What's on your agenda?

Each Friday, I put together the agenda for my company staff meeting the following Tuesday. It's not my favorite task. Sitting there, trying to think of discussion items requires a bit more brain power than I have most Friday afternoons.

The agenda I send out for my staff meetings is part worksheet. A staff member is supposed to come to the meeting with their agenda planned. There is a place to list out "My Priorities This Week," "Things I Need to Update Everyone On," "How Others Can Help Me," and "Days Out I Have Coming Up." I list any new business items that we need to discuss as a group (this is usually the hardest part for me to prepare). I also list our monthly sales and project goals. Finally, there is a section on the second page where people can write out the "Action Items" they get assigned during the meeting. We say "Pow!" as a little joke whenever someone gets assigned an action item so that people are forced to write the action item down.

As a student organization leader, what does your meeting agenda say about you? Does it say, "We're doing the same boring crap meeting after meeting?" Or, does it say, "This leader is taking time to move our organization forward?" Do you even have an agenda?

I think that having a thoughtful agenda reflects that, indeed, there is a need and purpose for this meeting and that you are helping to shape and guide the vision for your organization. It helps to set an expectation for preparation for others who attend your meetings, and it keeps your group on track for that hour (or so) that you meet.

This weekend, take some time, and work on a printed out agenda for your next meeting. Email it to your members at least 24 hours prior to your gathering. This is one of those efficiency ideas that might take a little while to catch on, but if it helps you get organized for your meetings, then it has an immediate benefit.

Save me a seat at Applebee's

I have a strange relationship with the restaurant chain, Applebee's.

Back in the mid-Nineties, my former speaking partner and I visited the University of Wyoming. The students who hosted us to campus were incredibly friendly and hospitable. They always seem to be appreciative of speakers who make the trip up to Laramie to see them. After the program, they told me and Joel that they wanted to take us out to dinner to a local neighborhood grill that had just opened not far from campus.

"We know you like to eat in places that reflect the local flavor," one student told us. "You'll love this place. There's lots of University of Wyoming stuff on the walls and the food is really great." Sure enough, it was an Applebee's. The students had no idea it was a chain and that Joel and I had probably eaten at two others that week in other states. We didn't have the heart to tell them.

Monday I was in Maryville, Missouri, visiting Northwest Missouri State University. In addition to being the home of the Bearcats, it's also the home of the most crowded, rockin' Applebee's I've ever seen. Maryville doesn't have a ton of sit-down restaurants, and the students and the locals LOVE LOVE LOVE their Applebee's. It's seriously the place to see and be seen. Over several visits to Maryville, I've seen a line out the door at 4 pm and at midnight. Whoever owns that place is making a fortune.

I visited another Applebee's at another school last year where the Black Greek organizations had their own designated section. I guess it was their hangout.

I have a story in my program about a weird encounter with a sorority pledge class in a North Carolina Applebee's. I should get free dinner coupons from the chain for the amount of publicity I've given them on college campuses. I have an Applebee's in the parking lot of the office building where CAMPUSPEAK is based. On the flight home today, I started watching the first season of Friday Night Lights (which is awesome, by the way) and several scenes are set in an Applebee's there in fictional Dillon, Texas.

No real point to this post except to give a shout out to Applebee's. There's a certain amount of comfort that comes from being able to eat the same Oriental Chicken Salad in any corner of America. But, if an executive from Chili's is reading, send me a gift card. I think I'm ready to branch out.

Asshole of the Week: Columbia President Lee Bollinger

Honestly, it's quite an accomplishment when you act like a bigger asshole than the visiting radical leader of a nation that sponsors terrorism. Columbia University invited Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak Monday. The visit was met (rightfully) by a lot of angry protest. Ahmadinejad has questioned the Holocaust, threatened the existence of Israel, etc.. He's not an admirable guy, and defending him is difficult. He deserved the cool reception he received, no question.

