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Make them show their work along the way

Think back to high school when you had your first big paper due. Remember how the teacher wanted you to turn in a preliminary outline, then a draft, then another draft, then your bibliography, and then finally your final paper?

If you were like me, you probably found the whole process annoying. I hated all the steps – showing my work along the way. I wanted to do the damn paper hardcore, right at the deadline, counting on the pressure of the due date to inspire me.

That's how I worked dammit! I worked better on deadline!

But, the teacher wasn't having it. She wanted to make sure I was thinking the thing through instead of simply pulling it out of my butt six hours before the paper was due.

As a student leader, it's now your turn to be the annoying teacher.

Do you have officers with big projects? How do you know your officer or committee chair is thinking it through and planning things out well? How do you know she isn't just going to pull a half-baked effort out of her butt at the last minute? Is it smart to simply trust that everything will work out OK?

No, not really.

Smart leadership, like smart teaching, sometimes means asking people to show their work.

Several weeks out, ask your officer to show you his plans, his list of deadlines, his to-do lists. Have him give a complete, exhaustive presentation to your executive committee about 3-4 weeks out. Ask lots of questions. Are we on budget? What are some of the trouble spots? Where can others pitch in to help? Are lots of good ideas being brought to the table, or is everything riding on one person?

Applying this pressure along the way causes your officer to "show his work" before procrastination turns into excuses. More importantly, it gives you a chance to spot a leader who is slacking on the job.

Be warned: some people will hate this. They will say you are micromanaging. They will ask why you don't trust them. They will assure you that everything's under control, and they will be eager to assure you they have everything well in hand. A lot of people simply hate to be managed.

Well, too bad.

Bring it to the table. Show us what you've done so far. We have a lot riding on this, so it's important that we all feel confident about the planning and the thoughtful implementation. What's working, and where are the struggle points? Plus, it gives us a chance to get excited and contribute to the project.

And, if your officer or chairperson can't produce some demonstration of progress, remove them from the project now before they completely screw it up. Or, make them sit with you and other leaders to get things on track.

Your teacher was pissing you off for a reason. She was trying to teach you that a thoughtful well-done product comes from a developmental process. It's time to pass that lesson along to your officers and chairs.

In defense of old-school Greek Weeks

Greek Weeks have been with us for a very long time. Whether the tradition is viewed as good or harmful depends largely on your campus, the local history of the event, and on the attitude of your fraternity/sorority advising professional.

For many decades, Greek Week was a big party excuse, and a chance for chapters to compete. It was a marquis event on campus. In the afternoons, there were contests. In the evenings, there was beer. Lots of it. Admittedly, it was a very male dominated tradition. IFC fraternities loved the opportunity to inflict as much pain and shame on each other as possible, then drink until the bruises felt like badges of honor.

In the last two decades, however, Greek Week has changed dramatically. The games and sporting competitions were supplanted with other events: speakers, service, blood drives, award banquets, etc. The alcohol was discouraged, or eliminated entirely.

It's easy to understand why this happened.

The competitions had gotten ugly and out of hand in many places. Greek Week became a massive expenditure of money and effort that many believed could be better focused toward more positive community service activities. Poorly managed events were a giant headache for all involved, particularly the Student Life professionals who escorted fraternity men to hospitals with concussions.

Some argued that a competitive Greek Week was also exclusionary to smaller historically-black and culturally-based fraternities and sororities who had neither the person-power nor the interest in competitive events. In the minds of most campus advisors, eliminating old-school Greek Week became a moral imperative. If the event wasn't inclusive of everyone, it needed to change.

This week, the AFLV organization posted a blog about Greek Week which pretty much reflects the prevailing attitude among those professionals who shape the interfraternal mindset. The dominant conventional wisdom tells us that Greek Week is a big pain in the butt, emphasizes all the wrong things, and doesn't reflect the values of our organizations.

Because these days, everything needs to be about values.

So while many fraternity and sorority advisors nod their head in agreement, I offer a different point of view. We've moved pretty far one direction, and now it might be time to move back toward the center a bit. Including service and education in Greek Weeks is a positive evolution, but it's time to bring back some of the fun that made old-school Greek Week a beloved campus tradition.

