. Publications like <a href="http://www.manleyburke.com/fraternallaw.html">Fraternal Law</a> became must reads for campus advisors.<br /><br />The last 20 years of fraternity and sorority life can be aptly called "the risk management era." The emphasis was on rules and policy adherence. It dominated everything: chapter services strategies, fraternity education, volunteer training and duties, consultant training, board meetings, etc.<br /><br />Someone a lot smarter than I will write a book about this, and I'm sure opinions will vary on whether or not it was a good, important era, or a harmful one. Was there any net benefit? Some will say that fraternities and sororities grew stronger during this time. The values congruence crowd will continue to crow about how risk management draws us closer to the values we were founded upon (a weak argument, I'd say). Others will say fraternities and sororities lost their fun, their innocence, and their relevance. One thing for sure, lawyers and insurance agents made a lot of money. Yet, students are still dying from alcohol poisoning and hazing on a regular basis.<br /><br />In any case, I believe everyone is ready to move on. FIPG is now older than most of the student leaders taking the reins of our chapters. Most fraternity and sorority advising professionals have never known anything different – as professionals, or as students. Just about everything that can be said or created around the idea of risk management has been done.<br /><br />Risk management isn't going away, for sure. As long as there are people falling out of windows at fraternity parties, risk management will be in the picture.<br /><br />But, things are changing. I can feel it. I can see it as I visit campuses and attend leadership conferences. As I sat with some fraternity staff members at a luncheon last week, they asked me what I thought was on the horizon for the nation's fraternities and sororities. I told them that I wasn't sure, but that I thought that whatever is next is going to come from the students, not from the national organizations.<br /><br />I believe that after nearly two decades of being told how fraternities and sororities should operate, should look, and what values they should seek to represent, students are ready to innovate.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">To be continued...</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-88399449404723081112009-12-12T13:15:00.004-07:002009-12-12T13:45:44.956-07:00Stop desecrating your composites<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SyQANv1WTnI/AAAAAAAAA3Y/VSLqb6xNRUE/s1600-h/1958_after_450w.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 257px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SyQANv1WTnI/AAAAAAAAA3Y/VSLqb6xNRUE/s320/1958_after_450w.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414452888184704626" border="0" /></a><br />I was recently hosted by a very nice, very impressive sorority chapter. They were wonderful hosts. Prior to my presentation, I had dinner at their sorority house, and leaning against a living room wall was a <a href="http://www.greekyearbook.com/?gclid=CNDLk9fb0Z4CFRAeDQodqmW3rw">fraternity composite</a>.<br /><br />The composite was from one of the local fraternities, dated 1993-1994. I got up to take a look at the old clothes and hairstyles. I noticed that the glass had a gigantic crack in it, and the frame was heavily scratched and banged up.<br /><br />"What's this doing here," I asked?<br /><br />"Oh, we steal theirs, they steal ours. They're all over the house," replied one woman. "I bet we have one from almost every fraternity on campus."<br /><br />I noted that the sorority's current composite was enclosed in a very large, locked container lit by lights in their foyer. "Why is it that you take such great care of your current composite, but you could care less about the old ones?"<br /><br />The woman looked at me strangely. "We need them for recruitment, I guess," was her best answer. "The guys don't care about their old composites, and we have so many of our own, we don't have anywhere to put them anyway."<br /><br />For many students, they're a joke. Funny names, odd hair. Old. They break them, throw them in closets, steal them from other chapters. I am willing to bet that many find their way to the dumpster every year from damage caused by neglect.<br /><br />Undergraduates at many campuses should be ashamed of the way they treat old composites.<br /><br />First thing, these things are incredibly expensive. Thousands of dollars. Those who came before you paid a steep price for those, and they expected you to care for them. Second, they are incredibly sentimental to your alumni. I love walking into my fraternity house at Indiana and looking at the composites from my years, remembering the names, faces and bad haircuts. While they might seem ridiculous to you, they are awesome to me.<br /><br />I was devastated a few years ago when I visited my own chapter and no one knew what had become of the composite my fellow founding fathers and I had made in 1987. That's right – the founding composite! Missing in action. Nothing but shrugged shoulders when I asked.