New Year's Resolutions for the Student Leader

Will you resolve...

... to improve communication with your advisor? A few more check-in calls or emails, a scheduled sit down from time to time?

... to stay within your budget? And if you don't have a budget, prioritize setting one up while the year is new? And make sure that your treasurer is doing his or her job well.

... to better motivate your fellow officers? Remember that some fun, casual time can go a long way toward making everyone feel important and connected. All work and no play makes you a boring president.

... to put new life in your meetings? Mix it up. Running an interesting, meaningful meeting is part of your job description. If this sort of creativity isn't your thing, ask a creative friend to help you out with this.

... to invest in the people in your life who have nothing to do with your student leadership position? Don't ignore your parents, your friends who aren't part of the group, your significant other. Someday your leadership role will end. Will those people still like you?

... to reach out to those who annoy you? Nothing will improve your personal leadership experience than finding a way to tone down those who annoy you. Best way to do that? Reach out to them, listen to their concerns, brainstorm productive ideas with them, get them involved in a useful capacity.

... to step outside of your comfort zone a bit more? Go attend a program on campus that has NOTHING to do with your day to day "must do list." Participate on an intramural team. Go to an arts program. Pepper your calendar with some different and cool stuff. You're only in college once, don't forget that you're supposed to be expanding your horizons a bit.

... to study more intelligently? This might mean a few more trips to a quiet corner of one of the least used libraries on your campus. Maybe it means finding a tutor. Remember why you're in school in the first place. Do what it takes to keep those grades up.

... get off the computer? Instead of spending hours on Facebook or MySpace, actually get out and interact with people. Poking people is way more fun in person!!

... set some personal goals? Yeah, you've got lots of goals for your officer term, but what would you like to achieve personally? Don't forget that stuff. It's important.

... update your resume before you have to? If you haven't spent time with this in a while, resolve to make some time for it.

... make healthier choices? Most of us do at least one thing that is very unhealthy, so make yourself a promise to do at least one less this year. Quit smoking, be the designated driver more often, always use a condom, get off that prescription, get more exercise.


Being a student leader is a great experience, but the difference between a good experience and a great experience is approaching it deliberately. Take advantage of the start of the new year to focus yourself and enter the new semester with determination and a positive attitude.

Toss it, ditch it, burn it, recycle it, shred it

It's the new year and retail stores are frantically promoting things to help you get organized. Watch your local Target or Walmart. Everything that you need to organize, file, store and sort is on sale in the next couple of weeks. New year's resolutions to "get organized" are second only to "do something about my fat ass."

So I imagine many student leaders will come back a day or two early from holiday break, look at their messy office, desk or cube, and start craving a higher level of organization. We "Type A's" really get off on the idea of putting things in order. But, before you dump a bunch of cash into file cabinets, expandable files, and storage cubbies, I want to encourage you to take greater advantage of that "round file" that is emptied once a week for you.

Say "yes" to your trash can. Embrace it. Make it your friend.

In Student Affairs, we save too much crap. Do you really need to keep those award applications from three years ago? That stack of posters from the dance in 2004? How many evenings have you and your fellow officers spent popping popcorn, breaking open a couple bottles of wine, waxing romantic about the recruitment statistics from 2002? Yeah, none. Throw the crap out.

If it hasn't been touched in the last year, it's not going to be touched THIS year. Throw it out. If it's half broken, toss it out. If it's gathering dust, dump it. If it's sitting in some ancient unlabeled box at the bottom of a closet, it's not critical.

In my office, we have about 30 magazine holders. Someone at some point thought it would be a great way to organize something. I don't remember. All I know is that I have 30 clear, plastic, empty magazine holders clogging up the shelves of our store room. So, I threw the damn things out. "Can't we use these for something?" one of my staffers asked? "They're in perfect shape!"

I gave her 10 minutes to think of a use, and then I threw them out. It felt great. I love throwing crap away. I hate clutter.

Don't go rent a storage unit for your crap. Don't box it up and stack it in the corner. Throw it out. When you don't know what all the stuff in that drawer is, it's not important. Toss it.

If you're worried about pissing someone off -- like the historian or that officer that loves making scrapbooks -- give them a week to clear the stuff out before you start filling the dumpster. Maybe even set up a table with a sign that says, "If you want this, take it. Otherwise it's going in the trash in 3 days."

Toss it. Ditch it. Burn it. Recycle it. Shred it. Just get rid of it.

Happy Christmas Week

Don't worry. I've already called Child Protective Services on my friend Chad Ellsworth from the University of Minnesota and reported this abuse of his son, Joey.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas week.

Programming for Spring semester

We get a lot of questions about "awareness weeks." Everyone likes to program around awareness weeks, even though most of us have no idea why these observances exist at the time of year that they do.

January and February are big for multicultural awareness programs, with MLK Day and Black History Month. On most campuses, you'll see at least one or two programs aimed at issues affecting the African-American community, even though many dislike the concept of limiting these discussions to one month a year. Because of that, we're seeing lots of programs aimed at a variety of multicultural appreciation programs in February. We have a program on religious diversity that is getting many bookings, which I find exciting.

February is also a big month for "healthy relationships" and safer sex programming, thanks to Valentine's Day. Because March is Spring Break month, we also do a lot of pre-Spring Break bookings at the end of February on issues surrounding alcohol, sexual decision making, sexual assault prevention, and impaired driving prevention.

March also brings Women's History Month, which means lots of programs on sexual assault prevention, women's achievement and motivation, and Panhellenic programs. We also book a lot of programs on issues surrounding eating disorders and body image for women in March.

Tip: If you're booking a speaker for March, be sure to know when your Spring Break is. You'd be shocked how many people book speakers with us, then call and reschedule because they booked the speaker during their Spring Break. Also, avoid the Monday immediately following your Spring Break, and avoid the NCAA Final Four basketball championship game nights.

April is not a big month for awareness week programming in the college market, but there are tons of Greek Life bookings in April thanks to Greek Weeks. It seems that by April, everyone's starting the slide to summer and it's a bit harder to get audiences together.

The Spring is big for speakers on "leadership" topics since most student organizations have new officers.

Here's one big piece of advice for Spring programming: get creative on the spaces you use. If you haven't reserved rooms early, it's hard to get programming spaces on a lot of campuses this time of year. If you're booking a speaker, call the office that books the rooms and get a list of available open dates BEFORE you call to book a speaker. We get lots of cancellations this time of year because people book speakers, then find out there's nowhere to put them. Don't be afraid to get creative though: cafeterias in residence halls, outdoor venues, sports facilities, etc. I once did a program on a racquetball court, no joke.

