When a student leader gets sick

Many of the student leaders who get the most attention are the ones who are indispensable to the daily operations of their organizations. This young man or woman is integral to every decision, every process, every event. No one can imagine how the organization would succeed if that student disappeared.

Then, that young man or woman gets sick. Everyone looks around wondering what the hell to do. Who's going to run the meeting? How do we get hold of our advisor? Who's going to fill in? Who's going to run the fundraising or service event four days from now?

Dynamic, charismatic leaders are a blessing and a curse. When they are motivating everyone, getting things done, and providing a steady guiding hand, we happily hand over the fate of our organizations. They are a curse because they don't often share their knowledge or control, so when they have a crisis of some sort, the well-being of the group is put in jeopardy.

Does your organization know how to run without its leader? Could it do it very suddenly if your key leader got sick?

There is a strong possibility that the flu (swine and other) is going to be the big health story in the next six months. Many campuses will be hit hard. With the possibility of such a significant health issue sidelining many people on your campus, now is a good time to make sure you have contingency plans. This is not a good year to have a lone individual running your organization, important events or bank accounts.

Use this as an excuse to make sure that people are sharing responsibilities and working together. Have a Plan B for every event. Make sure your committees are sharing the work and not depending on one person to get the job done.

Reduce the drama before confronting

There is someone in your group (or group of friends) who needs a confrontation. They've done something to harm you, themselves of your group. You've decided that you're going to "have the talk," and you're starting to figure out the when and how.

It's important that you reduce the drama. A few tips:

Stop the electronic communication. Fiery emails, or six-page messages that pour out gobs of emotion are just going to make things worse. Move everything to the realm of face-to-face. Sometimes your "radio silence" will let people know that you're serious about dealing with the situation. Encourage others to cease the messages also. More drama is not what you need at this critical time.

Isolate the behavior. Write down the facts. What happened? Narrow the scope of your confrontation to the behaviors that were harmful. You're unlikely to change someone's style or personality, so don't try. Target the one specific thing that happened.

Talk to another friend about it. Look for that person you trust who will help you process the situation. Are you over-reacting? Are there other incidents you haven't heard about? Vocalizing your feelings and motivations for a confrontation to a caring friend FIRST can really help build your confidence. You might even do a role play, having the other person pretend to be the person you plan to confront.

Check your level of anger. Are you having trouble sleeping because your mind is racing? Are you distracted and pissed off about the situation? If so, you might be the wrong person to do the confrontation, and you might need to consider approaching another friend or member to do the confrontation. Anger and unchecked emotion will not help you achieve your goals.

Let things settle down. I'm a big fan of letting a day or two pass to let things calm down. It's amazing how a day or two of perspective can affect the situation's intensity. If fear and emotion are detriments, give them a day or two to evaporate a bit.

It is important to confront negative behavior, but there is no rule that says you have to do it within 24 hours. Confrontation mixed with drama almost never leads to change. Calming the situation down before constructively confronting someone is almost always the best way to go.

Schedule some time with the new kids

My sons start back to school on Monday. My oldest is starting a new high school, and he's going in as a 10th grader. Many of the kids already know each other, and he's a little nervous about being accepted as the new guy. My youngest is going into first grade, and the only thing he's worried about is getting lost in the school. "What if I go to the bathroom and can't find my way back to my class?" he asked.

I reassure them and try to get them excited, but I know that nothing will replace a few days, a few conversations with new friends, and a few successful trips to the bathroom and back.

The new students at your college are going through the same things. They are excited, but completely uncertain if they are doing things right. So much is new. After the chaos of the first week or two, they begin to find some routines and build some confidence. Even so, the questions and the uncertainty can be overwhelming. Once the fun of orientation, sorority recruitment, or the first football games passes, a feeling lingers. Am I doing this right?

A new student looks around as the college community assumes its usual rhythm. Some fall into that rhythm fairly well. Others struggle.

One of the most important things you can do for these new folks is to seek them out a few weeks into their first semester and spend some quality time with them. Take a visible interest. Invite them along on something. See how their classes are coming, and help them deal with the ones that are kicking their butts. Ask if they are missing home or missing someone they left back home. Transitions are stressful, and people don't often realize exactly how it's affecting them until some of the madness of the first weeks has died down.