<br /><br />Councils across the country should immediately ban the desecration of composites, and the young men and women who are currently the stewards of their chapters should start acting with a bit more respect toward them. They are your history. Those faces mean something to those of us who made it possible for you to be in the chapter today.<br /><br />I wish every alumni IFC or Panhellenic across the country would immediately rent a huge storage unit, confiscate all the old composites from the undergraduate chapters, and keep them under lock and key. Where alumni councils don't exist, the university should ask for them. There are <a href="http://www.vantine.com/replace-restore-composites.html">services available for composite restoration</a>, by the way. Then, when it was time for class reunions or significant anniversaries, we could pull them out and display them.<br /><br />Perhaps then, undergraduates would respect them more.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-77710899692437123612009-12-11T05:09:00.005-07:002009-12-11T05:37:03.641-07:00Take the has-been high road<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SyI82DSOMXI/AAAAAAAAA3Q/wNmL59gZVqk/s1600-h/Road-edit1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 336px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SyI82DSOMXI/AAAAAAAAA3Q/wNmL59gZVqk/s400/Road-edit1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413956601345094002" border="0" /></a><br />You finished your term in office. You passed the gavel, and the pressure is off. All those crazy problems are no longer yours. If you've done your job, you made sure the transition was an effective one with lots of inside advice and an offer to be available for questions. With a wink of good luck and a small dose of empathy, you handed over the monster to the new officer.<br /><br />You're free! Congrats. You can now head home – or wherever – for some true down time. Less stress, no more complaints, more free time.<br /><br />For some of you, you'll be moving on to another leadership position. Perhaps you've signed on to lead a council or another student organization that has nothing to do with your previous leadership position. New challenges await.<br /><br />But for others, you'll come back in January with no specific student leadership responsibilities. You'll just be "Joe Member" of your organization. A has-been. That can either be really great, or it can be really confusing. A few bits of advice.<br /><br />Please, please, please... do not be an obstructionist former officer. The last thing the new leaders need is your open criticism of everything they try to do. Keep your mouth shut and let them try their new ideas, make their mistakes, and face their struggles. It's tough being a student leader, and your meddling can make it worse. If you can't say anything nice, then just shut up. Yes, you might be right. Yes, you might have made a better choice. But, it's not your turn.<br /><br />If you choose to hang around, then lend a hand on a project or area of the organization that desperately needs some attention. Raise some money, work with the alumni, do some public relations, paint the basement, clean up the constitution and bylaws. You're not in charge any longer, but you can still be useful. Make a contribution without getting in the way of the new leaders. Set an example for other members that membership means stewardship of the organization, whether or not you're in a leadership seat.<br /><br />Show up to things. Your year as a leader doesn't give you a pass to skip everything from here forward. Take an interest in the youngest members of your organization, and help shape their experience in a positive way. Again, you're setting an example.<br /><br />Support the new person even when it hurts. When people in your organization dislike something the new officer does, the first thing they will do is look at you. Don't roll the eyes, don't make clever criticisms. Even if you disagree, your most critical response should be something like, "If you guys don't like what he's doing, then go talk to him and work with him for a better solution." Don't add fuel to a fire by encouraging dissent. It doesn't make you look smarter or cooler to stir the pot – it just makes you look like a pain in the ass.<br /><br />Go find another place to be useful. Join another student organization. Volunteer. Make some new friends. Sometimes, former officers become a negative, toxic presence in their organizations because they are bored, under-utilized, and are struggling with a lack of validation. When that happens, you start becoming the in-house critic of everything. Don't go down that path.<br /><br />Former presidents of the United States are good role models for how you should act. They reserve criticism. They help if they are called upon, even if they aren't particularly fond of their replacement. They work on their own projects (their libraries, for instance) without getting in the way of the new leader. When encouraged to criticize by the press, they pinch their lips.<br /><br />Like them, be classy about being a former leader. It's the has-been high road.