Iowa students tie state's first same-sex knot

The window was a narrow one, but two University of Iowa undergrads played it perfectly and became the state's first legally married same-sex couple.

CNN has the story here.

Twenty same-sex couples were waiting at the Polk County courthouse doors Friday morning, waiting to apply for marriage licenses, following a court's order striking down the state's man/woman only marriage law. The judge put a stay on his own order late Friday morning, but not before Sean Fritz and Tim McQuillan got their license and were married by a local Unitarian minister.

Fritz said: "We're both in our undergrad programs and we thought maybe we'd put it off until applying for graduate school, but when this opportunity came up, we thought maybe we wouldn't get the opportunity again."

Amazing how social change frequently comes at the hands of students acting on issues that matter most to them personally.

Your Advisor: Feed and Care Instructions

Whether you have an advisor you love, or one you'd like to toss off the nearest high-rise, it is to your advantage to build the most productive relationship possible. There are a few simple strategies you can implement to maintain, build, or improve your working relationship with your advisor.

With the proper, care, feeding and affection, your advisor will be a trusted companion and protector. Kind of like that handsome dog in the picture, but with better breath.

• If your advisor requires paperwork of any kind, do it on time. Nothing annoys an advisor more than having to track you down and beg you to do what you should be doing. Getting your crap in on time is the quickest path to his or her heart.

• Take the initiative to set up weekly check-in meetings. Don't make your advisor track you down and beg for face-to-face time. Do your best to keep your appointments and show up with a few notes. This demonstrates that you respect his or her time and want to use it for the greatest benefit.

• Give your advisor at least one opportunity each semester to attend an event, a meeting, or some other "face time" thing with your organization's members. Come to your advisor with a few opportunities, and help find a date that works with his/her schedule. It's important that your members know your advisor's name and face.

• Don't lie to your advisor. You lose credibility instantly. It's easier to forgive a dummy than to forgive a liar.

• Give your advisor a calendar of your events and meetings as far in advance as possible.

• Show a little appreciation. A simple note that says "Thank you for your time and effort" will buy you a lot of good will. An occasional t-shirt, lunch, candy bar, or Hawaiian vacation doesn't hurt either.

• When something goes wrong, be honest with your advisor, and call him SOON after it happens. Your advisor will be upset to hear about something negative from anyone other than you.

• When you have a problem, ask for help. That's what an advisor is there for! You're not bothering your advisor if you bring some possible courses of action to the table and need some help choosing between them. It's annoying when a group is struggling and won't ask for help.

• Share good news and funny stories with your advisor also. Don't just share the negative stuff.

• Nominate your advisor for awards. They'll never ask you to do it, of course. But, recognitions for good advising are few and far between. Reward someone who's done good work for you by giving them a public pat on the back. And make sure your advisor's boss (or the volunteer that supervises him or her) gets a copy of the nomination.

Most of us in student affairs -- whether professional or volunteer -- live for those moments when we feel like we made a difference. If your advisor is making a difference for you, make sure he or she knows how they are helping you and your organization.

Charges dropped against Rider officials

UPDATE

I was happy to learn that the aggravated hazing charges have been dropped against the two student affairs professionals at Rider University. Read more here. Hank Nuwer also provided very good coverage of the situation at his blog.

Although I (and many others) predicted and hoped that these charges would be dropped, it has still been a significant incident for the student affairs field. The repercussions will take a while to fully reveal themselves. And sadly, both officials have probably not heard the end of this. The family of the young man who died were decrying the charges being dropped in media articles this week which probably indicates an intention to file a civil suit down the road.

For now though, best wishes go out to my friend, Ada Badgley, who was truly put through the ringer on this stuff. Having your picture appear repeatedly in USA Today and other papers in association with a crime is a truly terrible experience. Both officials return to work this week, according to reports, and I hope they can put this experience behind them and recover to a degree of normalcy. I also applaud the students of Rider who rallied behind their university officials in this situation.

"Fagbug" – Hate crime inspires student to activism

One day last April, Erin Davies woke up to find red spray paint on her VW Bug with the words "fag" and "u r gay" on her hood and driver side window. Despite immediate shock and embarassment, she quickly decided to embrace what happened and to keep driving her vandalized car to increase public awareness about homophobia and hatred that exists in our society.

Erin is now driving her "fagbug" on a cross country trip, taking it to different communities. She is also producing a fagbug documentary to shed light on the issues of intolerance.

I think it's a really cool story of student activism. If you have a chance, visit her website and give her a message of support. Maybe even invite her to your school. Courage deserves encouragement.

Expensive Soda

I had one of those depressing experiences last night that made me scratch my head in amazement – one that really makes me feel like I simply don't "get" today's students sometimes.

I was visiting my fraternity's chapter at a nearby university. I was there to deliver the news that we would be doing a sort of "membership review" in two weeks, asking each man for a reaffirmation of his commitment to the values of the fraternity. Sort of a "buy in or get out" challenge. The chapter has had some big struggles with grades and risk management violations, and they are at the point where they need to fix things, or they'll be gone.