But, when you invite someone to talk – however repulsive you find him – you have a responsibility to honor the spirit of an invitation and allow free speech to happen. No one forced Columbia to invite Ahmadinejad (in fact most everyone wonders why the university issued the invitation). Give the Iranian leader enough rope, history has shown, and he will hang himself in the court of world opinion. Even if we find a world leader's point of view repugnant, it advances the mission of an American university to provide a forum for discussion and criticism.

However, Columbia University President Lee Bollinger saw a chance to raise his national profile. Bollinger stood up to do the introduction, and attacked his university's guest, calling him cowardly, illiterate and ignorant. Even if all of these are true, the proper thing to do would have been to stand up and explain why the university issued the invitation.

Ahmadinejad was clearly shocked by Bollinger's introduction and began his comments by calling Bollinger "discourteous." Score one point for Ahmadinejad. I'm not a fan, but he was right, Bollinger acted like an asshole (and a media whore, by the way).

If I was a member of the Columbia University community, I'd be asking how Bollinger harmed the intellectual mission of the university for his own gain. If I was an Iranian, I'd be wondering how Americans can talk so self-righteously about freedom of speech. And, if I was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I'd be sending Bollinger a thank you note for doing something absolutely no one on the plantet has been able to do: make the Iranian leader a sympathetic figure, even if only for a few hours.

National Hazing Prevention Week begins today

NHPW begins today, so a few random thoughts that I want to share about hazing and why I am personally committed to fighting it.

- Hazing teaches people that humiliation and exclusion are acceptable behavior. We live in a world where violence, hatred, terror and fear cost lives every day. It may seem dramatic, but I think hazing is a form of terrorism.

- Hazing divides a team or a chapter into classes instead of unifying the whole group under a common set of goals or values.

- Any-20 year-old who thinks he is capable or qualified to induce psychological trauma of any kind on a 19-year-old is both a sadist and a naive idiot. What training did YOU receive that qualifies you to "break someone down" and then "build them back up?"

- Hazing is a terrible way to tell someone that they are cared about, that they belong, that they are valued, that they matter. In fact, hazing communicates the opposite. Even when someone feels good about having survived hazing, they innately believe they are unworthy, and that encourages them to haze the next group -- to continue to prove their value.

- When you haze someone, you have no idea what buttons you are pushing. What childhood trauma does this person have that your hazing is agitating? Childhood sexual abuse, neglect, victimization, drug abuse, eating disorder, PTSD? As a hazer, are you prepared to take responsibility for the psychological damage you might induce with your "harmless" activities?

- Hazing is lazy. It's much harder to build loyalty around positive activities.

- Hazing keeps amazing people from joining our organizations. How many people have said NO to our organizations because they were afraid of being hazed?

- Hazing gives bullies a purpose in college. Who will they go on to intimidate after college? How will they treat their children?

- Every year, people die from hazing on college campuses.

This year, do something to help fight the acceptance of hazing on your campus. Stand up against it, change harmful traditions, tell people it's simply not right. Visit HazingPrevention.org or NHPW.com for resources. If your campus isn't doing anything for National Hazing Prevention Week, ask your greek advisor or your director of student activities "why not" and make it a priority next year.

Go Out and See: INTO THE WILD

I'm really looking forward to seeing the film Into the Wild that comes out this week. The book by John Krakauer was incredibly well done, and I'm hoping that the film (written and directed by Sean Penn and starring Emile Hirsch) is as compelling.

From Salon:

Sean Penn's "Into the Wild" is adapted from John Krakauer's bestseller of the same name, detailing Chris McCandless' strange and sad journey, one that began with his upbringing in an affluent, if troubled, Atlanta family and ended with his death from starvation in an abandoned bus somewhere in the Alaskan wilderness. Repulsed by his parents' materialism and seeking some greater truth, McCandless took off on a road trip after graduating from Emory University in 1992. As far as his family was concerned, he disappeared: His parents had no idea where he'd gone, and they never again saw him alive. McCandless set out to find himself by traveling and living off the land; his inexperience and naiveté eventually led to his death.