Is it OK to say "Merry Christmas?"

I celebrate Christmas even though I am not a Christian. When people talk about the "reason for the season," I assume they are talking about the open bar at the company holiday party.

But, I get into the Christmas trees (mine's 9-foot, thank you very much), the green and the red, the lights on the house, and the gift giving. Some Christians get excited about their religion kicking every other religion's ass and they get a little high and mighty this time of year. I'm a Christmas junkie, but I just like that people are nicer to each other and there's a pleasant distraction from the regular crap that taxes my mind. Oh, and I really like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Like, a lot.

Today, I was writing an email to my speakers team, and I wrote "Merry Christmas" at the end. Before I hit send, I had a typical white, liberal reaction: "Oh wait, I can't say Merry Christmas because it might offend someone."

I went ahead and did it anyway. Earlier in the month, I signed off with "Happy Hannukah" in consideration of our Jewish team members, and no one raised a fuss. So happens, it's time for my holiday, so I wished everyone a "Merry Christmas." Hopefully, no one will get bent out of shape.

This issue always gets a lot of press this time of the year. Wal-Mart made a big stink last year by "bringing back Christmas" in its store decorations. Campuses ban Christmas trees in public spaces. Some county gets in trouble for a nativity scene at the courthouse. Good old Mike Huckabee is reminding everyone about the birth of Jesus in his Iowa campaign ads. Can't wait for his ads celebrating MLK Day in January. Those should be cool.

If anyone would like to wish me a Blessed Ramadan when that time comes, I'll take it. I'll take all the happy wishes I can get. Let's celebrate everything. I'll wish you a "Happy Whatever I'm Celebrating" and you can wish me a "Blessed Whatever You're Celebrating." And, we'll all be a little better for it.

Tip of the day, courtesy Roger Clemens' attorney

From CNN today:

(CNN) -- A lawyer for Roger Clemens strongly denies the seven-time Cy Young Award winner used steroids to pump up his body and his pitching statistics.

Roger Clemens has won seven Cy Young Awards pitching for several teams, including the New York Yankees.

Clemens, considered a shoo-in for the Baseball Hall of Fame someday, was prominently featured in the report on performance-enhancing drugs that former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell released Thursday.

"Roger Clemens adamantly, vehemently, and whatever other adjectives can be used, denies that he has ever used steroids or ... improper substances," Clemens' attorney, Rusty Hardin said Thursday.

Tip of the Day: If you're going to be a spokesman for anyone, learn the language in which you will be speaking to the public. "Adamantly" and "vehemently" are adverbs.

You just came out on Facebook, no wait...

I have a lot of gay fraternity men on my Facebook friends list. Well, not really. Sure, their profiles say they are interested in men, list their boyfriends, and list things like shaving their chests, wearing Speedos, and listening to Coldplay in their activities. But these seemingly gay men are really just victims of their brothers' teasing.

There's a new prank that is rampant on Facebook. Find one of your friends or fraternity brothers who has left his computer logged on to his Facebook account, and go in and change all his personal information to reflect homosexual orientation. Not a nudist, or a porn star, or a Republican (that would be funny), but a homosexual. Really original, and completely hysterical, right?

One of my students at Colorado State (let's call him Mark) was the first victim I noticed. When I saw the changes of status, I thought, "Well, good for Mark." Like a dumb ass, I sent him an encouraging message.

Since then, I've seen it on about a dozen profiles linked to me. It's all over the country. I frequently laugh at the creativity and depravity. Frankly, I wish my life were as gay as some of the profiles I've been reading!

But, what bugs me is that fraternity men who might be coping with sexual orientation issues once again get the message that their situation is a source of ridicule. What comes off as a silly, harmless prank to most fraternity men is truly chilling for that man who is contemplating coming out to his brothers, his family, or other friends. If "liking other guys" is the best way you can think of to humiliate and poke fun at your brothers, then why should I trust that I would be treated with respect and dignity by you if being gay is my reality?

I had a chance to do a member review at Mark's chapter shortly after the prank, and I asked the man who made the profile changes if he thought that a brother who was really coming out would feel supported and welcome in his chapter? He said yes, of course. Who wants to admit they are homophobic and insensitive?

But since the incident, the pranks continue. Just today, I noticed one man posting on the other's wall, "You look especially gay in your profile picture." I literally can't wait until one of the men in the chapter stands up and tells his brothers he's sick of the jokes and that he's bringing his boyfriend to formal. Can't wait.

Talking down about others cheapens you

I was at a professional conference recently, and I heard two women talking to each other as they were passing our CAMPUSPEAK exhibit booth. "Oh, I guess she's a CAMPUSPEAK person now," one said in a snippy, critical tone. I know one of the women pretty well, so I stopped them, and I asked whom they were talking about.

Naturally, they hemmed and hawed, embarrassed that I had overheard them. I had caught them being catty. "Her," they finally said, motioning toward the woman standing about 20 feet away, back turned to us. "She thinks she's all that," they said about one of my facilitators. They said a couple of other things about her that aren't worth repeating here, but suffice to say the additional comments were about personal physical traits they didn't like.

I suppose I could have launched into a huge, passionate confrontation in defense of my facilitator. In my opinion, the woman they were talking about is ALL THAT and a one-pound bag of M&M's. But, it wasn't the time or place to prove a point, so I used humor to deflect the situation. "Y'all need to be nice. You're just jealous because she and I are sleeping together," I scolded. That got a good laugh. They chuckled, and moved on.

But, as the weeks have passed, the brief encounter has left a nasty taste in my mouth. I have to admit that the incident really lowered my opinion of the two women involved. Weeks later, that small incident sticks with me.

It's shocking that these women were walking around bashing other professionals like they were in a scene from Mean Girls. These are women who are charged with advising student leaders on their campuses.

I tell this story on the blog today, because I want the student readers of this blog to know a couple of things: (1) your advisors make many of the same mistakes you do, and (2) criticizing others, particularly in a gossipy way, cheapens you.

Most of us have done it. We think we're in a safe place with friends, or we're getting lippy after a few beers, and we start getting liberal with our criticisms. Lord knows, I've had a couple of Jack & Cokes and made a couple of uncharitable comments about a haircut or two, particularly when I'm hanging with "the girls." We say nasty things about others – even in the context of joking – to make ourselves seem cooler or funnier.

