Here's to you, Drunk Girl!

Dave Matthews, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, T.J. Sullivan. What do these entertainment giants have in common? People come drunk to our shows. Seriously.

I had a wonderful visit to the University of Missouri at Rolla last night. The audience was like 95-percent men (just like the population of the school, I think), which makes for a rowdy show. They were a really terrific audience and I had a great time. Some of my Pi Kapp boys are pictured.

And there, in the front row, was drunk girl. God bless her. Really. She was my warm up act – shaking her ass for the entire audience in a too-snug dress. She spun around, stumbled, drunk off her ass, sang, shaking her arms and other gifts, while 600 fraternity men shouted encouragement.

"Wow. She's a bit of an attention getter, isn't she?" I asked one of my fraternity brothers. "You should see her at a hot tub party," he said with the raise of an eyebrow.

I thought I might have a little conversation with her, and that maybe she'd take a seat and chill out. I was afraid we were mere moments from a full-on lap dance. Instead she ground up against me, commanded me to dance, and told me I was old.

So, here's to you, Drunk Girl! Your pole awaits! And on behalf of your future therapist's children, thanks for the house, the Christmas presents, the new cars, the family trips to Disney, and the generous inheritance.