The narrative of the book spoke volumes to me about the hunger many college students feel as they break from their families and search for their place in the world. I'm sure the film will be a testament to the emotions many young men and women feel in this emotional time of their lives. In any case, can't wait to see it, and wanted to put it on your radar screens.

Have a great weekend!

Four goals for every communication

As a student leader, you are looking for every opportunity to have meaningful and productive communications: with an advisor, another leader, a community member, a potential date, whatever. If you want to improve the level of productivity that comes from your conversations with others, incorporate the Four Elements of a Successful Conversation.

This is basic sales training stuff. I don't take any credit for it. But, it might help you.

Element One: Small Talk
This is the chit-chat, the bonding between you and someone else. In this country, we typically like to begin our interactions with some of this. Warm people up a bit with quick, non-threatening questions. "Is your son still playing football?" or "Anything fun going on for you this weekend?" A moment or two invested in offering a compliment, commenting on a shared experience, or making a quick funny comment can get the other person in the right place for a great interaction. Warning: don't get too personal or probing. Don't be a weirdo stalker.

Element Two: Emotion and Insight
This is sharing how you feel or think about the situation you are discussing. Instead of saying, "We need to have a meeting about this project" (which sounds bossy and demanding, anyway), you will have a better communication saying, "I was thinking about this project, and I would feel so much more confident if we could take a half hour to brainstorm some goals." Sharing your feelings (emotion) and analysis (insight) demonstrates your commitment to a successful communication. Of course, this invites the other person to share his or her emotions and insights, and you'll need to listen to these and incorporate them.

Element Three: Exchange of Information
This is the factual content. Boil it down, make it clear. Put the product, so to speak, in a clear light. Give the other person the information he or she needs, and frame it in a way that will be meaningful to him or her. You're trying to get someone to a confident place so they can make a choice. Deadlines, resources, meeting places, situations affecting the outcomes, numbers, insider information, personalities, whatever. Things that kill you here: being wishy washy, not having your information correct, having no ideas, waiting for the other person to supply all the information.

Element Four: Decision and Movement
How did this conversation move the situation forward? Seek agreement on something, even if it's only to discuss it again at a later time. Even if you get shot down or get an answer you don't like, the situation has moved forward. Make a decision, agree to a course of action, or persuade the other person to a point of view. Your counterpart will always feel better about those minutes with you if something is more "resolved" than it was when you came in. If your conversation creates more work, confusion, stress or problems for the other person, that's a problem. Offer help to find resolution. Don't be the jerk who throws fuel on the fire then slips away.

Practice getting all four elements into your conversations. Whether you are meeting with your advisor about a challenge, recruiting someone to join, or trying to persuade someone to go on a date with you, these four "elements" are critical.

1. "Wasn't that football game amazing last week?"
2. "Ever since you and I talked in the nacho line, you've been on my mind. I had a lot of fun talking to you. You made me laugh."
3. "A bunch of my friends are taking out Jim for his birthday Sunday night around 9 o'clock, and it should be a really fun group of people. I think Jennifer is coming, too."
4. "Do you want to come along? If it's boring, we can cut out early..."

There, I just got you a date for Sunday night.

Here's to you, Drunk Girl!

Dave Matthews, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, T.J. Sullivan. What do these entertainment giants have in common? People come drunk to our shows. Seriously.

I had a wonderful visit to the University of Missouri at Rolla last night. The audience was like 95-percent men (just like the population of the school, I think), which makes for a rowdy show. They were a really terrific audience and I had a great time. Some of my Pi Kapp boys are pictured.

And there, in the front row, was drunk girl. God bless her. Really. She was my warm up act – shaking her ass for the entire audience in a too-snug dress. She spun around, stumbled, drunk off her ass, sang, shaking her arms and other gifts, while 600 fraternity men shouted encouragement.