So, as I'm sitting in the room waiting for my turn to speak, the young man coordinating this weekend's plans for the big football game proceeds with his report. He announces that he will need $40 per man to pay for "soda" for the event. It was obvious to everyone in the room that he wasn't going to be using the money to buy soda. A chuckle erupted around the room. Even he chuckled. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Nevermind that I'm a fraternity official sitting right there. Nevermind that the chapter has had repeated risk management violations and is currently awaiting a judicial sanction from the university. Nevermind that they are one step away from losing their charter. Nevermind that less than six months ago, this young man and other leaders in the room sat through a seminar called "The Ladder of Risk" that clearly outlined our national policies against collecting money for group purchase of alcohol.

When I gave him a look, he said, "It's a tailgate. What do you expect?"

Well, I expect you to follow the rules, even when you don't really want to. At what point did this very nice young man learn that rules and regulations are optional? Did his parents teach him, directly or indirectly? Did his peers teach it to him? Did the fraternity teach it to him? Has he never suffered a negative consequence for breaking rules? Is he just an enormous risk taker? Did his brothers put the expectation to break the rules on him when they gave him the job of organizing the event?

Is the rule breaker mentality just part of the package with students today? Hell, in my college days, we broke rules, too. But, at least we tried to be sneaky about it. Sometimes, it seems like students brazenly break rules and then dare you to hand down consequences.

I could have lowered the hammer right there, but I didn't. I want to see if someone (anyone!) in the chapter takes the initiative to do the right thing. It will be interesting to see how the next two weeks play out for these guys...

What Motivates, Part Two: MONEY

College students love free stuff. It's the reason that a perfectly smart young man with killer SAT scores will sign up for an 18% interest rate credit card to get a free t-shirt. Free food, free shirts, free beer, stadium cups, free paper clips. It doesn't seem to matter.

Give something away and they'll come ("He's having a party. I hate him. But there's free beer, so I'll go for a little while.").

Free stuff is a big motivator for many college students who never seem to have enough money to make ends meet. College marketers love giving free crap to college students and students always take it.

So, how can you use this to your advantage in motivating students on your campus?

Sadly, most organizations can't hand out $20 bills to people as they come in the door to an event. But, if you're running a large event or a well-funded campus organization (like a programming board or a Greek Council at a large school), you might be able to budget for cash prizes for a big event. "One lucky ticket holder will win $500!!!"

For smaller groups, focus on the free stuff you can give away. A couple of suggestions...

Students enjoy door prizes, gift certificates, and coupons. Contact a local business and see if they have any giveaway t-shirts, cups, keychains, or other "promo junk" and give those away to the first 100 people who arrive for your event. Think pizza places, cell phone companies, electronics stores, clothing stores, Spring Break trip promotion companies, etc.

What about free movie tickets at the Student Center for the rest of the semester?

Go to the mall and ask at stores for 20% off coupons. They usually have them for preferred customers. You'd be surprised how many will give you free coupons like that just for the asking.

Reward people who do things right with discounts on dues. Sorority members who earn a 3.5 GPA or better in the Fall come to the Spring formal for free.

Using money and free stuff as a motivator is easier for larger groups than for smaller ones. But, with a little creativity and a few phone calls to local businesses, giveaways can add some excitement to any activity.

Dateline NBC: "To Catch a Campus Speaker..."

When NBC's news division isn't humiliating child molesters for ratings, they occasionally do something that can be enlightening and educational. Monday September 3rd (Labor Day) at 10:00 PM EST, Dateline NBC is doing an hour on safety issues (pick-pocketing, vacation safety, children staying home alone, date-rape drugs, sexual assault). It's a good episode to tell your fellow students about (particularly women). TiVo it if you're partying hard on the holiday weekend.

Two of our CAMPUSPEAK speakers played a role in one of the segments. Kelly Addington and Rebecca Tieder assisted with the segment on date rape prevention, and they are pretty excited about how it came out. You can read more about Kelly and Becca and their Unite for Change Campaign at the CAMPUSPEAK site.

As far as we know, Kelly and Becca didn't try to lure a 14-year-old boy into a sexual encounter, so we're hoping this will give them a positive awareness boost. Let anyone you know who's interested in the sexual assault prevention issue about this Dateline NBC episode.

Have a great weekend, Everyone!

National Hazing Prevention Week is one month away!

What is your campus or Greek community doing to combat the harms of hazing? September 24-29, 2007, is the third annual National Hazing Prevention Week, and if your campus isn't planning to do something, there's still time to pull something together.

Thanks to the work of many amazing organizations, we have been able to turn national attention to the issue of hazing prevention. Students are still dying every year from this stupid and illegal practice.

Tons of resources and ideas are available at the NHPW website. There are posters, buttons, parent brochures, and more. It's easy to generate a little awareness and discussion about this important issue on your campus. Click here for resources.

This is a great opportunity for athletes, Greeks, student organization leaders, faculty and staff at your campus to come together in a meaningful way to promote an important student health and safety issue.

Barnes & Noble is partially pregnant

Barnes & Noble is getting positive press this week about their decision not to carry the upcoming O.J. Simpson book, If I Did It, in their stores. Victims advocates are praising the decision. BUT, Barnes & Noble is going to sell it by special order and online on their website.

