A Powerful Lesson

Mark Sterner is not a guy you would immediately peg as one of the busiest college speakers in the country. He never set out to be a speaker, and given the choice to roll back time and change his history, he'd probably rather be selling insurance like his brother.

But, that's not the way his history unfolded. He ended up with a tragic story that has taken him to more than 1,200 colleges, universities and high schools since I first met him in 1999.

Several years ago, Mark was getting ready to graduate college. It was his senior year, and like many kids from blue-collar circumstances, he was about to become the first person in his family to graduate college. It was a time of celebration. Graduation was in sight. Mark and four of his fraternity brothers made plans to spend their Spring Break in Sanibel Island, Florida, where one of their parents had a condo.

Sanibel Island wasn't much of a Spring Break location, so each night they'd pile into the Lincoln Town Car they had rented and they would drive to the nearest bar, looking for a little fun. Each night, they'd designate a sober driver, and for the first five nights, the system worked fine.

Their Spring Break was fairly typical – maybe even a little dull compared to those of their friends who had gone to Daytona or Panama City Beach. They drank too much in the evenings, and they got sunburned from falling asleep in the sun during the days. Personal video cameras were the new, cool thing at the time, and the men taped their exploits – from shots on the condo patio to lame dancing at half-empty bars. They were all incredibly bad dancers, and the alcohol didn't help.

This story plays out every year for thousands of young college students. They safely return to the final weeks of college, their livers recovering, with memories that will last a lifetime. That's not how the story ended for Mark and his brothers.

The final night of Spring Break, no one wanted to be the designated driver a second time. It was the final night, after all, and they wanted it to be memorable. Unwisely, they decided that the least drunk among them would take the wheel on the way home. That person was Mark.

After taping their exploits in a local bar, they headed home along the dark, two-lane Florida roads that led back to their condo. The alcohol and the young male bravado took over. Mark drove too fast, eager to see what the Town Car could do.

The next thing Mark remembers is waking up in a hospital, several days later. His body was badly damaged. Three of his fraternity brothers were dead. Police waited outside his hospital room to charge him with three counts of felony manslaughter. Instead of being the first in his family to graduate college, he would be the first in his family to go to prison.

Mark's story is the ultimate example of how one bad decision can alter the entire course of a person's life. Now a felon, Mark found himself grieving his friends, coping with guilt, and pondering his destroyed life from the sterile surroundings of a minimum security prison in Florida.

For many of us, we hear Mark's story and realize that it could have happened as easily to us. But for the grace of God...

Approximately 45 nights each semester, Mark gets up in front of audiences nationwide and shares his story. I've watched from the back of the room at least a dozen times. He shows video the men took during their trip. He shows pictures of the mangled Town Car and pictures of the brothers he lost. He doesn't preach, he doesn't give motivational messages like many who have picked up the shattered pieces of their lives. He simply tells students that they need to stay vigilant and consistently make good decisions. It's a simple, straightforward message. This happened to me, and there's no reason it couldn't happen to you if you aren't smart.

Each year, we get the most passionate emails and letters from students who have been touched by Mark's story. They talk about friends they have lost to impaired driving. They tell Mark that later that year they had a night where they thought about getting behind the wheel impaired, remembered his program, and made a better decision.

It's been a long, weird journey for Mark. Frankly, I don't know how he manages to get up each evening and share the worst experience of his life. I don't know how he deals with the occasional crazy who asks him how it felt to kill his friends. I don't know why he hasn't retired his suitcases and moved on to some other, more normal way of making a living. He certainly has other opportunities. It's not as if looking at the pictures of his dead friends every night is his only option. Most in his position would have done everything possible to distance themselves.

This coming week begins National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week (NCAAW). I thought of writing something about why you, as a student leader, should still care about promoting awareness and prevention of alcohol abuse. The tragedies caused by alcohol and poor judgment are real.