I'm taking my boys on a camping trip this weekend. We're just going to chill out, hike a bit. We'll probably have some stories around a campfire. What do you think of the new kids? How are your teachers? What still worries you? I want to give them a chance to process the first week and get their minds confidently on what lies beyond it.

For your new students, the first two week are about getting started. The third and fourth are about finding the rhythm and the routine. By the end of September, the weather starts to change, and it becomes a matter of confidence and performance. In my experience, these weeks are the ones where they need the most support.

Part of being a leader is recognizing when your people need you. An investment of your caring and listening will help you keep these young, overwhelmed members engaged. If you play it right, you can lock folks into some meaningful roles during this time, give them something to latch onto, and position yourself as a thoughtful, caring mentor.

The president's discretionary fund

When you're the leader of a student organization, there are often multiple tiny expenses that come up. Sometimes when you're paying for that $3.50 cup of coffee while meeting with the student newspaper reporter, you start wondering why your organization isn't paying for the coffee. If the purpose of the meeting is "business," then why isn't the business (your organization) picking up the tab? Surely the benefit to the organization is a lot more than $3.50.

As a business owner, I have a budget line item called "business development." It's essentially the money I use for those tiny expenses that just come up. This might include lunch with a staff member who is struggling, a birthday card or cake for a valued customer, or some prize I purchase for a game at the weekly staff meeting.

If you find that you're spending a bunch of your own money (or more than you wish you were), you have three options. The first option is to stop spending the money. Stop meeting with people over lunch and coffee, and just sit – for free – somewhere and talk. Second option is to simply continue spending your own money. For student leaders who have the extra cash, this is the easiest option.

Option three is to approach your members and/or the executive board of your group, and ask if it would be appropriate to have a small "president's discretionary fund." Let them know that you can get a lot more done for the organization if you have the ability to be reimbursed for a few dollars here or there.

Groups that have no tradition of this tend to get worried that you're going to be buying yourself a bunch of perks. Usually the best way to approach this subject is to spend a month collecting your miscellaneous receipts, making note on each receipt about the nature of the expense. Then sit with your fellow officers and show them how much of your own money you've been spending in order to do your position effectively.

If they see the value in the dollars you've spent, and if the total amount isn't some crazy amount, then they are more likely to be open to the idea.

If your group goes for this idea, I advise that you keep the amount you request very small. Set a monthly limit (any amount is more than you're getting now, right?), and set it up so that you have to submit receipts with descriptions and get reimbursed. Transparency is the key to getting people to trust this idea. If your group has an advisor, be sure that person is in on the decision as well. You don't want your advisor's eyebrows going up suspiciously.

Then, of course, make sure you're only using this new ability in an ethical way. This is not meant to be your entertainment fund. Gas to drive out to visit your advisor? That's kosher. Buying a pitcher of beer for friends in a different student organization? Probably not appropriate. Make sure that you're being a vigilant steward of your organization's funds, keep the reimbursements as low as possible, and establish a positive tool for the next person in your position.

What kind of guy joins a fraternity?

I thought I knew who joined fraternities. Good-looking, confident guys who knew exactly where they fit in the food chain on campus. Big drinkers, hard partiers, popular with women. Rowdy young men who played high school sports, yelled a lot, and painted their bodies for football games. Guys with expendable cash whose fathers would give them jobs when, and if, they graduated.

I was none of these things, so I had no interest in being anywhere near them.

Then, I met...

John, a guy who was dating his high school sweetheart (and would later marry her and have four kids) who wanted to have fun without feeling awkward about planning to marry the first girl he'd ever been with. Rudy, a member of the exiled royal family of Sri Lanka, who cared a lot about fitting in somewhere in spite of his wealth. Mike, a skinny, hysterical, effeminate guy from the inner city who had grown up without a dad and who could do the best Michael Jackson imitation I have ever seen.

I met Tom, an amazing artist, who dressed funny, smoked smelly cigarettes, wrote poetry, and who almost made me like classical music. There was Darrell, a kid who looked like he just climbed down off a tractor who could crack me up with one farmer's grin. Brian was from a big family and needed a certain level of chaos around him to feel safe. Aaron, the first Jewish person I ever befriended, who helped me pull a C- in Calculus that I completely didn't deserve.

