Make them show their work along the way

Think back to high school when you had your first big paper due. Remember how the teacher wanted you to turn in a preliminary outline, then a draft, then another draft, then your bibliography, and then finally your final paper?

If you were like me, you probably found the whole process annoying. I hated all the steps – showing my work along the way. I wanted to do the damn paper hardcore, right at the deadline, counting on the pressure of the due date to inspire me.

That's how I worked dammit! I worked better on deadline!

But, the teacher wasn't having it. She wanted to make sure I was thinking the thing through instead of simply pulling it out of my butt six hours before the paper was due.

As a student leader, it's now your turn to be the annoying teacher.

Do you have officers with big projects? How do you know your officer or committee chair is thinking it through and planning things out well? How do you know she isn't just going to pull a half-baked effort out of her butt at the last minute? Is it smart to simply trust that everything will work out OK?

No, not really.

Smart leadership, like smart teaching, sometimes means asking people to show their work.

Several weeks out, ask your officer to show you his plans, his list of deadlines, his to-do lists. Have him give a complete, exhaustive presentation to your executive committee about 3-4 weeks out. Ask lots of questions. Are we on budget? What are some of the trouble spots? Where can others pitch in to help? Are lots of good ideas being brought to the table, or is everything riding on one person?

Applying this pressure along the way causes your officer to "show his work" before procrastination turns into excuses. More importantly, it gives you a chance to spot a leader who is slacking on the job.

Be warned: some people will hate this. They will say you are micromanaging. They will ask why you don't trust them. They will assure you that everything's under control, and they will be eager to assure you they have everything well in hand. A lot of people simply hate to be managed.

Well, too bad.

Bring it to the table. Show us what you've done so far. We have a lot riding on this, so it's important that we all feel confident about the planning and the thoughtful implementation. What's working, and where are the struggle points? Plus, it gives us a chance to get excited and contribute to the project.

And, if your officer or chairperson can't produce some demonstration of progress, remove them from the project now before they completely screw it up. Or, make them sit with you and other leaders to get things on track.

Your teacher was pissing you off for a reason. She was trying to teach you that a thoughtful well-done product comes from a developmental process. It's time to pass that lesson along to your officers and chairs.

Bouncing back from a blunder

We all make mistakes. If you're a high profile student leader, there is a solid chance that something will happen that will knock you squarely on your ass. Your ego will be in tatters. Everyone will be angry at you, or at least delighting in your misstep. You'll be sure that everyone is out to get you.

In our culture, there's a certain twisted sweetness to watching the mighty fall. Look no further than the demonization of Kanye West, or the critical trashing of Jay Leno. You can practically hear the giggles from Detroit as Toyota gets ripped apart in the press. The higher you sit, the higher you fall. When the leader screws up, it's news.

Initially, you will get angry. You will lash out. You will plot revenge. You will whine incessantly to your inner circle. You will resolve to fight back, because damn it, "It's not fair!" People don't understand the truth. No one has asked for your side of the story. The public doesn't understand the details. They don't know the truth about how evil the other person is.

Whether you're the world's greatest golfer (Tiger), a top-earning actor (Hugh), or a struggling President of the United States (Barry), you are going to need to quit the whining at some point and accept the reality that you screwed up. Fair or not, you have a decision to make. Are you going act immediately to try to repair things, dig the hole deeper with excuses and denials, or hide?

If repairing things is your choice, here are some things I suggest.

Take your lumps, and openly admit your mistakes.

Our culture is big on redemption. The cycle – build 'em up, rip 'em down, and build 'em up again – is a worn cliche. If you're going to repair your image, make the necessary public apologies, admit your mistakes, and ask people to forgive you. Take responsibility for your role in the debacle, even if you feel that you've been handed more than your fair share of the blame.

Look like you learned something.

After the apology, people will still be watching you, and if they see more of the same behavior, there will be hell to pay. Let people watch you do the exact opposite of the behavior that got you in trouble. You can bet you won't be seeing Tiger Woods out at any strip clubs anytime soon. You'll see lots of pictures of him with his mother and child, helping people in need, etc. If he's ever going to regain his pre- sex scandal status, he's going to have to look like Mother Teresa for a while.

Drop the arrogance.

Watch how Toyota promotes itself in the coming year. Television ads won't be trumpeting their sales prowess. You won't hear Toyota calling itself the best, the most trusted, or the coolest. That's what you'll hear from Ford or Honda perhaps, but not Toyota. Toyota is going to be promoting safety, a resurgence of quality – all aimed at rebuilding trust. To regain what they lost, they need to look solid, not flashy.

Reach out and rebuild relationships.

If you, or the situation, has yielded negative feelings and burned bridges, the first steps to rebuild those relationships need to come from you. You can't expect much. You can't expect embraces and giggles. But, if you show some sincere effort to reach out, make amends, and support those you might have alienated, something good might return. Remember to expect nothing, and give freely. When you demonstrate a sincere attempt to get things moving in the right direction, without an expectation for anything selfish, forgiveness and trust have a greater chance to return.

Acknowledge your real friends.

There's a temptation to look for ways to hurt those who hurt you, but it's better for the soul to turn the other direction. Make time for the friends who stood by you, who helped, who listened. Thank them sincerely, and spend time with them. Let them know that their loyalty and unconditional support was not taken for granted and that you stand ready to support them if they ever need the same. Anyone who has ever been through a debilitating injury, a divorce, the death of a child, a bankruptcy, etc., will tell you that the low points are when you find out who your real friends are. Take that as a gift and appreciate it.

Watch your mouth.

John Mayer got in trouble this week for a Vanity Fair interview in which he said some pretty arrogant and insensitive things. John will likely be keeping his mouth shut for a while, and so should you. All that anger you still feel? Find a benign way to get it out that doesn't involve you shooting your mouth off to others. People talk, and many are looking for any hint of negativity from you.

Put on a happy face.

No one feels sorry for you.

Do good work.

It's the most important element of redemption. Demonstrate that the talent you brought in the first place was real and that the initial praise was deserved. You have to earn that high place again. Let your good work speak louder than your damaged image.