Instead, I decided to celebrate Mark. After a decade, he's still our busiest speaker, and probably the one on our roster I admire the most. The number of lives he's saved is countless.

He will be busy this NCAAW speaking to audiences in Texas, D.C., Alabama, Pennsylvania, and New York. Like Mark, we need to stay vigilant in helping young people understand the power of good personal choices. History need not repeat itself.

Creating dialogue about slurs on campus

BITCH! NIGGER! FAGGOT!

If you were walking around the Rollins College (FL) campus in early November, you would have seen words like these on flyers and on the front page of the student newspaper (above). If seeing the slurs caused the hairs on the back of your neck to rise – well, that's the point, said Mahjabeen Rafiuddin, the college's new Director of Multicultural Affairs.

The community at Rollins had experienced some incidents involving slurs and cultural insensitivity early in the semester. Additionally, Rafiuddin had noticed many women casually using the word "bitch," referring to other women. She decided that it was time to open a dialogue on campus about slurs, their impact, and their varying levels of offensiveness.

On November 11, the Office of Multicultural Affairs hosted a campus program called "Diversity Dialogue" to give students the opportunity to discuss the impact of slurs in their community. To publicize the program, the OMA and its student leaders created flyers picturing pop culture celebrities who have used slurs.

It definitely got the campus' attention.

"I have a passion for creating dialogue about these controversial issues," Rafiuddin told me. "I wanted to see if we could have a civilized conversation about a very controversial issue."

Papering a relatively conservative, mostly-white private college campus with incindiery slurs was welcomed by some who felt the conversation was overdue. Others questioned Rafiuddin's professional judgment and accused her of trying to provoke in order to boost attendance at her event.

"Our campus is about creating global citizens and leaders," she said. "I wanted to ask the question: Do responsible student leaders use slurs to demean or subjugate others? Is this what global citizens do?"

Still, it felt like a bold move for a professional who had been on campus less than six months.

Knowing that the promotional tactic might ruffle some feathers, Rafiuddin sent an email to the college faculty before the promotional flyers appeared. In the email, she let them know the program's purpose with a very "academic" description of the program's goals and desired outcomes.

Still, some on campus were unhappy when the emails (with attachments of the flyers) appeared in their campus email boxes. One staff member wrote a very angry email to Rafiuddin. This person said that any email which might cause discomfort when opened in an office setting shouldn't be sent. The writer chided Rafiuddin for her "lapse in judgment."

Given the opportunity to do it again, Rafiuddin said she would do it. While it jarred some members of the community, it brought home the importance of the discussion.

"It's hard to have an honest conversation about slurs and be politically correct," Rafiuddin said. "As a campus, we needed to talk about how slurs are commonly used, how context matters, and why it's such a big deal," Rafiuddin said.

If you'd like to learn more about Rollins College's "Diversity Dialogues," please email Mahjabeen Rafiuddin at MRAFIUDDIN@Rollins.edu.

I know four one-legged men

That's right, four.

Ron, Chad, Dan, and Seamus. I honestly don't know what happened to the legs of Dan, Ron and Seamus. Chad had a cancer of some sort which claimed his as an adult.

All four of these one-legged dudes rock. Chad runs marathons. Ron was recently the president of a national higher ed organization. Dan just moved to L.A. to pursue his dream of being a screenwriter. Seamus is a student and a fraternity man at a school in New Jersey.

Seamus recently came to a program I did at his school. I had met him before. He had just come from an intramural soccer game or something, and he was sweaty and stinky. "Do you mind if I take this damn thing off?" he asked, tossing his prosthesis to the floor.

"No, go for it," I said.

"I didn't want to freak you out," he said.

"Don't worry. I know a lot of one-legged men."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes, but I only know one Seamus." He liked that.

I don't know any one-legged women.

I know a guy with no legs – Matt. He's a speaker with another agency. Pretty remarkable guy. He does several programs (read about them here), but I think it's especially cool that he does a program called "Dating for the Physically Challenged." Dating pretty much sucks no matter who you are, and I'm sure it's no picnic for a guy with no legs. But, I'm thinking Matt does pretty well. He's cool.

