When you're pissed

How do you act when you are upset? Are you stoic? Put on a happy face and fake your way through it? Do you scream and yell? Kick dogs and small children? Say nasty things to people just to hurt them? Smash things? Go online and leave nasty comments on blogs? (You know who you are.) Shop, drink, exercise really intensely? Listen to a certain song on your iPod while you mentally picture yourself doing heinous things with a chain saw?

Knowing how you typically respond to anger is very important for the effective, self-aware leader. The more you recognize your own behavior patterns, the better you can direct them, cope with them, or warn others how to help you get past them.

You're going to get pissed off sometimes. Happens to the best of us. The difference between a good leader and a bad one is the manner in which they deal with the negative stuff. No one is particularly effective when they're pissed, but some people are better than others at keeping it to themselves until they can successfully deal with it.

I'm writing about this today, because I'm not very good at managing my anger sometimes.

When I'm pissed? I stew. I give short, clipped answers to questions. I avoid eye contact (that's the big one for me...). I'm like a pressure cooker... it just builds up until I finally vent. The bad part is that the more I let the pressure build up, the more likely it is that my venting will come out in a very stupid way. Most typically, I say something insensitive that I later regret.

Take today... I've had a rough week, and tonight I yelled at my dog and made a particularly snippy and unkind comment to my son. About 15 seconds later, I felt like a total ass. I had let my anger get the best of me. Poor Dewey (that's him, above) ran away and hid in his kennel, while my son just decided to ignore me and went downstairs to watch TV.

I found these suggestions on a Hindu website that I like to visit. When angry you can: think it out, talk it out, write it out, let it out, channel it out, chill out, or work it out. Good stuff. Figure out what works for you. Or, if your common coping mechanism isn't working so well, try a different one.

So, I'm writing this to you tonight, dear reader. Writing it out. Because I yelled at my dog and it didn't help at all.

If you find that you damage relationships, your reputation, or become dysfunctional for long periods of time whenever you get pissed, it's a sign that you might need a little help. You need to find a better way to manage the anger.

I'm off to find a dog treat now. I think I can get Dewey to like me again before bedtime. My son might be harder...