Many of the things that motivate young people were present in the old-school model. People were having FUN together. They were spending time with their FRIENDS. There was COMPETITION. There was a strong social element, food, prizes. Love it or hate it, Greek Week was among the most motivational of all things our members did all year.

I only took part in one Greek Week at Indiana University, but I can tell you, mine was a lot of fun. It gave my brothers and me the chance to "play" together. We lost miserably at every competition, but it was a fun time for bonding. I still have my t-shirt. I loved that damn t-shirt. Wore it non-stop.

It's important for fraternity and sorority communities to do some things simply because they're fun and bring people together. That's not a bad thing. Student leaders – properly advised and given resources – can find positive ways to accomplish this without concussions and alcohol poisonings.

Could we not find ways to inject some of the motivational things – the prizes, the games, the bonding, the bragging rights – with some of the newer stuff? Could we not play games and do community service? How about a social event with food and music after the speaker? Can competition serve a positive purpose in our communities?

If building interfraternal spirit is the underlying idea, then fun needs to be part of the equation. And, ladies and gentlemen, there are few things more entertaining in this world than a sorority tug-of-war.

It might not demonstrate our values, necessarily, but it's a hell of a fun way to spend an afternoon.

There are a number of campuses that have done a good job of preserving the games alongside the other positive events. There are several that have de-emphasized winning in favor of simply having fun together. Let's celebrate those who have found the right balance.

Because enjoying your friends while having some good, clean fun is a value I find exceptionally fraternal.

When you meet with someone, bring something to the table

One of my most valuable leadership lessons came from Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.). It was a humbling and humiliating lesson, but one I still carry with me.

In the Nineties, I made my living speaking about HIV/AIDS prevention with my good friend, Joel Goldman. By the mid-part of the decade, we were getting lots of attention. We were speaking at about 100 campuses a year, and we had gotten a fair amount of national and local press coverage. We were doing good work that many admired, and we were getting lots of validation for it. People all over the country were opening doors for us. We were winning awards and meeting lots of celebrities. Truthfully, we were getting pretty big heads about the whole thing.

A friend of Joel's was a staff member on Capitol Hill, and he offered to set up a bunch of meetings with Senators and Representatives for us. We jumped at the chance, because we both had strong interests in politics, and it was a chance to rub elbows with a bunch of cool names. I was particularly interested in meeting Rep. Pat Schroeder, the legendary Colorado Democrat.

We went to Capitol Hill and began our day of visiting famous lawmakers. Schroeder was awesome. I remember New Jersey Senator Frank Lautenberg being incredibly pleasant (probably because he knew Joel's dad). We were impressed with the offices, and people were very welcoming. Our meetings were short, but pleasant, and we were floating on air.

Then, we went to Barney Frank's office.

He's a busy guy – lots of aides running in and out. He's a work horse in a stable full of show horses. More than any other office we visited that day, we knew that lots of important activity was going on around us.

We were ushered into his private office, shook his hand, and we took seats on the other side of his desk. He's an intimidating presence –gruff, badly dressed, twitchy. I felt like we were meeting with Jim Henson's grouchiest Muppet.

We proceeded to tell him about our travels, what we were doing, and how little college students seemed to know about safer sex at the time. He listened politely. After we had been speaking to him for about three minutes, he said the words to me that I will never forget.

"Great, but what do you want?"

Joel and I quickly looked at each other. We didn't want anything. I stammered and answered that we were just there to share our story, to meet him, to let him know what we were learning as we traveled the college circuit. We thought that as an openly gay Congressman, he shared our interest in the issues surrounding HIV awareness.

He pretty much cut me off, thanked us for coming, and ended our visit. He wasn't mean, but he made it pretty clear that if we were not there asking for something, he didn't really have time for a social visit. We realized that he was bombarded all day long with people lobbying him, and we had claimed a 15-minute appointment time with absolutely no real purpose in mind. At least,no purpose that served his needs.

We definitely felt stupid for wasting his time, and needless to say, our big fat heads were deflated a little bit.

"Great, but what do you want?"

For a while, I was pissed. I thought he was a jerk. I told everyone I knew how rude he was to us. But of course, eventually I put it into perspective and extracted an important lesson.

Thanks to Mr. Frank of Massachusetts, I always make sure I go into every appointment with a few goals in mind. What information do I want to share? How can this person contribute to an outcome?