Kanye West probably will again release a great CD again. Jay Leno will go back to producing mildly entertaining late night television, his core fans will tune back in, and he'll be back on top of Letterman within a year. I'm betting Barry has strong approval ratings by 2012.

Only a few short months after coming clean about his steroid use, Mark McGwire begins his new job as the hitting coach for the Cardinals this week in St. Louis.

Bouncing back from the blunder is possible, but the only person who can get things moving toward that goal, is you.

F-I-R-E is the key to an overwhelmed membership

Is your calendar getting a little crazy with too many meetings and events? Does it feel like your members are overwhelmed? Are you having to make everything mandatory, or financial penalize members if they don't attend events?

If your members seem overwhelmed, it's because they are. As their leader, what are you doing to address this serious problem?

Student organizations are great about adding events. Every year, new officers create new events. Unfortunately, they are not so good about cleaning the schedule from time to time. When you add, add, add, and you never delete, you end up with an insane calendar that burns everyone out.

Sit your officers and key influential leaders down for a couple of hours, and fix it.

Get a giant piece of paper – one that runs the length of a large table. Draw horizontal line across the center of the paper. At one end of the line, put a big happy face. On the other end, put an unhappy face.

Then, think of everything your members have an opportunity to attend, and place them along the continuum. Everything – intramural games, meetings, social events, committee meetings, recruitment, ritual, campus events, Homecoming, Parents Weekend, educational speakers. (It might help if people bring their calendars from the last year.) Try to think of every single obligation you, your university, or your governing councils ever place upon your members. This will probably take a while to do. Be exhaustive.

Place each obligation on the continuum based on its popularity. Place the events that everyone loves further on the continuum near the happy face. Place the events that everyone dreads toward the unhappy face. Obligations that some people like and others dislike will probably end up toward the middle. People might love formal, and it sits high on the continuum, but if parties have gotten a little lame, they might sit a bit south of the middle mark. Be honest.

Every group will be different. A fraternity might have more social events toward the happy face. Club sports teams might rank home games higher than away games. If your group is a professionally oriented group, you might see that your members love the networking and learning events, but don't really love your social events. In any case, as you look at your continuum, ask if it truly reflects the current attitudes and priorities of your members.

Once you have everything plotted, discuss it. Are there any trends? Are all the social things popular? Are service events unpopular? Do your members enjoy any of your meetings?

Next, start labeling the entries. I like to use F-I-R-E. Put an "F" by the events that are fine, fulfilling, fantastic. Put an "I" by the events that need improvement because they are important but need some reworking to make your members enjoy them more. Put an "R" by the events that need to be replaced – the goals of the event are valid, but the event needs to be completely reworked. Put an "E" by the events that need to simple be ELIMINATED.

You'll probably discover in doing this process that much of your conversation centers around whether an event deserves an "I" (for needs to be improved) or an "R" (for needs to be replaced with something entirely different). This is a very valuable conversation. Encourage it.

Discuss where combinations can be made. Combine your alumni event with your community service event, for example. If one event can fulfill three purposes, that beats the heck out of single-purpose event.

It's been my experience that this F-I-R-E process can reduce an organization's calendar by at least a third. Remember, morale is positively affected by having fewer events that are higher quality, more fun, and more beneficial.

Some people want to see you fail

There are people rooting against you. That's one of the unattractive realities of holding a leadership position. No matter how well-liked you are, how hard you work, how qualified you might be for your job – there will always be people who just aren't pulling for you.

Some of these people will be indifferent to your efforts. Nothing you do will impress them. Others will roll their eyes when you suggest an idea or show initiative. Some will trash you behind your back when talking to other members. Some will take a more active role and will attempt to undermine you in small or large ways.

Your detractors will come in all shapes and sizes. Some are people you thought were close friends once upon a time. Some are people you've clashed with before and never really liked. Others dislike you in spite of the fact that they've never actually had a conversation with you.

Their motivations are numerous. They might be jealous of you, or they might simply get enjoyment out of messing with you. Perhaps they have actual problems with your leadership style. Maybe they feel that there was someone better suited for the position. Maybe you offended them with a joke you told two years ago, and they can't get over it. They might hate the way you dress, or the tone of your voice. This can be very visceral, unexplainable stuff, and it often defies logic. They just don't like you, and they never will.

You can analyze it, agonize over it, complain about it, cry and scream at the unfairness of it all. Or, you can just get over it and move on to doing your damn job. Whether you were elected or appointed to your position, there will always be people who celebrate your shortcomings and errors.

Right after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, then-President Bush had approval ratings around 80-percent. These were historic highs. By and large, Americans rallied behind their president at a time of national crisis. But even at that amazing moment of national consensus, 20-percent – a fifth of Americans in opinion polls – still didn't like the president.

Even when they don't like you, they still are members of your constituency, and you have to do your best job to lead them. If you ran for office hoping for 100-percent approval and support, then it's time to bid farewell to the delusion. There's nothing you can do to control it, change it, or avoid it. You can lead them, you can do great things for your organization, in spite of them.

Do your job the best you can. Include everyone at the table. Make ethical decisions with the well-being of your organization front and center in your mind. Expect and admit your mistakes, and always keep your mind open for better ways to do things.

Learn to separate honest criticism from the silly, nasty stuff based in negativity. If you're looking for a dependable gauge of the quality of your efforts, find four or five fair-minded people in the organization (not your friends!) and check in with them regularly for feedback. Give these people permission to point out your areas for improvement, and respect them by demonstrating a willingness to fix mistakes along the way.

If you work hard and do the right thing, a beautiful moment awaits you about a year after you get done with your position. Someone you thought HATED you during your leadership term will come to you and thank you for all you did. It will blow you away when it happens. That feeling, at that moment, makes up for all the crap you tolerate from the detractors during your term.

Trust me.

Take the has-been high road

You finished your term in office. You passed the gavel, and the pressure is off. All those crazy problems are no longer yours. If you've done your job, you made sure the transition was an effective one with lots of inside advice and an offer to be available for questions. With a wink of good luck and a small dose of empathy, you handed over the monster to the new officer.

