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One of my most valuable leadership lessons came from Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.). It was a humbling and humiliating lesson, but one I still carry with me.
In the Nineties, I made my living speaking about HIV/AIDS prevention with my good friend, Joel Goldman. By the mid-part of the decade, we were getting lots of attention. We were speaking at about 100 campuses a year, and we had gotten a fair amount of national and local press coverage. We were doing good work that many admired, and we were getting lots of validation for it. People all over the country were opening doors for us. We were winning awards and meeting lots of celebrities. Truthfully, we were getting pretty big heads about the whole thing.
A friend of Joel's was a staff member on Capitol Hill, and he offered to set up a bunch of meetings with Senators and Representatives for us. We jumped at the chance, because we both had strong interests in politics, and it was a chance to rub elbows with a bunch of cool names. I was particularly interested in meeting Rep. Pat Schroeder, the legendary Colorado Democrat.
We went to Capitol Hill and began our day of visiting famous lawmakers. Schroeder was awesome. I remember New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg being incredibly pleasant (probably because he knew Joel's dad). We were impressed with the offices, and people were very welcoming. Our meetings were short, but pleasant, and we were floating on air.
Then, we went to Barney Frank's office.
He's a busy guy – lots of aides running in and out. He's a work horse in a stable full of show horses. More than any other office we visited that day, we knew that lots of important activity was going on around us.
We were ushered into his private office, shook his hand, and we took seats on the other side of his desk. He's an intimidating presence –gruff, badly dressed, twitchy. I felt like we were meeting with Jim Henson's grouchiest Muppet.
We proceeded to tell him about our travels, what we were doing, and how little college students seemed to know about safer sex at the time. He listened politely. After we had been speaking to him for about three minutes, he said the words to me that I will never forget.
"Great, but what do you want?"
Joel and I quickly looked at each other. We didn't want anything. I stammered and answered that we were just there to share our story, to meet him, to let him know what we were learning as we traveled the college circuit. We thought that as an openly gay Congressman, he shared our interest in the issues surrounding HIV awareness.
He pretty much cut me off, thanked us for coming, and ended our visit. He wasn't mean, but he made it pretty clear that if we were not there asking for something, he didn't really have time for a social visit. We realized that he was bombarded all day long with people lobbying him, and we had claimed a 15-minute appointment time with absolutely no real purpose in mind. At least,no purpose that served his needs.
We definitely felt stupid for wasting his time, and needless to say, our big fat heads were deflated a little bit.
"Great, but what do you want?"
For a while, I was pissed. I thought he was a jerk. I told everyone I knew how rude he was to us. But of course, eventually I put it into perspective and extracted an important lesson.
Thanks to Mr. Frank of Massachusetts, I always make sure I go into every appointment with a few goals in mind. What information do I want to share? How can this person contribute to an outcome?
I don't just meet people so I can say I did. I treat every person I meet with as if he or she was a very important, busy person. I respect his or her time, and I make sure there's a reason for me being there. I don't just meet people to meet them.
As a student leader, you will probably get lots of face time with VIP's in your college community. When you get time with someone who is busy (your university president, a member of the Board of Trustees, a visiting VIP), you need to bring something to the table. Ask some relevant questions. Share some information. Let them know how they could contribute to a goal or need.
Before you go in there, have a few ideas in mind. Go in there with something.
Busy people aren't interested in killing time with you, particularly when their to-do list is 100 items long and growing longer. Even someone much friendlier than Barney Frank wants their time to be used respectfully.
If they invite you to visit, and they want to sit and chat about nothing in particular, that's a different thing.
You may never have the benefit of the direct, blunt lesson Representative Frank gave me. When you ask for a person's time, give him or her something – information, a need, a challenge – that makes that time worthwhile for them. Make that meeting count.