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-3284125252685785812009-12-01T07:31:00.002-07:002009-12-01T09:18:01.610-07:00Don't just meet to meet<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SxU_c6sxr7I/AAAAAAAAA3I/9vaO96BCH5Y/s1600/bored_man.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 269px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SxU_c6sxr7I/AAAAAAAAA3I/9vaO96BCH5Y/s320/bored_man.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410300293381468082" border="0" /></a><br />I'm headed to a very important professional conference next week. I am literally designing my own spreadsheet schedule because I have so many appointments. I might have to schedule pee breaks.<br /><br />Needless to say that there will be a lot of meetings. Like many people, I am fine with meetings when there is a purpose and some progress, and I hate them when they are utterly useless. I am the king of excusing myself and leaving if there's not some progress after about 15 minutes. <br /><br />If you can't get things moving in a valuable direction after 15 minutes, I'll excuse myself and find a better way to be productive. I know it sounds harsh, but ladies and gentlemen, time is money.<br /><br />As a student leader, you probably attend a lot of meetings – some that you are responsible for and many others that you are simply expected to attend. Take an inventory of your current schedule of meetings and evaluate if they are worthy uses of your time.<br /><br />I reject the idea that all meetings are necessary. They're not. If the person in charge of a meeting doesn't respect your time enough to make the meeting productive, you don't owe your attendance. Rather than make excuses for skipping the meetings, or sitting there in a haze wasting your time week after week, confront the person holding the meetings and make suggestions for how the meeting could be changed.<br /><br />Be part of the solution.<br /><br />Can the meeting be shorter? It's amazing how many people default to an hour meeting, because that just seems like the right amount of time. Let's make it 30 minutes and see what that does.<br /><br />Can it be held less often or on a non-regular schedule? Why weekly? Let's change it to once a month, or maybe just twice in October. Schedule these meetings with purpose and justification.<br /><br />Can fewer people be invited so that it's only key decision makers? Maybe we need two meetings: one for those who make decisions and one general meeting each month to just keep the membership in the loop.<br /><br />If the meeting is mostly for political purposes (i.e., making the Dean of Students feel "in the loop"), can that be accomplished another way? <br /><br />Can the agenda be restructured?<br /><br />If the host of the meeting never starts on time, confront that also. Assist the host of the meeting by publicly making a request to participants that they show up on time, and then be a role model by making sure you're on time.<br /><br />Suggest to the host that he/she sends out an email 48 hours prior to the meeting to focus participants on three key issues for the meeting. <br /><br />I'm not a fan of meetings that try to be both social and business. Choose. If you want me to conduct business, then have a meeting and make it productive. If you want to serve a social purpose, then have a social event, advertise it that way, and I'll show up with bells on my toes. Meetings that try to blend the two usually end up being neither fun nor productive – they just feel disorganized and unfocused. Yes, meetings can be fun and light, and people can enjoy being around each other and interacting, but if you're calling a meeting it needs to yield something.<br /><br />And, most of all, make sure that you never attend a meeting unless the host specifies an end time. Demand it. An end time allows you and the other participants to structure your day or evening more effectively.<br /><br />I need to also suggest to you that you evaluate the meetings that YOU host. Are you wasting people's time? Are you starting and ending on time? Are you accomplishing anything, or just meeting to meet? Are your meetings interactive, or is it just people sitting and listening? Before you can ask others to improve their meetings, you need to step up and set the example.<br /><br />If you haven't discovered it yet, time is one of your most valuable resources. When people waste your time, they hurt your morale, and that hurts your organization. Take charge.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">For a good article on "Making Meetings Matter" go <a href="http://www.makemeetingsmatter.com/articles/DealingWithMeetingSabotage.html">here</a>.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-82869259891927159242009-11-25T06:24:00.003-07:002009-11-25T06:56:41.945-07:00The easiest way to make someone feel important<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Sw01EaAUoNI/AAAAAAAAA28/opGKmqlrXyY/s1600/Isaiah-texting.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Sw01EaAUoNI/AAAAAAAAA28/opGKmqlrXyY/s320/Isaiah-texting.