What you don't realize is that the criticism and nasty comments stick in people's heads. They might chuckle at the moment it's said. They might even seem to agree with you, but days and weeks later, their opinion of you is diminished.

In the fraternity and sorority world, we call it "dirty rushing" – talking badly about another group to try to make yours look better by comparison. You learn pretty quickly that it almost always backfires and makes you and your group look like schmucks. The same holds true in just about any other context. If you are slamming others to build yourself up, it speaks volumes to your own lack of self esteem and dignity.

Last chance to nominate...

Last chance to nominate your favorite agency, speakers and other campus entertainers for the Campus Activities Magazine Reader's Choice Awards. To nominate someone, go here.

CAMPUSPEAK has won "Agency of the Year" for three of the last four years.

You can nominate anyone or any agency you feel is most deserving. You need to be a campus based professional or student to submit a nomination. Thanks.

Something Oprah said...

Oprah Winfrey was busy this weekend stumping for Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina. You can watch her entire speech here.

She said something about "apathy" in her speech that naturally caught my ear. Speaking about her past ambivalence about politicians and elections, she admitted that she had become apathetic about politics, and she said:

"Apathy is the attitude that disappointment is normal."

I thought that was a great quote. Give it some thought, as I have, and I think you'll see that's it a pretty insightful statement. How easily we choose not to care rather than face the continuous disappointment we feel when change won't come, when the status quo leaves us dissatisfied, when our low expectations are regularly met.

"Apathy is the attitude that disappointment is normal."

Good quote. Thanks, Oprah.

To give a gift, or not to give a gift?

Gift giving is fun, right? You get nice things, you give nice things. Everyone's happy. Sadly, the whole dilemma of gift giving causes a lot of people stress this time of year. As a student leader, should you give your advisor a gift? How much should it cost? What about other advisors? Your fellow officers?

How far up the student affairs food chain do you go? Should you give something to the Dean? What if you get a little something from your advisor and you are totally broke and can't reciprocate?

I think, as a general rule, no one expects gifts from their students. We know you're broke, and this is an expensive time of year. You should be buying things for your family, friends, and that girl you've been sleeping with. Really, don't blow $10 on a Starbucks gift card for me.

I think nice hand-written cards are especially nice (yeah, nicer than that Facebook posting on my wall that says "Ho, ho, ho, Fat Boy!"). Write your advisor and your fellow leaders each a holiday card – yes, "holiday card." (Don't send a Christmas card to your Jewish advisor.). In the card, write a nice note about how much you enjoy working with him/her and a kind wish for a happy 2008. If you want to get really fancy, get a print made of a photo that he or she will enjoy – maybe one of the group, or of you and your advisor. In the world of digital photo sharing, an actual PRINT has become something special, and you can get those for about 20-cents at your local drug store.

If you are determined to spend money on an advisor or a fellow leader, then make it something cheap and personal. Don't go and blow a bunch of money on an Olive Garden gift card when you can put that photo print in a cute, cheap frame. Make it personal, and get creative. Those are the very best gifts.

This year, our company took all the money we would have spent on holiday cards and small gifts, and we bought three llamas for deserving families in poor countries via Heifer International. It's a really cool charity, and people enjoyed the gesture. Maybe you can give a small monetary gift to a local charity (or your school's foundation) in your advisor's name. They would think that was really thoughtful.

If you're going to spend money on anyone in your student leadership world, spend it on some vastly under-appreciated person, like your advisor's secretary, or the little dude who cleans up your student activities office every night. What about your mail carrier, the lady who works in the coffee shop downstairs, or the guy at the print and copy shop who saved your ass 10 times this semester.

Days you just don't program

One of my least enjoyable programs happened at Louisiana State University a few years ago. I was hired in to speak on a Monday night at 8 p.m. for a mandatory Interfraternity Conference educational session. All the men had to be there -- initiated members and pledges. Only problem: the New Orleans Saints were playing Monday Night Football, and opening kickoff was at 8.

The advisor wasn't a sports fan, and he didn't see the big deal. "The program's only an hour. It's not like they are going to miss the whole game," he said. Boy, did he miss the point. The men were so angry to be there, I could see them shooting daggers at me throughout the speech. I shortened the program, and when I ended it, they leapt out of their seats. They didn't even politely applaud. I did the very best I could, but I was set up to fail miserably.

I felt like Hillary at a Young Republicans meeting. It was ugly.

OK, so to help you avoid a similarly unfortunate situation, please check the following things before you plan a speaker or some other large event:

- Check your basketball schedule, particularly if you are at a school where people care about basketball. Or hockey, or women's lacrosse. Whatever sport your school cares about always takes precedent over all other events.

- Don't plan anything on Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Halloween, the night of the Academy Awards (Feb. 24, 2008, by the way), Superbowl Sunday (Feb. 3, 2008, by the way), or the NCAA March Madness Final Four or Final (March 21 and 23, 2008, by the way).

- Jewish holidays... people never plan anything on Easter or Christmas, but they'll damn well plan their leadership retreat over Yom Kippur. That's bad form. If you're not sure of Jewish holidays, just Google "2008 Jewish Holidays," then block those days off your calendar.

- Monday Night Football. Fraternities really like to sit around together, drink adult beverages, and burp while watching the game... any game. Plan your program so they have time to get back before it starts.

- The season finale of popular shows. I spoke once on the night of the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. The women and the gay men were pissed. First thing I said from the stage was, I hope somebody is recording Grey's or I'm going to kill myself! And, I put my hand on my hip while I said it. I managed to survive that program and even got some applause at the end. God forbid you speak at an engineering school on the night of the Heroes season finale. There could be violence.

There are probably more, but these are the big ones. Put these things in your programming calendar at the start of your term as an officer. A little time on a search engine and you can find out all of these "dates to avoid."

When do you step in and do the job yourself?

An interesting question from a student leader at Widener University this weekend. "When you see someone screwing up something for an event happening next week, should you step in and take over, or should you just allow them to fail?"

In this student's case, flyers were needed to publicize a special event next weekend. The group's previous event had been poorly attended because this same person waited too long to publicize the event. Now, it was happening again.

The president knew he could yank the task away from the procrastinating officer, but he also knew there would be drama if he did. Should he just do it and then deal with the drama? Or, should he give the person the benefit of the doubt and wait and see? Perhaps it will be done tomorrow or the next day -- just in time for the event. But, what if it's not? Will everyone blame the president for allowing the weak officer to fail at the same task twice?