So, basically, they ARE selling it. They are fine with making the money on it, they just don't want to upset the upper-middle class customers that frequent their stores. Probably a brilliant business decision, but what kind of message does this send about the ethics of the company?

From CNN:

NEW YORK—If you're hoping to buy the new edition of O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It," don't expect to find a copy at Barnes & Noble. Citing a perceived lack of customer interest, the chain said the book would only be available by special order or for purchase online through Barnes & Noble.com.

"Our buyers don't feel there will be enough of a demand to carry it in our stores," Barnes & Noble spokeswoman Mary Ellen Keating told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

A rival chain, Borders Group Inc., said Tuesday that it would stock "If I Did It," a ghostwritten, fictionalized account of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. But spokeswoman Ann Binkley said Borders "will not promote or market the book in any way."

"We think it will have some interest in the first week or two, then die down," said Binkley, who added that Borders, which for the original book had planned to donate profits to charity, will not do so this time.

Simpson's book was first scheduled for publication last November by ReganBooks, an imprint of HarperCollins, with an announced printing of 400,000. But "If I Did It" was dropped in response to widespread outrage. ReganBooks founder Judith Regan was later fired and her imprint disbanded.

"It is Barnes & Noble's decision, not my decision, and the marketplace will determine whether they are right or not," Eric Kampmann, the owner and president of Beaufort Books, the new publisher of "If I Did It," told the AP. "But I think it's sad if they're making their decision based on the HarperCollins experience, which was a totally different situation."

Last month, a federal bankruptcy judge awarded rights to the book to Goldman's family to help satisfy a $38 million wrongful death judgment against Simpson.

Beaufort, a small New York-based publisher, is reissuing "If I Did It" in October, with Simpson's original manuscript intact and commentary included. The Goldman family is calling the book Simpson's confession—the same description Regan offered in justifying the original publication.

"If I Did It" is still being criticized, even if Simpson is not profiting from it. Denise Brown, Nicole Brown Simpson's sister, has accused Goldman's father, Fred Goldman, and other family members of hypocrisy for publishing a book that he had called "disgusting and despicable" when Simpson first planned to publish it.

Simpson has maintained his innocence in the 1994 killings in the Brentwood section of Los Angeles. The former actor and football great, who now lives near Miami, was acquitted of murder in 1995.

Frankly, I would have admired B&N more if they either decided to sell it ("Free speech rules, even if it's offensive!") or decided not to sell it ("We're not going to give this killer a platform!"). Choosing one way or another would have indicated a values based decision.

Borders made a values based decision to sell, and that's their right. But, this half-assed approach taken by Barnes & Noble shows the company trying to have it both ways.

Like my mentor says, "You can't be kinda pregnant."

Never confront a group...

It's always better to identify those people who are leaders of a particular group and then confront them individually. If you do the confrontation well, the message filters down and change begins to happen organically. When people are confronted as a group, they deflect the blame or need for change onto the group and are less likely to take personal responsibility.

So, if you have a group of seniors causing problems in your meetings, figure out who the gang leader is, and have a talk with him or her. If you have a group of new members who are not meeting expectations, identify the most influential member of the group, and have a talk with him or her.

For the Greeks reading... Don't "call all the pledges together" for a group confrontation. That's just poor leadership. All you do when you do this is assert your power and authority, which is more about your ego than affecting change. By doing a constructive confrontation with those influential new members, you get the leadership wheels turning in the right direction.

By the same token, don't stand up at your meeting and go on a rant. You think you're confronting the group about something, but all you're doing is venting and damaging your reputation as a leader. Calm yourself down by venting to a trusted friend or your advisor, then start figuring out who the leaders are and plan your individual conversations.

Don't confront your officers, your teammates, or your staff as a group. While you might put a group on guard about something pissing you off, you don't usually get the change you really crave. Take the time, and do it right. Confront the individuals for best results.

What Motivates, Part One: FOOD

There are 10 things that I have identified that motivate college students. In this blog, I will hit each of the 10 over time. This is the first, and it's an obvious one: FOOD.

Anytime you're giving out food, even if it's the cheapest pizza available in your college community, most students will be happy about it. College marketers know that handing out free food brings in the students! It's especially effective on ever-hungry teenage men, but everyone loves a free pizza, burrito, burger, taco, sub, whatever.

Providing food can be a pricey way to motivate, but if you are creative, you can probably do it without breaking the bank.

If you can incorporate food into your event or your meeting, it will add to the motivation quotient. Here are some random ideas for how to do it. You can probably think of 100 more (and if you have a good idea, leave it in the comments section for this blog entry!).

• Have a group meal before your meeting. Even if everyone is paying for their own, it's hard to say no when you're friends are all gathering somewhere tasty before the meeting. You can also treat everyone to some food after a meeting. For Greeks with houses, have a really GOOD meal the nights of your meetings and save an awesome dessert for after the meeting.

• Go to Costco and buy a bulk of those little snack bags of Doritos or Fritos or (if you're healthy) trail mix. Hand one out to each person who arrives at the meeting on time.