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5408037077358256338" border="0" /></a><br />I have a teenage son, and navigating the ever-changing norms of that relationship is a constant challenge. Can I ask about the girlfriend, or can't I? Do I praise the B on the test, or ask if he is disappointed? It never ends, and I seldom get things just right.<br /><br />When you have a teenager, the most precious resource is his undivided attention, and you never get it. The iPod, the PSP, the cell phone – they all outrank me.<br /><br />Yesterday, I drove him to school. He normally takes public transportation, so this was an unusual morning where we had 15 minutes together in the car for some real conversation. It didn't have to be anything serious or deeply meaningful, but I was excited about it.<br /><br />We were barely out of the driveway when he began texting his girlfriend. I'd ask him a question, and he wouldn't hear me. I finally asked if he would put the phone away so we could talk. Competing for attention with a teenage boy's girlfriend is a sad and desperate battle, but I loaded my guns.<br /><br />"What's so important?" he asked with a tone. "Nothing in particular," I said. "It would just be nice if you could put the phone away and focus on me for the next 15 minutes. You can focus on her the rest of the day."<br /><br />He did well for almost a mile, but the vibrating in his pocket was too much to bear. "Don't do it," I said to him as I saw his hand move toward his pocket. He resisted, and resisted, and then had to look. "Two seconds, Dad," he said as his fingers began their task.<br /><br />Then, I did something very mature. I just shut down and didn't talk to him the rest of the way to school. I was annoyed because he had made me feel unimportant. All I wanted was his undivided attention for a couple of minutes, and he absolutely could not provide it.<br /><br />Why am I writing about this on my student leadership blog? Because I believe that giving someone your undivided attention has become the most rare and glorious form of respect. Have you ever been talking to someone at a bar or party, thinking you're making a connection, and they are busy looking over your shoulder at everyone else? You know how crappy that makes you feel? Don't be that person. Focus on who's in front of you.<br /><br />And, let me be clear... it's not just the young people with their constant addiction to glancing at their phones. Us "old folks" are getting just as bad.<br /><br />The other day, I was on a short phone call with a colleague who works in a busy student affairs office. He called me to set up a speaker, but about 20 seconds after we started talking, he said, "Hold on." I could then hear him shouting to someone in his office and laughing. I can't recount exactly what he said, but as I sat on the other side of the line ignored, I remember thinking, "Wow, that sounded critical." Remember – he called me. For a good 15 seconds, I'm sitting there, waiting for him to focus on the call that he just made.<br /><br />Put the phone in your pocket. Close the door. Draw the blinds. Put the barriers up so that your cluttered, over-active, attention deficit disordered brain can give the person in front of you your undivided attention for two minutes. Or ten, or 15. Whatever's appropriate.<br /><br />This holiday, you will probably be home with your family. Lay off the Facebook. Put the cell phone in your room instead of your pocket. Make a conscious decision to give your family and friends the one gift that will truly make them feel special... your undivided attention.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-11784853475948355492009-11-23T12:31:00.008-07:002009-11-23T14:20:27.041-07:00The answer to Greek morale and unity lies in supporting small eventsIf you find your fraternity and sorority community continually struggling with member morale, junior and senior attrition, and a lack of Greek unity, there is something you can do. But, it's going to require a major change in how your community does business.<br /><br />Many fraternity and sorority chapters, and their council communities, remain focused on doing huge events targeted to all of their members – large scale service events, big step shows, "sing" competitions, Greek Weeks. While these appeal to many (and in many cases can be a lot of fun), they don't appeal to all members, particularly for upperclassmen who have already done them more than once.<br /><br />These people who don't get all jazzed up by a third year of "Greek Sing" wander away from your Greek community in search of something that fits them.<br /><br />Here's what I suggest you do. This year, take a portion of your budget and invite small interest groups to apply for funding for special interest activities that will be open to all fraternity and sorority members. Maybe some Greeks will be interested in planning a small live music coffeehouse event for those members who love acoustic music. Perhaps a group will want to do an interfraternal rock-climbing trip for the outdoor enthusiasts. Whatever your members get excited about, invite them to create an avenue within your Greek community – everything from ice carving to environmentalism to book clubs.