I'm a fan of letting people screw things up from time to time. More things are learned from occasional failure than from organization presidents who spend all their time covering for incompetent subordinate leaders in the group. But for many student leaders, that's a scary gamble.

I advised him to have a meeting with the officer and demand immediate activity (like in the next 24 hours), or delegate the task to another person in the group. It might even be a good idea to do it in the presence of another officer. Ask the person if he/she needs help getting the task done. Perhaps this weak officer would love to pass it off to someone more competent.

When given the choice between "doing the work yourself" or "letting the job go undone," my advice is to step in aggressively with others in your organization, and get the task done. However, you can't let the officer who dropped the ball get away with it, and you need to put safeguards in place so it doesn't happen again. If someone has messed a task up once, it's incumbent upon you as the group leader to make sure that this person:

- Understands how and why the error was made
- Understands how to accomplish the task in a timely and appropriate way next time
- Understands clearly the deadlines for getting the task done

In retrospect, what this president should have done was to ask to see a draft of the event flyer two weeks in advance. If that deadline wasn't met, then it would have been a justified move to ask the officer to step aside or assign the critical task to someone else. Setting incremental deadlines in advance of a project or event is a great way to force a lazy or incompetent officer to show some positive movement before it becomes a crisis.

Dealing with underperforming officers or committee chairpersons is just part of the job. Your job as president is to make sure that the machine is running. That usually means keeping an eye on the performance of your workers far in advance of the critical times. Otherwise, you'll constantly be reacting to crisis after crisis.

New hazing prevention posters unveiled

CAMPUSPEAK has a new series of hazing prevention posters. I think they look fantastic.

All four posters give you the inner thoughts of a young man or woman who has dealt with tough personal issues and is now being hazed. One woman (in the design shown here) is a sexual assault survivor. A young man, who is a student athlete, dealt with childhood abuse. One has dealt with depression, and the fourth has a history of substance abuse. All four posters encourage students to "STOP HAZING NOW: You have no idea what buttons you're pushing." The posters then direct viewers to the site for National Hazing Prevention Week.

Find all four designs here. They are available in packs of 10.

Your link is appreciated

I've been writing this blog for about six months now, and it's a lot of fun. I'm doing my best to make it not only a place to purge a couple of decades worth of leadership lessons, but something that will inspire some thought and action. The ideas keep coming, so I guess I have a lot to purge.

I appreciate those of you who have helped get the word out about the blog. I especially appreciate those of you who have helped get some links out there on websites which are driving more traffic to it. I started the counter at "0" and we're almost to 4,000. That's pretty cool.

This blog can be accessed at either http://apathymyth.blogspot.com or simply at http://tjsullivan.com. Spread the word. Mention this blog in your postings and link to me on your websites. And, as always, feel free to reprint or use any of the postings in any publication or on any site that you think is appropriate. Just give proper attribution and direct the readers back here to this blog as part of the reprint.

I'm off to the Association of Fraternity Advisors meeting in Cincinnati and will return with some postings next week. If something particularly amusing happens, perhaps I'll post something FROM the meeting. Thanks again to all of you who are regular readers.

Our greatest patriotic obligation and honor

Theta Chi's fraternity blog, The National Eagle, has a story this week about one of their members who recently died in a roadside bomb attack in Afganistan. Major Jeffrey Calero, 34, was a member of Theta Chi from Rensselaer Polytechnic where he studied engineering. He was also a Green Beret.

That's Major Calero in the picture. He was promoted to the position of Major posthumously. He had turned down promotions twice because he wanted to stay with his unit. He was born in Puerto Rico and was raised in Queens, NY. He died in a town called Kajaki in Southern Afganistan.

I want to take a moment on this blog and thank Theta Chi for posting this kind of story. It really surprises me how little the average citizen thinks about the men and women serving in hostile territories overseas – especially this time of year as we bounce between Christmas parties and door-buster sales at the mall.

I have a few fraternity brothers currently serving. The two closest to me, Bret and Michael, are serving in non-military capacities as contractors on special assignment. Bret was a student who I advised some 18 years ago, and he is helping the Afgani government set up their public defender system. Michael is one of my favorite people on the planet – the sweetest Marine I know. He is doing something more covert and spy-like, and he's much closer to the dangerous action. I worry about both of them frequently.

We're five years into this military action in Iraq and Afganistan. As of my writing, we have lost 3,876 military personnel. This number does not include contractors like Bret and Michael, or the thousands of citizens of those countries who have died.

Every time I see a story like the one on Theta Chi's blog, or in my local newspaper about a veteran in rehab from injuries sustained in a bomb attack, I realize that the impact on our society is going to be huge for decades. Recent stories about homelessness have indicated that more than 400 veterans from Afganistan and Iraq are already among the homeless in our country, and we face a crisis of homeless and mentally ill veterans in the decades to come. It's important that we all begin the work now of helping the men and women who answered this call – regardless of how we personally feel about the politics that sent them there.

This holiday season, I urge you to do SOMETHING to honor those serving. Make a gift to a local veterans charity. Call your fraternity headquarters and get a list of brothers or sisters serving in Iraq or Afganistan and send them something to let them know you care. Organize a volunteer effort that gets students from your campus interacting with disabled vets getting care at your local V.A. hospital.

Get active on some of the issues facing veterans. If you need a place to start, click here to learn about the biggest issues facing vets.

Is your campus prepared for the veterans who are coming back? Are there mental health services specifically for students who are vets? How accessible are your residence halls for vets with disabilities? Is there a student organization on your campus for students who are vets? Has your student affairs staff ever spent an hour or two discussing how to serve these special students?

Operation Homefront is one of my favorite organizations helping veterans families. Think about making a contribution. I'm also a fan of the National Military Families Association which recently ranked as one of the top four veterans charities by Charity Watch.

It's our moral responsibility to take care of our veterans. Whether it's remembering them, assisting them, or lobbying for them, taking care of them is our greatest patriotic obligation and honor.

Ask some questions before taking over

If you are a new officer rotating on to your organization's leadership team, it is vital that you take the time RIGHT NOW to gather some of the inside information that will help you do your new job effectively. The person who has this information is the person who came before you in the position.

Even if you don't like this person, you owe it to yourself to sit down with him or her and gather some information. It will save you immeasurable time later and will help you make your first weeks in the new position more successful.

