Creating dialogue about slurs on campus

BITCH! NIGGER! FAGGOT!

If you were walking around the Rollins College (FL) campus in early November, you would have seen words like these on flyers and on the front page of the student newspaper (above). If seeing the slurs caused the hairs on the back of your neck to rise – well, that's the point, said Mahjabeen Rafiuddin, the college's new Director of Multicultural Affairs.

The community at Rollins had experienced some incidents involving slurs and cultural insensitivity early in the semester. Additionally, Rafiuddin had noticed many women casually using the word "bitch," referring to other women. She decided that it was time to open a dialogue on campus about slurs, their impact, and their varying levels of offensiveness.

On November 11, the Office of Multicultural Affairs hosted a campus program called "Diversity Dialogue" to give students the opportunity to discuss the impact of slurs in their community. To publicize the program, the OMA and its student leaders created flyers picturing pop culture celebrities who have used slurs.

It definitely got the campus' attention.

"I have a passion for creating dialogue about these controversial issues," Rafiuddin told me. "I wanted to see if we could have a civilized conversation about a very controversial issue."

Papering a relatively conservative, mostly-white private college campus with incindiery slurs was welcomed by some who felt the conversation was overdue. Others questioned Rafiuddin's professional judgment and accused her of trying to provoke in order to boost attendance at her event.

"Our campus is about creating global citizens and leaders," she said. "I wanted to ask the question: Do responsible student leaders use slurs to demean or subjugate others? Is this what global citizens do?"

Still, it felt like a bold move for a professional who had been on campus less than six months.

Knowing that the promotional tactic might ruffle some feathers, Rafiuddin sent an email to the college faculty before the promotional flyers appeared. In the email, she let them know the program's purpose with a very "academic" description of the program's goals and desired outcomes.

Still, some on campus were unhappy when the emails (with attachments of the flyers) appeared in their campus email boxes. One staff member wrote a very angry email to Rafiuddin. This person said that any email which might cause discomfort when opened in an office setting shouldn't be sent. The writer chided Rafiuddin for her "lapse in judgment."

Given the opportunity to do it again, Rafiuddin said she would do it. While it jarred some members of the community, it brought home the importance of the discussion.

"It's hard to have an honest conversation about slurs and be politically correct," Rafiuddin said. "As a campus, we needed to talk about how slurs are commonly used, how context matters, and why it's such a big deal," Rafiuddin said.

If you'd like to learn more about Rollins College's "Diversity Dialogues," please email Mahjabeen Rafiuddin at MRAFIUDDIN@Rollins.edu.

Three ways to serve

We hear a lot about "service" on today's campus. How rewarding it is. How needed it is. How consistent with our organization's values it is. But, when you or your organization decides to serve, how are you going to actually do it? How can you do it in such a way that it makes the most impact?

This might help to frame your plan. There are three kinds of service.

FUND RAISING
All organizations need funds to operate, and in this struggling economy, the needs are huge. You can help a great deal by finding ways to generate much needed money for an organization you support. It doesn't have to be a huge amount to make a big difference. You can raise funds by having events (large or small), writing letters asking for donations, or by providing services for free that businesses would pay for (stuffing envelopes, cleaning parking lots, etc.).

One of the very best fund raisers I remember from my days as a student was a "skip a meal" fund raiser. Instead of eating out or eating in the dining hall one evening, everyone would donate the money they would have spent on dinner to the designated charity. We raised a ton of cash and had zero overhead costs.

But, be careful. Many students use fund raising as an excuse for having a fun event (party for a cause, tournaments for a good cause, etc.). It seems like a good idea – let's have fun and do some good along the way. But, as a general rule, if you're not raising 10 times what you're spending on a fund raising event, then you can do better. Blowing $2,000 on a tournament that raises $500 is a joke (just give the organization the $2,000). Spending $500 on an event that raises $5,000 for a charity is awesome.

It usually helps to identify a need at the organization and then do a bunch of small fund raisers throughout the semester or year to meet the goal. For example, find out how much it will cost to renovate that playground at the local school, then set that amount as a long-range goal. Don't try to do it all in one event.

VOLUNTEERISM
Get your hands dirty. Spend time actually doing something that helps others. Examples of volunteerism can be as varied as reading to seniors in a nursing home, picking up trash along a highway, painting the local rec center, building a ramp for a person with disabilities, or handing out programs at your campus theatre production. No money is involved. You're just lending your most valuable and readily-available resource: your effort. Many people find this type of service to be the most personally rewarding. Once you find out how much it's going to cost to replace the playground equipment at the local school, figure out how much you can save in labor by rounding up a group of students to do the work themselves alongside licensed contractors. Now you're really on to something!

AWARENESS
This type of service allows for a lot of creativity without necessarily spending a ton of money. Find an issue that you care about, and then find a way to get the word out. Chalk the sidewalks. Do a ribbon campaign. Put flyers on cars. Film public service announcements or radio spots. Make presentations to classes, faculty meetings, or administrators. Write letters to your local newspaper. There are a million ways you can generate awareness on a critical issue. It's a great idea to do an awareness campaign BEFORE you do a fund raiser. This way, people are tuned into the need and the issue. Do members of your campus community know how run-down the playground equipment is at the local school? Take pictures, post them online. Get people fired up about improving schools that are struggling for dwindling public funds.

Just about anything you care about can be helped by using all three elements: fund raising, volunteerism and awareness. As you sit down with your officers or committee dedicated to service projects, make sure you develop a comprehensive plan for the year that includes all three. Tie them in together, and maximize your impact.

I've just been SO busy!

How many times have you heard this in the last month? It's become the regular excuse for just about everything. Sorry I didn't call you. Sorry I didn't reply to that email. Sorry I've been out of touch. Sorry I forgot your birthday. Sorry I haven't been able to come to any of your meetings. Sorry I didn't call you after our date.

I've just been SO busy...

When you claim "being busy," you're basically saying, "It hasn't been my priority."

The people who are "so busy" (and presumably, more busy than you or I) have had time to do a million small things that are more important than satisfying you. Fair or not, you aren't their priority.

In some cases, they've been so intensely busy, they have barely had time to grab a meal here and there. But, often, it's just a convenient excuse for not prioritizing YOU. They've had time to play video games, watch television, check their Facebook.

If someone told them to stop by to pick up an apple pie, they'd find time. If that special someone made a booty call, they'd be right over. If their boss told them to work an extra hour or be fired, they would do it. If someone offered to clean their house, they'd have time to drive the key over.

We make time for the things we care about. If that person actually cared about answering your question or doing that small favor for you, they would have found time. It's that simple. When someone says, "I've been busy," what they mean is, "You haven't been my priority." But, "Things have been crazy lately!" sounds so much less offensive.

If you have someone who keeps giving you the excuse, it's time to deal with the fact that he or she is not likely to make you a priority.

And, if you're the one who is always saying it, time to stop. Instead of saying, "I'm sorry, I've just been so busy," say something more honest, such as:

"You know, I'm a jerk for not getting back to you, I'm sorry. I'll do it by tomorrow afternoon."

"I really don't have time to make that a priority. Maybe you should find someone else."

"I've been under a lot of stress lately and I have been forgetting a lot of things lately."

Or maybe even, "Yeah, don't hold your breath on that one."

Facebook is forever

From CNN. Another reminder that when your friends tag you on Facebook, it's pretty much a done deal:

(CNN) — Jon Favreau, future White House director of speechwriting, has so far been at a loss for words over Facebook pictures of him at a recent party.