Chad does programs for my company. Read about him here. He does an orientation program called "Getting Off on the Right Foot, Even If You Don't Have One," which makes me laugh. Chad is married, has two beautiful kids, appeared on the show Survivor, and is a spokesman of some sort for the Challenged Athletes Foundation. Oh yeah, and he's hot. Totally hot. Having one leg hasn't slowed him down even a tiny bit.

Sitting here, I'm trying to remember which leg is missing for each guy. I can't remember. For Seamus, it's the left for sure. For Chad, I think it's the right. Hmm...

Chad has this totally awesome artificial sports leg that is very high tech, and he has these amazing athletic shoes that fit right over the foot of it. Pretty fashionable, too. I think that other one-legged guys must be pretty jealous of Chad's cool leg. Chad doesn't mind when I stare at his cool leg because he thinks it's pretty cool, too.

I've always had a crush on Dan. Pretty much everyone who's ever met Dan has a crush on him. He's charming, sweet, and handsome as hell. I even think his occasional slight limp makes him sexier. Chicks dig Dan, big time. Too bad, though. Dan bats left.

So does Ron.

I know two one-legged gay men. That's fun.

Chad and Seamus love the ladies.

As far as I know, none of these men lost their leg in combat. But, there will be a lot of one-legged men on campuses soon. I heard yesterday that more than 30,000 men and women serving us in Iraq and Afganistan have been injured. We're going to be seeing a lot of folks living with disabilities – young people – very soon on our streets, in our grocery stores, and even on the dating circuit.

Pretty soon, knowing four one-legged men won't be remarkable at all.

That would have been a good paragraph to end on. End with a moral to the story. But, I just wanted to write about one-legged men today.

I know four, did I mention?

Urban Myth: Sorority houses prohibited because of brothel laws

It's one of the most persistent and annoying campus urban myths. "We can't have sorority houses in our town because they passed a law that says that no more than (insert number) unrelated women can live in the same house because it would be considered a brothel."

I hear this story at least once a month, stated as an absolute truth. It's usually the accepted justification for the absence of sorority houses in a particular campus community. The number of women in these prohibited situations vary from telling to telling, but "six" seems to be the most common magic number.

People who study urban myths say that this is one of the most persistent, and they've identified at least 100 campuses where it is fully accepted as the truth.

It's bullshit. I don't care who told you, it's not true. There is no such law in any municipality in the country. Read here if you don't believe me.

Some places have laws preventing a large number of unrelated people (male or female) from sharing a single family home, but it's never targeted at one gender. There are anti-brothel laws in some places in America, but in every case, the designation is based on proven activity occurring on the property, not based on how many unrelated people live there.

So, if there are fraternity houses in your community, there is absolutely no way women could be prohibited from an equal housing situation.

In 1998, a group of Tulane students actually spent a semester searching through every law ever passed in Louisiana and New Orleans to find the supposed law, and they couldn't find it. Next time someone states this as a fact on your campus, bet them $100.

Then, take your winnings and go buy yourself a hooker.

The world's most frightening high ropes course

I have found the world's most frightening high ropes course. It's located at the Zephyr Baptist Encampment in Sandia, TX. I was there for a leadership retreat with students from Texas A&M Corpus Christi last weekend.

What? You thought I was there for a Baptist Choir convention? Not so much.

It's not that the course is the highest I've ever seen. It's not that it's dangerous or rickety. It's not that it dangles precipitously over cliffs or ocean rocks.

There were dozens of enormous VULTURES sitting on it. Talk about intimidating! This was just too priceless not to capture on film. How much fun would it be to be nervously inching across a narrow beam four stories up and have a vulture staring at you?

Thanks to the students from TAMU-CC and to their advisor Kimberly Duncan for a great day!