Here are a few questions I would ask my predecessor before launching into my term in office:

1. If you could do any part of this past year differently, what would it be?

2. What person outside of the executive council was your best resource? An advisor? A person on campus? Someone in a different organization? Why? Who are the people who can help me do the best job?

3. How did you organize your time to handle the demands of this position?

4. What were some of the mistakes you made early on that I could avoid?

5. What is the single most time consuming or annoying duty that comes with this position? Do you have any suggestions for making it more manageable?

6. What are the "sacred cows?" What things did you try to change or influence that people fought you on?

7. If you had another year in this position, what would you change or improve? How can I build on what you've accomplished?

8. What was the biggest surprise that you encountered in the last year doing this position?

9. What duties exist outside the "job description" that I should be prepared for?

If you are an officer who is transitioning out, answering these questions can really help the person following you. Often, new officers are so excited to jump in that they never take time to learn what came before them. This is a typical mistake. Even if you just take these questions and answer them in an email that you send to the new officer, that might be helpful.

Always take the blame, always share the credit

One of the best pieces of leadership advice I ever got was this: "Always take the blame, always share the credit."

When something goes wrong, the best thing you can do is to step up and take the hit. Sure, there are probably others who contributed to the screw-up, and maybe you did nothing at all to cause the problem. A full analysis might show that blame is mostly deserved by others. But, you're the leader, and no one likes a leader who passes off the blame to others. The best thing to do is to take responsibility and show how you're the right person to make the situation right. Those who contributed to the error now have reason to work even harder for you to get things back on the right track.

When things go right and everyone is heaping you with praise, push it off to others, especially to those who contributed in small ways to the accomplishment. When someone says, "Great job!" to you, you say, "Thanks, but I have to say, we couldn't have done this without John. His work on this campaign made all the difference." Pass the glory up and down the chain. Don't deny the accomplishment, just share the credit for it.

And, take these approaches both publicly and privately. It does no good to take the blame publicly and then go into a private meeting and yell at your team. "I took the hit for you idiots, so I better see some changes around here!" That just makes you look fake and two-faced.

In the face of failure, show grace and competence. In the face of praise, show graciousness and modesty. These approaches make you a leader worth following.

Submissions sought for Chicken Soup for the Twenty-Something Soul

This is from one of our speakers, Christine Hassler, who is co-authoring Chicken Soup for the Twenty-Something Soul which is due out in June 2008. She's seeking contributions of articles that will inspire people in their 20's. Read her message below:

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So far, the manuscript is a little LUKEWARM! Meaning, there aren't enough great stories to warm the hearts of twenty-somethings.

In order to heat it up so that it is serveable in June (meaning if I don't find better stories, this edition of Chicken Soup is off the menu), I need more stories. This project is very heart-felt for me, so please support me by submitting your story and/or forwarding this call-out to lots of people so that we can create a great Chicken Soup title for twenty-somethings.

I'm looking for inspirational, moving, or funny stories about the twenty-something experience - writers DO NOT need to be in their twenties to contribute! Any story about twenty-something life (career, relationships, family, volunteerism/service, money, life lessons, fate, travel, risks, acts of kindness, challenges, coincidences, tragedies, etc) is welcome. A Chicken Soup story will touch the souls of the readers and make them laugh, cry, sigh or just say, "Wow!" A story can be told from any angle: reflecting on your own experience, being a part of someone else's twenty-something experience, or sharing a story about how a twenty-something has impacted you.

I KNOW you have a story in you (and you get paid $200 and published in a national brand if your story is selected!) Deadline is January 7th.

More details are posted at my website. Also, if you'd be willing to forward this call-out for stories to your contact list, please email me (christine@christinehassler.com) and I will send you an email that is super easy to forward. I am so grateful for your help and support.

Details on What to Do Next:
1. Go to my website or blog to read details.
2. Write your story - approximate word limit is 500-1200 words (please write to the best of your ability, well-written stories are preferred but I will edit it for you so don't worry if you aren't a professional writer!)
3. Go to www.chickensoup.com, click on "Submit a Story" and be sure to select "Twenty Something" as the book title. Fill out the info and just paste your story in the appropriate box.

REMEMBER: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN YOUR TWENTIES TO CONTRIBUTE!!!!!

20th Century Fox markets to fraternity drunks

Arriving at you campus soon, addressed to your fraternities, is the Hitman video game party in a box. It is a drinking game kit from the creative marketing geniuses at 20th Century Fox.

The kit includes everything you need for a night of abusive drinking at the fraternity house: a Hitman PS2 video game, t-shirts for prizes, score cards, beer tumblers and a shot glass.

The letter that comes with the kit reads as follows:

Hello Fraternity Brother,

Beer Pong? Playing PS2 games in between classes? Here is taking it to the next level: Hitman Video Game party in a box. Make your own video "drinking" game competition with your fraternity brothers with this Hitman Video Game Party in a box!

Pop the video game in, keep score of you and your bros, and drink the night away to Agent 47 with your beer tumblers and shot glasses. If you've played the video game before, the score cards should be pretty self-explanatory. If you haven't, then find someone who has and have them kick off the party.

It's this sort of marketing stupidity that contributes to a negative image of fraternities and sororities in our society today. If your IFC would like to write to the marketers at 20th Century Fox to thank them for marketing to us like a bunch of drunken idiots, address your grievance to:

Steven Feldstein, Senior Vice President,
Corporate & Marketing Communications
P.O. Box 900
Beverly Hills, CA 90213-0900

Or better yet, encourage your chapter presidents and "your bros" to write RETURN TO SENDER on the unopened boxes and dump them at your local post office.

Thanks to Tom Carroll, Coordinator for Student Clubs and Organizations at Sacramento State for bringing this to our attention.

So, you want to be a speaker?

I am frequently asked by students how someone becomes a professional speaker. Like anything, it's a career that evolves for most people – it certainly did for me – and it's like building a very complex small business. There are 1,000 steps, but here are the first 12 for the aspiring speakers out there.

1. Decide what you can talk passionately about, night after night. It's not enough to decide you can be a speaker. You have to figure out exactly what you want to speak about. Sexual assault prevention? Alcohol and drugs? The dangers of driving without wearing seatbelts? The history of potato chips? Whatever you choose, you're going to spend a ton of time with it. You're going to have to read about it, attend conferences about it, and develop some unique angles that allow you to convey a unique perspective about it. Wanting to help people is not enough. Knowing what issue you want them to care about, or what skill you want to teach them, is critical. Also, you're going to have to commit to one thing. Suze Orman, for example, is one of the nation's most successful speakers on Personal Finance. That doesn't mean people will pay her next week to speak on Drug Prevention. Successful speakers are typically known for one thing and one thing only, but they absolutely rock on that issue.