Pictures of Favreau, 27, at a recent party appeared on Facebook Friday. In one of the photos, Favreau, who served as President-elect Barack Obama’s chief speechwriter during the campaign season, was dancing with a life-sized cardboard cut-out of future secretary of state Hillary Clinton. In a second photo, a friend was offering the cutout a bottle of beer while Favreau stood beside the likeness with his hand on the cardboard New York senator’s chest.

The picture was reportedly up for a scant two hours or so before Favreau removed it, along with every other picture of himself beyond his profile photo — but there’s no getting the Facebook genie back in the bottle.

Favreau wasn’t talking to reporters about the incident, but transition officials said he had offered an apology to Clinton.

The Clinton camp reaction? "Sen. Clinton is pleased to learn of Jon's obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application," Clinton aide Philippe Reines told the Washington Post.

Amethyst Initiative, Choose Reponsibility, an update

I've written before about the Amethyst Initiative, a group of 134 college and university presidents and chancellors who signed a statement that, basically, says that the 21-over drinking age isn't working. This weekend at the Association of Fraternity Advisors annual meeting in Denver, I had the opportunity to sit in on two sessions that focused on the debate over whether the federal government should dictate a drinking age. Both featured Dr. John M. McCardell Jr., President Emeritus of Middlebury College (VT).

As you can guess, there are a lot of strong opinions about whether the legal drinking age should be 18, 21, or something else. McCardell is on the board of directors of Choose Responsibility, a group who believes it should be 18. Not everyone who has supported the Amethyst Initiative necessarily believes 18 is the magic number... they just think that 21 isn't working.

People in higher education are not sure how to politically dance on this one. If you question the 21-year-old drinking age, then you run the risk of being accused of supporting alcohol abuse and the negative consequences that brings. At the sessions, I spoke to many attendees who personally think the 21-year-old drinking age is a ridiculous federal mandate but who did not feel they could ever publicly take a stance. National fraternity staff members are even less likely to invite themselves into the public relations fray – many in the public would expect fraternity folks to be all for easier drinking.

Drew Hunter of the BACCHUS Network stressed that his organization has not formed a statement on the issue, and he also acknowledged that as a recipient of federal Department of Transportation dollars, he sits in an unusually tight spot on this issue. It was interesting when Hunter said that lowering the age would, without a doubt, cause drinking rates to increase among high school age kids. McCardell agreed, but said that's why any return to a younger drinking age would have to be matched by aggressive alcohol education. McCardell even supports a license of some sort (that didn't make any sense to me whatsoever).

You get the drift of the debate...

For me, it just comes down to fairness. Choose Responsibility points out that at age 18 in this country, you can fight a war, adopt children, own property, sue or be sued, hold public office, purchase firearms, smoke, gamble, buy lottery tickets, or buy a house. But, you can't have a legal drink. As simplistic as that argument is, it has always worked for me.

The 21-year-old drinking age came about in the 70's when the Congress passed a highway bill that denied any state 10-percent of its share of federal transportation funds unless it changed its drinking age to 21. Naturally, they all did it, because none of them wanted to lose tens of millions of annual dollars for roads. A state could change their law tomorrow, if they wanted to.

In essence, this federal government blackmail took away the states' right to make up their minds based on the will of their citizens. It doesn't sit right with me. If Utah wants to make their drinking age 30 and Louisiana wants to make it 16, then I think that's a discussion for the voters of those states.

By the way, only four nations in the world dictate a 21+ drinking age: the United States, Mongolia, Indonesia and Palau. Good company, huh?

I also believe that the groups that use the emotional pull of drunk driving prevention (that's you, MADD) are completely ignoring the deaths, the sexual assaults, the injuries, and the massive irresponsibility that is resulting from the 21-year-old drinking age. Anyone who works on a campus will tell you that too much time is spent dealing with enforcing the drinking age, and too many scary injuries and deaths are occuring because students who want to drink always find a way and then do it in a dangerous way. Whenever I hear a student getting ready for his or her 21st birthday, my neck muscles tense up, and I beg them to be careful.

MADD and other organizations like theirs seem to think that the lives they save on the roads are a fair trade for these others.

In any case, I encourage you to take a few moments and consider the issue for yourself. I don't normally support too many political action-type organizations, but I sent a check today to Choose Responsibility. I'm the father of a 15-year-old son, and while I'm not eager for him to start drinking, I also would prefer that he enter a world with a lot less reckless abuse of alcohol. I have a difficult time believing that most people who work with college students would disagree with me, but maybe I'm wrong.

The federal highway bill is coming up for reauthorization in 2009, so the timing is right for this issue to be picked up by the media. With all the veterans coming back from the Middle East starting in 2009, I am sure the "can fight the Taliban, but can't have a beer" argument is going to get attention.

The bill needs to be reauthorized with the federal drinking age stipulation removed. Let's let the decisions happen at the state level, where they belong. I'm going to be writing to my Congressional delegation encouraging them to at least give this a fair argument.


Kudos, by the way, to AFA for having the courage to put this on their educational program. I was very impressed that Richard Celeste, former governor of Ohio, former U.S. Ambassador to India, and now president of Colorado College was one of the session participants. He is one of the signers of the Amethyst Initiative.

Breaking up shouldn't be so hard to do

We ended our relationship with one of our speakers this week. No surprise... I'd had an icky feeling about the relationship for a while. I've been in my business long enough to know when things aren't a win-win, and this one had been circling the drain for weeks.

But, like many of us, I let it go on too long. I let it play its course until we reached a point where a toxic cloud was hanging over all of us.

I admit it. I hate the "breaking up" feeling. I'm getting better at it, but I'm not sure it's ever going to come easy for me. I'm willing to tolerate a lot of crap before I get to the point where I overcome my discomfort and have "the conversation." I feel like Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw when I ask:

Why does breaking up feel harder than staying in?

Sometimes in student leadership, you have break-ups that you see coming a mile away, as well. Perhaps it's that officer who started off well but has become a total drag on your organization. Perhaps it's an advisor who no longer adds anything positive. Perhaps it's that member or teammate who's making too many bad decisions. Maybe it's the student worker who has screwed up so many times that he simply needs to go.

We delay the agony of the conversation. We keep thinking that perhaps the other person is going to step up and set things right. Maybe he will just quit on his own. We think that the annoyance is tolerable, even though very little "good" is coming out of the situation at all. We procrastinate, even though we know exactly where this dysfunctional relationship is headed.

All because the potential of that 10-minute conversation is so dreadful. Or, because we worry they will lash out at us and make it our fault. They will probably hate our guts for a long, long time, and it's going to be terribly awkward when you inevitably cross paths.

Go and Google "How to Break Up With Someone." The tips there are obviously for personal relationships, but you can take a lot of those tips and apply them to business or student-leadership breakups as well.

The one I struggle with the most is "doing it in person." I like to end relationships by email, which is a terrible way to do it. Hell, I'd do these breakups (firings, whatever) by carrier pigeon, if I could. I'm working on that.

Bottom line is that when things have gotten to a dysfunctional, harmful point, it's better to bite the bullet, confront the inevitable end of the relationship, and just do it. "Man up!" as my jock friends say. Face the ugly moments of the conversation with a mind toward the better situation that lives on the other side.

Is there a relationship in your student organization that is dragging you down? Then, it's time to employ the four most useful words in the English language:

We need to talk...

Lambda 10 releases transgender and Greek resource guide – available for FREE download

I just finished reviewing Lambda 10's Fraternity and Sorority Resource Guide, and I want to encourage all campus Greek advisors to get a copy and spend a little time with it. The guide was co-written by Jessica Pettitt, a member of our CAMPUSPEAK speakers team. I love that the resource guide is titled "Beginning the Conversation..." because I think it helps to accomplish just that.

