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Creating dialogue about slurs on campus

BITCH! NIGGER! FAGGOT!

If you were walking around the Rollins College (FL) campus in early November, you would have seen words like these on flyers and on the front page of the student newspaper (above). If seeing the slurs caused the hairs on the back of your neck to rise – well, that's the point, said Mahjabeen Rafiuddin, the college's new Director of Multicultural Affairs.

The community at Rollins had experienced some incidents involving slurs and cultural insensitivity early in the semester. Additionally, Rafiuddin had noticed many women casually using the word "bitch," referring to other women. She decided that it was time to open a dialogue on campus about slurs, their impact, and their varying levels of offensiveness.

On November 11, the Office of Multicultural Affairs hosted a campus program called "Diversity Dialogue" to give students the opportunity to discuss the impact of slurs in their community. To publicize the program, the OMA and its student leaders created flyers picturing pop culture celebrities who have used slurs.

It definitely got the campus' attention.

"I have a passion for creating dialogue about these controversial issues," Rafiuddin told me. "I wanted to see if we could have a civilized conversation about a very controversial issue."

Papering a relatively conservative, mostly-white private college campus with incindiery slurs was welcomed by some who felt the conversation was overdue. Others questioned Rafiuddin's professional judgment and accused her of trying to provoke in order to boost attendance at her event.

"Our campus is about creating global citizens and leaders," she said. "I wanted to ask the question: Do responsible student leaders use slurs to demean or subjugate others? Is this what global citizens do?"

Still, it felt like a bold move for a professional who had been on campus less than six months.

Knowing that the promotional tactic might ruffle some feathers, Rafiuddin sent an email to the college faculty before the promotional flyers appeared. In the email, she let them know the program's purpose with a very "academic" description of the program's goals and desired outcomes.

Still, some on campus were unhappy when the emails (with attachments of the flyers) appeared in their campus email boxes. One staff member wrote a very angry email to Rafiuddin. This person said that any email which might cause discomfort when opened in an office setting shouldn't be sent. The writer chided Rafiuddin for her "lapse in judgment."

Given the opportunity to do it again, Rafiuddin said she would do it. While it jarred some members of the community, it brought home the importance of the discussion.

"It's hard to have an honest conversation about slurs and be politically correct," Rafiuddin said. "As a campus, we needed to talk about how slurs are commonly used, how context matters, and why it's such a big deal," Rafiuddin said.

If you'd like to learn more about Rollins College's "Diversity Dialogues," please email Mahjabeen Rafiuddin at MRAFIUDDIN@Rollins.edu.

What is your student government doing for students in financial crisis?

The economy, gas prices, and the dwindling availability of credit will put a big pinch on many students returning to campus this Fall. If you are involved in student government, one of your first topics in the Fall should be, "What are we doing for students in financial crisis?"

Many students – especially those who are non-traditional – struggle mightily with financial issues such as hunger, child care, transportation costs, and coping with the costs of higher education. Up until this year, many of these students would simply take out loans or credit cards to buy books or to cope with other financial demands, but now those resources are tightening or disappearing altogether. This Fall, there will be many more students who are under tremendous stress to pay for the things that make higher education possible.

The Associated Students of Oregon State University (ASOSU - their student government) has a number of committees that deal specifically with these issues, helping students in need. Their "Social Resources" committee operates several programs that deal with child care, hunger, and health care. If your student government does not have a committee specifically geared in this direction, now might be a good time to think about creating one. The need this year is going to earn some press, and this is a chance for you to be proactive.

Whether your student government has its own resources to help, or can get active to lobby for assistance from the university or another source, you will help to build greater appreciation and loyalty to your organization by putting it to work on these important issues. Serve your constituents. In times of need, there is no greater work your student government can do.

National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week, Oct. 19

Have you heard of National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week? It's always the third Sunday in October through the following Saturday. Started by the Inter-Association Task Force in 1983, the observance was meant to draw national attention to issues surrounding alcohol abuse in the college environment.