There was Rick, the identical twin, who was getting his first chance to make a name for himself as an individual and not as part of a pair, because his brother went to a different school. Eric, a young man who made me walk with him to the bookstore, who bought my books for me, and who told me I could pay him back when my loan money came in.

I think about Christian, a big bear who came from a family of teachers, and who dreamed of being a football coach. Jason who sat in the lounge and cried the night a Democrat won the governor's seat because he thought it was the worst thing that had ever happened. John, his best friend and roommate, who ran to his room, put on a campaign t-shirt for the Democrat, then returned to the lounge to ask Jason why he was crying.

Brett called everyone "buddy." Mike who surprised no one five years later when he became a priest. Rob, whose parents were in the middle of a really, really ugly divorce. Dan had been abused drugs and alcohol in high school, had gotten clean, and needed a place where his friends would call him on any questionable behavior.

In the last two decades, I've met fraternity brothers from my chapter and others of every shape, background, skin color and background. I've met Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Socialists. I've met guys with disabilities and guys who were natural, remarkable athletes. Brothers who talked very little and ones that wouldn't shut up. Chunky fellas with bad hair and acne, and others who were hot like movie stars. I've had brothers who did things they weren't proud of, and others who brought tears to my eyes with their amazing acts of generosity. I've met guys who drank too much, guys who didn't drink at all, and guys who always made sure you had a sober ride home. Religious boys who loved Jesus, and gay boys who loved Madonna. And yes, guys who painted their bodies for football games.

The only thing I can tell you about the men who join fraternities – the only thing that they've all universally had in common – was their openness to being part of a family. Because, that's what a fraternity is. It's a family. A place where you argue, and have fun together, and get mad at each other, kill time together, and enable each other's best and worst impulses. A place where a guy you don't like that much is still your brother, and you find a way to make it work.

We've done a poor job of telling people about this. We let the images of buffoonery become the reality that people have about fraternities. It's not houses with letters on them, it's not party t-shirts, it's not pranks, or paddles, or any of that other bullshit.

Fraternity is a situation where a guy who doesn't fit in very well, who doesn't look the part, who doesn't get along with his dad, or who worries a lot can feel comfortable. It's this space where you feel valued, and cared about, and safe during a time of your life when absolutely everything feels uncertain.

If you've experienced brotherhood like that, then you understand it. If you don't, it's never too late. And, if you're thinking about it, you'd be a fool not to jump at it.


Photo: November 1987, a few days before I became an initiated brother of Pi Kappa Phi. That's me in the center.

One email is not an adequate effort

The following is a reworked post from 2008. It's been one of the most frequently downloaded, so I thought I'd run it again. Enjoy. - TJS


"I sent him an email and never heard back."

I didn't respond immediately, and my intern just waited. I had asked her why there had been no progress on a simple project I had given her – lock down a contract for a hotel meeting.

I looked at her, and with my most sincere and patient voice, I asked her, "Well, did you try calling him?"

"No, I guess I'll do that." Roll of the eyes. "People are so stupid sometimes."

It's amazing how many student leaders think that issuing one email is the sum of the effort they can be expected to put forth when it comes to communication. They send one email, and then throw their hands in the air. "I tried!"

There are lots of reasons why sending out one email (or heaven forbid, one text message) is not a sufficient effort. Many people ignore emails, or check them infrequently. Some people read an email, and forget to act on it. If you hit someone with an email at a busy time, they will barely notice it.

Then, there are people like me who receive 250 emails a day and have a hard time acting on each one. Some people like email, and some don't. Some prefer other methods of communication, and when it's you that has the need, you better be prepared to try several.

I experience this phenomenon on a regular basis with our customers. I have one customer who refuses to answer a phone call, but I can text a message, and she immediately replies. I have another who simply will not reply to an email, but if I take a piece of paper and write "PLEASE CALL ME! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR 2 MINUTES!" and fax it to her, I'll hear from her within 10 minutes.

I have one customer who is only reachable via Yahoo Instant Messenger. I never used it, but you can bet I downloaded it because I knew it was the best way to reach her.