As issues surrounding gender identity more readily enter the mainstream consciousness, it makes sense for those of us who work with people (young, old, whatever) to broaden our knowledge of transgender issues.

As a person with a strong personal commitment to human dignity and potential, I have been deeply touched by the stories of the transgender men and women I've met in my travels. I've seized numerous opportunities to interact with individuals working through transgender issues, and I find the whole thing fascinating. I can't think of a group that has a harder time in their struggle for rights and acceptance, so the part of me that immediately wants to fight for the underdog is drawn to the issue.

Denver has a very active trans community, and as I've become acquainted with members of that community, I've come to sympathize greatly for the struggles that many of them endure. I recently had a transgender woman come in to speak to my staff to help them better understand what it might be like to be, know, or care about a trans person.

Recently, I visited a school in the deep south, and I was approached by a fraternity president whose chapter was struggling with how to handle a member who was entering the next leg in his transgender journey. It was very emotional for all involved, rife with worries about rejection, abandonment, fear, public image, and values. It's really happening – everywhere – and the issue deserves some careful thought.

Reading the guide, you feel disheartened about how unlikely it is that a young person facing a gender identity crisis would find support and refuge in his fraternity or sorority. But, this guide is an important step toward eventual understanding.

In any case, I want to strongly urge every person who considers themselves a leader in the fraternity/sorority community to take a few minutes to get download a free copy of this guide, give it a quiet Saturday read in the coming months, and give some thought to how you will respond when a young person needs your assistance.

A word about those customized IFC polo shirts

I'm always amazed when I go to the Greek regional conferences each year, and I see IFC officers walking around the hotel in their matching polos with their customized embroidered logo stitched on the left chest. Frequently, I see that each of these officer has either his name or his position stitched in the shirt as well. The shirts easily cost $50 each, and some councils give them to every officer and subordinate chair.

Some councils prefer jackets – sort of in the tradition of high school lettermen making sure everyone knows their positions on the football or baseball team.

In almost all cases, the council pays for these shirts, or at least part of them.

This week, there was outrage around the country as the executives of the Big Three automakers flew private jets (three different ones) from Detroit to Washington to beg Congress for $25 billion in taxpayer funded loans. The implication, of course, was that these executives were desperate enough to appeal for taxpayer money, but not desperate enough to jump a commercial flight to D.C. to do it.

Same thing happened with AIG. Tens of billions in bailout money, but the lavish sales functions and retreats continued.

With these items in the news and people extra sensitive about how their tax dollars (IFC dues?) are being spent, do you really think the highly customized polo shirts are necessary for your MGCA or NGLA appearance? Give it some thought before you do it. Something as silly as a polo shirt could land you in the student newspaper with a lot of criticism aimed at your council during the first few precious months of your term.

Fellas, this year, be more careful about the discretionary spending. Start with the shirts. Downgrade to some nice t-shirts or something. You can be cool without the popped collars and embroidery.

Yes, I know previous councils had them, and it's not fair. But, this year is different from last year. This year, you need to be spending council funds on things that will justifiably help and advance your Greek community. Customized polo shirts don't make the cut.

Free speech gets ugly at N.C. State

By Jay Price, Raleigh News & Observer

RALEIGH - Four students who admitted spray-painting racist and threatening graffiti aimed at President-elect Barack Obama at N.C. State University won't be charged with any crime, but their work was condemned at a student rally Thursday.

About 500 people attended the rally at the NCSU Brickyard organized by the student government to demonstrate opposition to the graffiti. The graffiti appeared early Wednesday as modifications to positive messages about Obama that someone else had painted in the university's Free Expression Tunnel.

By 10 a.m., university workers had painted the entire tunnel white to erase the offensive messages, and students began replacing them with anti-hate slogans.

The U.S. Secret Service assisted in the investigation, said Jon Barnwell, spokesman for the NCSU police. The federal agency was notified immediately because of the nature of the graffiti, which said "Shoot Obama" and "Kill that n--."

What do your officers wish they had accomplished?

Your term is wrapping up. You've done some great things, but many goals didn't get accomplished because of time, changing priorities, or a lack of resources.

As you approach election time, ask each current officer to make a list of 3-5 things that they wish they had been able to do. Have them describe what prevented the goals from being accomplished and why the organization would have been better had the goals been achieved.

When you are facing officer transition, one of the best things you can do is help the incoming officers avoid re-creating the wheel.

These lists could be a great discussion starter in a transition retreat. Take some time at your next exec meeting and do these together, if you're afraid that outgoing officers won't do them on their own.

Give under-utlized officers something to do!

Regardless of what student organization you are in, there are probably officer positions that don't have a lot to do. Some, like president, have so much to do they can't keep up. Some others seem to have no specific role and they spend time twiddling their thumbs. This is a problem.

It's hard to stay motivated when you have very little important to do. And, it's hard for the overworked officers to stay motivated when their counterparts aren't carrying the same amount of weight.

And remember the most important rule of student leadership motivation: PEOPLE SUPPORT WHAT THEY CREATE. If your officers are constantly feeling like they are helping to create a successful organization, they will not be motivated.

Here are a few suggestions for energizing those under-utilized officers.

1. Don't be hemmed in by the job descriptions in your bylaws or Constitution. Just because your bylaws say that the Secretary's only job is to keep minutes at the meeting does not mean that he or she can't do other things. Put your Secretary in charge of a long-lingering problem and put some deadlines and expectations on him or her. So what if your Historian is only supposed to take pictures at events. Put him in charge of upgrading your risk management. Maybe even ask these officers if there is a significant organizational problem that they would like to tackle this year? As president, you should not feel constricted by your bylaws with regard to offering opportunities. In fact, your executive board will run better when everyone on it feels like he/she is making an important contribution.

2. As a fall-back, constitutional revision is always a great way to keep someone busy. Not to say it isn't important, but it is time consuming and can be tedious. Most busy officers don't have time to sit down and do it. It's a great thing to delegate and the discussion it produces in your organization will fire a lot of people up.

3. Assign under-utilized officers to help the overworked officers. If your Parliamentarian doesn't have a lot on her plate, then make her 2nd in command to the officer in charge of Homecoming. Have them work as a team. If your officer in charge of Homecoming protests, tell him that you don't want him burning out or feeling overwhelmed, so you've asked another officer to back him up. This is also a great defensive move against having one person in your organization totally responsible for a big thing, then flaking.

4. Put one of your officers in charge of your executive committee goals (this assumes that your exec actually has a set of goals for the year). Each week at your exec meeting, this officer is in charge of spending some time reviewing pertinent goals and helping the exec committee, as a whole, to make progress on the goals. Many of you have goals, but no one is staying on top of them after they are set. Assigning an under-utilized officer to manage their progress is a great, meaningful leadership opportunity. You can even say that you are putting this officer in charge of the organization's "strategic plan." That sounds very important.

5. Put an under-utilized officer in charge of "External Relations." This person is now in charge of finding co-sponsors for events, creating networking (social) opportunities with the student officers of allied organizations on campus, etc. This might not be necessary for a student government, but for special interest student organizations, it can make a big difference in terms of campus image and member recruitment.

You can really tell a lot about what kind of officer someone will be by how enthusiastically they seize or avoid these requests. Someone who seizes the opportunity to be the "strategic plan manager" might end up being a good future president. The officer who does nothing with a delegated set of responsibilities is probably at the peak of his or her ascension in the organization.

Be aware that giving under-utilized officers meaningful sets of responsibilities is an exercise in delegation and relinquishment of control. If this is a problem for you, then it's something to work on. You should trust your organization and your fellow officers enough to spread the important and critical work around.

What's the best thing to say when running for president?