I don't just meet people so I can say I did. I treat every person I meet with as if he or she was a very important, busy person. I respect his or her time, and I make sure there's a reason for me being there. I don't just meet people to meet them.

As a student leader, you will probably get lots of face time with VIP's in your college community. When you get time with someone who is busy (your university president, a member of the Board of Trustees, a visiting VIP), you need to bring something to the table. Ask some relevant questions. Share some information. Let them know how they could contribute to a goal or need.

Before you go in there, have a few ideas in mind. Go in there with something.

Busy people aren't interested in killing time with you, particularly when their to-do list is 100 items long and growing longer. Even someone much friendlier than Barney Frank wants their time to be used respectfully.

If they invite you to visit, and they want to sit and chat about nothing in particular, that's a different thing.

You may never have the benefit of the direct, blunt lesson Representative Frank gave me. When you ask for a person's time, give him or her something – information, a need, a challenge – that makes that time worthwhile for them. Make that meeting count.

Don't be a bystander, but don't be a pain in the ass, either

Everyone's telling you not to be a bystander. I've been talking about it for years in my confrontation program, and one of our newer speakers, Mike Dilbeck, is becoming an anti-bystander crusader. It's a good and timely message. In a world of detached, communicate-only-by-text-message citizens, we need to be reminded that seeing a problem, stepping up, and saying something is a worthwhile thing to do.

It's important not to be a bystander. Hear me loud and clear.

But – like most things – refusing to be a bystander and confronting others should be done in moderation and with the use of your good judgment. If you confront absolutely everything you see that worries you, you will officially become your organization's biggest pain in the ass.

And nobody likes a pain in the ass.

People go out of their way to avoid a pain in the ass.

When you see someone smacking around his girlfriend, getting ready to drive drunk, skipping a week of class, doing drugs, not paying her dues, stealing your professor's Adderall, sporting a culturally or racially-insensitive Halloween costume, urinating on the chancellor's Mercedes, hooking up with a serial killer, or wearing polka dots with stripes – OK, confront right now. Seriously bad decisions require immediate confrontation.

When there's danger – when your gut tells you it's a crisis situation – you need to act.

Somewhere in all this talk of bystander behavior, though, some have begun to suggest that immediate confrontation, regardless of the circumstances, is always the right thing to do. Confront every single thing you see that you think is wrong, they say. Your conscience and your mouth must simultaneously engage. I respectfully disagree.

Don't become that person who confronts anything and everything, all the time, on a moment's notice. Ask yourself, at what point does becoming a superhero in the fight against bystander behavior make you a pariah? At what point are you rendering yourself completely useless as a leader because no one wants to be within 100 feet of you, lest they be confronted about something?

Pick your battles. You can't confront absolutely everything, and nor should you. Plain and simple. If you've gotten to this point as a student leader, then I hope you have some measure of good judgement. Use it.

If something is scary or terribly wrong, act immediately. If it's an annoying pattern, you might want to pick your moment, and it might be after you've spent a little time strategizing about the best way to approach things.

Most of the time, confrontation as a leadership skill is not an impulse behavior.

Do not misunderstand me. I'm all for confronting the smaller things, too: continuous silly lies, missed deadlines, burping at the dinner table, voting Republican. I had an intern who yawned with an uncovered mouth while I was talking to her at least once a day, and something finally needed to be said.

But you don't go off half cocked every time something annoys you.

Oh, and definitely don't become one of those people who feels the need to turn every difference of opinion into a huge confrontation. Delivering a self-righteous lecture about values every time you don't agree with a group decision makes you annoying. Demanding to know why you weren't invited to someone's birthday party – in the name of "refusing to be a bystander" – makes you pathetic.

Learning to confront, and refusing to be a bystander, is an important leadership lesson. Knowing how to use good judgment, however, is an even more important one.

You are always wearing your letters

You're interested in joining our fraternity? We'd love to have you. You're the type of person we look for: committed, enthusiastic, a leader. We think you'll do great things here, and we hope that we'll open some doors for you. You will make lifelong friendships, and hopefully, you'll be the type of person whose positive impact will be felt here for many years.

This is the start of something really cool.

We know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the reasons you'll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one. People tend to join for the image, the props, and the social stuff. They stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they can impact the lives of others. It's a family. We know this. Soon, you will, too.