You're free! Congrats. You can now head home – or wherever – for some true down time. Less stress, no more complaints, more free time.

For some of you, you'll be moving on to another leadership position. Perhaps you've signed on to lead a council or another student organization that has nothing to do with your previous leadership position. New challenges await.

But for others, you'll come back in January with no specific student leadership responsibilities. You'll just be "Joe Member" of your organization. A has-been. That can either be really great, or it can be really confusing. A few bits of advice.

Please, please, please... do not be an obstructionist former officer. The last thing the new leaders need is your open criticism of everything they try to do. Keep your mouth shut and let them try their new ideas, make their mistakes, and face their struggles. It's tough being a student leader, and your meddling can make it worse. If you can't say anything nice, then just shut up. Yes, you might be right. Yes, you might have made a better choice. But, it's not your turn.

If you choose to hang around, then lend a hand on a project or area of the organization that desperately needs some attention. Raise some money, work with the alumni, do some public relations, paint the basement, clean up the constitution and bylaws. You're not in charge any longer, but you can still be useful. Make a contribution without getting in the way of the new leaders. Set an example for other members that membership means stewardship of the organization, whether or not you're in a leadership seat.

Show up to things. Your year as a leader doesn't give you a pass to skip everything from here forward. Take an interest in the youngest members of your organization, and help shape their experience in a positive way. Again, you're setting an example.

Support the new person even when it hurts. When people in your organization dislike something the new officer does, the first thing they will do is look at you. Don't roll the eyes, don't make clever criticisms. Even if you disagree, your most critical response should be something like, "If you guys don't like what he's doing, then go talk to him and work with him for a better solution." Don't add fuel to a fire by encouraging dissent. It doesn't make you look smarter or cooler to stir the pot – it just makes you look like a pain in the ass.

Go find another place to be useful. Join another student organization. Volunteer. Make some new friends. Sometimes, former officers become a negative, toxic presence in their organizations because they are bored, under-utilized, and are struggling with a lack of validation. When that happens, you start becoming the in-house critic of everything. Don't go down that path.

Former presidents of the United States are good role models for how you should act. They reserve criticism. They help if they are called upon, even if they aren't particularly fond of their replacement. They work on their own projects (their libraries, for instance) without getting in the way of the new leader. When encouraged to criticize by the press, they pinch their lips.

Like them, be classy about being a former leader. It's the has-been high road.

Don't just meet to meet

I'm headed to a very important professional conference next week. I am literally designing my own spreadsheet schedule because I have so many appointments. I might have to schedule pee breaks.

Needless to say that there will be a lot of meetings. Like many people, I am fine with meetings when there is a purpose and some progress, and I hate them when they are utterly useless. I am the king of excusing myself and leaving if there's not some progress after about 15 minutes.

If you can't get things moving in a valuable direction after 15 minutes, I'll excuse myself and find a better way to be productive. I know it sounds harsh, but ladies and gentlemen, time is money.

As a student leader, you probably attend a lot of meetings – some that you are responsible for and many others that you are simply expected to attend. Take an inventory of your current schedule of meetings and evaluate if they are worthy uses of your time.

I reject the idea that all meetings are necessary. They're not. If the person in charge of a meeting doesn't respect your time enough to make the meeting productive, you don't owe your attendance. Rather than make excuses for skipping the meetings, or sitting there in a haze wasting your time week after week, confront the person holding the meetings and make suggestions for how the meeting could be changed.

Be part of the solution.

Can the meeting be shorter? It's amazing how many people default to an hour meeting, because that just seems like the right amount of time. Let's make it 30 minutes and see what that does.

Can it be held less often or on a non-regular schedule? Why weekly? Let's change it to once a month, or maybe just twice in October. Schedule these meetings with purpose and justification.

Can fewer people be invited so that it's only key decision makers? Maybe we need two meetings: one for those who make decisions and one general meeting each month to just keep the membership in the loop.

If the meeting is mostly for political purposes (i.e., making the Dean of Students feel "in the loop"), can that be accomplished another way?

Can the agenda be restructured?

If the host of the meeting never starts on time, confront that also. Assist the host of the meeting by publicly making a request to participants that they show up on time, and then be a role model by making sure you're on time.

Suggest to the host that he/she sends out an email 48 hours prior to the meeting to focus participants on three key issues for the meeting.

I'm not a fan of meetings that try to be both social and business. Choose. If you want me to conduct business, then have a meeting and make it productive. If you want to serve a social purpose, then have a social event, advertise it that way, and I'll show up with bells on my toes. Meetings that try to blend the two usually end up being neither fun nor productive – they just feel disorganized and unfocused. Yes, meetings can be fun and light, and people can enjoy being around each other and interacting, but if you're calling a meeting it needs to yield something.

And, most of all, make sure that you never attend a meeting unless the host specifies an end time. Demand it. An end time allows you and the other participants to structure your day or evening more effectively.

I need to also suggest to you that you evaluate the meetings that YOU host. Are you wasting people's time? Are you starting and ending on time? Are you accomplishing anything, or just meeting to meet? Are your meetings interactive, or is it just people sitting and listening? Before you can ask others to improve their meetings, you need to step up and set the example.

If you haven't discovered it yet, time is one of your most valuable resources. When people waste your time, they hurt your morale, and that hurts your organization. Take charge.


For a good article on "Making Meetings Matter" go here.

Time to deliver

Someone emailed me a question this week: "What is the best advice you can give to student organizations and student life people during this time of recession, slashed budgets, and depressing economics." My first reaction was to advise that people should keep their chins up and be optimistic. But, after more thought, here's my answer.

"It's time to deliver."

No one cares about what you meant to do. No one wants to hear excuses. No one has any patience for people who whine, and under-perform.

Shut up, put in the work, and deliver something. In a current economic climate where people are three months behind on house payments, no one cares about tiny, whiny problems.