"Wow. She's a bit of an attention getter, isn't she?" I asked one of my fraternity brothers. "You should see her at a hot tub party," he said with the raise of an eyebrow.

I thought I might have a little conversation with her, and that maybe she'd take a seat and chill out. I was afraid we were mere moments from a full-on lap dance. Instead she ground up against me, commanded me to dance, and told me I was old.

So, here's to you, Drunk Girl! Your pole awaits! And on behalf of your future therapist's children, thanks for the house, the Christmas presents, the new cars, the family trips to Disney, and the generous inheritance.

Student tasered at Kerry speech

Watching CNN this morning, and they are showing video of a young man who was acting rudely at a speech by Sen. John Kerry at the University of Florida. The guy refused to yield the microphone, was berating the senator with accusations, and was generally being a jerk. Campus police tried to pull him away, and he fought back, so they tasered him. On the video, you hear him screaming and begging them not to taser him.

This leads me to a very important question.

"Why can't I get this kind of service when I speak on campuses?"

Have a nice Tuesday.

Speaker I recommend: Erica Upshaw

Erica Upshaw hit my radar screen last year. In 2000, when she was a sophomore at Ohio State University, her brother died from an accidental overdose combination of alcohol and GHB, after a night of partying.

Joey was two years ahead of Erica, a member of Delta Tau Delta fraternity, and pretty much your average frat guy with a bright future. Doing the "big brother thing," Joey had introduced Erica to her sorority, Delta Gamma, and to most of her friends at college. He also introduced her to hardcore college partying, and the two were out together with their shared group of friends every weekend. Mixing drugs and alcohol was a regular part of the weekend routine, along with football games, fraternity parties, and what have you.

Erica's could have just been another sad story of a loved one who died from poor choices. But, what I really liked about her approach was that she didn't spend time making a bunch of excuses for Joey, or for her own abusive partying behavior. In her program, she says that they felt like they were entitled to party hard and do whatever drinks and drugs they wanted, because they were good students.

That struck me. That was something different than what I was hearing from other alcohol speakers. So many students think that the tragedies happen only to the people spinning out of control. They don't think it happens to the attractive, well groomed, good GPA crowd.

Erica says she looks back at the way they were abusing alcohol and drugs, and she realizes (too late, I suppose) that what they thought was entirely "normal" was anything but. Erica believes that the "I've earned the right to party my ass off" mentality is quietly killing too many students. She believes that college students need to take responsibility to "Keep Friendship Alive," the title of her program.

If you want to read more about Erica, you can visit her website or check out the CAMPUSPEAK page for her. Or, friend her on Facebook. Her story and approach are very similar to that of Mark Sterner -- our most popular speaker. Both go light on the preaching and simply create awareness that we each have a personal responsibility to look out for our friends and call them on their poor choices.

Erica is brand new with CAMPUSPEAK, so her price is pretty damn low right now. It won't stay low for long as word spreads about her powerful program. I've got a pretty proven track record of picking winners in this college speaking field, and I'm picking Erica to be a big deal in a year or two. This is your chance to get her when she's building her confidence and working out the kinks in her presentation, before she's in crazy demand like Sterner. If your Greek community, in particular, needs a program on alcohol, but your tired of the risk management approach, this would be an awesome choice.

When Patriots cheat...

They did it last year in Green Bay, got caught, and got a warning. They did it again this past week (week 1 of the NFL season) in a game against the Jets, and this time, the results were different. The New England Patriots were caught again videotaping the opposing team's defensive coaches while they relayed signals. Thursday the NFL handed down fines and other penalties.

I could write for an hour about what a shame it is that the NFL has become just another professional sports league that demonstrates shameful behavior at its highest levels. But, for the purposes of this blog, what I want to acknowledge is that this is another incident that demonstrates to students that cheating is not only rampant, but increasingly, an expected part of achieving at the highest levels.

I remember clearly when President Clinton suggested that oral sex wasn't really sex, it dramatically influenced an entire generation of young people to believe that oral sex wasn't a big deal. It taught me never to underestimate the influence of bad behavior in the popular culture.