Dancing to the "Catholic Version"

Something you might not know about the speaking business – many of us have to have a "Catholic version" of our programs. I was thinking about this today because the archbishop of San Antonio is raising hell about Hillary Clinton's scheduled appearance at St. Mary's University in San Antonio.

St. Mary's is a Catholic school. Jose Gomez, the archbishop, is unhappy about Clinton because of some of her stances – defending a woman's right to choose, gay rights, and more. So, Gomez is throwing some political weight around.

If you are going to speak at a Catholic school, you have to walk a fine line. The students and the professionals who work at these schools are desperate for educational and awareness-raising programs on vital topics surrounding health, sexuality, and diversity. But, they have to be careful not to piss off the higher-ups.

The Church, and therefore the college's high-level administrators, don't want you validating contraception, abortion, homosexuality, transgender, or premarital sex. They know full well that many of their students are directly struggling with these issues, but they aren't going to pay for an outsider to come in and say or do anything that contradicts the Church's teachings.

It's a tremendously difficult job for those student affairs professionals who are dancing a line of their own – keeping their bosses satisfied while trying to provide potentially life-saving information to their students. The stress it can cause a well-intentioned staff is off the charts.

However, take my word for it... it's difficult to give a decent HIV prevention program without talking about sex, homosexuality, or other behaviors outside the list of Catholic-endorsed activities.

Let me give you an example of what I mean by "doing the Catholic version." I couldn't say something like, "When you have sex, you should always use protection." At a public institution, a sentence like that would be taken as common sense and wouldn't register an ounce of controversy. At a Catholic school, it could cause big problems. I would have to say something like, "I know that some of you have friends who are making decisions to have sex before marriage, so I think it's important for you to know a few things so that you can give them the best advice relative to the decisions they make." I could briefly mention a condom as a less preferable option to abstinence, if I did it carefully. But, I damn well better not actually bring one out of my pocket as an illustration.

The students knew I was doing "the Catholic version." They would literally snicker at me as I did the verbal dancing. Sometimes, I felt like such a sellout. As a speaker, you do the Catholic version, dance as close to the line as you dare, and hope the students corner you after the program and ask about the stuff they really want to know.

Different schools had different levels of intensity. There is the Catholic school who recently called our offices and announced to us that they wouldn't hire a speaker if he was gay. It so happened that the speaker they were asking about was straight, but it still made me very, very angry. Then there was the school where a nun walked up to me after a program and chastised me for not talking more graphically about blow jobs. "They're doing the blow jobs," she told me. "You really need to talk more honestly about the blow jobs."

The blow jobs. True story, I swear. That nun was the Dean of Students, and I'm quite sure, a linebacker for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

For those of us who speak, it can be an ethical struggle. On one hand, the necessity of having a "Catholic version" makes me angry. Coming from a family that abandoned the Catholic Church (on both sides) more than a generation ago, it can feel kind of personal. My ego rants, "I can't escape the oppression!" But then, a voice inside my head calms me down. These students need good information – and sometimes, our "Catholic version" is the most honest presentation they are going to receive. Why should I, as a speaker, penalize students because I don't like or agree with the Pope?

In the years I was doing HIV prevention education, I visited dozens of Catholic schools. I did some good work at schools like Canisius, the University of Dayton, St. Mary's, the University of Dallas, St. Leo, Loyola Marymount, Tulane, and more. The emails I got from students there were some of the most touching I ever received.

In fairness – the Catholics had some messed up guidelines, but at least they were trying, and they gave me the chance to dance the line. I never once got invited to the likes of Baylor, Brigham Young, or Liberty University. The Baptists and the Mormons wouldn't let me within 50 miles of their campuses. No dancing with the Baptists.

So, it looks like Hillary is going to have to find her "Catholic version" and do some dancing in San Antonio. I wish her luck. Perhaps the dance comes more easily to a politician than it does to a hot-headed educator like me.