Now, I could piss and moan about it, but that wouldn't achieve my goal of speaking to her about business on an occasional basis. I haven't made desktop instant messaging my dominant method of communication, but she and I communicate regularly because I know how to best reach her when I need her.

It's about finding out how your people communicate, and getting the messages to them. You need to have multiple approaches until you find what works. Some people respond better to a phone call or voice mail. Some seem to only reply to text messages. Others need a face-to-face communication, with an email reminder. Great communicators know that getting the word out requires more than one method.

A day later, my intern returned. " He didn't return my message. We're screwed," she said.

"OK, then," I replied. "Please check into the cost of hiring a single engine plane to fly over the hotel pulling a banner message. I think one or two passes should do it, but see if the pilot has some sort of minimum."

She just looked at me.

"Or you could just drive over to the hotel and ask for him at the front desk."

Imagine you want to have a committee meeting with short notice. You must reach out to people in multiple ways in order to get them there. Sending one email, then whining when you're sitting at the table alone is not a sign of unmotivated people. It's a sign that you need to work on your communication skills. It's a sign that you need to try a little harder.

Two emails, two text messages, three face-to-face requests, three handwritten notes, 10 phone calls, six carrier pigeons, and one singing telegram. Then, we'll talk.

In the meantime, get me the number of that airplane pilot.

Sleeping with your brother, part two

When two brothers, sisters, or same-gender members enter into a romantic relationship of any sort within the context of their organization, I believe it is the organization's obligation to treat them fairly. These relationships are going to happen – it's to be expected. Though it might make some other members uncomfortable, those two members have the same right as anyone else to enter into a positive, consenting relationship.

It really only becomes a problem when those two people start making the dynamics of their personal relationship everyone else's problem (see part one). With that said, it's time now to speak directly to the individuals involved in the relationship. For purposes of simplicity, I'm going to write this to two hypothetical fraternity men from the same chapter. I trust you can extrapolate to other similar situations.

Dear Brothers Sleeping Together,

Are you sure you can handle this? There's no such thing as a casual relationship in the context of an established group. This is going to be the most complicated relationship you've ever been a part of. The "difficulty rating" is high, and if this thing is going to turn out well, you are both going to have to be smart about it.

Here's some advice...

Be Understanding. Think how long it's taken you to come to a place where you're comfortable with your sexuality... now be sensitive to the fact that this might be the very first time many of your brothers have been anywhere near a gay relationship. Give them some time to adjust. They have fears and concerns, and that doesn't mean they are necessarily homophobic. If you expect everyone to embrace your relationship immediately, you're delusional. Some brothers will support and encourage you, some will be quietly uncertain, and some will visibly dislike the idea. You deserve to be treated respectfully, but your brothers don't owe you an endorsement. Don't ask for it. Seek validation from each other, not from your brothers.

Set a positive example. You didn't enter into this thing intending to give a big group lesson on gay relationships, but you have to understand that you've brought this issue into the family context of your fraternity. People are going to want to talk about it, in front of you and behind your back. You have to be OK with that. How you two behave will have a big impact on how brothers view future gay relationships they encounter. When others see that your relationship is no different from theirs, you make it better for the brothers who find themselves in this situation next year, or the year after. Perhaps this little bit of extra pressure is a good thing, because it gives you the additional motivation to approach your relationship carefully and respectfully.

Be in it for each other. In a relationship, you need to focus on the other person. That's where your attention should be. Enjoy each other. Spend time together. All the fun stuff about being with someone new will be better when it's shared privately. Get away from the watching eyes of your brothers as much as you can, not because you have to, but because you want the time to focus on each other. I would give this same advice to heterosexuals, by the way. Too many brothers enjoy putting their romance on display for their brothers, which cheapens their relationship in my opinion.

Be discreet. You don't need to live out every little drama in front of everyone. Your relationship isn't an official chapter function, so don't treat it like one. That includes what you post on social networking sites. If you feel compelled to change your relationship status on Facebook, that's one thing, but I don't recommend you putting "Jason rocked my world all night last night" on your status update. You don't need to lie about your relationship, but it doesn't need to be an embarrassing reality show either. Discretion is a dying art, and believe me, a little bit in this situation will go a long way. By the same token...