Soon, these letters will be yours. But, there's one lesson that we need to impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It's the single most important thing we're going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand it, now, before you say "yes."

It's the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can impress upon its new members. It's the one lesson that every group must impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one simple lesson and taking it to heart.

It's more important than our history, our traditions, our structure, or our rules. Because, if you don't understand this most fundamental lesson, then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don't get this one "golden rule of fraternity," then your son or daughter won't have this kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a fuzzy memory.

Here it is. Ready?

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

I'm going to repeat it.

From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.

We're not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors of the group. We're not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt.

What we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group, everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a direct reflection on this group, your brothers, and the thousands of members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point forward.

When you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent us.

When you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you represent us.

When you go home and sit at your mother's dining room table, you represent us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you represent us. When you commit your life to that special person, someday, you represent us.

You are always wearing your letters.

From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.

As surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every dumb thing you do tears us down.

We live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that generations of men have worked to build.

All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.

If this seems a little intense, that's good. Because it's serious. If it sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don't think you can behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away now. Do us the favor. We won't think less of you. In fact, we'll thank you. This sort of commitment isn't for everybody.

But, don't say yes unless you understand.

We're not asking you to give up anything. We aren't asking you to become something you aren't. We're asking you to become something more. We're inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We're asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be.

We're asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where you're the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you are on Tuesday morning.

It's a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you've heard up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask yourself one question.

Are you ready to never take them off?

Because when you say yes, you're not just putting letters on a sweatshirt. You're putting them in your heart. You're forever stamping your identity with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.

You will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment. There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their promise, and you'll need to remind them. That's part of this whole "fraternity" thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.

If we're doing fraternity right, then we'll make you a better man. If you're doing everything right, then you will make us a better organization.

So, please think about it. Take it seriously.

Because if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your responsibility forever.

That's the promise.

Bouncing back from a blunder

We all make mistakes. If you're a high profile student leader, there is a solid chance that something will happen that will knock you squarely on your ass. Your ego will be in tatters. Everyone will be angry at you, or at least delighting in your misstep. You'll be sure that everyone is out to get you.

In our culture, there's a certain twisted sweetness to watching the mighty fall. Look no further than the demonization of Kanye West, or the critical trashing of Jay Leno. You can practically hear the giggles from Detroit as Toyota gets ripped apart in the press. The higher you sit, the higher you fall. When the leader screws up, it's news.

Initially, you will get angry. You will lash out. You will plot revenge. You will whine incessantly to your inner circle. You will resolve to fight back, because damn it, "It's not fair!" People don't understand the truth. No one has asked for your side of the story. The public doesn't understand the details. They don't know the truth about how evil the other person is.

Whether you're the world's greatest golfer (Tiger), a top-earning actor (Hugh), or a struggling President of the United States (Barry), you are going to need to quit the whining at some point and accept the reality that you screwed up. Fair or not, you have a decision to make. Are you going act immediately to try to repair things, dig the hole deeper with excuses and denials, or hide?

If repairing things is your choice, here are some things I suggest.

Take your lumps, and openly admit your mistakes.

Our culture is big on redemption. The cycle – build 'em up, rip 'em down, and build 'em up again – is a worn cliche. If you're going to repair your image, make the necessary public apologies, admit your mistakes, and ask people to forgive you. Take responsibility for your role in the debacle, even if you feel that you've been handed more than your fair share of the blame.

Look like you learned something.

After the apology, people will still be watching you, and if they see more of the same behavior, there will be hell to pay. Let people watch you do the exact opposite of the behavior that got you in trouble. You can bet you won't be seeing Tiger Woods out at any strip clubs anytime soon. You'll see lots of pictures of him with his mother and child, helping people in need, etc. If he's ever going to regain his pre- sex scandal status, he's going to have to look like Mother Teresa for a while.

Drop the arrogance.

Watch how Toyota promotes itself in the coming year. Television ads won't be trumpeting their sales prowess. You won't hear Toyota calling itself the best, the most trusted, or the coolest. That's what you'll hear from Ford or Honda perhaps, but not Toyota. Toyota is going to be promoting safety, a resurgence of quality – all aimed at rebuilding trust. To regain what they lost, they need to look solid, not flashy.

Reach out and rebuild relationships.