I heard this morning on the news that satisfaction with Congress is at a 12-year low in the polls right now. I'm of the opinion (and you may disagree, that's fine) that Congress is actually getting quite a bit done this session. But, I understand why the poll is showing dissatisfaction among regular Americans. When the public is pissed, worried and impatient for progress, the regular machinations of debate and deal-making annoy the public more.

When the environment is worrisome, it's also impatient and demanding. It's time to deliver.

Same thing when it comes to your organization. People (your members and your constituents) are looking for results. They don't want politics, posturing, excuses or lengthy explanations of why you can't get something done. They don't care if it's hard, or if your budget is slashed, or if you're having to work more hours. They don't want big, flashy impressive events. They want you to do your job and produce something of value.

My best advice to student organizations right now? Buckle down, and produce. Don't aim to impress. Don't take on wild new projects. Fix what's broken, focus on getting the job done. Get rid of leaders who aren't stepping up and doing their jobs. Make sure your finances are in order, and make sure you have a plan in case your dollars decline. Find economies, and say goodbye to the partnerships, the events, and the processes that drain away resources.

To student life people: appreciate the fact that you have a job, make yourself invaluable to everyone counting on you, and guide people to the other side of this mess. You need to deliver, also. Make sure your time is spent on efforts that yield visible results.

Right now, three strong achievements beat the hell out of wild plans and promises.

When you can't get anyone to run

If you hold an election, and no one runs for anything, does it make a noise?

It's not uncommon for student organizations to struggle getting qualified candidates to run for offices. Perhaps your group's morale is low. Perhaps you don't have enough members to fill the positions. Maybe this year's officers alienated everyone. Or, maybe the position is perceived by your members as a thankless one.

Here are a couple of steps for coping with the "empty chair" situation. First, the option I like the least...
• Coerce someone into taking the position. This is my least favorite solution, because someone who you beg to do a position is unlikely to take a strong personal interest in the position. If you go this route, you're better off going to someone who was an officer a year ago and is still around.

All of the following options are better, in my opinion...

• Remove all prerequisites. If your organization has counter-productive requirements – such as "all officers must have been a member of the organization for two years" – drop them. Recruit in a young, eager leader looking for a way to prove himself.

• Recruit a new member for the specific purpose of assuming the role. It's kind of fun to become a member and an officer the same day. Go out and find someone who has the skills and motivation and who is looking for a place to use them.

• Consider making it a jointly held position. Why can't you have two people serving as secretary and alternating tasks? Not ideal, but if you have members who worry about the time commitment, this might be an option.

• Eliminate the position. Divide the tasks among other officers and committee chairs.

• Let the position sit empty for a while. Maybe someone will step up a little later, and you can fill the position by appointment.

• Beef up the position. Maybe no one wants the position because it's seen as lame. Un-lame it by adding some additional responsibilities and powers.

If you're having trouble filling offices, you have options. Don't be afraid to try something new and unexpected. It could liven things up.

Merging student organizations?

Do you follow business news? Consolidations and mergers are commonplace. Delta Airlines absorbs Northwest. Whole Foods digests Wild Oats. Television's WB and UPN networks merge to become the CW.

It's not an easy game, merging cultures from different companies. The big goal is to form one larger, more powerful company that can make more money and achieve more in the marketplace. It's not easy, and success is not guaranteed, but the potential is enormous.

Does consolidation make sense sometimes in the world of student organizations?

I was at one campus recently that had four tiny organizations, all trying to serve international students. All four groups had tiny budgets and were cannibalizing each other with competing events aimed at the same small, specific campus population. I asked them why they didn't just merge into one bigger International Student Organization and streamline their leadership, events, and meetings. By merging their budgets and becoming the singular organization representing international students on their campus, they'd have more clout when lobbying for campus activity funding.

As we discussed it, they were skeptical. The Asian students don't necessarily mix with the Latin students, they said. When I suggested that the new organization could have different groups within the same umbrella (still have events for the Asian students, other events for the Latin students, and new events for the African students, etc.), they seemed puzzled. We've somehow accepted that every mission in student activities calls for an independent student organization. This is not the only option.

I recently chatted with an acquaintance about how two struggling fraternities could merge on his campus. The two small fraternities in question got along well, and were very similar in make-up and values. But the groups were struggling because they had a hard time maintaining their respective houses. Why not merge, I asked? Either have two groups sharing one house, or do a true merger and give up one of the charters. Wouldn't it be better to have one fraternity that is able to compete than two that are constantly hovering near demise?

Certainly, merging groups can be a challenge. Some members will never endorse such a move, and they will drop off. There will be leadership challenges. Whose traditions and events survive? How do we put past differences behind us? Do we retain one of the groups' name, or do we come up with something entirely new?

The only way to figure out if it would work would be to begin the "what if" conversation. It can happen confidentially, and it should include key leaders and their advisors. It's important during these discussions to focus on the new possibilities the merger presents. More money, more members, a chance to build a new, stronger organization that can do exciting things.

For advisors reading this blog: is consolidation something we should be encouraging more often? Would it be more productive (and easier?) to advise one effective group rather than four ineffective ones? As advisors, why don't we suggest this idea to struggling groups, then help them figure out how to do it?

It's time to check your progress and momentum

Welcome to Week Five. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the end of the honeymoon.

This is typically the week when everyone's academic reality comes crashing down after a brutal set of exams. The freshmen start missing home and those boyfriends and girlfriends they left there. The student activities folks are exhausted from the last month and a half of constant work.

Maybe, if you're lucky, you have Homecoming or some other fall festival weekend to ease the pain, but the weather is turning colder, sunset is coming earlier, and all that beautiful "start of the year momentum" has waned.

By now, you have a pretty good idea how your football team is doing, and the majority of you realize that your record is going to be pretty much like last year's. You'll probably notice people starting to blow off the games this weekend or next.

I don't mean to be depressing, but dear student leaders, now is when you need to start cranking up the motivation machine. You've coasted as far as the start of the year will take you, and now you should be getting some real work done. Your group should be knee deep in projects, events and the routines of achieving your mission.

Check in with your fellow officers. See how they are doing – or if they are actually DOING anything. It's a good time to gather opinions, check back on those goals you set at your retreat. Have plans been finalized? Have some first steps been taken? Any early successes we can celebrate? Any leaders not stepping up?