Another interesting fraternity t-shirt choice

I think I could do nothing but entries about entertaining fraternity t-shirts, and I'd have material every day for this blog. Here's one I saw at Mount Union College in Ohio this weekend.

Seems the SAE's were promoting their theme of "True Gentlemen" as part of their recruitment efforts. So another fraternity thought it would be funny to make fun of them with their recruitment t-shirts.

I asked Jesse, the very friendly kid wearing this shirt, whether men and women on campus got the joke. He said he didn't know. I asked him if the shirt was popular with his brothers, and he said yes, because it made fun of the other fraternity. While they were trying to mock the SAEs, my bet is that they ended up helping them.

I find this stuff endlessly entertaining. This was the first time I could remember a fraternity making fun of a positive message put out by a different fraternity. Nothing inherently wrong or shocking here, just interesting.

I had a wonderful visit to Mount Union, by the way. Thanks to all the great students and advisors I met there, especially Kate Carnel, the greek advisor, who is doing some really wonderful things there in the frigid tundra of Northeastern Ohio.

Lessons about motivation from Obama's Iowa victory

Last night in Iowa, record numbers showed up to participate in one of our country's most unique democratic rituals. Democrats and Republicans blew away previous participation records at the Iowa caucuses by nearly 50-percent.

In the case of the Democrats, they decisively chose Barack Obama. While Huckabee's win on the Republican side is probably attributable to the turnout of evangelical Christians, the credit for Obama's Iowa victory is due to an unheard-of number of "young voters under 30" who showed up in overwhelming numbers. For many, it was the first time they've ever participated.

So, are there lessons about motivating young people in Obama's victory? Definitely. I think we'll be seeing more stories about this in the coming weeks. Three critical things pushed Iowa's younger voters (many college students) to rally: the appeal of change, a competitive field, and peer excitement.

Young people, in general, like change. They embrace ever-changing technology, they live in a different place every year, they change their loyalties and their peer groups much faster than their parents. To us old folks, your young lives seem chaotic and tumultuous, but the change seems normal to you. Change is fun and cool. Stability is boring and unappealing. The chance to propel a Black or female candidate into a viable candidacy has been motivating Iowa's young people for quite a while.

Most of the pundits are saying that Obama better positioned himself as the Democrat candidate representing change, and that likely appealed to younger voters who are drawn to an opportunity to shake things up. Although her gender probably played to her advantage with younger voters early on, Hillary Clinton didn't do a good job of playing herself as the change candidate, and that probably hurt her with young voters. On the Republican side, the appeal of "change" has been playing out in the remarkable fundraising totals of candidate Ron Paul.

Second... Students love a competition, and by all measures, this year's Democratic and Republican primaries have been one hell of a contest. Front-runner status changes constantly. Absolutely no one knew who was going to win on the Democratic side two days ago.

Competition energizes college students -- we see that constantly with competitive charity fund-raisers on college campuses. The fact that no one knew who would win definitely got students jazzed. Every student probably felt that his or her attendance could make a difference, and they were probably grabbing their friends and pulling them along to the caucuses. Had someone been leading in either party by 10-15 percentage points in the polls, you would not have seen the same young voter turnout.

Third, there was a lot of excitement on college campuses throughout Iowa surrounding the caucuses this year. It's all they've been hearing about for a year or more. If their peers had been apathetic about the contests, then many students would have been less interested, and turnout would have been disappointing. But, when your peers are constantly talking about the contests and there is massive peer pressure and excitement to get out and participate, momentum builds. You want to be where your friends are. It was literally UNCOOL not to get out and have your voice be heard last night.

We will only see this phenomenon in Iowa this year -- the intensity is just not the same in other primary competitions. Iowa gave us one hell of a case study in college student motivation and the lessons are these...

Students like something new and different that represents a change of mindset or norm. Students enjoy something competitive, where their effort has a discernible impact on the outcome. And, students take their cue from the excitement of their peer group. Give them something new and different, make it exciting with an uncertain outcome, and get the buzz going hard.