If you, or the situation, has yielded negative feelings and burned bridges, the first steps to rebuild those relationships need to come from you. You can't expect much. You can't expect embraces and giggles. But, if you show some sincere effort to reach out, make amends, and support those you might have alienated, something good might return. Remember to expect nothing, and give freely. When you demonstrate a sincere attempt to get things moving in the right direction, without an expectation for anything selfish, forgiveness and trust have a greater chance to return.

Acknowledge your real friends.

There's a temptation to look for ways to hurt those who hurt you, but it's better for the soul to turn the other direction. Make time for the friends who stood by you, who helped, who listened. Thank them sincerely, and spend time with them. Let them know that their loyalty and unconditional support was not taken for granted and that you stand ready to support them if they ever need the same. Anyone who has ever been through a debilitating injury, a divorce, the death of a child, a bankruptcy, etc., will tell you that the low points are when you find out who your real friends are. Take that as a gift and appreciate it.

Watch your mouth.

John Mayer got in trouble this week for a Vanity Fair interview in which he said some pretty arrogant and insensitive things. John will likely be keeping his mouth shut for a while, and so should you. All that anger you still feel? Find a benign way to get it out that doesn't involve you shooting your mouth off to others. People talk, and many are looking for any hint of negativity from you.

Put on a happy face.

No one feels sorry for you.

Do good work.

It's the most important element of redemption. Demonstrate that the talent you brought in the first place was real and that the initial praise was deserved. You have to earn that high place again. Let your good work speak louder than your damaged image.

Kanye West probably will again release a great CD again. Jay Leno will go back to producing mildly entertaining late night television, his core fans will tune back in, and he'll be back on top of Letterman within a year. I'm betting Barry has strong approval ratings by 2012.

Only a few short months after coming clean about his steroid use, Mark McGwire begins his new job as the hitting coach for the Cardinals this week in St. Louis.

Bouncing back from the blunder is possible, but the only person who can get things moving toward that goal, is you.

Never confront a group

Let's say there are a group of people in your organization who are the root of a problem. Maybe it's a group of critical former officers, or a couple of friends who band together to cause drama at social functions. Maybe it's all the juniors who feel disconnected from the rest of the group, or perhaps it's the last class of initiated new members, or the women who live on that end of the residence hall.

The best course of action might seem to pull the group members into a room for a strong discussion about their behavior. Although it might appear to be an efficient solution, you could end up reinforcing their behavior instead of interrupting it.

Fraternity and sorority chapters frequently have the "pledge meeting" where they chastise the neophytes for a certain lack of enthusiasm, lack of progress, or incorrect behavior. These meetings feel effective to the members because the pledges snap into shape, but it is not exactly developmental. The pledges bond in a defensive way against the active members, creating long-term chapter unity issues.

The coaching staff of a sports team might use the same method: calling a team meeting and letting the players have it. A short term fix, that could have negative long-term morale implications.

If you confront a group of women who live at the end of the hall, it will likely reinforce the "us versus them" attitude. The women might sit and listen quietly, or they might flare defensively. In either case, they will quickly group up somewhere (probably in one person's room) and process the event as another justification for their negative attitude. When confronted, groups tend to adhere.

The answer is to do several, smaller confrontations aimed at the opinion leaders of the group.

Every group has leaders, formal or informal – people whose ideas shape the actions of the group. Calm, isolated talks with these individuals – from a place of mutual respect – is a better approach. From these conversations, you might learn some of the root causes of the conflict which will better illuminate a path forward. You can't solve an underlying problem if you don't understand it.

Your goal is that these individuals work with you to help create resolution. You can surely yell at their group members. Or, you could affect the opinions of influence leaders and send them back to their group with some collaborative ideas. It doesn't mean there will be a group hug right away, but small steps can move things along. Find common ground. Look for small bits of progress. Demonstrate a willingness to listen and get back to a good, positive place.

Humility and a willingness to listen are the best tools in resolving a conflict with a group. Usually the conflict originates from a group of people bonding over their sense of disconnect from the main group. That disconnect might be for a perfectly legitimate reason ("We don't have a voice!") to something more ridiculous ("We used to be really fratty and now we suck!").

Regardless, your only real option is to get things out in the open, to get people talking to each other, and to bring leaders to a place where the conflict can be resolved. Do this individual to individual – leader to leader.

Groups don't solve emotional issues. Individual leaders who care about the big picture do.