It's a good time to have that executive board meeting around a few plates of sliders at the local Denny's. Leave the agenda behind and just talk. What can we realistically accomplish in the next two months before we elect new officers? What's working, and what isn't?

Name three things that your members can be looking forward to. If you can't think of three obvious things, do something about it.

Encourage dissent, but stay on offense

There will come a time when you, dear student leader, will promote something that is not entirely popular. Maybe it will be a dues increase, or a decision to cosponsor something with a controversial group on campus. Perhaps you will have to cancel an event, take a stand against a group of your own members, or go head-to-head with the college administration.

If you are doing meaningful, meaty things, then dissent is part of the deal. You'd be smart to simply expect it, plan for it, and encourage it. I've been reminding myself of this as I watch the folks protesting President Obama this past weekend in D.C.. I think they're nuts, but I also understand that any good fight has to have sides.

Notice that President Obama is on the offense. Like him or not, he's out there aggressively selling his ideas. He's getting in front of people. He's demanding that the conversation take place. He's not sitting at the White House nursing a bruised ego, crying that people aren't loving his every idea. He's out there throwing punches.

If you're going to do something controversial as a student leader, you had better be ready to play the same game. Be ready to sit down for that newspaper interview. Be ready to stand up for your point of view in small meetings in coffee shops and in people's apartments. Make your argument to key leaders and opinion shapers. Be ready to have someone call you a nasty name, or insult your leadership. Smile as a few punches land squarely on your chin.

If you simply sit around and whine that your opponents are wrongheaded and unfair, you're going to lose, or you're going to have to concede a lot more than you want to. Don't be annoyed that people are arguing with you. Go out there and win over the hearts and minds. Throw punches of your own.

While your opponents are getting emotional and hysterical, listen to their concerns, address them, and validate any good points they bring up. At the same time, offer the facts, promote your ideas, and give people the context of the issue. You won't necessarily change the minds of your vocal opponents, but you might win over the folks in the middle, and that's who matters.

Stay in control. Direct the conversation. Stay on offense.

In a basketball game, there's the guy with the ball in his hand, and there's the guy waving his arms around hoping for a block. Be the guy with the ball.

Be smart when delegating tasks

You're trying to be a proactive leader, and you delegate an important task. You ask one of your fellow officers to go to the Student Activities Office before Friday and fill out an important form to register your annual fundraising event. Without this form, you cannot reserve the one space on campus that will work for the event. This officer has done these forms a couple of times before, so you don't consider this a high risk delegation.

Fast forward to next Tuesday. You find out that not only did the officer fail to get the form in by Friday, he didn't fill the form out properly, didn't get a required signature, and now the space you desperately needed for the event has been snatched up by another group on campus.

Damn it. Another case of delegation gone wrong. If you had just done it yourself, everything would have been fine. As you shift into crisis mode, you swear that you're never going to delegate an important task to him or anyone else for the rest of your term.

As much as your advisor and guys like me urge you to delegate tasks, the truth is that sometimes it goes well, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you delegate (or "hand over") something complex, and the person does an amazing job. Sometimes you delegate something seemingly minor, and it blows up in your face. It all contributes to that most destructive syndrome of student leadership: the "it's easier if I do it myself" syndrome. We all know that just leads to burnout, falling grades, failed relationships, and stress.

Here are a few ideas that might (and I stress, might) lower your risk of delegation failure.

• Follow up a day or two later with the person, thank them for taking on the task, and ask him or her if they have any questions about the task. Use phrases like, "It's so great to have people like you I can count on."

• Only delegate to people who ask for something to do. Handing that form to a young, eager leader instead of your overworked and easily-distracted secretary might have yielded better results. Before you delegate, ask yourself, "Does this person stand to gain anything from doing this well?" If not, don't give the task to him or her.

• Ask for a confirmation, perhaps by text message, when the deadline is met. If you had asked your fellow officer to text you when the form was turned in Friday, and then you didn't receive one, you could have made a quick call to the Student Activities Office near the end of the day and scrambled, if necessary.

• Do the task with the person the first time. Don't assume that this member or fellow officer knows how to do the task. It might seem simple to you, but maybe it's intimidating to her. It's often best to do the task one time together, then trust the person to do it on her own the next time.

• Make sure the person understands why the task is important. If you had told the officer, "If we don't get this form correct and in by Friday, we might lose the ability to reserve the quad lawn, and someone else will probably grab it for that Saturday," the officer might have felt the urgency a bit more keenly. Let the person know that this is important, and she is more likely to treat it as important.

• Praise the person when he does the job right. It seems silly to celebrate someone for turning in a form, but if you want him to keep doing the job right, you need to give him some positive feedback. A public thank you at your next meeting wouldn't hurt.

• Reward work well done with more work. When someone has shown initiative and an ability to responsibly perform tasks, give that person increasingly important work to do. Let the person build on his or her success with increasing responsibility. People love it when they know you trust and depend on them. If you can build this over time, then you'll have several people that you can trust to do delegated tasks correctly and efficiently.

• Be cool if it doesn't go perfectly. If you had to run in on Friday afternoon and fix something on the form, don't overreact and chastise the person. Use it as a teachable moment and spend a little time with the other person so that the mistake can be avoided in the future. If you act like the world has ended because someone made a mistake, you're not being a good, nurturing leader. People make mistakes, and you'd be smart to worry less about punishing people than helping build their knowledge and abilities.

Delegation is an imperfect science, but you are more likely to be a happy leader if you do it thoughtfully. If you're doing everything yourself, you are not doing your job as a student leader correctly.

Dogs have bellybuttons

I have a 6-year-old son. Tim is at the age where the questions come non-stop, and usually, I can handle them. When I don't know an answer, I fake it admirably. However, this week he stumped me. "Do dogs have bellybuttons?" he asked.

Hmm... Dogs are mammals, and I've always assumed that all mammals had belly buttons. But, to save my life, I've never noticed a belly button on any of my dogs. I grabbed my terrier, flipped him over, and gave a good look. Dewey (pictured) enjoyed the attention, but I sure as hell didn't see a belly button on him.