You want to run for president of your organization, and to do it, you have to stand up and give a pitch. A speech. You have to make your case for why they should trust you to run the group for the next year.

Even if you're a shoo-in for the spot, the speech can be intimidating. How can you say something that will instill confidence yet not sound cheesy and trite?

You might want to say things like:

You have to elect me because I'm the only one who understands what the hell is going on.

Elect me so I can continue to do all the work like I've been doing all year anyway.

Vote for me. After the last dummy we had, I would be a massive improvement.

But, of course, you can't say those things. Aim for a spirit of collaborative leadership in your comments.

- I will aggressively seek out your best ideas. I won't just have an open door, I'm going to be knocking on your door, asking for your thoughts, your criticisms, and your willingness to step up and share the leadership with me and the other officers.

- Communication is the most important quality I plan to nurture, because when everyone is talking, trusting each other, setting shared goals, and working in unity, we can get amazing things done. I believe the most important thing I can do as president is keep everyone talking and feeling great about being part of this team.

- I promise to pay attention to the details.

- I will work very hard to move this organization forward, in small ways and maybe in a few big ways. If I didn't think I could do that, then I wouldn't want the job. If you just want someone to keep everything the same, I'm not the best person to vote for. I think our organization can be better and that's why I'm asking for this opportunity.

- I want this to be fun. I want to enjoy the experience, and I want you to enjoy being part of this organization. That won't always be easy, so I'll need your help. There will be times when the stress of being president will get to me, and that's when I'll need you to step in, offer me a little encouragement, and put my mind back in the right place. I'm going to count on you, just as much as you'll be counting on me.

- We have some problems. We all know that. I'm willing to put in the earnest effort to move us toward some fixes. Don't elect me to solve the problems. Elect me because you feel like you'd be willing to stand next to me and share the heavy lifting.

- I bring some good qualities that will help me succeed in this position. I hope that by serving as your president, I'll grow even more as a leader. I'm doing this because I want to make a difference, but also because I want to emerge a smarter, more able leader. If you give me this opportunity, I'm going to personally invest in it just as each of you is personally investing in me.

November 4, 2008

Change the venue

One of the easiest things you can do to breathe a little bit of new life into your meetings is to change where they happen. If you feel like your meetings are in a rut and have become boring, changing locations can change your members' perspective just enough to cause a few sparks.

If you always meet in the same room on campus, change it up. Meet in the private dining room of a local restaurant at dinner time. Meet outside.

If you have a smaller group, meet in someone's living room. What about meeting in the living room of a member you've been trying to motivate about the organization?

You can make it a permanent change, or just do it for a single meeting. And, of course, it's important to make sure everyone is well-informed about the new location. You could also choose to hang a sign in your normal meeting place telling people to meet you somewhere cool nearby (it has to be very nearby).

Meet in the space that belongs to another campus organization. Why not ask the Women's Center if you can use their meeting space? If you're in a fraternity or sorority, switch one night with another chapter you like. The women get the men's chapter room, and the guys go over and see what it feels like to meet in a clean meeting room!

If you're going to change the location, change the set-up as well. Meet in a circle, or sit on the ground, or sit on comfortable couches.

Some people will like the change of venue, and some will think it's stupid and unnecessary. Remember, not everyone has to love every idea you try. Motivating your group is about trying new things and seeing where the positive results happen.

Blah, blah, blah letter at Framingham

In an attempt to inject some humor into their foundation fundraising, The Legacy Fund at Framingham State College in Massachusetts sent an appeal out to young alums that read, in part:

"With the recent economic downturn and loan crisis, it has become even more important for Framingham State College to receive your support. Blah, blah, blah, blah..."

The appeal went on to repeat the word "blah" 137 times. The letter was then signed by the president of the alumni association.

The whole story can be found here.

The humor wasn't well received by everyone. Some who called to complain called it insulting, unprofessional, and ridiculous. However, 40 alumni who had never given to the college alumni association before gave more than $2,000 as a result.

I thought it was pretty amusing. It's definitely a lesson in how some people get a joke, and some don't. While it remains to be seen if the stunt produced more positive or more negative consequences, it is definitely the only alumni association appeal making national news right now.

Lighten up a little during election week

Do you have a regularly-scheduled meeting on Tuesday nights? Yeah, you should probably cancel that meeting on November 4.

Election night is a huge cultural phenomenon, and this is the most dynamic election I've seen in my lifetime. It's not a good day/night to expect people to be productive or attentive to anything except the news. Most people will be watching their televisions, standing in long lines to vote, and feeling either elation or disappointment. There's a reason why Election Day is practically a national holiday.

I also think it's a good idea to go easy on the meeting and productivity demands on the day after Election Day. People are nursing a hangover, figuratively or literally. Cancel that Wednesday morning meeting, also.

Take a look at your calendar, and if yours is not a politically-oriented student group, lighten up the schedule for Election Week.

Careful what you say in the gym

I was at the gym yesterday, and about ready to walk out the door. I walked over to one of my favorite trainers to say goodbye, and his client was running his mouth. The client is an undergraduate fraternity man from nearby University of Denver (that's not him in the picture, but he looked kind of similar).

The kid was talking with great enthusiasm about how they had the pledges over Thursday night and made them "do all kinds of nasty shit." You know, like sending them on a scavenger hunt and making them eat hot peppers. Stuff like that.

Now, those who know me know what a struggle it is for me to be developmental when talking about hot-button issues like hazing. But, when I'm at the gym and my testosterone is racing... well, I can be a little confrontational.

"That's hazing, and you should be ashamed of yourself," I said to the young man.

"It's not hazing," he said.

"Actually, it is," I continued. "And you're a sadistic little punk for thinking you have the right to do that to other guys in order to join your shitty fraternity. You're a hazer and so are your brothers."

"You don't know anything about fraternities," he told me.

This is where the personal trainer jumped in. "Hey, you might want to knock it off," he told the client, giving me a cease-and-desist look. The kid clearly has no idea who he was mouthing off to, and why would he?

"Which fraternity?" I asked.

"You don't need to know which fraternity," he replied.

"If it's not hazing, then why do you care if I know which fraternity you're a member of?" I asked. "Are you afraid I might tell someone at the university?"

"If the university thinks that's hazing, then they can just bend over and take it up the ass!" he said.

I swear, that's what he said. Both the trainer and I chuckled. I've often thought that hazing is the most obvious repression of gay sexual energy -- but I'll save that for another blog.

"T.J. won't call the university," the trainer reassured.

Nope. I'm just going to write about it in my blog. And if someone at DU reads this, I bet they won't be one bending over.

Lesson of the day – if you're stupid enough to be a proud hazer, keep your mouth shut about it. You never know who's working out next to you.

So what if Obama was a Muslim?

CNN's Campbell Brown delivered an excellent commentary yesterday on her show "Election Center" addressing this question. I've been bothered by how virulently everyone's been stressing that Barack Obama is Christian, and not, in fact, a Muslim, as if it would be an automatic disqualifier for a presidential candidate. The racist undertone has been one of my more nagging criticisms of this presidential campaign.

I'm reprinting her commentary here, because I think it's a great campus discussion starter. I also bet that it's something on the mind of students who are, in fact, Muslim.


------------

So what if Obama was a Muslim?

NEW YORK (CNN) -- You may find it hard to believe that this remains an issue in this campaign, but it does.

The candidates, both candidates, are still getting questions about Barack Obama's ethnicity and religion. If you are even semi-informed, then by now you already know that of course, Barack Obama is an American.

Of course, Barack Obama is a Christian. Yet just a few days ago, there was a woman at a rally for John McCain incorrectly calling Obama an Arab:

Woman at rally: I don't trust Obama. I have read about him and he's an Arab.

