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As a student leader, you are looking for every opportunity to have meaningful and productive communications: with an advisor, another leader, a community member, a potential date, whatever. If you want to improve the level of productivity that comes from your conversations with others, incorporate the Four Elements of a Successful Conversation.
This is basic sales training stuff. I don't take any credit for it. But, it might help you.
Element One: Small Talk
This is the chit-chat, the bonding between you and someone else. In this country, we typically like to begin our interactions with some of this. Warm people up a bit with quick, non-threatening questions. "Is your son still playing football?" or "Anything fun going on for you this weekend?" A moment or two invested in offering a compliment, commenting on a shared experience, or making a quick funny comment can get the other person in the right place for a great interaction. Warning: don't get too personal or probing. Don't be a weirdo stalker.
Element Two: Emotion and Insight
This is sharing how you feel or think about the situation you are discussing. Instead of saying, "We need to have a meeting about this project" (which sounds bossy and demanding, anyway), you will have a better communication saying, "I was thinking about this project, and I would feel so much more confident if we could take a half hour to brainstorm some goals." Sharing your feelings (emotion) and analysis (insight) demonstrates your commitment to a successful communication. Of course, this invites the other person to share his or her emotions and insights, and you'll need to listen to these and incorporate them.
Element Three: Exchange of Information
This is the factual content. Boil it down, make it clear. Put the product, so to speak, in a clear light. Give the other person the information he or she needs, and frame it in a way that will be meaningful to him or her. You're trying to get someone to a confident place so they can make a choice. Deadlines, resources, meeting places, situations affecting the outcomes, numbers, insider information, personalities, whatever. Things that kill you here: being wishy washy, not having your information correct, having no ideas, waiting for the other person to supply all the information.
Element Four: Decision and Movement
How did this conversation move the situation forward? Seek agreement on something, even if it's only to discuss it again at a later time. Even if you get shot down or get an answer you don't like, the situation has moved forward. Make a decision, agree to a course of action, or persuade the other person to a point of view. Your counterpart will always feel better about those minutes with you if something is more "resolved" than it was when you came in. If your conversation creates more work, confusion, stress or problems for the other person, that's a problem. Offer help to find resolution. Don't be the jerk who throws fuel on the fire then slips away.
Practice getting all four elements into your conversations. Whether you are meeting with your advisor about a challenge, recruiting someone to join, or trying to persuade someone to go on a date with you, these four "elements" are critical.
1. "Wasn't that football game amazing last week?"
2. "Ever since you and I talked in the nacho line, you've been on my mind. I had a lot of fun talking to you. You made me laugh."
3. "A bunch of my friends are taking out Jim for his birthday Sunday night around 9 o'clock, and it should be a really fun group of people. I think Jennifer is coming, too."
4. "Do you want to come along? If it's boring, we can cut out early..."
There, I just got you a date for Sunday night.