• Have a committee or an exec meeting at a restaurant. Your group pays for the appetizers. (Make sure your advisor is cool with this first though)

• Rent a popcorn machine for your next meeting.

• Get local restaurants to donate coupons for free meals, then give these away as doorprizes for those who attend your event.

• Coffee works like food these days, so it's a more affordable freebie at meetings.

You get the idea. Find a way, large or small, to include FOOD in your event or meeting, and you'll see the satisfaction level going up.

"You're either busy being born, or busy dying..."

Another nugget of wisdom from my mentor that has guided me well.

On a personal level, I'm always trying to put myself in situations where I am learning something new. Earlier this year, I attended a writer's conference which was wonderful. Just this week, I took a course to earn my motorcycle endorsement. Challenging your brain keeps your mind young, and it makes life more fun. It's never too early or too late to make that a value in your life.

"You're either busy being born, or busy dying" is also good advice for student organizations. What are you going to do this year that's new? What new ways can you find to serve your organization's mission? What new organizations are you adding to your council or your roster of student groups that will add new life and excitement to your campus?

Ask yourself, "Is our organization (or council, or chapter, or league) busy being born?" If you cannot point to specific ways you're growing, expanding, and experimenting, then you're busy dying.

It's much more fun to lead an energized organization focused on being born. Look at the energy that surrounds a new fraternity or a new activist student organization. Remember, people support what they create (another nugget from my mentor). Simply maintaining an organization makes motivation difficult.

Fortunately, even the most established student organizations can shift into "being born" mode.

The single best quick leadership tip I know...

Never again announce the start time of a meeting without also announcing the END TIME. Your meeting is not Sunday at 7 pm. It's Sunday from 7 - 8:30 pm. Then, make absolute sure that you stick to that time, no matter what. If 8:30 comes, and you're only halfway through business, too bad. Meeting over. Next week everyone needs to try harder to have a more efficient meeting, including you as the person running it.

Let's face it. We all hate meetings that go on forever. They are boring and feel like a waste of everyone's time and energy. And frankly, you're damaging the morale of those members who have additional priorities. If I know your meeting is going to take no more than 90 minutes, then I can plan my time and devote my full attention to you for that hour and a half. If I fear it could go 2 or 3 hours, then I'm going to find a way to skip it so that I can study, spend time with my girlfriend, or watch television.

The first time you cut a meeting short, some members will be angry, particularly if your group has a history of long, drawn out meetings. The ones who protest are the ones who have nothing better to do than to sit there all night debating the color of the next party t-shirt.

But, you tell them, you have other obligations in your life, and so do many of your members. As the president of your organization, you have made a commitment to respect the time of your fellow members, so the meeting ends at the announced time. Everybody needs to do their part next week so that the meeting goes more quickly.

And, by the way, Panhellenic women, don't suspend this rule for recruitment, either. Those recruitment meetings are worse that Chinese water torture. Tell your recruitment chair to announce a start and end time, just like everyone else.

Folks, I run a $5 million company on a 90 minute staff meeting each week. I think you can run your student organization in the same amount of time. If not, you need to do some consulting with your advisor on how to make your meetings run more efficiently. Stop killing morale with long, horrible, inefficient meetings.

So to repeat... never again is anyone allowed to announce a meeting or event time in your group without also announcing an end time. And, as a leader, you will make sure that everyone sticks to those commitments. You will find the morale and commitment of your members increase, especially among those members who are leading busy lives.

A conversation about the implications of Rider

This posting is for my student affairs colleagues. The Rider University situation (see previous post) definitely has everyone buzzing. The following is a conversation I've had with Rick Barnes, one of our CAMPUSPEAK speakers, about the potential short and long term effects of the case. It's a lengthy post, but hopefully it will add to the discussion. Rick and I have no info other than what has been publicly released, and neither of us is a lawyer, so the following is just our speculation and discussion.

TJS
This situation at Rider University, with the Dean of Students and Greek Life Advisor criminally indicted for aggravated hazing, is sending a ripple of worry through the student affairs field. Student life professionals have long understood the possibility of being named in a civil suit, but this is the first case I’ve heard of a grand jury indicting on criminal charges.

RB
Me too - when I read your original blog entry about this and then the DA press release my first reaction was "Duke Lacrosse." Sounds like an overzealous prosecutor. But, given that the Greek Advisor was personally named, I also wondered what we don't know. Did the school "approve" the initiation activities? Were they actually present at any of it? Were they made aware of the drinking game and can't show proof that they did anything about it? Of course, it’s too early for the public to know all the details that led to the indictment.

TJS
Is there realistically any school these days that isn't working with SOME knowledge of illegal activities? Isn't it fair to say that there's not a semi-conscious fraternity advisor in the country who isn't aware that there are underage Greeks drinking? Does this mean that all Greek Advisors are going to be held criminally responsible for alcohol tragedies?

RB
The issue is first, what is knowledge, and second, what do you do with it? When I was still working on a campus, I operated with the clear belief that things were going on. But assuming they are happening and having factual knowledge are two different things. So, given the fact that we "assumed" things were probably taking place, we provided education. We brought in the speakers, discussed the issues at the meetings of the governing councils, addressed the topics with advisors and chapter leaders, and could literally document the times we would provide the "fair warning" to our students and alumni. Furthermore, we had internal policies in place and we were willing to enforce them through the university model of "educational discipline."