NCAAW is a great opportunity to do some programming that emphasizes not only the poor choices many studens make, but also the fact that most college students make HEALTHY choices about the use or non-use of alcohol. Don't just focus on the problems -- focu on the good things that many people are doing to keep their friends safe. Promote ideas like being the designated driver, for example.

NCAAW officially begins Oct. 19, 2008, but many schools choose an alternate week when it conflicts with Homecoming or other big observances. The BACCHUS Network offers a bunch of promotional items that can help you create some awareness on your campus.

New Recruitment Boot Camp website launched

We launched our new entirely-revamped website for Recruitment Boot Camp this week. I think it looks outstanding, and it's much easier to navigate and find the version of Recruitment Boot Camp that's right for your campus, chapter, or national organization. Check it out at www.RecruitorDie.com, and please encourage others to check it out.

Although we are no longer the only kids on the block offering a program on fraternity and sorority recruitment, I continue to believe that RBC is the most in-depth recruitment workshop out there. For those needing a significant cultural change, RBC is the right choice.

In any case, click HERE to check out the new site. Let us know what you think.

Thanks for getting up on a Saturday morning

I need to vent. For the last four weeks, I've spent my Saturdays in various corners of the U.S. at day long leadership conferences or retreats.

Inevitably, the hard working professionals (who have busted their asses preparing for these days of leadership training) welcome their students at 10 a.m. with the words, "Thanks for getting up on a Saturday morning. I really appreciate it. I know it's asking a lot."

No, it's not asking a lot. Not really.

We need to stop perpetuating a norm that we know is counterproductive. When did sleeping until noon become an inalienable right for college students? Why do we apologize to students for asking them to wake up at a reasonable time for an activity that is for THEIR benefit?

There are many victims in this world. An organization officer waking up at 9 a.m. is not one of them.

They sure aren't apologizing for staying up until 2 a.m. the night before. Just once, I'd love to hear a student say, "No, dear advisor, please accept my apology for showing up with bloodshot eyes and ratty hair to the leadership conference you've worked so hard planning all month. I really felt the need to get trashed last night, and I'm dragging ass this morning. I know that doesn't make you feel very appreciated. I'd like to thank you for giving up your Saturday for our benefit when I know you aren't paid anything extra for doing it."

Wouldn't that be nice?

If we were starting these conferences at 6:00 in the morning, then I'd understand the need to congratulate people on getting up, dressing nicely, and being awake and alert. That's early for anyone. But 10 a.m.? C'mon, people. If we're supposed to be preparing these young men and women for the real world, shouldn't convening for a 10 a.m. meeting be a reasonable expectation? Hey, I don't love early Saturday morning commitments, but when I have one, I take it easy the night before and make sure I'm awake and prepared the next morning. It's a mark of maturity that we need to start expecting from our students.

Do ministers apologize to their congregations for getting up on Sunday morning? Do professors apologize for their early morning classes? Does the foreman at the factory apologize to his workers and pass out donuts asking for forgiveness? No, no, and definitely, no.

Students don't apologize when they call us at 11 p.m. with a crisis, do they? They don't bat an eye to schedule one of their meetings at 9 p.m. when we want to be home, in bed, watching The Sarah Conner Chronicles (my favorite new show, by the way). So, why are we apologizing to them for asking them to be awake when Starbucks has been open for FIVE HOURS?

OK, rant over. But, I'm taking this Saturday off to sleep in.

Old dogs getting tired of the puppies?

Why do upperclassmen get bored and drift away from your organization?

Only underclassman providing leadership? Juniors and seniors who just don't come around? When they do show up, they seem bored and disconnected from your organization?

This isn't really a complicated problem, although it's the source of a lot of frustration for some student leaders. There's a simple explanation.

The organization suited their needs when they were freshmen and sophomores, but now their needs and interests have shifted, and your organization hasn't grown with them. Perhaps when they joined they were looking to make friends and find a way to get involved. Well now, two years later, they have a network of friends and they've grown bored with the available leadership positions. So, they are moving on to other things.

Fraternity example. Perhaps when your brother joined freshman year, he was looking for a place to party, meet girls, and hang out. Well now, two years later, he has a steady girlfriend, he's turned 21 and prefers to drink and hang out with friends in bars. When he's around the fraternity, he doesn't see it meeting any of his needs, so he checks out. All he sees is an organization full of immature guys obsessed with partying, and he doesn't really fit in anymore.

