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I was at a professional conference recently, and I heard two women talking to each other as they were passing our CAMPUSPEAK exhibit booth. "Oh, I guess she's a CAMPUSPEAK person now," one said in a snippy, critical tone. I know one of the women pretty well, so I stopped them, and I asked whom they were talking about.
Naturally, they hemmed and hawed, embarrassed that I had overheard them. I had caught them being catty. "Her," they finally said, motioning toward the woman standing about 20 feet away, back turned to us. "She thinks she's all that," they said about one of my facilitators. They said a couple of other things about her that aren't worth repeating here, but suffice to say the additional comments were about personal physical traits they didn't like.
I suppose I could have launched into a huge, passionate confrontation in defense of my facilitator. In my opinion, the woman they were talking about is ALL THAT and a one-pound bag of M&M's. But, it wasn't the time or place to prove a point, so I used humor to deflect the situation. "Y'all need to be nice. You're just jealous because she and I are sleeping together," I scolded. That got a good laugh. They chuckled, and moved on.
But, as the weeks have passed, the brief encounter has left a nasty taste in my mouth. I have to admit that the incident really lowered my opinion of the two women involved. Weeks later, that small incident sticks with me.
It's shocking that these women were walking around bashing other professionals like they were in a scene from Mean Girls. These are women who are charged with advising student leaders on their campuses.
I tell this story on the blog today, because I want the student readers of this blog to know a couple of things: (1) your advisors make many of the same mistakes you do, and (2) criticizing others, particularly in a gossipy way, cheapens you.
Most of us have done it. We think we're in a safe place with friends, or we're getting lippy after a few beers, and we start getting liberal with our criticisms. Lord knows, I've had a couple of Jack & Cokes and made a couple of uncharitable comments about a haircut or two, particularly when I'm hanging with "the girls." We say nasty things about others – even in the context of joking – to make ourselves seem cooler or funnier.
What you don't realize is that the criticism and nasty comments stick in people's heads. They might chuckle at the moment it's said. They might even seem to agree with you, but days and weeks later, their opinion of you is diminished.
In the fraternity and sorority world, we call it "dirty rushing" – talking badly about another group to try to make yours look better by comparison. You learn pretty quickly that it almost always backfires and makes you and your group look like schmucks. The same holds true in just about any other context. If you are slamming others to build yourself up, it speaks volumes to your own lack of self esteem and dignity.