Congress, are you listening?

The Situation: which students are getting attention on your campus?

There's a great article in this week's Time about the longevity and impact of reality TV. It's difficult, honestly, to find someone who isn't a fan of at least one show. Your mother loves The Amazing Race. Your aunt has strong opinions about The Celebrity Apprentice. Your niece can't wait until she's old enough to audition for America's Next Top Model. Reality programming, apparently, is here to stay.

Becoming a reality TV star is actually a profession now. Back when my friend, Ethan Zohn, was eating bugs on the African savannah, he was joining a pretty small niche of quasi-celebrities. No one quite knew how to classify them. They fell somewhere on the spectrum of celebrity between "real actors" and porn stars. Today, according to the article, there are more than 1,000 people participating this year in some sort of TV reality show.

Twenty years after the debut of The Real World, and 10 years after the first season of Survivor, there are too many reality TV alums to count. They are part of Hollywood actor unions, now. They have conventions where they get together and discuss business strategies. They have clothing lines, agents for personal appearances, book deals, and consulting contracts with non-profit organizations needing a dose of cool. One will be coming soon to a blood drive near you.

Whether you love reality TV, or loathe it, it's hard to argue the impact it's had. We find ourselves living in a culture where stardom is measured by attention. Getting punched by a boy at the beach in the presence of your camera crew gets you more attention than earning an Oscar. You don't have to win anything, or be particularly good at anything (Heidi Montag, anyone?) to become a brand. Kate Gosselin gets more press and online chatter than our current Secretary of State.

We might not admire orange-skinned Sookie from The Jersey Shore, but just about everyone under 30 in this country knows exactly who she is. A parody bit of her on the venerable Saturday Night Live is a recurring bit. She and her abtastic little buddy, The Situation, are interesting, and today's students have grown up in a culture where being interesting rules. It is just as accepted – and probably more profitable – as being accomplished at something.

Why write about reality TV in a blog about student leadership?

Which students on your campus get the attention? At most, student athletes (of certain teams) and high profile student leaders are still the ones who claim the limelight. There will always be students whose ambition takes them the accomplishment route – who become important on campus for what they do. Right now, they're the ones who make the campus paper.

But, could that soon change? If status and attention come from outrageous attention grabs in our popular culture, how long will it be before some ambitious students take the outrageousness route on your campus?

It's not a new idea. Forty years ago, the students of note were protest leaders. But, that's so old fashioned.

If Heidi Montag can become famous for a sex tape, how long before a student on your campus gets the idea? A viral sex video circulating around campus could make some student a star. Are you ready to handle that? It might not earn them a dinner invitation at the president's house, but it will sure get them into all the right parties.

Perez Hilton has become a national celebrity by pedaling sexualized gossip on his website. How long before some student starts a website where students can share their sexual conquests from the weekend? How about a site where people post pictures, snapped with cell phone cameras, of their friends exposing themselves at various sites around campus? Look! I flashed my breasts at the main circulation desk of the library! There's Mike showing his junk at convocation! Isn't he hysterical?

If you can become legendary on your campus for doing something outrageous, some students will find that a perfectly fine option. Infamy is alluring, and for some, it beats the hell out of spending three years in meetings about risk management, running for elected office, and having to suck up to the Student Life staff.

And if it makes a certain portion of the campus population look down on you, who cares? You'll be gone in a couple of years, and you can reinvent yourself. Scott Brown, the newest Senator from Massachusetts and the new darling of the Republican Party, posed nude in a magazine once upon a time. If he can do it, why can't I?

Maybe I'm sounding a slightly ridiculous alarm. But, if a battle looms on the horizon between "status by accomplishment" and "status by notoreity," then we might be wise to go on offense now, rather than on defense later.

Am I suggesting that you put banners in your student center with the photos of your best student leaders? Am I suggesting that you put ads in your student newspaper celebrating their accomplishments? Do I suggest that we make them into campus rock stars? Am I asking you to give them scholarships, awards, and generally pump up their heads?

Yes, I am.

If celebrity is the cultural goal, then we better consciously make the right students the celebrities. We need to make sure that doing good things on campus continues to be the golden ticket to opportunity, admiration and appreciation.

Do the student leaders on your campus feel important? Do students on your campus know them and admire them? If not, it's something worth talking about.