Worked then, doesn't work now. Bye bye.

Ask yourself this question: what does my organization offer to members who are in different stages of their college careers? Are we only offering benefits for a certain age or maturity group?

Your organization should have different activities that appeal to different types of members. Sure, your sorority might have socials, recruitment events, and Greek Week contests that appeal to the young members. But, it can also have weekend trips, alumni career networking events, and special dinners for older members. Family events with children will be attractive to alumnae in their family years. When you are planning all of your organization's activities over the course of the semester or year, you need to make sure that there are activities that appeal to different generations of members.

What is your residence life association doing for the seniors who don't like large, loud activities? Can your club sports organization have small gatherings that target smaller groups? What can your professional organization do to help juniors and seniors make graduate school connections and secure assistantships?

Bottom line: if you are only focused on events where you are expecting 100 percent attendance – from people of all ages and interests – you are going to have some motivation issues. I recommend you think of smaller, more "niche" programming, and help your disconnected members feel more catered to. Bring them together, ask them to brainstorm the type of events or activities that would appeal to them, find them the funding, get them integrally involved in the planning, and let them enjoy events that directly appeal to them.

Hey, we all love puppies. But every now and then, it's nice to hang with the old dogs.

Days you just don't program

One of my least enjoyable programs happened at Louisiana State University a few years ago. I was hired in to speak on a Monday night at 8 p.m. for a mandatory Interfraternity Conference educational session. All the men had to be there -- initiated members and pledges. Only problem: the New Orleans Saints were playing Monday Night Football, and opening kickoff was at 8.

The advisor wasn't a sports fan, and he didn't see the big deal. "The program's only an hour. It's not like they are going to miss the whole game," he said. Boy, did he miss the point. The men were so angry to be there, I could see them shooting daggers at me throughout the speech. I shortened the program, and when I ended it, they leapt out of their seats. They didn't even politely applaud. I did the very best I could, but I was set up to fail miserably.

I felt like Hillary at a Young Republicans meeting. It was ugly.

OK, so to help you avoid a similarly unfortunate situation, please check the following things before you plan a speaker or some other large event:

- Check your basketball schedule, particularly if you are at a school where people care about basketball. Or hockey, or women's lacrosse. Whatever sport your school cares about always takes precedent over all other events.

- Don't plan anything on Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Halloween, the night of the Academy Awards (Feb. 24, 2008, by the way), Superbowl Sunday (Feb. 3, 2008, by the way), or the NCAA March Madness Final Four or Final (March 21 and 23, 2008, by the way).

- Jewish holidays... people never plan anything on Easter or Christmas, but they'll damn well plan their leadership retreat over Yom Kippur. That's bad form. If you're not sure of Jewish holidays, just Google "2008 Jewish Holidays," then block those days off your calendar.

- Monday Night Football. Fraternities really like to sit around together, drink adult beverages, and burp while watching the game... any game. Plan your program so they have time to get back before it starts.

- The season finale of popular shows. I spoke once on the night of the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. The women and the gay men were pissed. First thing I said from the stage was, I hope somebody is recording Grey's or I'm going to kill myself! And, I put my hand on my hip while I said it. I managed to survive that program and even got some applause at the end. God forbid you speak at an engineering school on the night of the Heroes season finale. There could be violence.

There are probably more, but these are the big ones. Put these things in your programming calendar at the start of your term as an officer. A little time on a search engine and you can find out all of these "dates to avoid."

Saturday morning at La Verne

OK, so they told me to show up for a student leadership conference at the University of La Verne, dressed in a suit, at 7:45 a.m. on Saturday morning. It was a definite challenge to my normally positive attitude. I was cranky.

Friday had been a long, long, long day. I had meetings, I spoke, and then I spent about 8 hours trying to fly from Dallas to Ontario, CA. By the time my head hit the pillow at the Hampton Inn at 12:30 a.m., I was toast. Just the thought of having to get up at 6 a.m. and put on a suit was causing me dread. Doing it on five hours sleep, even worse.

