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I've been self-identified as a gay man since I was 16 years old, so I often breeze right past National Coming Out Day. For me, it's like a chapter from an ancient history book. But sitting here, late this afternoon, I remembered that today is National Coming Out Day, and I wanted to share two things.
First, if you or a friend are struggling with how to come out to family and friends, the Human Rights Campaign offers a great personal guide that might help you. Find it here.
Second, below is a letter that Judy Shepard wrote last year (2006). I edited out a paragraph that dealt with the Mark Foley scandal from last year. In any case, the letter might be inspiring to some of you.
Take a moment this week to reflect on the importance of building communities and organizations where everyone feels safe and valued, and think about the small things you can do to help create understanding wherever you live. People like me tend to forget what a huge step it still is for young men and women who are coming to terms with their sexual orientation. Those of us who have been fortunate to arrive at a good place need to guard against complacency. There is still more good work to be done.
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Eight years ago this week, I lost my son, Matthew, to a hate crime.
The violence, ignorance and misunderstanding that led to his death are the exact reasons that National Coming Out Day, which is celebrated each year on Oct. 11, is so important.
For the last eight years, I have traveled the nation continuously telling my family's story, and trying to encourage honest, respectful dialogue on gay issues. On the topic of coming out, and living openly, there are a few things that I always try to impress upon people.
First, let's be clear -- being gay or straight is no more a choice than being right- or left-handed. It is simply a matter of how each of us is born.
Anyone who has ever witnessed loved ones coming out -- struggling to find the words to say, wondering if they will be rejected by their most cherished friends or family simply for being who they are -- knows that even in 2006 America, being open and honest about being gay is still difficult, and at times all-too-dangerous.
Coming out and being open is an act of bravery and honesty. That's something that any mother, friend or family member can and should be proud of.
It is hard enough in this world for gay people to come out, and be open about who they are. It becomes even more difficult and daunting during times when gay people are publicly slandered for political gain, which is what the ultra-right has tried to do time and again during election years.
The bottom line is that families are more whole, friendships are more substantial and nations are stronger when we are all able to stand together in spite of our differences and because of our similarities.
Please, whether you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight, take some time today to talk to some of the people in your life about why openness, fairness, respect and compassion are important to you.
In fact, if you are having trouble starting that important conversation luckily the Human Rights Campaign has partnered with Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) to release a new resource: "A Straight Guide to GLBT Americans." The guide walks straight people through the typical emotional responses people go through when a friend or family member has just come out, outlines myths and facts about GLBT Americans, and highlights ways that they can show support for equality. You can get your hands on this valuable new tool by going to: www.hrc.org or www.pflag.org.
Coming Out Day isn't just about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. It is about all Americans who want to create a more just and fair country for future generations.
Judy Shepard
Executive Director
Matthew Shepard Foundation
Oct. 11, 2006