As for me? I've preordered the first season of The Jersey Shore. It releases on February 23, and who am I to argue with the appeal of oversexed boys with tanned abs and hairdos of steel?

By the way, the current Secretary of State is Hillary Clinton.

Learn to leave a decent voice mail message

This morning, I arrived at the office, and there were six voice mail messages waiting for me. One in particular blew my mind.

"Hi. Yeah. (3 second pause...) I'm calling about some speakers and want to find out how much they cost and what days they could come here. So call me back. Later."

Really?

No name, no phone number. I don't even know what school she is from. I suppose that she's so used to calling her friends' cell phones that she assumes that anyone she's calling automatically has her number on caller ID. Needless to say, she didn't achieve her objective with that phone message because there was no way possible for me to reach her back.

Today, dear student leaders, we are going to talk about some tips on leaving a voice message. As a student leader, you can stand out by leaving intelligent voice mails. Trust me... an intelligent voice mail makes you seem much more intelligent.

• Always leave your full name, your phone number, the time you called, and some sort of action oriented message.

• Why tell them when you called? Because when they are jotting down your message, they'll probably write down the day/time when you say it. That makes it less likely that your message will sit there a long time. When you note the time, they are more likely to note it, and return the message in a timely manner. Doesn't always work, but it sure increases your chances.

• Please don't just leave your first name and assume I can recognize your voice and know immediately who you are. Give your last name, every time. If you simply say, "It's David," I have no idea which one you are. I know 42 Davids. And, for heaven's sake, don't say, "It's me."

• Don't assume I have your number. Leave it every time. I suggest you say your number slowly and clearly twice in every voice mail message. I leave the number for people who call me every day, even though I know they have it.

• When giving your phone number, leave your area code. Yes, people leave me phone messages all the time with no area code.

• If you are calling a place of business, make the effort to sound professional. Say your name clearly, state where you are from, say your phone number slowly and clearly. A voice mail you leave at a business location, with a professor, or some other non-friend person should sound different than the voice mails you leave for your best friend on a Friday night.

• Never leave a voice mail that is longer than a minute. People who leave "flow of consciousness" voice mails are the devil.

• Try not to call from a loud place. All that noise in the student center food court makes it almost impossible to understand you. Plus, you're yelling, and that's unpleasant.

• Slow down, dammit. Nothing more annoying than having to replay a message three times because the person spoke too fast.

• If there's a good time to reach you, let the person know.

• Sound pleasant. If I'm deciding between going to the break room to get my next cup of coffee and returning a call to a dreadfully boring caller, I'm picking the coffee.

I recorded myself leaving a voice mail message today, and here's what I said. I think it's a decent example of a useful voice mail message.

"Hi Katie. This is T.J. Sullivan from CAMPUSPEAK in Denver, 303-745-5545. I'm calling at around 2 pm our time here in Denver, about 1 pm your time. I wanted to let you know that Rick Barnes is available on the date you requested. If you're ready to book that date, please give me a call at 303-745-5545, and we'll get right on it. I'm going to be in the office for another two hours today, and all day tomorrow. Also, feel free to email me at (spelling out my email) if that's more convenient. Have a terrific day, and thanks for getting back to me. I look forward to connecting with you soon."

F-I-R-E is the key to an overwhelmed membership

Is your calendar getting a little crazy with too many meetings and events? Does it feel like your members are overwhelmed? Are you having to make everything mandatory, or financial penalize members if they don't attend events?

If your members seem overwhelmed, it's because they are. As their leader, what are you doing to address this serious problem?

Student organizations are great about adding events. Every year, new officers create new events. Unfortunately, they are not so good about cleaning the schedule from time to time. When you add, add, add, and you never delete, you end up with an insane calendar that burns everyone out.

Sit your officers and key influential leaders down for a couple of hours, and fix it.

Get a giant piece of paper – one that runs the length of a large table. Draw horizontal line across the center of the paper. At one end of the line, put a big happy face. On the other end, put an unhappy face.

Then, think of everything your members have an opportunity to attend, and place them along the continuum. Everything – intramural games, meetings, social events, committee meetings, recruitment, ritual, campus events, Homecoming, Parents Weekend, educational speakers. (It might help if people bring their calendars from the last year.) Try to think of every single obligation you, your university, or your governing councils ever place upon your members. This will probably take a while to do. Be exhaustive.