<br /><br />But wait... all of this is available on our campus through other organizations. Why should we fund these niche interests within our Greek community? Because fraternity and sorority members who find these special connections within your community will STAY in your community and increase their commitment to it.<br /><br />I recently came across an example of how enabling smaller, niche interests can have a powerful impact on a Greek community.<br /><br />Many fraternity and sorority members at Gannon University in Northwest Pennsylvania desired a stronger connection with other Greeks who <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Swr8UBMMTZI/AAAAAAAAA20/WJlGmprsfWk/s1600/LETtERS.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 97px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Swr8UBMMTZI/AAAAAAAAA20/WJlGmprsfWk/s320/LETtERS.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407411723458858386" border="0" /></a>shared a strong commitment to their Christian faith. Some of these leaders recently started "LETtERS," a group open to all fraternity and sorority members seeking Christian fellowship.<br /><br />It's not a Bible study, said Jackie Oesmann, a member of Alpha Sigma Tau and the Panhellenic Vice President of Public Relations. It's more of a discussion group. Recently, the members watched a clip from the movie "Elf" and used it as a discussion starter about finding your place in a group where you sometimes don't feel like you belong. It usually winds back to some relevant scripture readings. Sometimes, they even sing. Mostly, it's about giving fraternity and sorority members a safe place to share and enjoy their Christian interests.<br /><br />"I think that overall, even though we've only had a few meetings, the group is a great new thing for the community and has a lot of potential," Jackie said. "Our councils ahve been working hard to promote Greek unity this year, and having people come together in a group like this definitely helps that."<br /><br />Her campus offers six other faith-sharing groups, but the Greeks weren't participating, she said. "The solution was to create our own group where we could discuss things relating specifically to issues we deal with as Greeks."<br /><br />Six other faith-based groups in their small campus community should have been enough, you might think. But, when an opportunity was created within their own Greek community, these fraternity and sorority members at Gannon became energized.<br /><br />Imagine a dozen or so special interest "clubs" existing within your Greek community. Imagine four dozen. Imagine Greeks from all different sorts of chapters building relationships across chapter boundaries around shared interests. Imagine your members placing a higher value on their memberships because their personal needs are being met in a more meaningful way.<br /><br />Imagine all the good that could come from that.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-85516682252073768852009-11-05T15:22:00.005-07:002009-11-05T16:11:39.035-07:00A Tale of Five Dinners<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SvNa_q12boI/AAAAAAAAA2s/OMuNurJYchg/s1600-h/fork.png"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 303px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SvNa_q12boI/AAAAAAAAA2s/OMuNurJYchg/s320/fork.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400760428025769602" border="0" /></a><br />As a professional campus speaker, I am frequently asked to a dinner before or after my keynotes. Sometimes these are fun, rewarding experiences, with lots of laughs and good ideas shared. Other times, I want to take the fork off the table and jam it in my eye.<br /><br />Here are five very common dinners that I experience on a regular basis.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">The Dinner I Like</span><br /><br />The advisor asks if I want to go grab a beer or a bite to eat after the program. We sit there and have a really great conversation about Student Life, families, kids, football, Chris Brown vs. Rhianna, whatever. It doesn't matter what we eat, and it feels great to make a lasting connection with a campus professional. I've had awesome dinners like this recently, one with my friend Kaye in LaCrosse, Wisconsin, and another with my pal Kelly Jo in Iowa City. It feels great to make a new friend or reconnect with an old one when you're spending a long stretch on the road.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">The Other Dinner I Like</span><br /><br />A couple of students (and sometimes an advisor) who have worked to bring me to campus want to go out for a meal before or after the program at a quiet restaurant. Since there isn't music blaring, we can hear each other as we spend time discussing issues they are facing. They know a little (or a lot) about me, and they ask my opinions. It's a small group, and I ask them about their challenges. They share honest stories from their experiences, and I give them some ideas I've come across from other campuses. Everyone is at this dinner because they want to be. I get some information that will help me in the keynote that night, or at the keynote tomorrow night at the next school.