Sen. John McCain: No ma'am, no ma'am. He's a decent family man, citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues. That's what this campaign is all about. He's not, thank you.

Now, I commend Sen. McCain for correcting that woman, for setting the record straight. But I do have one question -- so what if he was?

So what if Obama was Arab or Muslim? So what if John McCain was Arab or Muslim? Would it matter?

When did that become a disqualifier for higher office in our country? When did Arab and Muslim become dirty words? The equivalent of dishonorable or radical?

Whenever this gets raised, the implication is that there is something wrong with being an Arab-American or a Muslim. And the media is complicit here, too.

We've all been too quick to accept the idea that calling someone Muslim is a slur.

I feel like I am stating the obvious here, but apparently it needs to be said: There is a difference between radical Muslims who support jihad against America and Muslims who want to practice their religion freely and have normal lives like anyone else.

There are more than 1.2 million Arab-Americans and about 7 million Muslim-Americans, former Cabinet secretaries, members of Congress, successful business people, normal average Americans from all walks of life.

These are the people being maligned here, and we can only imagine how this conversation plays in the Muslim world. We can't tolerate this ignorance -- not in the media, not on the campaign trail.

Of course, he's not an Arab. Of course, he's not a Muslim. But honestly, it shouldn't matter.

Your buddy, the "problem drinker"

You know that friend I'm talking about. He is incapable of having fun unless he's wasted – but he's wasted a lot, so he always seems to be having fun. He's larger than life most nights and always the center of attention. Loud, laughing, grinning. In the eye of every hurricane.

Everything about him says "drunk": his Facebook picture, the stories about him, the bottles and cans littering his living space. He's funny, or good looking, or sarcastic: so people love him and hand him more drinks. Girls love him, except the ones who mistakenly fall for him.

His drinking always ends up creating drama, or at least entertaining stories. He's always eager to tell the stories because they make him special and entertaining. He leaves out the less cool parts, like the puking, missed classes, or the damage to his car he caused driving through the Taco Bell drive-thru drunk at 3 a.m.

He never actually "goes to bed." He passes out most nights and nods off on the others. Deliberate decisions are few. He frequently has no idea where his car is.

He ends up making out with anybody who will have him. The sex is probably sloppy and disappointing, and it's never safe. You don't actually know that, but it's a safe assumption.

He frequently has scrapes, bruises and blood-shot eyes. There's that story of the night he slept outside on the lawn. His skin has seen more Sharpie than soap. Maybe he's gotten into trouble with the law. Fights, verbal confrontations. While he was drinking, he said and did things that damaged friendships and romantic relationships that showed some promise, followed up by apologies to people who would listen and dismissal of those who wouldn't.

There was that period of about two weeks when he told everyone he had given up drinking. He made a really big deal of making sure everyone saw and heard about the new page he was turning. But, it didn't last long. Some event (a birthday, a campus event, a big party) came up, and everything went back to normal.

During the day, he's like a weakened vampire. You try to talk to him, but he really doesn't want any accountability. You try to positively influence him. Maybe you joke and ask him why he's always such a mess. But, you're met with apologies, excuses, promises, avoidance, or defensiveness.

You begin to wonder if he's headed for a lifetime of hurt and shame. We know that the drunken fun is just a college thing for most people, but we fear it's not the case for him. Maybe this guy is an actual alcoholic, or maybe he's not. In any case, problem drinkers don't usually reform on graduation day. After school, this guy is going to lose a job, get a DUI, endlessly usher a parade of low-life through his bedroom.

The guy everyone thought was fun is going to end up being enormously pathetic. He's the guy who will come back to Homecoming and be exactly the same drunk he was when he was an undergrad.

A problem drinker is a person who experiences problems when he drinks. Plain and simple. Most of us have a friend who is one. A car driving 100 mph, headed for a cliff. Impossible to stop or steer.

Requests from a weary road warrior

I always tell people that traveling is the very worst part of being a speaker. Yeah, we're fun and lively when you see us on stage, but you have no idea what we tolerated all day in order to make it to your town. The following was written by my business partner and fellow speaker, David Stollman. It's pretty damn funny and was clearly written as an alternative to killing a fellow traveler one day this week.

We're getting to the point in the semester where speakers have been on the road for two months and are starting to have mental issues similar to that of the most unstable postal workers. So, if you have a flight in the next six weeks, you've been warned. David flies United and US Airways a lot, so you might want to look into booking on Delta.

------------

by David Stollman


I have decided to inform the world how they can stop pissing me off while joining me in flying around the country. Ten requests.

1. Realize that the laws of physics still apply to airplane overhead bins. Do you have some sort of shrinking charm that makes you think your bag will magically fit in there?! Are you Harry Freaking Potter?!

2. Walking in airports is governed by the rules as driving. Stay to the right. DO NOT just STOP in the middle of the damn walkway to hang out or to look through your bag. Pull over bitch!

3. In case you are too stupid to realize, let me explain. The tray table and back of the seat in front of you is attached… to ME! Quit banging! Stop pulling on my headrest to stand up and pushing on it to sit down. There are armrests for that! I am riding in a plane not on a damn mechanical bull!!

4. Shut the hell up. Most people work hard and fly to get there and back. That means they need to work or sleep on flights. No one wants to hear your damn conversation. Not even the person you are talking to. So only speak in low tones if ever. And NEVER talk on a flight before 9am. Some people got up yesterday to get there early enough. Shut up and let them sleep.

5. Airlines are evil. All of them. Get used to it. Quit being shocked when they crap all over you. Learn the system, know your rights and push back or shut the hell up. You look stupid and waste my time when I am in line behind while you yell about a snowstorm making you late for Aunt Edna’s retirement party.

6. If you can’t learn how to pack, then you will be checking your luggage and will have to pay for it. Shut up and deal with it. You want to bring 5 pairs of shoes for one weekend, well you just paid a "stupidity tax." Tough.

7. Don’t fart on my freaking plane! Unfortunately airlines aren’t nice enough to pass out Beano with their drink service. But until they do, squeeze those cheeks. I don’t want to be stewing in your fumes for two hours. Hell YOU don’t even want to be stewing in them for two hours. Learn what food makes you fart and DO NOT EAT IT BEFORE YOU FLY.

8. I don’t care how badly the airline screwed you over so stop trying to tell me. No matter how bad your story is mine is worse. They keyed my car, punched my mother, pissed in my coffee and send my luggage to Anchorage. What in the world makes you think I am sitting in 5C waiting for you to vent to me. Shut it.

9. If you can’t carry your luggage through the aisle of the plane without hitting me you have to check it. And if you are too stupid to realize that backpacks change your general surface area then you are too stupid to leave your house. Seriously, you know how narrow that aisle is! If you hit me with your backpack when you turn around to ask your homey for some granola again I am going to shove it up your ass.

10. Speaking of that, get your ASS out of my face too. When you stand in the aisle and bend over to the side, your ass is in my face! Bend with your damn knees or I am going to stand up and rodeo smack you like a porn star.

-----------

David is still available for Spring '09 bookings and promises to be very nice after navigating the friendly skies to your lovely city or town.

Greek bystanders

Let's say you have a sister whom you fear is suffering from depression. She's withdrawn from everyone; her entire demeanor is sad and fearful; she isn't taking care of herself; she's missing classes; she's not eating.

Sisters start to notice. "What's going on with her," they ask each other? Concerned conversations become more frequent.

You think to yourself, "God, I really should talk to her." Share your concern, see if you can help.

But then you talk yourself out of it. "Her roommate will say something. Her best friend, (insert name), has probably talked to her. The president will say something." We start reasoning every sister in the chapter who is closer to her, and therefore is more appropriate to say something.