2. If you want to get paid eventually to speak, you have to choose something with broad appeal and then develop a special approach to communicating about it. It's wonderful to talk about "racism in turn-of-the-century Ohio," for example, but not many people are going to pay for that. Talking about racism in generic and broad terms is much more marketable. Talking about racism in corporate America and having a special and cool angle that gets every company in the Fortune 500 calling you is what makes you rich and famous.

3. Figure out to whom you want to speak. Do you want to speak to college students like the folks at CAMPUSPEAK? Do you want to speak to high school students, church groups, women in the tourism industry, veterans, or wheat farmers? Figure out who your target audience is going to be. You can't talk to high school students the same way you do to college students, for instance. You are going to have to structure your program within a context that makes sense for your particular audience.

4. Ask yourself these three critical questions: What will the audience walk away with after listening to me? What will they understand more clearly? What will they be inspired to do differently? These are your guideposts.

5. If you have some personal tragedy or memorable experience that is your primary motivation to speak, you better figure out what the other 80-percent of your program is going to be. No one wants to pay you to share your story if you can't make it apply to your audiences' experience and needs. If you're just dying to share your story to anyone who will listen, then honestly, you need therapy, not a speaking career.

6. Design two talks. The first one is 20 minutes long, and it needs to be quick to the point, funny, engaging, and should include one clever twist or activity. This is your keynote program. This is the one you will use for small meetings, community groups, and to give people a taste of what you can do. This is the first thing you will road test. The second program is your hour-long program. This goes more in depth, and it's the one people will eventually pay you for. It should include at least three interactive elements, maybe some audio visual element like a video or a series of illustrations. This one takes a long time to develop, so be patient.

7. Avoid PowerPoint. If you can't engage an audience without it, you're not going to be successful as a speaker. Too many people who want to be speakers think Step One is to put together a PowerPoint, and it's not. Study other speakers – how do they break up a program into parts?

8. Watch a lot of stand-up comedy. Don't focus on the jokes. Intensely study their timing and their use of pauses. Watch how they use their eyes and facial expressions. I did stand-up for a short time, and that experience gave me the confidence that propels me every night when I get up on a stage to speak to students on a campus.

9. Work your network and ask to do your program for free at upcoming meetings. Give the damn thing away for a while and see how people respond. Don't expect big adoring crowds. Ask for criticism and suggestions. If people like it, ask for quotes and letters of recommendation. If you're in higher ed, then call friends at other schools and ask if you can come do 20 minutes at an upcoming council meeting. If you want to focus on community members, call the local Rotary Club. Look for conferences where you can present, also. This sometimes costs you money because few conferences will pay you (even expenses) to come speak if they don't know you.

10. Continue to try new things. Do the program a little differently every time and see what works and what doesn't.

11. Pay for a professional portrait that matches the audience you are trying to reach. If you want to hit colleges, you need casual, friendly shots. If you want corporate, you have to look corporate. Doing grade schools? Look trustworthy and parental.

12. Write up a 200 word description of your program. You'll need to provide this to people over and over and over. So, if you're not a good writer, have someone help you. The text should be interesting, should paint you in an interesting light, and convince the reader that the issue you talk about is a critical one for them to address.

These are the first steps to becoming a paid speaker. There are many, many more that follow, obviously. There are lots of folks who think they could become successful speakers, but frankly, very few people put the work in that it takes to really do it. That's why those of us who do it well get rewarded.

The Millenials Are Coming!

Last night on 60 Minutes, there was a segment called "The Millenials Are Coming!" The piece dealt with the attitudes about work held by those born between 1980 and 1995.

In my opinion, it painted a picture of a generation very ill-prepared for the real world of business. Among the main points in the segment: they need to be rewarded constantly, even if their work is only adequate; they care a lot more about their friends and fun than they do about their profession; they will bounce from job to job in search of happiness; they grew up being told constantly how special they are, and that has resulted in an enormous attitude of entitlement; they are all about multi-tasking; etc.

The primary question the segment posed is whether this generation will change the world of business for the better based on their values, or if their habits and ethics are going to have a negative impact on our economy.

I had an icky feeling after watching the segment. I understand that every generation looks down upon the values of the generations that follow it. I know this. But, still. Jesus! I wanted to smack the young people they interviewed in the segment. Actually, I wanted to punch their parents.

I would be interested to know if you think it painted a fair picture of the Millenial generation, because if it did, I don't want to hire anyone born after 1980 ever again. I have a feeling some of you will think it was a bit negative and that the generalizations are a bit unfair. I also thought that they only interviewed Millenials who live and work in New York City, and we all know that young professionals there live in a different world than the rest of us.

Judge for yourself by watching the 13 minute video here. Depending on when you are reading this, you might have to search for the video. It's called "The Millenials Are Coming!"

Sometimes, good students screw up big time

Some huge, important, bajillionaire donors were paying a visit to the Indiana University School of Journalism one weekend during my senior year. The entire school had been warned to spruce the place up, and be on our best behavior. The donors were members of a family who owned a bunch of newspapers, gave a ton of money, and provided a lot of job offers to graduates of the school. Everyone knew this was a really, really big deal.

I had never seen the newsroom of our student newspaper clean like it was that Friday the donors flew in.

They arrived to much fanfare that afternoon, had a full day of university receptions and activities on Saturday, and were leaving early Sunday morning. I think they were being greased up for an enormous donation to the university.

The dean of the Journalism School needed a responsible student to drive the big wigs back to the Indianapolis airport on Sunday morning. My publisher at the student newspaper recommended me for the job because he regarded me as one of the most responsible students in the department. I guess he also knew that I was a huge ass-kisser and would do a good job charming the old donors. Lord knows I needed a job at the end of the year, and he thought I might charm my way into one.

So, it was all arranged. I was to go to the university motor pool on Sunday morning at 6 a.m., get a minivan, pick up the donors at the university hotel, and drive them the 45 minutes to the Indy airport in time for their 9:30 flight back to New York. Nice and simple.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. I get a call from the newspaper publisher, "Did you forget something this morning?"