A 2002 study showed that 3 out of 4 high school students admitted to cheating on an exam. According to an ABC News report, many college students think that college is about learning "how to work the system," rather than absorbing the actual content of their academic classes, and that cheating here and there is part of the deal. The engineer justifies cheating on an English test, for example, because she doesn't think it really matters.

This NFL incident will result in justifications such as, "Every team does this, they just got caught" and "You don't win Superbowls without a few tricks." New England's coach, Bill Belichick, will pay his half-million dollar fine, and the team will pay their $250,000. They can afford it. The Patriots will have a great season, Barry Bonds will continue to hit home runs on the juice, and NBA officials will continue to bet on games.

But until integrity makes a comeback, I'm spending less time with the Sports section.

Who does a Greek council officer work for?

This one might get me in trouble with some of my Greek Advisor friends, but I think there are way too many Greek council presidents who do a better job of serving their advisors than their members.

I think it's terrific when a council president and his university-paid advisor get along well. I think it's fantastic when a mutually-beneficial working relationship exists between council leaders and the university's student affairs staff. But, at the end of the day, it's important to remember that your role as an elected student officer is to serve the members who pay the dues, and sometimes that means doing a gut check.

What do your member organizations want from the university? Is the university doing enough to support the growth and success of your organizations? Are your members feeling empowered in their relationship with the university?

Do you spend all of your time as council president implementing the demands of the university? If so, who is serving your members?

If asking these questions sometimes means that tension exists between you and the university as you seek to hammer out contentious issues, then so be it. If it means you have to sit in front of your Greek Advisor and say, "I have a problem with this," that's OK.

Your Greek Advisor is very clear about whom he or she works for. Your advisor knows that his or her job is to represent the university's interests while maintaining productive relationships with the students involved. It's similar for you. Your job is to represent your members' interests while maintaining a productive relationship with the university. Those two missions sometimes blend, but sometimes they clash. That's the reality.

The job of an elected council president is not to make the Greek Advisor's job easier. I frequently find council presidents who think their duty is to take the wishes of the Greek advisor and pass them down the chain of command to chapter presidents and general members. It needs to work the other way as well.

When is the last time you hosted a small focus group of regular members to see what they would like you to pass up the chain of command? You were elected to represent the people paying the dues. How good of a job are you doing?

September 11

"Today, we gather to be reassured that God hears the lamenting and bitter weeping of Mother America because so many of her children are no more. Let us now seek that assurance in prayer for the healing of our grief stricken hearts, for the souls and sacred memory of those who have been lost. Let us also pray for divine wisdom as our leaders consider the necessary actions for national security, wisdom of the grace of God that as we act, we not become the evil we deplore."

Rev. Nathan Baxter, Dean of Washington National Cathedral, 9/14/2001

Grief is a very natural emotion

Grief is the natural response to loss of any kind. Every year on American campuses, tens of thousands of students suffer losses ranging from the death of a family pet back home, the end of a romantic relationship, death of a loved one, the end of an addiction, or the failing of a friendship. Loss comes in many shapes and sizes, and we do a pretty lousy job of recognizing the tremendous impact that loss has on those around us in our campus communities.

I believe that many students who abuse alcohol and act out in other self-harming ways are often suffering from unresolved grief issues. I'm no psychologist (I'm just married to one), but it makes sense to me.

One of my favorite books on the subject of grief and loss is The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. It's cheap, easy to read, and remarkable. I frequently give it to friends who are suffering losses. The book introduces you to the idea of "grief recovery."

The concept is simple. Imagine that your parent has died. When the holidays come around, do they make you depressed and dysfunctional because you miss your parent so badly, or do you smile as the memories come back to you of the wonderful times you shared at the holidays with him or her? Moving from the first option to the more desirable second option is what grief recovery is about. It's about coming to terms with the loss, delivering important emotional messages, etc.