We start convincing ourselves that the best thing we can do is to simply give her some space. Sisters who are closer to her will handle the situation, we silently hope.

Simultaneously, other sisters have the same internal conversation, and no one says a word to the young woman who is suffering. Except perhaps the tactless sister who says, "What's wrong with you?" in an accusatory tone in the bathroom one morning.

***

Let's say you have a brother who has gotten into three fights in the last month, always after parties or trips to bars. He's a fifth-year senior and has a big personality. In the last month, he's had broken lips, a blackened eye, and a dislocated shoulder from fights. He laughs about it, but he looks like hell.

Everyone's a little nervous about it. "What's up with him, lately," the brothers ask each other? Maybe something's going on with his ex-girlfriend, guys wonder. Perhaps he's just cutting loose some since this is his last semester at school. He doesn't seem that drunk when he leaves the parties.

In any case, you worry that he's going to get in one fight too many and end up in the hospital. You think about saying something to him, but you're a sophomore, and sophomores don't really question seniors, particularly about anything related to drinking. You tell yourself, "Well, his best friend (insert name) will say something. The social chair will say something. The risk management chair will say something. Certainly, one of his pledge brothers is on top of the situation."

You keep thinking of other brothers who are closer, or who have more sway over him. You think about how unpleasant the reaction would be if you said anything, and you convince yourself that there are plenty of other brothers better positioned to confront the situation – if indeed it needs confronting at all.

Give him some space. Let him work it out. Something is going on, and the best thing to do is to let him work it out privately, you decide.

Simultaneously, other brothers have the same internal conversation, and no one says a word to the young man who ends up bloodied every weekend. At chapter meeting, your advisor passes by the man and jokingly asks him if he's going as a crime victim for Halloween.

***

Conventional wisdom would tell us that being a member of a fraternity or sorority is a great place to suffer through a personal problem. Surrounded by brothers and sisters who genuinely care about us, there should be plenty of people who will step up, express concern, and get us the help we need.

But, my experience has been that the exact opposite is often true. In situations where more people are present and invested, there's more tendency to assume and hope that another person (other than you) will step up. The more players in a situation, the more the responsibility to act is diffused.

In fraternities and sororities, often, members accept the flawed idea that action is the responsibility of someone in a formal position. The president will do it, the member education chair will do it, the standards board chair will do it, the chapter advisor will do it. Everyone silently hopes that people act based on their job descriptions. Maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't.

Meanwhile, everyone looks at each other, observes a brother or sister in crisis, and does nothing. We are paralyzed because we are a big caring group. There's baggage. There's fear of alienating a friend. There's worry that there's a big terrible situation lurking behind the damaging behavior that you don't want to know about.

It's easier to hope that the situation will work itself out, magically, than to take action and talk to the brother or sister. The fear of "the talk" going badly outweighs the sense of obligation to do something.

***

Many of you have started new member education. This discussion is an important one to have. When is it time to stop thinking like a fraternity and start acting like a brother? When is it time to stop thinking like a sorority, and start acting like a sister?

Are we the type of group where brothers and sisters can feel safe expressing concern for one another – even in the toughest or scariest situations – without retribution? Is it OK for a young member or a new member to express concern for an older member?

Is it the responsibility of every brother or every sister to act when they think someone is in danger? Are we acting on that currently, or are we a bunch of bystanders? How should you confront a brother or sister you are worried about?

Frankly, I think this is the single most critical discussion you can have with your new members. Bring in older members who have gone through tough situations, and have them share how grateful they were when brothers or sisters stepped up. Give your new members permission and the expectation that being a brother or a sister means more than being a passive bystander.

And then, remind your brothers and sisters of the section of your ritual that talks about caring for a brother or sister in need.

Why National Coming Out Day is still important

One of my interns admitted to me recently that prior to coming to work for me, she said the word "gay" a lot. As in, "That's so gay." Like most people who say it, she didn't mean it in the literal sense of "homosexual." She didn't mean it as a slur on people with a non-heterosexual orientation. She meant it as weird, bizarre, or gross.

Everybody said it. It was part of common usage. It was just a word. So, she said it, too.

Knowing she was coming to Denver to work for a gay guy, her boyfriend commented, "Well, I guess you need to quit saying that, huh?"

October 11 is National Coming Out Day, and people sometimes ask me why there needs to be such a day. There are gay, lesbian, and bisexual television characters on all the popular shows. A gay Congressman has been on TV all week promoting the Wall Street Bailout. Everybody seems to have gay friends. Coming out, it seems, has never been easier.

But, dig deeper and you'll see that getting to a place of positive self-esteem for most gay and lesbian people is still a very difficult journey. I don't care how many episodes of Will & Grace your mother has seen, telling her you're gay is still very intimidating. None of us likes to break our mom's heart, even if we believe she'll eventually come around to embrace us as we are. It's still hard for many people to figure out how they'll be able to keep God in their life. It's hard to imagine how you'll ever be a parent.

It's still very hard to worry about friends rejecting you – even the ones who say "gay" all the time and mean no harm.

It's important that we all take a step back and remember how tough it is for young people of all shapes, sizes, colors, and religions to figure this puzzle out. We need to work a little harder to send the message that everyone deserves love, and self-esteem, and the ability to live a life where one's heart and one's mind operate harmoniously.

I have a friend who only came out about two years ago, in his 40's. During a recent hospital stay, his partner was embraced by his family and included in all the medical decisions. National Coming Out Day matters to him.

I know a young woman who struggles to deal with her sexual orientation because she worries about being rejected by her fundamentalist family and home community. She spends inordinate amounts of time on the Internet, reading and searching for something that will give her hope that she won't be rejected by everyone she knows. National Coming Out Day matters to her, because she'll probably still be deeply closeted when it's over.

October 12 is the 10th anniversary of Matthew Shepard's death. He was "out" on his campus, was a member of his GLBT student organization, and by all accounts, liked himself pretty well. Yet, he was victimized and left for dead, tied to a fence in rural Wyoming. Trust me, National Coming Out Day matters to his mom, Judy.

And, National Coming Out Day matters to me. I don't expect everyone who has yet to publicly self-identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual to run down the quad waving a rainbow flag. For me, it's not about making some big show and daring people to accept you. For me, it's not even an observance for gay people.

For me, National Coming Out Day needs to be about straight people sending a message of acceptance and support so that the young man or woman in their life who is fighting the battle against fear can see supportive messages that they need so badly. Coming out requires courage, and some people need a little bit of that courage to come from you.

If you're reading this on Facebook, I encourage you to set your status to something supportive in the next two weeks. "Joe loves his gay friends" or "Kelly wants her sisters to know that it's safe to come talk to her." You never know if one of your friends really needs that kind of message.

If you are gay or lesbian, and a user of Facebook or MySpace, challenge your own fear and change that profile setting to an "Interested in" that reflects who you truly are.

And if you hear someone say the word "gay" as a synonym for "stupid," challenge it. Every time we use our words carelessly, we send a message that there is reason to fear, to hide, to be ashamed.

National Coming Out Day matters, but what matters more is the individual commitment each of us makes to promoting human dignity and respect, regardless of your personal sexual orientation.

Terrorist parties

I've been noticing a proliferation of terrorist theme parties on Facebook. As I look at the pictures of turbans, patterned bandanas across faces, fake machine guns, etc., I worry that the students promoting these parties are soon going to find themselves protested by Middle Eastern and Muslim student organizations.

This is something I remember well from my undergraduate days at Indiana.