Demand privacy. If you're being discreet and private, you have a fair expectation that your relationship is not an agenda item at this week's chapter meeting. If brothers are acting inappropriately by making jokes or making your relationship chapter business, you should confront that. You should remind them that your relationship is a private matter and that if they have concerns, they should speak with you directly in a private setting. If you're being harassed at any point, stand up for yourself and demand that the leaders of your chapter step in to stop the foolishness.

Get on the same page. What are the rules going to be? Are you going to the formal together at some point? Who's sleeping where? Talk about these things now. If you're putting your fraternity brother roommate in an awkward situation, that's not a good idea. It would also be very smart to discuss an "exit strategy" if things don't end up well. Can you both agree to return to the status of just brothers in a respectful way if things don't work out? This isn't just some guy you're dating – the last thing you want is a bunch of bitterness tarnishing the remainder of your college fraternity experience.

Respect some barriers. If you serve in a leadership position in your chapter, you need to do your job and not let this relationship affect your duties. If your feelings for your partner affect your ability to be a good, contributing brother, you're going to have problems. Imagine you were at a job... would you be acting all lovey-dovey in the office? Probably not. Same goes for fraternity. When you're in a fraternal context, be a brother. When you're in the context of your relationship, be a boyfriend. If you're smart, you'll know the difference.

Here's my final word. Sometimes, we don't treat each other very nicely when relationships get tough. We cheat. We say unkind things. We tear down the other person with our attitude, our actions, and our words. Try to remember that you made a promise to this man long before you became intimate.

You said that you'd be lifelong brothers, and that promise means something.

Sleeping with your brother, part one

Three scenarios I've seen in the last two years.

Scenario #1: The president of a fraternity used to have a sexual relationship with one of his brothers, who is now also the chapter's secretary. They broke up at some point and were fine about things until the president's new boyfriend decided he wanted to rush and become a member. The secretary doesn't want the new boyfriend to join the fraternity.

Scenario #2: Two young women in a sorority used to be in a long-term relationship, and it ended badly. They don't like each other, won't speak to each other, and have great difficulty being in the same room. Both ran for officer positions, one winning president, one winning vice president. They still refuse to talk to each other and animosities are magnified.

Scenario #3: A male pledge educator at a co-ed professional fraternity enters into a relationship with a young woman who is joining the fraternity. The pledge educator volunteers to quit his position to avoid a conflict of interest, but there's no one interested in being the pledge educator. Instead, the members vote to remove the young woman from potential membership. Both the man (the pledge educator) and the woman (the pledge) quit the fraternity altogether rather than lose their relationship.

Out here in the post-college "real world," dating at the office is a pretty common occurrence. You spend tons of time around other available people, you get to know them pretty well, and things happen. If you've seen even a few episodes of "The Office," you know the complexities, awkwardness, and endless comic possibilities of office romance.

We should not be surprised that dating within student organizations is fairly common, also. Coed groups have dealt with this uncomfortably for years. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) students are becoming more empowered and accepted in same-sex organizations like sports teams, fraternities, sororities, etc., and the relationships are starting to happen more openly in those organizations. As a result, many of those organizations are dealing with the awkwardness for the first time, and they have no idea what to do.

Even the most accepting of members don't know what the hell to do when the sexual relationship between brothers starts going south. The founders didn't really set forth guidelines for this scenario, did they? And they sure as hell aren't doing breakouts about this topic at fraternity leadership school.

Some people say that the solution is to get rid of the homosexuals, but of course, that's not going to happen, and it's not the right thing to do. You also can't really forbid such relationships because people inevitably ignore the rule, and it's not really cool to tell people who they can and cannot spend time with.

However, I believe that it is fair to expect members to leave the drama of their relationships (or former relationships) out of the group's operations. I believe that people can have relationships with whomever they choose, and it's none of my business, until it starts affecting the organization's performance. I believe, for example, that it would be completely fair to tell those two former partners who are now president and vice president of their sorority to either find a way to work together, or resign their positions. I believe that a treasurer who would seek to prevent an otherwise eligible man from joining the fraternity because of his own jealousies or post-relationship discomfort is being unethical and unfair to the potential member.