I texted Cha Cha, which is what I do whenever I don't know the answer to a question (if you've never done it, text a question to 242242, and you'll be amazed). Here's what I got back:

"Although you may not see it, it's there. Dogs, like most other mammals, do indeed have bellybuttons or navels."

Well, I'll be damned.

These random events in my life are terrific fodder for blog ideas, it got me to thinking about all the "dog's bellybuttons" that help our organizations exist. You don't always see them, and they don't demand much attention, but they are there. The administrative assistant in the student activities office, the guy who sets up our A/V equipment at events, the advisor who always comes to events a few minutes early to help set up, the person at our national headquarters who processes all those initiation cards, the guy who mops up the locker room after we're done destroying the place.

These people frequently escape notice, but they play a big role. As a student leader, you should get in the habit now of reaching out to your dog's bellybuttons and saying "thanks." I'm big on saying "thanks" to the behind the scenes heroes – my mail carrier, the lady who serves my coffee in the morning, our bizarre UPS delivery guy, the secretaries at my kids' schools. It makes the world a better, friendlier place, and occasionally, these folks do something a little extra for you that makes a huge difference.

What are you or your organization doing to thanks the folks who play an important role and who get little or no recognition?

Your long term goal

I occasionally go back to Indiana University and visit my home fraternity chapter. When I go back, I notice that the chapter has changed a lot. The guys are significantly better looking, more athletic, and more socially adept than we were. They definitely have better grades. They enjoy a top-notch facility, and they run the chapter like a well-oiled machine. At last check, they had around 160 members, and a budget about four times greater than ours. They hang with whatever sorority they want to (we sure didn't), and they collect awards left and right.

When I go back and visit my chapter, I look around and think, "I honestly don't think I could even get into this chapter today."

You know how that makes me feel?

Fantastic. It makes me feel like my brothers and I did something right.

As a student leader, you should be putting things in motion and recruiting new members into your organization that will take your group to new heights when you're long gone. Your goal should be that you would come back in five to 10 years and be blown away. If you do your job as president today in 2009, you should come back in a 2019 and question whether you could have been elected president of the 2019 group.

We get bogged down in the short term goals, sometimes. Every now and then, you have to do some things that will yield benefits down the road. Remember to thing big and far into the future. Don't be short sighted.

What are you doing, right now, to make your group amazing for those students who will come along five years from now? What will the future rock star leaders on your campus see in your organization?

What can you do this year so that when your son or daughter walks onto your campus in 25 years, he or she will be blown away?

Put the building blocks in place so future leaders can take things farther than you were able. Lay the groundwork. Build the organization you wish you had joined. Dream a little about the amazing places your group could go. Then, start recruiting in the young leaders with the vision to take it there.

People

Dr. Lori and I were chatting yesterday, talking about the death of Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts. Lori is married to a Republican, so she had to talk quietly (kidding). She said she was struck the most by the vast number of people with stories about the Senator reaching out to them personally at a time of need.

When 9/11 happened, Kennedy personally called the family members of every 9/11 victim with a tie to his state of Massachusetts. There were many. I saw a story on ABC News about how Kennedy invited one 9/11 widow and her young son to visit the Kennedy home in Hyannis Port to go sailing and talk about the husband/father they lost on that terrible day. For nearly 40 years, he called the family of every Massachusetts service member lost during war.

Kennedy was an important man who understood what was most important. People.

Lori and I talked about how some of the leaders who have shaped our lives the most did so by simply taking a personal interest and reaching out.

A couple times a year, I get a personal, handwritten card from Durward Owen. He's sort of the Ted Kennedy of our fraternity, although he would hate that comparison. Durward was our executive director for three decades, honorary fourth founder of our fraternity – the "lion" of Pi Kappa Phi. Every time I get a card from him, I save it. He doesn't just do it for me. He does it for every man who ever worked for him. People.

In my home office, on a bulletin board in front of me as I type this, are two more handwritten cards. One is from my business partner, David Stollman, in which he tells me he's proud to have built our company with me. The other is from Dr. Phil Summers, a former national president of my fraternity and a chapter brother from Indiana. In the nearly illegible handwriting of a man near 80, he tells me that my keynote was the best part of our fraternity's leadership school.

It doesn't have to be a handwritten card. Coincidentally, yesterday (before talking to Lori), I reached out to a fraternity brother who is going through a medical battle, and I asked him how he was doing. It was a Tweet, not a handwritten note, but I think it hit him on a day when he really wanted someone to care. I got an email from him yesterday evening thanking me for reaching out. He told me how much it meant to him.

Here's the leadership lesson. The things people tend to remember aren't the business decisions you make for your organization. It's not the meetings, or the power struggles, or the flashy event that was held under your watch as a leader. It's not the t-shirt, the party favor, or even the amazing legislation that you worked months to pass in your student senate. It's not how many friends you had on Facebook.

What they remember are the personal connections that you take time to foster. Dropping by to ask your advisor if her son is feeling better after having the flu. Driving your fraternity brother two hours to visit his ailing grandmother. Taking that friend out for fries at Denny's after he loses the election. Helping your girlfriend's best friend hook up her computer one night over a pitcher of margaritas.

Don't get so busy being a student leader that you forget what really matters. It's the moments you stop being a student leader and act like a real caring person.

People.

When a student leader gets sick

Many of the student leaders who get the most attention are the ones who are indispensable to the daily operations of their organizations. This young man or woman is integral to every decision, every process, every event. No one can imagine how the organization would succeed if that student disappeared.

Then, that young man or woman gets sick. Everyone looks around wondering what the hell to do. Who's going to run the meeting? How do we get hold of our advisor? Who's going to fill in? Who's going to run the fundraising or service event four days from now?

Dynamic, charismatic leaders are a blessing and a curse. When they are motivating everyone, getting things done, and providing a steady guiding hand, we happily hand over the fate of our organizations. They are a curse because they don't often share their knowledge or control, so when they have a crisis of some sort, the well-being of the group is put in jeopardy.