Back in the mid-80's, the Phi Kappa Psi Fraternity chapter at Indiana had, arguably, the year's biggest and most lavish party – Arabian Nights. They had been having this party for years, and it was a well-known event. Women would come dressed in veiled garb. Men would dress like sheiks. They even rented camels. How the hell they found camels within driving distance of Bloomington, Indiana, I'll never know.

They would import tons of sand. Kegs were delivered by the truckload. For an entire week prior to the party, they would play Arabian music from the windows.

But, then one year, the crap hit the fan. Indiana's sizeable Middle Eastern student population decided to file formal complaints against the event for its promotion of stereotypes. The campus became polarized, primarily between the Greeks who defended the party, and everyone else who found it sophmoric, culturally insensitive, and a glaring example of the ridiculous expenditures of money made in the interest of reckless alcohol consumption.

It was front page news in the Indiana Daily Student for a month. Administrators got involved. Marches and protests were held. Even the animal rights activists got involved on behalf of the camels.

In the end, the party went on, but it was permanently shelved after that. The firestorm had been too consuming and the toxic repercussions outweighted the fun. I recall many sensitivity workshops that followed, lots of apologies by the Phi Psi's, and declarations of the value of the teachable moment by the campus faculty and administrators.

Which brings me back, 20-some years later, to the terrorist parties I'm starting to see online.

If you think there was an uproar about veils, turbans and camels, imagine the uproar that is coming for fatwah parties with machine guns, hostages, and suicide bombers.

I advise you to immediately confront these theme parties immediately, even going so far as to outlaw them premptively. Some dummy will have the idea, if it hasn't happened already. As a general rule, any party theme that centers on a societal subculture is a bad idea. In this case, you run the risk of pushing some very sensitive buttons and becoming the center of a huge debacle like the one at Indiana in the 80's.

It's just not worth it. Address it now, aggressively.

Be very careful not to "annoint" your successor

I know it's only September, and elections are months away. But, here's a warning. Don't get too excited and start grooming the person you think should succeed you. That doesn't always turn out well.

Fact is, many organizations like to mix it up. If you are a serious, practical person, they are likely to elect someone totally different from you in the next cycle. They'll elect the fun-loving jovial person who isn't terribly serious. If you're an emotional person, they'll probably elect the intellectual next time. If you're an extrovert, they will choose the quieter guy. If you were incredibly focused on one thing, they'll elect the person who criticized you the most strongly.

It's a "democracy" thing. Many members feel like they are exercising their right to choose when they make a more brazen choice. That's why both presidential candidates are so different from George W. Bush. People like change. They get motivated by change. They are sensitive to choosing too much of the same thing.

So, here's my warning. You would probably like to see someone succeed you who will build on what you have accomplished. You would choose someone who will firm up your legacy by validating your priorities and leadership style. That's natural. However, it you let that show to your members, it might be the kiss of death to that person's chances.

Best thing you can do is to simply stand up at a meeting and let everyone know that you will be happy to spend some time with anyone who might be interested in running for president. Be conspicuous about being neutral.

Closer to elections, when people ask you for your opinion, remain neutral, and praise all candidates. As tempting as it might be, don't weigh the pro's and con's for them. The most you should ever do is make sure people understand what the job is like.

If you did a good job and your "approval rating" is high, they might choose the person you would have chosen. But nothing pushes people toward "change" like the feeling that you've hand picked your successor and taken away their choice, so play your hand close to your chest.

If indeed your choice is the right choice for the organization, people will probably want to select him/her because you've been such a good, supportive leader.

Resumes: What stands out?

I am busy reviewing resumes tonight. There's nothing quite like sitting in front of a stack of 30 resumes to remind you why people get paid good money to do human resources work. It makes my head hurt. As I look through pages and pages, I have very little confidence that the typical resume package tells you any of the things you REALLY need to know about a person you plan to hire. It's a crap shoot, at best.

But, since I just spent the better part of three hours poring through these resumes, I thought it might be worthwhile to share some of my observations. Maybe as you do your job search this year or next, you'll keep a couple of these observations in mind.

I'm sure half of what I'll tell you here flies completely in the face of what they tell you at the career center. But, oh well. I'm the one offering a job today.

• I liked the resume packages that came in the mail better than the ones that came to me via email. They showed more effort and care. I know it's "old school," but I liked the texture of a nice piece of stationery paper that an applicant picked out. I liked that they took the time to assemble a package and mail it to me. You just don't get that in a resume that is sent via email.

• I enjoy a little color when I'm digging through 30 resumes. A few of the packages were a bit more colorful and lively, particularly when it came to the work samples. I liked that.

• Four resumes came without a cover letter. I tossed them. If you can't even bother to write a basic cover letter, then you don't want to work for me. Also, I had a couple whose idea of a cover letter was a three line email that said, "Please find my resume attached..." No, thanks.

• If you don't specifically refer to the position I'm offering and explain why it interested you, then it's obvious that you're applying to 100 jobs, and mine is just one in the pile.

• Several of the cover letters said "Dear T.J.". Hey, if you don't know me, would it kill you to call me "Mr. Sullivan?" I'm not a super-formal guy, but it seems like a good rule of thumb to refer to the person hiring as "Mr." or "Ms." until a level of familiarity is established. And, as for that argument of not knowing whether "T.J. Sullivan" was a man or woman, a quick Google or visit to my company's website would have answered that question.

• I like letters of recommendation a lot, but I like them even more when the person writing explains why you are special. It's not much of a recommendation when they just said you did your job. If you ask people to write letters of rec, make sure they dig you enough to write a letter that makes you sound like a truly amazing person.

• I had one woman who didn't capitalize "I" in her materials. It wasn't a typo. She just hates capital letters, I guess. Of all the ways to show some individuality in a resume package, that's a pretty dumb one.

• Another woman told me her salary qualifications, and they happen to be $20,000 more than what I'm offering. The salary range I'm offering is in the published job announcement. That one was a head-scratcher.

• I really, really like it when people explain in their cover letter why this job interests them. Everyone tells me that they are qualified, would be a good fit, and have lots of special skills. But, I want to know why THIS JOB. How does it fit into your goals, your dreams, your plans for your career?

• Tell me something from your life that you ENJOY. I guess there are career advising types who would tell you to keep the personal stuff out. But, I love it when people tell me they are passionate about water skiing, or writing poetry, or raising guinea pigs. It gives me a glimpse into who you are as a person, and since I'll be working with that person every day, I like these sort of things.

Who's qualified to be president?

This isn't a posting about Sarah Palin. But, all the talk about who is and who is not qualified to be president got me thinking this week about how student organizations pick their leaders.

Do your group's bylaws dictate who can and cannot run for the top spot? I find many student organizations start thinking about putting these sort of limitations in effect before election season comes in late Fall. We want to make sure we don't leave the organization in the hands of someone who's going to completely screw it up.

Some groups require that all candidates for president must have served in another officer position. Some require that those running for president be at least a junior. Others require a certain grade point average.

Others leave it entirely wide open. The group chooses whomever they think will do the best job regardless of any criteria. So, which is better?

I'm a big fan of the free market deciding. Qualifications for office are certain to come up among those voting when the discussion happens. Should we vote for someone who has a 2.3 over the person with a 3.4? Would someone who chaired a committee be better than this other person we all think is a lot of fun?

If experience is important to people, then their votes will follow the person with the most experience. Others will want change, and they will vote purely on personality over experience. That's the beauty of a democracy. People can vote based on anything they like.

I find that the more you limit people's options on whom they can select, the worse it goes. It might be tempting to lay out a bunch of restrictions on who can run for office, but that means limiting your members' choices at election time. Why do that? An organization is made up of its constituency, and to assume you know "who is qualified" more than the membership paying the dues is arrogant. The best thing for you to do is to make sure that those voting clearly understand the job responsibilities. Then, let them decide who they are going to trust with the position.