Place each obligation on the continuum based on its popularity. Place the events that everyone loves further on the continuum near the happy face. Place the events that everyone dreads toward the unhappy face. Obligations that some people like and others dislike will probably end up toward the middle. People might love formal, and it sits high on the continuum, but if parties have gotten a little lame, they might sit a bit south of the middle mark. Be honest.

Every group will be different. A fraternity might have more social events toward the happy face. Club sports teams might rank home games higher than away games. If your group is a professionally oriented group, you might see that your members love the networking and learning events, but don't really love your social events. In any case, as you look at your continuum, ask if it truly reflects the current attitudes and priorities of your members.

Once you have everything plotted, discuss it. Are there any trends? Are all the social things popular? Are service events unpopular? Do your members enjoy any of your meetings?

Next, start labeling the entries. I like to use F-I-R-E. Put an "F" by the events that are fine, fulfilling, fantastic. Put an "I" by the events that need improvement because they are important but need some reworking to make your members enjoy them more. Put an "R" by the events that need to be replaced – the goals of the event are valid, but the event needs to be completely reworked. Put an "E" by the events that need to simple be ELIMINATED.

You'll probably discover in doing this process that much of your conversation centers around whether an event deserves an "I" (for needs to be improved) or an "R" (for needs to be replaced with something entirely different). This is a very valuable conversation. Encourage it.

Discuss where combinations can be made. Combine your alumni event with your community service event, for example. If one event can fulfill three purposes, that beats the heck out of single-purpose event.

It's been my experience that this F-I-R-E process can reduce an organization's calendar by at least a third. Remember, morale is positively affected by having fewer events that are higher quality, more fun, and more beneficial.

Some people want to see you fail

There are people rooting against you. That's one of the unattractive realities of holding a leadership position. No matter how well-liked you are, how hard you work, how qualified you might be for your job – there will always be people who just aren't pulling for you.

Some of these people will be indifferent to your efforts. Nothing you do will impress them. Others will roll their eyes when you suggest an idea or show initiative. Some will trash you behind your back when talking to other members. Some will take a more active role and will attempt to undermine you in small or large ways.

Your detractors will come in all shapes and sizes. Some are people you thought were close friends once upon a time. Some are people you've clashed with before and never really liked. Others dislike you in spite of the fact that they've never actually had a conversation with you.

Their motivations are numerous. They might be jealous of you, or they might simply get enjoyment out of messing with you. Perhaps they have actual problems with your leadership style. Maybe they feel that there was someone better suited for the position. Maybe you offended them with a joke you told two years ago, and they can't get over it. They might hate the way you dress, or the tone of your voice. This can be very visceral, unexplainable stuff, and it often defies logic. They just don't like you, and they never will.

You can analyze it, agonize over it, complain about it, cry and scream at the unfairness of it all. Or, you can just get over it and move on to doing your damn job. Whether you were elected or appointed to your position, there will always be people who celebrate your shortcomings and errors.

Right after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, then-President Bush had approval ratings around 80-percent. These were historic highs. By and large, Americans rallied behind their president at a time of national crisis. But even at that amazing moment of national consensus, 20-percent – a fifth of Americans in opinion polls – still didn't like the president.

Even when they don't like you, they still are members of your constituency, and you have to do your best job to lead them. If you ran for office hoping for 100-percent approval and support, then it's time to bid farewell to the delusion. There's nothing you can do to control it, change it, or avoid it. You can lead them, you can do great things for your organization, in spite of them.

Do your job the best you can. Include everyone at the table. Make ethical decisions with the well-being of your organization front and center in your mind. Expect and admit your mistakes, and always keep your mind open for better ways to do things.

Learn to separate honest criticism from the silly, nasty stuff based in negativity. If you're looking for a dependable gauge of the quality of your efforts, find four or five fair-minded people in the organization (not your friends!) and check in with them regularly for feedback. Give these people permission to point out your areas for improvement, and respect them by demonstrating a willingness to fix mistakes along the way.

If you work hard and do the right thing, a beautiful moment awaits you about a year after you get done with your position. Someone you thought HATED you during your leadership term will come to you and thank you for all you did. It will blow you away when it happens. That feeling, at that moment, makes up for all the crap you tolerate from the detractors during your term.

Trust me.