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">The "Speaker as a Free Meal Ticket" Dinner</span><br /><br />The sponsor says, "Some of the students want to take you out to eat before the program." About 14 of them show up, and they don't know a thing about me or what I'm speaking about. Then, throughout the meal, they talk among themselves about their plans for the weekend, that crazy thing that happened at the Greek Week event last night, or about who's dating whom. Everyone at the table orders the big meal because their organization is paying the bill, and most of them also order an alcoholic beverage. I sit there for the first 20 minutes trying to make a connection, even though no one is actually talking to me, and then I excuse myself to go make a phone call. I return to the dining area to see that no one is missing me, so I sit at the bar and have a conversation with the bartender. After the $400 bill is paid, half the students tell me it was nice to meet me, but they can't come to the program. They have other things to do.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">The Surprise Program Dinner</span><br /><br />I show up to a student dinner (usually at the Student Union) and find out that the staff member has actually gathered a rather large group together for a dinner program. I thought we were just eating and having casual conversation, but no. The advisor is expecting a dinner speech, and I suddenly have to pull something out of the air. And, since these students will likely be in my keynote two hours later, I have to talk about something different than what's in the main talk. Sometimes at these dinners, the students are attending because they were told they had to, and the advisor sits there and says things like, "What questions do you guys have for T.J.?" The students stare blankly at their plates. Feeling like the unwanted elderly aunt at Sunday night dinner, I lamely ask, "What are some of the biggest issues you've faced so far this academic year?" More plate staring.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">The "Come Eat at Our Fraternity House" Dinner</span><br /><br />I'm invited for dinner at a fraternity or sorority house prior to the program. I show up at the door, and the brother who answers has no idea who I am. I ask for the person I'm meeting and the young man in sweatpants and a wife-beater slurping cereal from a bowl tells me to wait in the foyer. Other brothers walk past me while I'm waiting and don't say anything to me. My host finally comes down and warmly invites me to the dining room. Six brothers are sitting at one of the tables. When we come in, they shoot us looks and finish up so they won't have to engage with us. My young host apologizes but says tonight was pot pie night and everything is gone. Would I like some cereal?<br /><br />----<br /><br />Honestly, the dinner is part of being a campus speaker, and it's usually a positive experience. One look at me, and you'll know that I don't turn down many dinner invitations. There are many campus visits where the dinner is an absolute blast.<br /><br />But, it's a lot more rewarding for everyone when the participants actually WANT to be there. An awkward dinner with stone-faced student prisoners is a soul-sucking experience.<br /><br />At this time of stretched budgets, advisors want to get the most out of a speaker's time on campus, and that makes perfect sense. Asking the speaker to have dinner to get a little bit more benefit for your students makes sense.<br /><br />Whether it's a quiet dinner with staffers, or a meal with highly-engaged and interested student leaders, just make sure that you're using the time for some true benefit. Give the speaker some idea of who will be there and what's expected. Don't set up a dinner unless someone genuinely wants the extra time with the speaker.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-11999772123154850762009-11-04T08:31:00.001-07:002009-11-04T08:35:42.473-07:00An excellent video about how to confrontI really love this video. Makes such a good point about keeping confrontations about "what they did" and not "who they are," using race as the example.<br /><br />Wanted to share it. Thanks to Steve Whitby for bringing this to my attention.<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/b0Ti-gkJiXc&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/b0Ti-gkJiXc&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-12499311889434072032009-10-30T09:20:00.003-06:002009-10-30T09:46:34.727-06:00Time to be thankful<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SusKNzeL4EI/AAAAAAAAA2k/d7WaoOhic88/s1600-h/turkeys.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/SusKNzeL4EI/AAAAAAAAA2k/d7WaoOhic88/s320/turkeys.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5398419810605064258" border="0" /></a><br />At your next meeting, start off with something different. Go around the room, and ask each member to share something for which they are thankful. Whether it's a friendship in the room, something your group has achieved this year, something in their personal life, the approach of basketball season, whatever.