Does your organization know how to run without its leader? Could it do it very suddenly if your key leader got sick?

There is a strong possibility that the flu (swine and other) is going to be the big health story in the next six months. Many campuses will be hit hard. With the possibility of such a significant health issue sidelining many people on your campus, now is a good time to make sure you have contingency plans. This is not a good year to have a lone individual running your organization, important events or bank accounts.

Use this as an excuse to make sure that people are sharing responsibilities and working together. Have a Plan B for every event. Make sure your committees are sharing the work and not depending on one person to get the job done.

Schedule some time with the new kids

My sons start back to school on Monday. My oldest is starting a new high school, and he's going in as a 10th grader. Many of the kids already know each other, and he's a little nervous about being accepted as the new guy. My youngest is going into first grade, and the only thing he's worried about is getting lost in the school. "What if I go to the bathroom and can't find my way back to my class?" he asked.

I reassure them and try to get them excited, but I know that nothing will replace a few days, a few conversations with new friends, and a few successful trips to the bathroom and back.

The new students at your college are going through the same things. They are excited, but completely uncertain if they are doing things right. So much is new. After the chaos of the first week or two, they begin to find some routines and build some confidence. Even so, the questions and the uncertainty can be overwhelming. Once the fun of orientation, sorority recruitment, or the first football games passes, a feeling lingers. Am I doing this right?

A new student looks around as the college community assumes its usual rhythm. Some fall into that rhythm fairly well. Others struggle.

One of the most important things you can do for these new folks is to seek them out a few weeks into their first semester and spend some quality time with them. Take a visible interest. Invite them along on something. See how their classes are coming, and help them deal with the ones that are kicking their butts. Ask if they are missing home or missing someone they left back home. Transitions are stressful, and people don't often realize exactly how it's affecting them until some of the madness of the first weeks has died down.

I'm taking my boys on a camping trip this weekend. We're just going to chill out, hike a bit. We'll probably have some stories around a campfire. What do you think of the new kids? How are your teachers? What still worries you? I want to give them a chance to process the first week and get their minds confidently on what lies beyond it.

For your new students, the first two week are about getting started. The third and fourth are about finding the rhythm and the routine. By the end of September, the weather starts to change, and it becomes a matter of confidence and performance. In my experience, these weeks are the ones where they need the most support.

Part of being a leader is recognizing when your people need you. An investment of your caring and listening will help you keep these young, overwhelmed members engaged. If you play it right, you can lock folks into some meaningful roles during this time, give them something to latch onto, and position yourself as a thoughtful, caring mentor.

The president's discretionary fund

When you're the leader of a student organization, there are often multiple tiny expenses that come up. Sometimes when you're paying for that $3.50 cup of coffee while meeting with the student newspaper reporter, you start wondering why your organization isn't paying for the coffee. If the purpose of the meeting is "business," then why isn't the business (your organization) picking up the tab? Surely the benefit to the organization is a lot more than $3.50.

As a business owner, I have a budget line item called "business development." It's essentially the money I use for those tiny expenses that just come up. This might include lunch with a staff member who is struggling, a birthday card or cake for a valued customer, or some prize I purchase for a game at the weekly staff meeting.

If you find that you're spending a bunch of your own money (or more than you wish you were), you have three options. The first option is to stop spending the money. Stop meeting with people over lunch and coffee, and just sit – for free – somewhere and talk. Second option is to simply continue spending your own money. For student leaders who have the extra cash, this is the easiest option.

Option three is to approach your members and/or the executive board of your group, and ask if it would be appropriate to have a small "president's discretionary fund." Let them know that you can get a lot more done for the organization if you have the ability to be reimbursed for a few dollars here or there.

Groups that have no tradition of this tend to get worried that you're going to be buying yourself a bunch of perks. Usually the best way to approach this subject is to spend a month collecting your miscellaneous receipts, making note on each receipt about the nature of the expense. Then sit with your fellow officers and show them how much of your own money you've been spending in order to do your position effectively.

If they see the value in the dollars you've spent, and if the total amount isn't some crazy amount, then they are more likely to be open to the idea.

If your group goes for this idea, I advise that you keep the amount you request very small. Set a monthly limit (any amount is more than you're getting now, right?), and set it up so that you have to submit receipts with descriptions and get reimbursed. Transparency is the key to getting people to trust this idea. If your group has an advisor, be sure that person is in on the decision as well. You don't want your advisor's eyebrows going up suspiciously.

Then, of course, make sure you're only using this new ability in an ethical way. This is not meant to be your entertainment fund. Gas to drive out to visit your advisor? That's kosher. Buying a pitcher of beer for friends in a different student organization? Probably not appropriate. Make sure that you're being a vigilant steward of your organization's funds, keep the reimbursements as low as possible, and establish a positive tool for the next person in your position.

One email is not an adequate effort

The following is a reworked post from 2008. It's been one of the most frequently downloaded, so I thought I'd run it again. Enjoy. - TJS


"I sent him an email and never heard back."

I didn't respond immediately, and my intern just waited. I had asked her why there had been no progress on a simple project I had given her – lock down a contract for a hotel meeting.

I looked at her, and with my most sincere and patient voice, I asked her, "Well, did you try calling him?"

"No, I guess I'll do that." Roll of the eyes. "People are so stupid sometimes."

It's amazing how many student leaders think that issuing one email is the sum of the effort they can be expected to put forth when it comes to communication. They send one email, and then throw their hands in the air. "I tried!"

There are lots of reasons why sending out one email (or heaven forbid, one text message) is not a sufficient effort. Many people ignore emails, or check them infrequently. Some people read an email, and forget to act on it. If you hit someone with an email at a busy time, they will barely notice it.

Then, there are people like me who receive 250 emails a day and have a hard time acting on each one. Some people like email, and some don't. Some prefer other methods of communication, and when it's you that has the need, you better be prepared to try several.

