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I'm closing in on 20 years in the profession of Greek Life and student affairs. It's funny for me to think about how it all could have gone a different direction if not for a single thank you note.
Flashback to 1987. I was a founding father of Pi Kappa Phi at Indiana University. We were founded on a non-hazing philosophy, and my job that chartering year had been to build a hazing-free member education program.
Everyone at IU hazed back then, so my completely non-hazing program was mocked by other fraternities, and even my fellow IFC officers. Some of my brothers loved my progressive anti-hazing approach, but most were unsure about it. There was heated discussion that summer about how I had gone too far the other direction. Maybe we needed to "make them earn it a bit more." I was devastated.
I had a real crisis, internally. I seriously considered dropping out of my fraternity. I felt let-down, unappreciated, and disappointed that the brothers of the chapter said they believed in a non-hazing philosophy but then were so eager to fold and go the other direction.
Then, a thank you note arrived from Rob Walter, one of the new initiates who had taken part in my new member program. Rob had been one of my bigger headaches -- a sweet guy, but sort of dopey. Today, we would call him a "risk management nightmare."
In his handwritten note, Rob thanked me for taking a chance, for proving that a fraternity could bring in new members without hazing and humiliation. He thanked me for showing him a different way to achieve brotherhood, and he promised to do everything he could to make sure Pi Kapp at Indiana always remained a non-hazing chapter.
The note profoundly affected me. I remember sitting in my mother's basement teary-eyed, because that one note gave me some hope. Rob would have been gladly hazed by another fraternity. But, he found his way to Pi Kapp, and it gave him something better. We had respected him as a young man, and in doing so, we created a fantastic brother.
When I read his note, I resolved to go back to my fraternity in the Fall and keep up the fight. To my knowledge, my chapter is still non-hazing, and I'm pretty proud of that.
I still have that damn note, by the way. If he hadn't taken time to write it, I'm convinced I would be writing for a newspaper right now, and "fraternity" would be something I did in college for a year.
The last time I saw him at an alumni event, I thanked Rob for the note and told him what a profound effect it had on my life and career. Of course, he didn't remember writing the note. Typical Rob. But, he said 20 years later, he's pretty proud of our chapter's non-hazing history, too.
I told Rob that the company I founded had helped to create a National Hazing Prevention Week. I told him that he should feel a little bit responsible for that, and that made him smile.
The point of this posting is this: never underestimate how a simple thank you note can affect someone. In this age of email and Facebook, we seem to have completely forgotten how a cheap card and a First-class stamp can be really, really meaningful to someone who is having a hard time staying strong.
I encourage my staff members to write lots of notes: to customers, to our vendors, to our speakers, etc. I think handwritten notes have become very special, so we send lots of them. This year, buy some cheap stationery, a book of stamps, and resolve to send an occasional note to those people in your life who impact you.
Who knows the impact a single note might have?