Do those things, and you can make amazing things happen. Just ask Barack Obama.

Happy Christmas Week

Don't worry. I've already called Child Protective Services on my friend Chad Ellsworth from the University of Minnesota and reported this abuse of his son, Joey.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas week.

Something Oprah said...

Oprah Winfrey was busy this weekend stumping for Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina. You can watch her entire speech here.

She said something about "apathy" in her speech that naturally caught my ear. Speaking about her past ambivalence about politicians and elections, she admitted that she had become apathetic about politics, and she said:

"Apathy is the attitude that disappointment is normal."

I thought that was a great quote. Give it some thought, as I have, and I think you'll see that's it a pretty insightful statement. How easily we choose not to care rather than face the continuous disappointment we feel when change won't come, when the status quo leaves us dissatisfied, when our low expectations are regularly met.

"Apathy is the attitude that disappointment is normal."

Good quote. Thanks, Oprah.

Alcohol: Just another ploy by the white man!

It's National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week, and alcohol is on my mind. So, I thought I'd share this amusing story I found on the CNN website about the origins of New York City. Seems our nation's largest city might not even exist if the "white man" hadn't been handing out drinks.

In 1609, the Dutch sent English explorer Henry Hudson westward for a third attempt at finding the fabled Northeast Passage. A near mutiny forced him southward, and upon reaching land, he encountered members of the Delaware Indian tribe.

To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief, who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred to the island as Manahachtanienk -- literally, "The High Island."

And not "high" as in "tall;" high as in "the place where we got drunk." That island is what's now known as Manhattan.

Nerd Auction at Washington State

Members of Washington State University's Computer Club took a class in public relations this summer, and they sought advice. How can they score some dates, get some notice on campus, and maybe do a little good? Well, they've decided to partner with a sorority for a "Nerd Auction."

Here's how it will work. Sorority women will get a day to makeover their nerd: clothes, haircut, waxing, new eyewear, whatever. Then, at a dinner that evening, they will "sell the nerd off" to the highest bidder. "He can help the woman with her homework, fix her computer, or maybe even go on a date," said one club member.

One thing for sure, they learned plenty in their PR class. The group's leaders were all over CNN this morning. The club plans to use the funds generated in the auction to help fund scholarships to recruit more women to computer science.

And if a couple of nerds find love, that's just icing on the cake. As the CNN anchor said in the closing of the live interview, "We'll see if love is in the air or if we end up with just a lot of virus-free computers at the sororities."

In any case, kudos to the Cougar Computer Club at Washington State!

Asshole of the Week: Columbia President Lee Bollinger

Honestly, it's quite an accomplishment when you act like a bigger asshole than the visiting radical leader of a nation that sponsors terrorism. Columbia University invited Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak Monday. The visit was met (rightfully) by a lot of angry protest. Ahmadinejad has questioned the Holocaust, threatened the existence of Israel, etc.. He's not an admirable guy, and defending him is difficult. He deserved the cool reception he received, no question.

But, when you invite someone to talk – however repulsive you find him – you have a responsibility to honor the spirit of an invitation and allow free speech to happen. No one forced Columbia to invite Ahmadinejad (in fact most everyone wonders why the university issued the invitation). Give the Iranian leader enough rope, history has shown, and he will hang himself in the court of world opinion. Even if we find a world leader's point of view repugnant, it advances the mission of an American university to provide a forum for discussion and criticism.

However, Columbia University President Lee Bollinger saw a chance to raise his national profile. Bollinger stood up to do the introduction, and attacked his university's guest, calling him cowardly, illiterate and ignorant. Even if all of these are true, the proper thing to do would have been to stand up and explain why the university issued the invitation.

Ahmadinejad was clearly shocked by Bollinger's introduction and began his comments by calling Bollinger "discourteous." Score one point for Ahmadinejad. I'm not a fan, but he was right, Bollinger acted like an asshole (and a media whore, by the way).