Sarah Palin is all the rage in the media again this week, and the focus is on her qualifications. Does being a small town mayor and the governor of Alaska qualify you to be inches from the Oval Office? I have a friend who calls her an "evil joke," completely unqualified. Some other friends find her refreshing because she's so different from all the other candidates.

I suppose the framers of the Constitution could have said that only past Representatives, Senators, or two-term Governors could run for President and Vice President. Nothing was stopping them.

They decided that you had to be 35 years old. After that, they trusted that the people would choose who they really wanted – based on qualifications, or based on personality. The Framers decided to let the people work it out. If you want to base it on your love of youth hockey, then go for it.

If it's good enough for our country, then I suppose it's good enough for your organization. Get rid of the restrictions. Encourage everyone to think about running. It's the sign of a vibrant student organization when you give your members the maximum number of possibilities.

Sitting in an airport on 9/11

It's been seven years since 9/11, and on this anniversary, I find myself sitting in an airport. Baltimore, to be exact. On my way to Atlanta. It occurs to me that it's the first time I've flown on the actual date since the national tragedy all those years ago.

Everyone remembers where they were when it happened. I was on the very last plane they let continue beyond Europe, headed to the U.S. It was a Delta flight from Shannon, Ireland to Atlanta. We would be the last of 38 planes that would be diverted to Gander, Newfoundland. They didn't tell us what happened until we landed. With all the other jumbo jets already landed beneath us, we thought there had been a catastrophic Y2K failing of the air traffic control system.

The previous night, I had treated myself to a hotel night in a former castle in Ireland. The rest of the nights that week – seven – I would sleep on the floor of a Canadian elementary school, waiting to be allowed back into the U.S.

I was traveling alone, and that made for a very strange and disconcerting week. We were the final plane evacuated from the Gander Airport. We sat on the plane for 36 hours waiting, watching movies, worrying. When we were finally evacuated, we were taken to a very tiny town named Lewisport more than an hour away. They wouldn't let us have our luggage or our toiletries.

All the video that you watched seven years ago today – we first saw it on 9/13. Two days later. Everyone still cried. We knew the entire world had changed.

I played cards. I waited in line for my turn at the one pay phone so I could call the CAMPUSPEAK office where Tracy held things together like a champ. We waited. I flirted mercilessly with a hot gym teacher at the school.

After three days in the same clothes, a group of men and I hitched a ride in a pickup truck to a mall (honestly, by American standards, not really a mall) and bought them clean out of socks, t-shirts and boxer shorts so that most of the 330 passengers from my flight could have at least one clean article of clothing.

We were the last plane to land, and the last to be released from Gander. Seven days stranded in a remote area of Canada. The people had been nice to us, but our patience was long gone. Seven days of mass produced spaghetti, donated blankets and nasty clothes. Our senses of humor felt distant and unfamiliar.

They came around 3 a.m. to wake us and load us on buses. Our plane was finally headed to Atlanta. The Delta crew had spent the week in hotel rooms, and we hated their guts for it. How nice it must have been to shower whenever you wanted, instead of during a 5-minute pre-assigned time slot.

In the scheme of things, I know we should have felt lucky. We could have been passengers on the planes that flew into buildings. But, when you're stressed, uncertain, and frightened, you want to be home. We wanted to be home.

When we landed in Atlanta, the plane erupted in applause.

As we pulled up to the gate, hundreds of Atlanta based Delta workers were gathered on the tarmac at the gate. They were waiving American flags and cheering. Hundreds of them. Their final plane had come home. For the second time that week, I sobbed. The whole plane sobbed.

Today, I'm landing in Atlanta. I'll be welcomed by the typical surly, disinterested airport employees. But, I'm going to think about that day, the flags, the cheering. Today, I'm going to be thankful, and introspective, and calm. I'm thankful that we haven't had a repeat of 9/11, and I'm going to be a little more patient as I navigate the TSA security line.

Life goes on, even after the most devastating moments. Doesn't it?

Recommended anti-hazing video to show your members

National Hazing Prevention Week is September 22-26.

If you do nothing else, show this video to your fraternity/sorority members, new members, prospective members, and other new students joining clubs/organizations and joining sports teams.

The video is called "Enough is Enough." It's not perfect, but I liked it. Like so many of these projects, it came about because of the senseless death of a fraternity new member – in this case, Jack Phoummarath, a fraternity pledge at the University of Texas.

The video is 18 minutes long. To watch the video, click on the link for "educational video" at the bottom left of the screen.

Nominate an anti-hazing hero

Do you know someone – a student, a volunteer, or a professional – who has gone to heroic lengths to combat hazing? Perhaps a team leader who stood up and said, "No!" Maybe a sorority president who changed harmful traditions. Maybe someone who got your college community talking about the issue?

National Hazing Prevention Week is only a couple of weeks away (September 22-26, 2008), and one of my favorite programs sponsored by HazingPrevention.Org is the Anti-Hazing Hero contest. Each year, the organization recognizes individuals who showed courage and determination in standing up to hazing. Each year, they pick some pretty great people of all ages who took a personal stand.

You don't need to do some glorious, complicated nomination. You don't need audio-visuals and a PowerPoint presentation. Just write in and nominate a deserving person, and share the story. You can even nominate yourself (no shame in that!).

You can find the nomination information here.

For all the educational programs, posters, and tragic stories, the real "change" in stopping and preventing hazing comes from individuals of great character who put themselves on the line and say, "Enough!" This is a wonderful way for you to help recognize someone who did that.

Deadline is September 26.

It's not about "inviting" the Black Greeks

This is a repost from last year, by request.

----------------

It blows my mind how often I still hear IFC or Panhellenic officers say, "We invite the NPHC to do things with us, but they don't want to!" Let's get this straight, once and for all. It's not about inviting the Black Greeks to things. If you truly want a more cooperative relationship among your diverse councils, it's about sitting down with a clean slate and starting from square one. It's about asking, "What things could we do together that would be meaningful and appealing to all of our organizations?"

Also, get out of that IFC and Panhellenic mentality that any activity you do has to involve thousands of people. You could have a very meaningful activity with a few leaders from each of the councils. You don't have to jam 1,000 people into a room to have a leadership experience that's worthwhile. Start thinking "efficient and meaningful" instead of "large, loud, and well attended."

Put yourself in the shoes of a Black Greek organization leader. When your organization has fewer than 10 members, you need everyone pitching in to make the organization work. So, priorities have to be chosen carefully. The number one challenge NPHC student leaders tell me they have is getting their members to step up after crossing over (joining as an initiated member). When you have four members, every person's participation makes the difference between a successful year and a weak one.

As an IFC or Panhellenic leader, you might have dozens or hundreds of people that you can get to some random event. This is not possible for an NPHC leader. Each of their members is already overtaxed with duties and obligations. Come to the table with that understanding and respect for the nature of their organizations, and you'll make some progress this year.

20 people from different councils coming together for a service project one morning on campus could be wonderful. Perhaps you could form a joint committee of 6-8 people to make a presentation to the alumni association about the future of Greek Life. The possibilities are endless.

But, if your idea of working with the Black Greeks is to invite them to field a team at your Greek Olympics, you're way off the mark. It's not about getting invited to their step shows. It's not about forcing them to join Homecoming pairs.

It's about working with them from SQUARE ONE and finding something that is worth everyone's time and that fits with the demands of the daily life of all of your organizations.

Photo is of the 2004 NPHC officers at Oklahoma, by the way. Thanks, Sooners.