The book and the subject of grief is on my mind because today would have been my dad's 64th birthday. He died almost 10 years ago from lung cancer (he was a firefighter). I miss him very much, and it makes me sad that he died so young. But, I also feel happy when I think about fun times with him. This book got me to that place.

If you've suffered loss in your life, or if you have a friend or student who has, recommend the book. It also has suggestions for organizing a small group to deal with grief and loss issues. It should be on your bookshelf.

Fixing Scholarship in a Greek Chapter

I spoke at Cal State Chico this week, and I gave them the following strategy for improving chapter GPA. One student liked it so much, he told me that I needed to share it on my blog. So here goes.

Step One: Get your most recent grade report. Sort members by GPA, from highest to lowest. Draw lines dividing your list into equal thirds.

Step Two: Set the minimum expectation for holding a leadership position at the GPA that divides the middle and bottom thirds. No one with a bottom third GPA should have leadership responsibilities (or social privileges in many cases). Their priority should be getting their grades up. That's it. That's their job until they get out of the bottom third.

Step Three: Suspend anyone below your minimum grade standard. If you don't have a minimum GPA to be an active in your chapter, you should. Check your bylaws or check your national standards. If anyone is below it, bye. Probationary suspension. If you get the GPA up this semester, you can stay. If not, you're a sucky student, and you shouldn't be in a fraternity or sorority.

Step Four: Publicly congratulate all the brothers or sisters in the top third. Take an ad out in the paper and list them as your academic all-stars. Give them the best parking spots. Take them into your arms and tearfully thank them for not being idiots.

Step Five: Appoint a scholarship chairperson from the list of names in the middle third. Offer that person free dues for next semester if he/she can get the cumulative GPA of the middle third up at least two-tenths of a point.

Step Six: Focus all of your scholarship strategy on the middle third. Your chapter GPA will be most dramatically affected by focusing your laser-like attention on the men or women in the middle. When they spend more time focusing on their studies, the effect trickles down to the lower third. Get the guy with a 2.7 up to a 2.9. Much more productive than trying to save the guy with a 1.3.

Step Seven: Never, never, never initiate someone until they have at least one semester of college GPA, and never, never, never initiate a new member whose GPA would place them in the bottom third. The more you focus on recruiting in academically successful students, the more likely your chapter will be at the top of the Greek rankings in a year or two. If you can't enter in at least the middle third, you can't enter at all. It's called having standards, folks!

Step Eight: Reduce the amount of time that your new members are spending on chapter obligations. If you want them to bond, have them study together. If your new member GPA is consistently lower than your chapter GPA, it's a sign that you're demanding too much from your new members. It's that simple.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I make it sound simple. It's not always easy. But you have two choices: sit around and wish for better grades, or kick some serious accountability into place. These steps work for those who don't like to sit around wishing.

Shout Out: Cal State Chico

Just returning from Chico, CA, and a terrific night of speaking to Greek leaders there. Their community has been through a lot of change in the last several years, and they are trying to emerge from all the drama in a positive way. Like one leader told me last night, "I feel like the Greek community is something completely different than what I joined three years ago. Good or bad, it's left us pretty confused about what the hell we're doing."

Change is always hard, whether you perceive it as forced upon you, or well overdue. Last night, I spent time with the IFC, Panhellenic, and MGC leaders of the Chico State Greek community urging them to stop playing defense and to start playing offense. Instead of having change dictated to them, it's time for them to start setting standards and exceeding the expectations of their university community. Only when they decide that they are going to push for positive change will the university stand beside them instead of behind them, pushing. I also encouraged them to start building a bank of allies on campus who will help them move in the positive direction -- a board of directors, if you will.

So, SHOUT OUT to the Greek leaders at Chico. I was impressed by their honesty and willingness to share. Unlike many Greeks who have been through immense change, they weren't whiny. They are unsure about how to be the leaders who tip things toward the positive. But, I heard a lot of good things from them, and the start of a new school year is a great time to make things happen.