I had completely and utterly forgotten the entire thing. I had woken up around 10 that Sunday morning, eaten breakfast with my friends, and did whatever it was that came normal on a Sunday. This was before cell phones, obviously. The dean had received a panicked call from the donors (his number was the only one they had). The dean had jumped in his own car to get them, and drove them to the airport barely in time for their flight. I can imagine him with bed head speeding through early morning Bloomington, cursing me.

It wasn't because my alarm failed to go off. It wasn't because I had been partying the night before. It wasn't because I was a generally irresponsible person (I had earned my positive reputation as a student leader in 10,000 ways, previously). I simply and completely forgot that I was supposed to do it. Looking back, 20 years later, I still don't have an excuse, and I have no one and nothing else to blame. I still feel terrible about it.

That Monday morning was one of the most dreadful of my life. The dean was pissed at me. The publisher was pissed at me. The entire Journalism School knew that I was a disgrace. I had made the School look incompetent to these important donors, and literally everyone was angry at me for the remainder of the year. No amount of apology seemed to be enough. I apologized to the dean, to my publisher, to every professor. Everyone just gave me the disappointed look that week, and I was never asked to do anything again. And that killed me.

With one mistake – one really big mistake – I had gone from department darling to village idiot.

So, this is the part of the story where I'm supposed to tell you how I redeemed myself. Cue the sad music... Well, it didn't happen. I graduated that year, still branded as the loser who screwed up. Two decades have passed, and I still internally cringe when I think about it.

I hold this experience close to me, though, and it has made me more sympathetic to anyone who makes a stupid mistake. They happen. When an employee of mine, or a student I advise does something incredibly dumb, I think back to the dean and try to act the way I so desperately wanted him to act. I try not to brand someone a lifetime screw up just because they made one royal error. If anything, I try to give them a chance to do something big and right soon after.

Good people screw up big time, without a good reason, and what they need the most at that moment in their life is a shot at redemption. As a leader in that situation, you have the opportunity to be big about it, or small about it. The choice you make can have a lasting impact on the person who made the mistake.

Is President Bush a strong argument against the purity of values-centered leadership?

Our 43rd president has said on many occasions that he acts based on his firmly held beliefs, and not on the whims of public opinion polls. The vast majority of Americans want our troops out of Iraq, for example, but our president pushes for deeper involvement because he believes in that course of action. He's not much interested in compromise. He knows the right way, and you're either with him, or against him.

In many ways, George W. Bush is the definition of a "values centered leader." I suppose whether you like him or not pretty much has to do with whether you share his values. If you do, he's your guy. If you don't (like the 66% of Americans in the latest polls), you're not too happy with our Cowboy in Chief.

So, today, when I read that one in four Americans believes that George W. Bush is the worst president in our nation's history (CNN/Opinion Research Corporation poll), it made me think a bit about how busy we are advocating "values centered leadership" as the ideal for student leaders. If George W. Bush is a values-driven leader, and if his approval ratings are lower than Richard Nixon's during the Watergate scandal, it suggests that "values centered leadership" -- as a pure leadership ideal -- falls short of the silver bullet we've been telling our student leaders it is.

I want to admit – straight out and as honestly as possible – that I am not a fan of either George W. Bush or of the values-centered leadership cult currently dominating student affairs in this country. In fact, I can't really tell you which I dislike most (although I think the president might win that one). I try to avoid politics in this blog, but I'm using the president's dismal approval ratings to illustrate a point...

I think teaching "values centered leadership" as the simple answer to student leaders is flawed. It's not enough to make your decisions solely based on your personal understanding of the values of your organization or your founders. It's not as simple as reading your ritual, your Constitution or your mission statement and determining the one right option. The values of your organization should be a guide, and they should help differentiate between a good option and a bad one, but being a leader means making decisions and setting courses of action that respond to the complex situations that your group faces RIGHT NOW.

You have to think about your recent history, your budget and resources, the priorities of your members or campus, and the opportunities for compromise that move a negative reality closer to something positive. Leadership is very complex and somewhat fluid when it is done properly. There are days when you have to settle for a small step forward even when you wish, in your heart, that you could be in perfect congruence with the values of your organization. Some days you feel like a leader who acted righteously, and some days you feel a little filthy because you had to get dirty to get something done. That's reality, but it's very difficult to teach that to student leaders getting their first real shots at leadership.

Sometimes, the right thing to do is simply the right thing to do, and acting based on your values is prudent. But when you act entirely based on your interpretation of what is right, you run the risk of falling out of touch with the will of the people you govern.

Then, you face "W. Syndrome" -- everyone decides you are completely out of touch and can't wait until you go back home to your ranch.

T.J.'s rules for wearing nametags

Whenever you wear a name-tag, it needs to be on the right side of your body. Always, without question. If someone sticks a nametag on the left side of your shirt, smile, turn away from the person, peel the damn thing off, and put it on the correct side. Which is the right side. The right side. Not the left side. The right side.

Why? When you shake someone's hand you always do it with your right hand (unless you're at a convention of left-handed people activists, then ignore this posting completely). When you shake someone's right hand, and when your nametag is correctly positioned on the right side of your body, it allows the other person to glance at your nametag and make mental note of your name. Being able to look at that nametag builds confidence in the person with whom you are interacting, and that's a good thing. Some people, like me, are visual learners and are more likely to remember your name if we can see it in addition to hearing it. Plus, if your nametag has useful information like your job title, college or organization name, etc., that helps us place you and saves us from the first 67 stupid questions we need to ask in order to figure out who the hell you are.

Having to shake someone's hand and turn your head to the left to look at the nametag is awkward. Plus, the person can't help but think, "Jesus! No one has ever told this dumb ass that nametags always go on the right." And, you don't want them thinking that, do you?

But wait, some argumentative male will say... When I wear a dress shirt, there's a pocket on the left, and I like to affix or pin my nametag on the pocket. Well, that's just wrong. WRONG DAMN IT! What the hell does a pocket have to do with a nametag? NOTHING! Don't affix your nametag to your pocket, because now you look like an idiot and your pocket is drooping and making your nametag even harder to read. Dummy.

Now, for those of you who feel like I am discriminating against the left side of the body, I promise, I'm not. When you wear a corsage or boutonniere, you wear it on the left side of your jacket or dress. So, the left side doesn't get much action, but when it does, it smells better than a stupid nametag.

A few more things about nametags, while I'm ranting...