In most cases, confronting unreasonable and unproductive behavior will do wonders. Get the two people in a room with caring brothers or sisters and talk about it. Let them know how it's affecting the chapter, the environment, and chapter morale. Tell them they are setting a bad example and endangering the ability of future gay members to be open in the chapter. Ask them what they will commit to do immediately to deal with the situation. If they are unwilling to solve the problem, they might both be suspended from membership.

You can't stop young people from wanting to be together. A progressive group would work together with their campus LGBT student group, that group's advisor, or a gay alumnus to develop a fair fraternization policy that allows people the freedom to date the people of their choice, but that also ascribes a few reasonable guidelines that protect the group's ability to function effectively. Don't be afraid that you'll be seen as homophobic for considering a fraternization policy that is fair and considerate. Ironically, it's the groups that are the most open and accepting who are probably going to confront this first.

By the way, this would be the part where I would give you a link to a perfect fraternization policy for you to modify or adopt. Unfortunately, I can't find one. If anyone has a good one, please send it to me, and I'll share it here.


In part two, I'll talk about in-chapter relationships from the perspective of the individuals involved in the romance. If you're going to do it, you'd be smart to set a few ground rules for yourself and your partner.

Make clothes out of curtains

I'm watching The Sound of Music. I don't have a good reason. I just am. Actually, it made me think of a student leadership lesson, so bear with me.

You'll recall that Maria shows up at the Baron's house and meets his 14 perfect little Aryan children. They're stomping around, responding to whistles, and basically living under martial law. They all live in a lovely house, but they aren't having any fun – besides running off governesses with pocket frogs and pine cones.

Then, when the Baron goes away for a trip, that crazy ass Maria is cutting up curtains, putting on puppet shows and teaching the kids to sing songs about female deer. The kids don't know what hit them! They're having fun and hanging from trees.

Then, the Baron comes home. The drama begins! With the stick still firmly up his butt, he gets pissed that his kids are having fun, splashing around in that fake-looking lake behind his house, and acting like a bunch of hooligans in the neighboring gingerbread village. Damn the Catholic Church and their singing nuns!

In the end, fun brings the family together and song provides the avenue to their salvation. Sorry if I ruined it for you.

So, what the hell does this have to do with student leadership? I'll tell ya. Way too many presidents of student organizations are barking out orders, being harsh to their members, and acting as if their organization's survival depends on controlling everyone around them. They make everyone miserable. Members question why they are even involved. Members begin complaining and conspiring.

If this is sounding familiar, please consider that your members want to enjoy themselves and sing an occasional song about female deer. Every now and then, take a lesson from Maria and have a little bit of fun with the members of your organization. I know you have a lot to do. I know the work of your organization is extremely important. I know there are problems to solve, dollars to raise, rules to follow.

But seriously, isn't that stick making you a little sore?

Bring donuts to a meeting. Invite everyone out for a night of roller skating. Invite everyone to come over and watch the latest horror movie that just came out. Whatever. Lighten up sometimes. If you're not particularly good at motivating everyone with fun stuff, then empower someone else in the organization to do it for you, and enthusiastically support his or her ideas. Will your group crumble if 10 minutes of your next meeting is spent on a hula hoop contest? Of course not.

Find your Maria. Tear down those curtains, and make some play clothes.

Nobody likes a Nazi.

The Dalai Lama on Leadership

I don't read a ton of books on leadership, because I find them incredibly redundant. But, I am enjoying one right now co-written by His Holiness The Dalai Lama called "The Leader's Way." It just came out a week or two ago, and it is written more for business leaders than students. However, it's interesting to me because it brings together the tenets of Buddhism and capitalism – a combination that requires business people to think and be more intentional about their higher purpose in business.

I wanted to share with you one section that I enjoyed in which His Holiness talks about the character of a leader.

Enjoy this excerpt.

Understanding principles and causes. Leaders with character are aware of the duties and responsibilities of their role and of the challenges they face. Leaders should be able to identify the causes of problems and the principles that should be applied to solve them.

Understanding objectives and results. Leaders know the meaning and objectives of the principles they abide by; they understand the tasks they are undertaking; they understand the reasons behind their actions. They know what may be expected in the future as a result of their actions and whether these will lead to a good or bad result. This kind of foresight is important for leaders when they are considering the long-term effects of their decisions on others.