So, when I pulled into the University of La Verne, I was prepared to be a bit sour. There was no way that students were going to be dressed up and in a good mood for a student leadership conference starting at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday.

Well, of course, I was totally wrong. I had a WONDERFUL experience at The University of La Verne. It's a school very few people have ever heard of, but please take my word for it when I tell you that they had some of the nicest, most enthusiastic student leaders I have ever met. No one made them come; they wanted to be there. I can't remember the last time I shook so many hands, or had so many nice compliments on my program.

I think they get some of that positive attitude from the top. The university president, Steve Morgan, was there (super nice). The entire student affairs staff was there, from the dean of students on down (all incredible, friendly). I did two keynotes, one at the start of the day, and one at the end, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. It's one of the best campus visits I've had in years. I think if they had offered me a job, I would have been house shopping by dinnertime.

So, shout out to La Verne! You now have a new fan club president. I expected your students to be cranky and sour about having to be up so early on a Saturday, but you proved me incorrect! I appreciate you challenging my negative expectation! Congrats also to Greek Advisor Chip West who is doing fabulous work there.

Virginia Tech: 6 months later

Last night, I spoke to Greeks at Virginia Tech. It was a pretty standard program, and the students were awesome (as always). But, a few moments I spent after the program were what I'll remember. Yesterday was the six month anniversary of the shootings at Virginia Tech that claimed 32 lives and the life of a student gunman.

I spoke in Burruss Hall, which is right next to Norris Hall, where 30 of the killings occurred. In front of Burruss Hall, on the Drill Field, is a temporary memorial to the victims. At the place where a makeshift memorial grew after the incident, the university has constructed a very nice temporary memorial. 32 pieces of "Hokie Stone" are arranged in a semi-circle, each with the name of a victim. There are also 32 bushes. It's quite simple, but very touching. (The photo above is the architect's rendering, which will give you an idea.)

Last night, there were dozens of students sitting at the dimly-lit memorial. Candles were burning in front of each stone. Letters, flowers and other mementos had been left by grieving friends and family members. One letter that touched me especially was a letter from a young woman to her friend, a victim named Leslie. In the letter, she said, "Do you remember your last run? I ran that route today, the first time since that day, and it felt really good." Wow.

There were several people crying, seated in front of the stones, heads down in prayer or reflection. Lots of arms around shoulders. It was quiet – you could literally feel the weight that this university community is bearing.

In six months, I'm sure that the media trucks will be out in full force. On April 16, you'll be able to tune into CNN and see speeches and other tributes. But last night, the media was nowhere to be found, and I was thankful for the opportunity to share a small, quiet moment with this suffering community.

The university held an event earlier in the day called "Engage." I don't know much about the event, but I was told that students were being asked to commit to 10 hours of service to the university and/or Blacksburg community as a tribute to the victims.

I saw a sign on the way home after my visit. It said, "The Hokie spirit will never die." I know it's the truth.

What did you do for hazing prevention week?

Did your campus or Greek community do some cool stuff for National Hazing Prevention Week? Tracy Maxwell, Executive Director of the newly formed "HazingPrevention.Org" organization needs to hear about it! She is collecting campus success stories to help inspire and motivate campuses who have yet to do a hazing prevention week.

You can email her at maxwell@hazingprevention.org, to let her know anything your chapter, campus, council, or organization did to help advance the cause of hazing prevention.

This summer, CAMPUSPEAK spun off its hazing prevention activities into this new non-profit, which Tracy is heading up. CAMPUSPEAK founded National Hazing Prevention Week and the accompanying symposium several years ago in partnership with a variety of higher education groups, including the Association of Fraternity Advisors, the NCAA, and many others. Tracy did most of the work on this fabulous project, and this summer, she left the staff of CAMPUSPEAK to launch the new non-profit.

The new organization will have numerous advantages in fundraising as a non-profit (which wasn't possible when CAMPUSPEAK -- a for profit company -- was calling the shots). HazingPrevention.Org will be the sponsor of future NHPW's and will sponsor the National Hazing Symposium. Tracy will certainly be planning other exciting projects as time goes on.