I experience this phenomenon on a regular basis with our customers. I have one customer who refuses to answer a phone call, but I can text a message, and she immediately replies. I have another who simply will not reply to an email, but if I take a piece of paper and write "PLEASE CALL ME! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR 2 MINUTES!" and fax it to her, I'll hear from her within 10 minutes.

I have one customer who is only reachable via Yahoo Instant Messenger. I never used it, but you can bet I downloaded it because I knew it was the best way to reach her.

Now, I could piss and moan about it, but that wouldn't achieve my goal of speaking to her about business on an occasional basis. I haven't made desktop instant messaging my dominant method of communication, but she and I communicate regularly because I know how to best reach her when I need her.

It's about finding out how your people communicate, and getting the messages to them. You need to have multiple approaches until you find what works. Some people respond better to a phone call or voice mail. Some seem to only reply to text messages. Others need a face-to-face communication, with an email reminder. Great communicators know that getting the word out requires more than one method.

A day later, my intern returned. " He didn't return my message. We're screwed," she said.

"OK, then," I replied. "Please check into the cost of hiring a single engine plane to fly over the hotel pulling a banner message. I think one or two passes should do it, but see if the pilot has some sort of minimum."

She just looked at me.

"Or you could just drive over to the hotel and ask for him at the front desk."

Imagine you want to have a committee meeting with short notice. You must reach out to people in multiple ways in order to get them there. Sending one email, then whining when you're sitting at the table alone is not a sign of unmotivated people. It's a sign that you need to work on your communication skills. It's a sign that you need to try a little harder.

Two emails, two text messages, three face-to-face requests, three handwritten notes, 10 phone calls, six carrier pigeons, and one singing telegram. Then, we'll talk.

In the meantime, get me the number of that airplane pilot.

Sleeping with your brother, part two

When two brothers, sisters, or same-gender members enter into a romantic relationship of any sort within the context of their organization, I believe it is the organization's obligation to treat them fairly. These relationships are going to happen – it's to be expected. Though it might make some other members uncomfortable, those two members have the same right as anyone else to enter into a positive, consenting relationship.

It really only becomes a problem when those two people start making the dynamics of their personal relationship everyone else's problem (see part one). With that said, it's time now to speak directly to the individuals involved in the relationship. For purposes of simplicity, I'm going to write this to two hypothetical fraternity men from the same chapter. I trust you can extrapolate to other similar situations.

Dear Brothers Sleeping Together,

Are you sure you can handle this? There's no such thing as a casual relationship in the context of an established group. This is going to be the most complicated relationship you've ever been a part of. The "difficulty rating" is high, and if this thing is going to turn out well, you are both going to have to be smart about it.

Here's some advice...

Be Understanding. Think how long it's taken you to come to a place where you're comfortable with your sexuality... now be sensitive to the fact that this might be the very first time many of your brothers have been anywhere near a gay relationship. Give them some time to adjust. They have fears and concerns, and that doesn't mean they are necessarily homophobic. If you expect everyone to embrace your relationship immediately, you're delusional. Some brothers will support and encourage you, some will be quietly uncertain, and some will visibly dislike the idea. You deserve to be treated respectfully, but your brothers don't owe you an endorsement. Don't ask for it. Seek validation from each other, not from your brothers.

Set a positive example. You didn't enter into this thing intending to give a big group lesson on gay relationships, but you have to understand that you've brought this issue into the family context of your fraternity. People are going to want to talk about it, in front of you and behind your back. You have to be OK with that. How you two behave will have a big impact on how brothers view future gay relationships they encounter. When others see that your relationship is no different from theirs, you make it better for the brothers who find themselves in this situation next year, or the year after. Perhaps this little bit of extra pressure is a good thing, because it gives you the additional motivation to approach your relationship carefully and respectfully.

Be in it for each other. In a relationship, you need to focus on the other person. That's where your attention should be. Enjoy each other. Spend time together. All the fun stuff about being with someone new will be better when it's shared privately. Get away from the watching eyes of your brothers as much as you can, not because you have to, but because you want the time to focus on each other. I would give this same advice to heterosexuals, by the way. Too many brothers enjoy putting their romance on display for their brothers, which cheapens their relationship in my opinion.

Be discreet. You don't need to live out every little drama in front of everyone. Your relationship isn't an official chapter function, so don't treat it like one. That includes what you post on social networking sites. If you feel compelled to change your relationship status on Facebook, that's one thing, but I don't recommend you putting "Jason rocked my world all night last night" on your status update. You don't need to lie about your relationship, but it doesn't need to be an embarrassing reality show either. Discretion is a dying art, and believe me, a little bit in this situation will go a long way. By the same token...

Demand privacy. If you're being discreet and private, you have a fair expectation that your relationship is not an agenda item at this week's chapter meeting. If brothers are acting inappropriately by making jokes or making your relationship chapter business, you should confront that. You should remind them that your relationship is a private matter and that if they have concerns, they should speak with you directly in a private setting. If you're being harassed at any point, stand up for yourself and demand that the leaders of your chapter step in to stop the foolishness.

Get on the same page. What are the rules going to be? Are you going to the formal together at some point? Who's sleeping where? Talk about these things now. If you're putting your fraternity brother roommate in an awkward situation, that's not a good idea. It would also be very smart to discuss an "exit strategy" if things don't end up well. Can you both agree to return to the status of just brothers in a respectful way if things don't work out? This isn't just some guy you're dating – the last thing you want is a bunch of bitterness tarnishing the remainder of your college fraternity experience.

Respect some barriers. If you serve in a leadership position in your chapter, you need to do your job and not let this relationship affect your duties. If your feelings for your partner affect your ability to be a good, contributing brother, you're going to have problems. Imagine you were at a job... would you be acting all lovey-dovey in the office? Probably not. Same goes for fraternity. When you're in a fraternal context, be a brother. When you're in the context of your relationship, be a boyfriend. If you're smart, you'll know the difference.

Here's my final word. Sometimes, we don't treat each other very nicely when relationships get tough. We cheat. We say unkind things. We tear down the other person with our attitude, our actions, and our words. Try to remember that you made a promise to this man long before you became intimate.

You said that you'd be lifelong brothers, and that promise means something.