Understanding themselves. Leaders know their strengths, aptitudes, abilities and virtues and are able to correct and improve themselves. They are also aware of their weaknesses and the weaknesses of the (group), and how the (group), in turn, affects its many stakeholder groups. They must be very eager to learn.

Understanding moderation. Leaders practice moderation in speech, work and action. They do not take unnecessary actions merely to satisfy their own egos or accomplish their own ends, but take only those actions that will benefit the organization for which they are responsible.

Understanding the occasion and efficient use of time. Leaders know the proper occasion for actions – what should be done and how – and they perform these actions efficiently. This includes knowing how to plan their time and organize it effectively. Additionally, leaders must have "discernment," the ability to identify the issues that matter most and concentrate on them. It is very important to avoid wasting time on trivial matters.

Understanding the organization. Leaders know that organizations have rules and regulations; they have a culture and traditions; people within them have individual needs that should be dealt with, helped along, and served in the proper way. Good leaders understand not only their own character, but the character of the (group) and their responsibility for developing and nurturing that character, and they should be aware if some aspect of the character needs to be changed.

Understanding people. Leaders know and comprehend differences among individuals. They know how to relate to people effectively, what can be learned from them, and how they should be praised, criticized, advised and taught.

Acronyms S.U.C.K. (seldom usefully convey knowledge)

I'm an acronym hater.

That's right. I hate them. I hate that every time someone creates a new program, they need to give it some convoluted seven word name that just conveniently spells out "ACHIEVE."

I own a company that represents professional speakers, and let me tell you, we have a couple of speakers who just LOVE (lacking originality, void of effort) their acronyms. Leadership speakers are the most guilty. I bet 90-percent of their audience members can't remember a day later whether the "A" stood for attitude, action, acceptance, or aardvarks.

When professional speakers use acronyms, my skin crawls. The only thing that gets me leaving a room sooner is when someone uses the exhausted line, "Webster's defines (whatever) as (whatever)." I'm out the door before they finish the definition. I'm sure that most of those speakers don't even own a Webster's. We had one speaker who was doing a keynote and forgot what his own acronym stood for, during the speech. That's awkward.

This year, you'll be creating all kinds of new programs and projects, and I know the temptation will be to give everything a jazzy acronym name. AVOID (another variation on ineffective development) the temptation. It's old. It's tired.

Sometimes acronyms limit you. You'll give your awesome new project a clever acronym name, because it makes perfect sense now, and years later it will be completely stupid and irrelevant. Imagine back in 1995 you named a campus group "PAGER." How dumb would that be today?

Several years ago, my company created a leadership program called SALAD. Originally, it stood for "Seeking Alliances through Leadership and Diversity." Seemed great for about a year. The visuals of lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers were a marketing delight. It took us about a year to realize that it really wasn't a "diversity" program, but more of a community building workshop. Unfortunately, we couldn't rename the program SALACB. The program is a huge success, but at least once a week, we have to explain that it's not a diversity program, per se. We've tried to downplay the whole acronym thing for that program for several years, but it's hard to shake.

Sometimes acronyms just confuse the hell out of people. I participated in a program called the Colorado Institute for Leadership Training. That's right: CILT. The leaders pretend that the name isn't problematic, but it is. When people ask me what year I graduated from "CLIT," I tell them, "Sometime during junior year of college."

Then there's the whole thing about periods. Do you use them or not? Is it NAACP, or is it N.A.A.C.P.? (Another great example, by the way, of an organization that had to decide what the hell to do about an acronym name that had become politically incorrect.)

Sometimes acronyms are hard to remember. The Midwest Greek Conference Association (MGCA, never an easy one to remember) recently changed its name to AFLV – The Association for Fraternal Leadership and Values. I love the conference and its leadership team, but I begged them to call it the Fraternal Leadership and Values Association. "FLAVA" would have been so fun to say, and remembering it wouldn't take six minutes.

As much as I hate acronyms, I love nicknames. Why not call CILT, simply "The Institute," or "Leader Camp." Maybe "The G Spot." I don't know... something original. Why couldn't MGCA have become "Greek World Expo" or maybe "Fratapalooza!"

"Where you going this weekend?"

"Fratapalooza."

That would have been super cool.