TJS
So, having reason to suspect illegal activity probably isn’t the issue. It’s what you’re doing about it?

RB
It seems fair to believe that a lucid school administrator should be aware that things are probably taking place, including underage drinking. In the same way that the alcohol beverage control of every state is aware that minors use fake identification. So, given the knowledge what do we do? Educate and enforce policy where possible. Not sure what more could be expected.

TJS
Well, I guess this prosecutor and others might say that campuses should be doing more. Time will tell.

RB
Given the litigious environment within which we live, and a culture in which folks are taught that nothing is their fault, getting sued (and now perhaps indicted) is a real possibility. The greater question is what sort of defense will you be able to show. Let's hope the folks at Rider will be able to show that they did all they could, with the information they had, through the educational environment of the institution and will be able to remove themselves from these charges.

TJS
I think the Rider indictments will be dropped.

RB
Probably, but I bet it’s not a lot of fun in Lawrenceville in the meantime.

TJS
So then, do we just accept the fact that being a Greek Advisor might mean a visit from the local police, being “taken down to the station,” and fingerprinted? I worry that this ambitious prosecutor is going to open up a floodgate of similar actions in other locations, particularly where public patience with a “party school image” is wearing thin.

RB
That's my main worry as well, and higher ed folks will need to keep abreast of where this heads. Honestly, I think it is going to re-energize the discussion of in loco parentis (where the university acts in lieu of a parent). The justice system, in this case at least, is telling higher education that they must be more involved in the day-to-day of their students. It will greatly affect the relationship between higher education and organizations that have any sort of a membership education program and/or organizations that have a reputation for alcohol consumption.

TJS
Great. Back to the days of the dean and the Greek Advisor policing parties up and down Greek Row every weekend?

RB
It goes way beyond the Greek Advisor – all the way to the president of the university. It means we need to move beyond any attitude of "boys will be boys" or "that's what the Greeks do" and move into a proactive model of holding students and their related organizations accountable to the policies of the host institutions and the local law. We also need to elevate the Greek Advisor role beyond an entry-level position, to a position of experience and involvement within the student life profession.

TJS
But the Greek Advisor at Rider isn't a novice. She's pretty seasoned.

RB
Unless they were actually present and/or had factual knowledge of the activities, I think this prosecutor is trying to make a point with the public. As you said in your blog, these issues are not new to Rider. One thing for sure, the prosecutor got his point across. He made higher education stop and listen. That may have been his intent all along. My instinct is that the court will drop the cases against the two administrators, but the point has been made. Unfortunately, the damage will have been done to two fine individuals along the way.

TJS
I just don’t know if in loco parentis is realistic though in this day and age, Rick. The students are more willing to watch their communities suffer than to accept a ton of new policies and enforcement. I’ve seen a clamp-down up the road at one of our state schools in the last couple of years since a student died there. As a result, their administration cracked down and their Greek community is significantly weaker. They have empty, boarded up Greek houses, and the risk management violations are still coming in.

RB
But with lawsuits, and now the fear of criminal prosecution, the legal system may not allow the luxury of giving educators the time to educate. They want change immediately, whether the students like it or not. Nevermind the fact that parents are taking a new position. Their attitude seems to be along the lines of, “I’m paying you big bucks for this education, so take care of my son or daughter.” Of course, part of my response to the parent is that we need you to be a part of the solution.

TJS
Let’s say you’re right and schools move toward a more rigid “in loco parentis” mode in the next five years. Can you think of some ways this will manifest itself? What will be changing in the next five years, specifically?

RB
Schools will take one of two approaches with organizations like fraternities and sororities. They will either take a further arms distance approach or a tighter control, with more oversight of activities, registration of socials, etc. The intent will be an attempt to lower the liability to the host institution. Ironically, however, I do believe the eventual public outcry will include a belief that the hands off approach does not work.

TJS
But so many schools have been trying that approach for years. There have to be Greek Advisors who feel like full time police officers. We should start issuing badges at AFA.

RB
It’s definitely the most frustrating part of the job for lots of people. And, it’s probably going to be worse in light of this Rider situation.

TJS
It seems to me that the "you should have known" accusation is the trend. One big national fraternity got nailed for being linked to a website that had student chapter party pictures on it. The Greek Advisor at Rider also went there as an undergrad. At the risk of speculating, that might be playing into this also. “You went here as an undergraduate Greek, so therefore you have first-hand knowledge of some of the Greek community’s illegal activities…”

RB
That's certainly one of the concerns in a situation like this. While the District Attorney will be going after those he has prosecuted in the Rider case, there is definite concern that the entire profession could be implicated. The concept of what "you should have known" may be totally redefined by this case. And that will lead to much of what we have already discussed with a possible return to in loco parentis, etc.

TJS
What should a campus professional expect to happen this year in light of the Rider case? More paranoia on the boss' part? More meetings about risk? More demands to crack down?

