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Grief is the natural response to loss of any kind. Every year on American campuses, tens of thousands of students suffer losses ranging from the death of a family pet back home, the end of a romantic relationship, death of a loved one, the end of an addiction, or the failing of a friendship. Loss comes in many shapes and sizes, and we do a pretty lousy job of recognizing the tremendous impact that loss has on those around us in our campus communities.
I believe that many students who abuse alcohol and act out in other self-harming ways are often suffering from unresolved grief issues. I'm no psychologist (I'm just married to one), but it makes sense to me.
One of my favorite books on the subject of grief and loss is The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. It's cheap, easy to read, and remarkable. I frequently give it to friends who are suffering losses. The book introduces you to the idea of "grief recovery."
The concept is simple. Imagine that your parent has died. When the holidays come around, do they make you depressed and dysfunctional because you miss your parent so badly, or do you smile as the memories come back to you of the wonderful times you shared at the holidays with him or her? Moving from the first option to the more desirable second option is what grief recovery is about. It's about coming to terms with the loss, delivering important emotional messages, etc.
The book and the subject of grief is on my mind because today would have been my dad's 64th birthday. He died almost 10 years ago from lung cancer (he was a firefighter). I miss him very much, and it makes me sad that he died so young. But, I also feel happy when I think about fun times with him. This book got me to that place.
If you've suffered loss in your life, or if you have a friend or student who has, recommend the book. It also has suggestions for organizing a small group to deal with grief and loss issues. It should be on your bookshelf.
