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If you're a Student Leader lucky enough to have a really terrific person who wants to spend time with you, it's important that you find a way to strike a balance between the crushing weight of your responsibilities and the relationship maintenance that keeps that special person feeling valued. As I tried to illustrate humorously in the last posting, you can sometimes be a difficult person to date.
Trust me when I tell you that finding the balance between life at work (your leadership position) and life at home (your friendships, your relationships, your family) is one of the most common challenges young professionals face. Even old guys like me struggle with it on a pretty regular basis. Use this time in your life to force yourself to learn some of these critical skills.
Here are some random bits that might help:
- Your organization will not fall apart if you take a few hours, an evening, or an entire weekend away. You're not running NASA, and it's time for you to acknowledge that. If you have to be on 24/7, then you're running an unhealthy organization and you have an unhealthy, abusive relationship with it! Trust others to handle some stuff while you tend to the other important things in your life. Or, just let it go until Monday. The world won't stop turning.
- When you're with your special someone, don't seek to talk exclusively about your issues, your organization, your drama. Use that time as an escape. Force yourself to talk about other things. If you can't think of anything to talk about, then you need to spend more time with that person and identify some mutual interests. Make him/her feel important by taking a genuine interest in what's going on in their life. The other person might feel that they are the less interesting person in the relationship – show him/her that you don't think so! It might actually be a relief to be quiet and listen for a while.
- Turn off the cell phone. Don't look and respond to texts while you're spending time together. Demonstrate that the other person is a priority by staying away from your computer, too. When you're with someone, truly be WITH them. That says, "Nothing is more important to me than you right now."
- When you do talk about your student leadership life, ask his or her opinion. Don't just complain and vent (that gets really old). Share some funny stories. No one likes to be around someone who's negative all the time. Ask your special someone what he/she might do in a particular situation, and validate the ideas.
- When you're having time with your special someone, don't invite other people to invade that time. If people come up and start talking "business," tell them you'd love to chat another time. Let the person you're with SEE you defending your time together. Also, if your entire relationship revolves around the social events of your organization, it might be time to blow off that party and find something else to do Saturday night.
- When you make a commitment to your special someone, keep it. Some big meeting just cropped up? "Sorry guys. I'm going to a movie with my girl tonight. I'll call you in the morning and you can fill me in." You'll find that people respect your time more when they can't have it at a moment's notice.
- Make sure you and your special someone always have something you're looking forward to. A trip, a movie you're going to share, a concert, a birthday night out. Whatever. Having something you're both looking forward to gives you a "future."
It is (is, is, is, is) possible to maintain a healthy relationship while taking on a big student leadership challenge. You just have to commit yourself to doing the work and drawing the healthy boundaries necessary.
I always say that we make time for the things we really want. If you really enjoy the other person and what he/she brings to your life, then you'll make the time. If not, then you might just be using the other person as a distraction or as some sort of release valve. But when the caring is there, then demonstrate it to that special someone. No one likes to come in second.
Like that image above? Buy it as a poster here.