RB
They will want to make sure they are doing the best they can to avoid a situation like the one at Rider. I think many should step up their risk management and liability educational programming. Judicial officers and judicial bodies will be more stringent in their enforcement of policy and will respond more strongly to violations. The title of my risk management program for advisors has been “Are We Really Still Talking About Risk Management?” – and the answer is a clear “yes.”

TJS
I think it’s going to be a stressful year for a lot of Greek Advisors, especially those with extremely reactive supervisors.

RB
While I'm not sure paranoia will sit in, I do think most front-line employees – particularly Greek advisors – will stop and ask themselves about their role in this profession. I would hope it wouldn't be a situation where many will choose to leave the profession, but I do think it is fair advice to encourage them to spend time with their supervisors (up to the VP level) discussing the expectations their supervisors have for them in these situations and to make sure those expectations are clearly understood (even written) so they can ensure support from the institution in the case of this sort of scrutiny on their campus.

TJS
How can a professional feel confident that he or she will get full university support? Is that something you get in writing, or what?

RB
I think it is part of the conversation one has at the time of an interview, and it needs to be an ongoing conversation. It is something I would request in writing. And, given the Rider example, I wouldn't stop with a direct supervisor (at Rider, that person was charged as well), but would confirm it at least to the VP level. I think a person should expect to hear something along the lines of, "As long as the work you are doing falls within your position description, and within the written expectations for our employees, we will support you fully." One of the pieces of advice I have always given to advisors is to make sure these expectations are all put in writing. Assumptions can be costly.


Rick Barnes is a past president of the Association of Fraternity Advisors, a board member of the North American Interfraternity Conference, a past board member of FarmHouse Fraternity, and a full time speaker with CAMPUSPEAK. Click HERE or HERE for more information on Rick's campus program on risk management topics.

Hot day, warm welcome

Today, I'm sitting in an outdoor cafe at the Arizona Biltmore and Spa in Phoenix. Phenomenally beautiful place, I have to say. Fountains, flowers, palm trees. Impeccable landscaping. A big fat chair with a cushion I'm wish I could afford in my own home.

But, of course, I'm here in August. I'm sitting in a long-sleeved shirt and dress pants on a day predicted to hit 110, and sweating my ass off.

Fortunately, I'm here for the Sigma Alpha Mu Fraternity convention, and coming here is always like reuniting with family. So many fantastic alumni in this organization. Within moments of arrival, the "old guys" were asking me about the family and sharing stories. The Sammies warm my heart.

I swear ... a real life roadrunner just ran by on the lawn. Even in 110 degree heat, Arizona rocks.

The power of a thank you note...

I'm closing in on 20 years in the profession of Greek Life and student affairs. It's funny for me to think about how it all could have gone a different direction if not for a single thank you note.

Flashback to 1987. I was a founding father of Pi Kappa Phi at Indiana University. We were founded on a non-hazing philosophy, and my job that chartering year had been to build a hazing-free member education program.

Everyone at IU hazed back then, so my completely non-hazing program was mocked by other fraternities, and even my fellow IFC officers. Some of my brothers loved my progressive anti-hazing approach, but most were unsure about it. There was heated discussion that summer about how I had gone too far the other direction. Maybe we needed to "make them earn it a bit more." I was devastated.

I had a real crisis, internally. I seriously considered dropping out of my fraternity. I felt let-down, unappreciated, and disappointed that the brothers of the chapter said they believed in a non-hazing philosophy but then were so eager to fold and go the other direction.

Then, a thank you note arrived from Rob Walter, one of the new initiates who had taken part in my new member program. Rob had been one of my bigger headaches -- a sweet guy, but sort of dopey. Today, we would call him a "risk management nightmare."

In his handwritten note, Rob thanked me for taking a chance, for proving that a fraternity could bring in new members without hazing and humiliation. He thanked me for showing him a different way to achieve brotherhood, and he promised to do everything he could to make sure Pi Kapp at Indiana always remained a non-hazing chapter.

The note profoundly affected me. I remember sitting in my mother's basement teary-eyed, because that one note gave me some hope. Rob would have been gladly hazed by another fraternity. But, he found his way to Pi Kapp, and it gave him something better. We had respected him as a young man, and in doing so, we created a fantastic brother.

When I read his note, I resolved to go back to my fraternity in the Fall and keep up the fight. To my knowledge, my chapter is still non-hazing, and I'm pretty proud of that.

I still have that damn note, by the way. If he hadn't taken time to write it, I'm convinced I would be writing for a newspaper right now, and "fraternity" would be something I did in college for a year.

The last time I saw him at an alumni event, I thanked Rob for the note and told him what a profound effect it had on my life and career. Of course, he didn't remember writing the note. Typical Rob. But, he said 20 years later, he's pretty proud of our chapter's non-hazing history, too.

I told Rob that the company I founded had helped to create a National Hazing Prevention Week. I told him that he should feel a little bit responsible for that, and that made him smile.

The point of this posting is this: never underestimate how a simple thank you note can affect someone. In this age of email and Facebook, we seem to have completely forgotten how a cheap card and a First-class stamp can be really, really meaningful to someone who is having a hard time staying strong.