If I was a member of the Columbia University community, I'd be asking how Bollinger harmed the intellectual mission of the university for his own gain. If I was an Iranian, I'd be wondering how Americans can talk so self-righteously about freedom of speech. And, if I was Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I'd be sending Bollinger a thank you note for doing something absolutely no one on the plantet has been able to do: make the Iranian leader a sympathetic figure, even if only for a few hours.

Student tasered at Kerry speech

Watching CNN this morning, and they are showing video of a young man who was acting rudely at a speech by Sen. John Kerry at the University of Florida. The guy refused to yield the microphone, was berating the senator with accusations, and was generally being a jerk. Campus police tried to pull him away, and he fought back, so they tasered him. On the video, you hear him screaming and begging them not to taser him.

This leads me to a very important question.

"Why can't I get this kind of service when I speak on campuses?"

Have a nice Tuesday.

When Patriots cheat...

They did it last year in Green Bay, got caught, and got a warning. They did it again this past week (week 1 of the NFL season) in a game against the Jets, and this time, the results were different. The New England Patriots were caught again videotaping the opposing team's defensive coaches while they relayed signals. Thursday the NFL handed down fines and other penalties.

I could write for an hour about what a shame it is that the NFL has become just another professional sports league that demonstrates shameful behavior at its highest levels. But, for the purposes of this blog, what I want to acknowledge is that this is another incident that demonstrates to students that cheating is not only rampant, but increasingly, an expected part of achieving at the highest levels.

I remember clearly when President Clinton suggested that oral sex wasn't really sex, it dramatically influenced an entire generation of young people to believe that oral sex wasn't a big deal. It taught me never to underestimate the influence of bad behavior in the popular culture.

A 2002 study showed that 3 out of 4 high school students admitted to cheating on an exam. According to an ABC News report, many college students think that college is about learning "how to work the system," rather than absorbing the actual content of their academic classes, and that cheating here and there is part of the deal. The engineer justifies cheating on an English test, for example, because she doesn't think it really matters.

This NFL incident will result in justifications such as, "Every team does this, they just got caught" and "You don't win Superbowls without a few tricks." New England's coach, Bill Belichick, will pay his half-million dollar fine, and the team will pay their $250,000. They can afford it. The Patriots will have a great season, Barry Bonds will continue to hit home runs on the juice, and NBA officials will continue to bet on games.

But until integrity makes a comeback, I'm spending less time with the Sports section.

Iowa students tie state's first same-sex knot

The window was a narrow one, but two University of Iowa undergrads played it perfectly and became the state's first legally married same-sex couple.

CNN has the story here.

Twenty same-sex couples were waiting at the Polk County courthouse doors Friday morning, waiting to apply for marriage licenses, following a court's order striking down the state's man/woman only marriage law. The judge put a stay on his own order late Friday morning, but not before Sean Fritz and Tim McQuillan got their license and were married by a local Unitarian minister.

Fritz said: "We're both in our undergrad programs and we thought maybe we'd put it off until applying for graduate school, but when this opportunity came up, we thought maybe we wouldn't get the opportunity again."

Amazing how social change frequently comes at the hands of students acting on issues that matter most to them personally.

"Fagbug" – Hate crime inspires student to activism

One day last April, Erin Davies woke up to find red spray paint on her VW Bug with the words "fag" and "u r gay" on her hood and driver side window. Despite immediate shock and embarassment, she quickly decided to embrace what happened and to keep driving her vandalized car to increase public awareness about homophobia and hatred that exists in our society.

Erin is now driving her "fagbug" on a cross country trip, taking it to different communities. She is also producing a fagbug documentary to shed light on the issues of intolerance.

I think it's a really cool story of student activism. If you have a chance, visit her website and give her a message of support. Maybe even invite her to your school. Courage deserves encouragement.