<br /><br />Have your officers go first to set the tone. Sure, there will be a couple of sarcastic, maybe even inappropriate answers as you go around the room, but that's OK. The idea is to focus on the good stuff your members get from being a part of your organization.<br /><br />If people don't know what to say, they can simply be thankful for being a member, or being alive, or for the opportunity to attend college, or for our men and women serving overseas. Let people know that they can be as personal as they want to be, or not personal at all.<br /><br />Want to make it even better? After going around the room, have everyone write the thing they are thankful for on an index card, and then post those cards somewhere visible. If your group is a housed fraternity or sorority, post them by the front door. If you're a student government, post them in the student activities office. Athletic teams might post them in the locker room, or perhaps post their own card on the outside of their locker. If you're a student life staff member, post them in your break area or on your office doors. Keep that positive energy of thanks and appreciation going.<br /><br />Today, our intern, Ryan, took a bulletin board and cut out a bunch of turkeys, putting the name of a staff member on each one. He then distributed five paper "feathers" to each staff member and asked them to write something they were thankful for on each feather. Staff members are busy right now putting their feathers on their birds. It was a really nice way to end our week here.<br /><br />Sometimes, we get so bogged down by the challenges in our organization or in our workplace that we forget to note the simple things that make being in college and being a student leader wonderful. Give your members the opportunity to express what your organization means to them, and how the relationships they make there affect them.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8419104951879462542.post-10087057793837686832009-10-28T10:08:00.003-06:002009-10-28T10:28:18.108-06:00Time to deliver<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Suhvn7yG-0I/AAAAAAAAA2c/ZAj4-RuNJJk/s1600-h/delivery+man+2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 236px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lsS7LgosnDI/Suhvn7yG-0I/AAAAAAAAA2c/ZAj4-RuNJJk/s320/delivery+man+2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397686885256985410" border="0" /></a>Someone emailed me a question this week: "What is the best advice you can give to student organizations and student life people during this time of recession, slashed budgets, and depressing economics." My first reaction was to advise that people should keep their chins up and be optimistic. But, after more thought, here's my answer.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"It's time to deliver."</span><br /><br />No one cares about what you meant to do. No one wants to hear excuses. No one has any patience for people who whine, and under-perform.<br /><br />Shut up, put in the work, and deliver something. In a current economic climate where people are three months behind on house payments, no one cares about tiny, whiny problems.<br /><br />I heard this morning on the news that satisfaction with Congress is at a 12-year low in the polls right now. I'm of the opinion (and you may disagree, that's fine) that Congress is actually getting quite a bit done this session. But, I understand why the poll is showing dissatisfaction among regular Americans. When the public is pissed, worried and impatient for progress, the regular machinations of debate and deal-making annoy the public more.<br /><br />When the environment is worrisome, it's also impatient and demanding. <span style="font-style: italic;">It's time to deliver.</span><br /><br />Same thing when it comes to your organization. People (your members and your constituents) are looking for results. They don't want politics, posturing, excuses or lengthy explanations of why you can't get something done. They don't care if it's hard, or if your budget is slashed, or if you're having to work more hours. They don't want big, flashy impressive events. They want you to do your job and produce something of value.<br /><br />My best advice to student organizations right now? Buckle down, and produce. Don't aim to impress. Don't take on wild new projects. Fix what's broken, focus on getting the job done. Get rid of leaders who aren't stepping up and doing their jobs. Make sure your finances are in order, and make sure you have a plan in case your dollars decline. Find economies, and say goodbye to the partnerships, the events, and the processes that drain away resources.<br /><br />To student life people: appreciate the fact that you have a job, make yourself invaluable to everyone counting on you, and guide people to the other side of this mess. You need to deliver, also. Make sure your time is spent on efforts that yield visible results.<br /><br />Right now, three strong achievements beat the hell out of wild plans and promises.<div class="blogger-post-footer">*
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Visit the Apathy Myth blog for college student leaders at http://www.tjsullivan.com</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0