I encourage my staff members to write lots of notes: to customers, to our vendors, to our speakers, etc. I think handwritten notes have become very special, so we send lots of them. This year, buy some cheap stationery, a book of stamps, and resolve to send an occasional note to those people in your life who impact you.

Who knows the impact a single note might have?

It's not about "inviting" the Black Greeks...

It blows my mind how often I still hear IFC or Panhellenic officers say, "We invite the NPHC to do things with us, but they don't want to!" Let's get this straight, once and for all. It's not about inviting the Black Greeks to things. If you truly want a more cooperative relationship among your diverse councils, it's about sitting down with a clean slate and starting from square one. It's about asking, "What things could we do together that would be meaningful and appealing to all of our organizations?"

Also, get out of that IFC and Panhellenic mentality that any activity you do has to involve thousands of people. You could have a very meaningful activity with a few leaders from each of the councils. You don't have to jam 1,000 people into a room to have a leadership experience that's worthwhile. Start thinking "efficient and meaningful" instead of "large, loud, and well attended."

Put yourself in the shoes of a Black Greek organization leader. When your organization has fewer than 10 members, you need everyone pitching in to make the organization work. So, priorities have to be chosen carefully. The number one challenge NPHC student leaders tell me they have is getting their members to step up after crossing over (joining as an initiated member). When you have four members, every person's participation makes the difference between a successful year and a weak one.

As an IFC or Panhellenic leader, you might have dozens or hundreds of people that you can get to some random event. This is not possible for an NPHC leader. Each of their members is already overtaxed with duties and obligations. Come to the table with that understanding and respect for the nature of their organizations, and you'll make some progress this year.

20 people from different councils coming together for a service project one morning on campus could be wonderful. Perhaps you could form a joint committee of 6-8 people to make a presentation to the alumni association about the future of Greek Life. The possibilities are endless.

But, if your idea of working with the Black Greeks is to invite them to field a team at your Greek Olympics, you're way off the mark. It's not about getting invited to their step shows.

It's about working with them from SQUARE ONE and finding something that is worth everyone's time and that fits with the demands of the daily life of all of your organizations.

Photo is of the NPHC officers at Oklahoma, by the way. Thanks, Sooners.

"Good Enough Brother"

So you say you have a bunch of dead weight in your chapter?

Here's an idea that can help you start off the new school year right for your fraternity or sorority. Sit down with your execs or with members at a retreat in the opening weeks of school and answer this question: What does it take to be a good enough brother?

If I do these basic things, you'll leave me alone, and you'll stay off my case. Come to a certain number of chapter meetings, not get in trouble with the law or university, maintain a 2.5 GPA, pay my dues on time, come to one night of recruitment. Have a pulse.

Each chapter needs to determine its own standards, but the "good enough brother" list needs to be pretty bare-bones. What is the minimum necessary to be a good enough brother or sister in your chapter?

It will be a relief to those members who are basically good people but who cannot make fraternity/sorority a huge priority. There are some folks who can only be a "good enough member," and knowing that they are contributing enough to stay active and in good standing will relieve some of their stress.

But, here's the catch: If I fail to live up to this most basic list of member expectations, I can expect to have my membership taken away.

Then, post the list of what it takes to be a "good enough brother" or "good enough sister." Hopefully, most of your members will look at that list and realize that reaching that minimal level of participation is pretty brainless, and they will strive to be much more.

Eventually, your chapter will have to take a look at how it handles those men and women who are not even able to achieve this basic, minimal level of participation and behavior. Perhaps they will even realize that folks who can't contribute in the most minimal way are dragging your chapter down. Perhaps, those not-good-enough members will be invited to leave. How much healthier would your chapter be?

When I offer this suggestion, leaders sometimes say to me: "What if everyone just starts being a good enough (member)?" I've never seen it happen, but if it does, you probably need a serious house-cleaning anyway. Start recruiting people for whom being "good enough" is simply not enough.

Rider Greek Advisor charged in hazing case.

This is so sad.

Rider University's Dean of Students and the Director of Greek Life are among five people charged in the death of a freshman from alcohol intoxication after a fraternity party at the school. The case is monumental as it's the first time in New Jersey that a university official has been implicated in a hazing crime. Gary DeVercelly, 18, of Long Beach, Calif., died on March 30. Mercer County police charged 51-year-old Anthony Cambell, the school's Dean of Students, and 31-year-old Ada Badgley, the Director of Greek Life, with aggravated hazing. The ramifications of this for colleges and universities in New Jersey, and across the country, is that it will send some kind of message that the standards of college life, when it relates to alcohol, need to be policed carefully," said Mercer County Prosecutor Joseph Bocchini Jr.

Ada Badgley is a fine Greek Life professional, and I think it's terrible that the local authorities are trying to take down a Greek Advisor for the heinous actions of fraternity hooligans who insist on hazing. Rider University has long been a campus with serious hazing and risk management problems in their Greek community – long before Ada got there.

Frankly, I hope the students get what's coming to them, and it's tragic that a student's life was ended because of hazing practices that are both illegal and immoral. But criminally charging the Greek Advisor? This could have a very chilling effect on the student affairs field. Who wants to go to work for higher ed money and then get criminally charged for the actions of students who haze?