CAMPUSPEAK will continue to produce hazing prevention materials, provide hazing prevention speakers, and provide the "Crossing the Line" hazing prevention workshop to campuses looking to address the issue. CAMPUSPEAK will also be a primary sponsor of the new organization for a long time to come.

Send Tracy those success stories and help get this new venture off the ground!

Here's to you, Drunk Girl!

Dave Matthews, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, T.J. Sullivan. What do these entertainment giants have in common? People come drunk to our shows. Seriously.

I had a wonderful visit to the University of Missouri at Rolla last night. The audience was like 95-percent men (just like the population of the school, I think), which makes for a rowdy show. They were a really terrific audience and I had a great time. Some of my Pi Kapp boys are pictured.

And there, in the front row, was drunk girl. God bless her. Really. She was my warm up act – shaking her ass for the entire audience in a too-snug dress. She spun around, stumbled, drunk off her ass, sang, shaking her arms and other gifts, while 600 fraternity men shouted encouragement.

"Wow. She's a bit of an attention getter, isn't she?" I asked one of my fraternity brothers. "You should see her at a hot tub party," he said with the raise of an eyebrow.

I thought I might have a little conversation with her, and that maybe she'd take a seat and chill out. I was afraid we were mere moments from a full-on lap dance. Instead she ground up against me, commanded me to dance, and told me I was old.

So, here's to you, Drunk Girl! Your pole awaits! And on behalf of your future therapist's children, thanks for the house, the Christmas presents, the new cars, the family trips to Disney, and the generous inheritance.

Dateline NBC: "To Catch a Campus Speaker..."

When NBC's news division isn't humiliating child molesters for ratings, they occasionally do something that can be enlightening and educational. Monday September 3rd (Labor Day) at 10:00 PM EST, Dateline NBC is doing an hour on safety issues (pick-pocketing, vacation safety, children staying home alone, date-rape drugs, sexual assault). It's a good episode to tell your fellow students about (particularly women). TiVo it if you're partying hard on the holiday weekend.

Two of our CAMPUSPEAK speakers played a role in one of the segments. Kelly Addington and Rebecca Tieder assisted with the segment on date rape prevention, and they are pretty excited about how it came out. You can read more about Kelly and Becca and their Unite for Change Campaign at the CAMPUSPEAK site.

As far as we know, Kelly and Becca didn't try to lure a 14-year-old boy into a sexual encounter, so we're hoping this will give them a positive awareness boost. Let anyone you know who's interested in the sexual assault prevention issue about this Dateline NBC episode.

Have a great weekend, Everyone!

National Hazing Prevention Week is one month away!

What is your campus or Greek community doing to combat the harms of hazing? September 24-29, 2007, is the third annual National Hazing Prevention Week, and if your campus isn't planning to do something, there's still time to pull something together.

Thanks to the work of many amazing organizations, we have been able to turn national attention to the issue of hazing prevention. Students are still dying every year from this stupid and illegal practice.

Tons of resources and ideas are available at the NHPW website. There are posters, buttons, parent brochures, and more. It's easy to generate a little awareness and discussion about this important issue on your campus. Click here for resources.

This is a great opportunity for athletes, Greeks, student organization leaders, faculty and staff at your campus to come together in a meaningful way to promote an important student health and safety issue.

Phi Delt, and the shirt...

Had a great visit to Phi Delta Theta's Emerging Leaders Institute. Great audience, great volunteers, great staff. Plus, it was in Oxford OH, and that's one seriously beautiful campus.

After the program, I'm talking to everyone, thanking them for having me in. This one Phi Delt alum says to me, "Loved the program, but I really hate that shirt you're wearing." I glanced down at my department store button-down.

"I kind of like it," I said. "I wear a lot of blue, and the stripes are a bit slimming."

"Yeah, until you turn sideways," he said as he laughed.

He was just giving me crap, but I had to gulp before I could smile! Oh well, the glorious life of a speaker, right? You never know what people are going to say to you.

But, Phi Delt: thanks for the invite. It was a great show. And, I'm throwing my shirt away.