If you think this is bullshit, as I do, and if you care about the quality of people we are able to recruit into the field of student affairs, then I invite you to visit the website of the Mercer County Prosecutor's Office and voice your opinion.

How leadership is like tennis

My mentor refused to play tennis with me. He played tennis with a lot of his other staff members, but he never asked me to play. I don't really like tennis and I'm not terribly athletic, so it didn't bother me at first. Eventually though, I felt left out. He asked Greg, and Mike, and Alan. Why not me?

I am very fortunate to know and have worked with the illustrious Durward W. Owen, former CEO of my fraternity. It's an understatement to say he's a legend in our organization. Most days, it felt like I worked for a cartoon character. His voice and style are distinctive, and he always says the nuttiest things.

When I finally asked Durward why he never asked me to play, he said, "I haven't asked you, T.J., because I expect that you are a TERRIBLE tennis player." This sort of direct and tactless reply, uttered in the most gentle Southern drawl, was typical of Durward. He would charm and devastate you in the same sentence.

"Well, that's true, but I'm a little hurt that you don't ask me anyway," I said. "It would make me feel more valued if you at least asked me. Maybe if you played with me I'd pick something up from you."

"T.J.," he said with a sigh, "In tennis, you only get better by playing with people who challenge you. If I play with you, I'll get worse. I have a tournament coming up." And, with that he dismissed me.

Of course, it hurt my feelings, but upon reflection, I realized there was an important leadership lesson to be learned. Durward, as usual, was pretty close to the truth. You rise or fall to the skill level of those you play with. Isn't that true in life, also?

You can be a really sharp person, but if you socialize with a bunch of dummies, you end up with a lot of problems. You can be a really sharp leader, but if you're in a dysfunctional organization, your leadership skills stagnate. We need to be challenged to improve.

It's true in jobs, friendships and romantic relationships, too. Think about your last job or relationship. Did it make you a better? Are there friendships in your life where you're serving the ball again and again to a "terrible tennis player" who drags you down?

Choose your friends, your leadership teams, your dates, your advisors, and your mentors carefully. They are either helping you get BETTER, or they're dragging you down.

Like Durward, we should all be choosing our tennis partners carefully.

Go easy on us, Headbanger!

OK, so you've had a great summer. Maybe you attended UIFI, or your fraternity/sorority leadership event, or some other summer conference. You have a notebook full of ideas, and you can't wait to whip your group into shape the minute school starts.

Oh God. They are going to hate you...

Imagine a guy who went to three concerts for the same band this summer. He's become a disciple. He comes back to school, and all he wants to listen to are the CDs for that band. He wears the t-shirt every day. All he can talk about is how amazing a time he had at the concert. Over, and over, and over. He thinks anyone with a shred of taste should be "into" this band. He's constantly bugging you to buy the CD, go to a concert, and share his enthusiasm. He's become a headbanger, and he's driving everyone nuts.

Yeah, don't be that guy.

Take some time before school, and think of the best four or five ideas you gained from your leadership experience this summer. Which ones are simple fixes, and which ones will require a lot of sales, nurturing and politicking? Then, enter into the new school quietly, and let the ideas for change emerge gradually. Don't overwhelm everyone.

If you've "seen the light" this summer, your job isn't to shine the light in their face. Your job is to help them find a match so they can build a small fire and find some of the light on their own.

Why do speakers cost so much?

Thought you might enjoy a simple answer to this FAQ.

Let's say you spend $3,000 on a speaker. Here's how that typically breaks down. About $800 off the top goes to the government in taxes. Speakers usually pay more because they have to pay both the employee and the employer's portion of the social security tax (all self employed people have to do this). About another $100 per gig is going to health insurance (more if the speaker has children or a spouse they pay health insurance for, like I do).

If affiliated with an agency, they are usually paying a MINIMUM of 20-percent of the total to the agency, so that's about $600. Figure that the average successful speaker pays about 10-percent of all the money they bring in on marketing costs, so that's another $300. It costs a lot to get the word out with mailers, websites, conference attendance, and so forth. All of that comes out of the speaker's pocket.

So, now, we're at about $1,800 spent. Then comes the cost of travel. Airfare usually averages about $400 per appearance (sometimes a little less or a little more, depending on where you live -- in Denver I'm averaging just under $400 per). Hotel is about $100 a night on the cheap end, and a rental car is almost always about $100 a day if you add in the cost of a half tank of gas. Our total cost is up to $2,400. Let's bump it up to $2,450 assuming that our speaker would like to buy a sandwich, pay a toll, tip a shuttle driver, park his/her car at the airport, and maybe buy a soft drink in the airport.

That leaves about $550. A speaker doing 40 appearances a year is doing really well, so that's about $22,000 for the year after expenses. Not what you thought a speaker makes, huh? Truth is – unless you can charge upwards of $4,000 an appearance and do at least 40-50 a year, speaking is really a great SECOND job.

Just thought you'd like to know. Obviously those speakers who can charge top dollar and book 80-100 programs a year are doing very well, but for most speakers you've seen, this just isn't the case.