I would like to mention my deepest-felt hatred for nametags that hang from lanyards, attached at the top and middle to the nametag. Walk around a conference where the genius meeting planners have given out these nametags and you'll see that half of them are being worn with the name side facing the attendees' bodies, rendering them not only unattractive, but now utterly useless. The only thing dumber than a nametag is a nametag worn backwards. If you are a conference planner, stop ordering nametags that swivel. That's just incredibly stupid, and you're making my life miserable.

And a quick word to the guy who enjoys pinning his nametag on the belt-loop of his pants. Dude, you're not cool. If I want to check out your crotch, believe me, I'll do it. I don't need you placing your nametag by it to encourage me. From now on, when I see a guy wearing his nametag like this, I'm going to say, "Gee John! I never noticed what a gigantic cock you have! Thanks for putting your nametag there! Those flat-front Dockers were definitely a good choice this morning!"

If you are wearing more than three ribbons on your nametag, it's a serious cry for help. If they give you eight ribbons, don't wear them all cascading down your body like a drunken rainbow. Yes, you've earned them all, but if you have to wear eight ribbons to advertise your importance at a particular conference, people hate you anyway. Pick the three you like best, or the three that clash the least with your wardrobe, and wear those. Give the other ones to the poor stooges who don't have any ribbons. It will make them feel important and it will help you make some strides in tackling that over-achiever's complex you have.

Stickers and buttons on your nametag add a little flair. But, don't be too much of a sticker whore. If you're getting neck pain, you are overdoing it. If the last thing I notice on your nametag is your name, then again, you're an idiot.

And take the nametag off the minute you leave the building where your conference or event is taking place. Ever been in a food court and you see John from Accounting, Fred from Sales, and Jerry from Physical Plant taking a lunch break from their corporate meeting standing in line at Panda Express? Total bottom feeders, poor bastards. Makes you want to say, "Hey John from Accounting! Do you recommend the chow mein or the fried rice?" Take off your nametag, put it in your pocket. Put it back on when you enter the meeting again.

God, I feel so much better. Now, go out there and mingle!

Saturday morning at La Verne

OK, so they told me to show up for a student leadership conference at the University of La Verne, dressed in a suit, at 7:45 a.m. on Saturday morning. It was a definite challenge to my normally positive attitude. I was cranky.

Friday had been a long, long, long day. I had meetings, I spoke, and then I spent about 8 hours trying to fly from Dallas to Ontario, CA. By the time my head hit the pillow at the Hampton Inn at 12:30 a.m., I was toast. Just the thought of having to get up at 6 a.m. and put on a suit was causing me dread. Doing it on five hours sleep, even worse.

So, when I pulled into the University of La Verne, I was prepared to be a bit sour. There was no way that students were going to be dressed up and in a good mood for a student leadership conference starting at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday.

Well, of course, I was totally wrong. I had a WONDERFUL experience at The University of La Verne. It's a school very few people have ever heard of, but please take my word for it when I tell you that they had some of the nicest, most enthusiastic student leaders I have ever met. No one made them come; they wanted to be there. I can't remember the last time I shook so many hands, or had so many nice compliments on my program.

I think they get some of that positive attitude from the top. The university president, Steve Morgan, was there (super nice). The entire student affairs staff was there, from the dean of students on down (all incredible, friendly). I did two keynotes, one at the start of the day, and one at the end, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. It's one of the best campus visits I've had in years. I think if they had offered me a job, I would have been house shopping by dinnertime.

So, shout out to La Verne! You now have a new fan club president. I expected your students to be cranky and sour about having to be up so early on a Saturday, but you proved me incorrect! I appreciate you challenging my negative expectation! Congrats also to Greek Advisor Chip West who is doing fabulous work there.

Planning for alumni events

On November 13, I will have been an initiated member of my fraternity for 20 years. Damn, I'm old. But, I hadn't received any sort of invitation from my Pi Kappa Phi chapter at Indiana University for any sort of gathering to acknowledge the event. Homecoming came and went, and I was feeling a little disappointed that they totally missed the chance to celebrate a cool anniversary.

Well, today, an invitation arrived in the mail for a celebration on the weekend of November 17. I took back every nasty thought that had entered my brain. Those little bastards did care, after all, bless them! I hadn't thought that they'd do an event closer to the actual anniversary... I just assumed that they would do something at Homecoming. At Indiana, that's when all the alumni events are held.

ANYWAY, the point of this post is that I got this invitation with 17 days notice. Frankly, when you want alumni to attend something, particularly something that's not already on their radar screen, you need to give a hell of a lot more notice than 17 days. I know that in the student world, two weeks is an eternity. Seventeen days is like an entire pay period or one really hot and heavy quickie college romance.

Frankly, I would have liked to have known about this event in early September. Two months would have still been a challenge for me, given family events, work, conferences, and more.

How early should you invite alumni to an event? I say 60 days, minimum, unless you only want the usual suspects who can drive to your campus in an hour or less to attend. If you expect people to buy airline tickets and plan time away from business and family, you have to plan far in advance. If you can give more notice, give more. The ideal thing is to get the word out via email blasts several months in advance, then send out your printed invites 45-60 days ahead of time.

Fortunately, the things I had on my calendar that weekend were not terribly important. I really want to see my brothers from 20 years ago, so I freed myself up. I snatched one of the last seats on a Frontier Airlines flight to Indianapolis for under $400. Hotel was a nightmare. I can't get a hotel within 20 miles of Bloomington, Indiana. I finally found a place about a half hour's drive away. If I had been given more notice, I could have landed a nice room minutes from campus.

Now, I can't drink because I have to get in a damn rental car and drive a half hour back to my hotel room. Damn it!

So, dear student planner, give your alumni some notice. We plan our life events much further in advance than students do – it prolongs our death, you see. I know it's annoying and it doesn't sync well with the spontaneity of the college student lifestyle, but if you want us "old folks" to come around, support you, and pass along all that cool tradition stuff, you have to play the game our way from time to time.

South Carolina mourning

It's been a rough week to watch the news. First the California wildfires, and now the Ocean Isle, NC, house fire that claimed the lives of seven students from the University of South Carolina and Clemson University.

The students who died in the beach house fire were: Justin Anderson, Travis Cale, Lauren Mahon, Cassidy Pendley, William Rhea, Allison Walden, and Emily Yelton. Mahon, Pendley and Walden were members of Delta Delta Delta sorority, and Anderson and Cale were members of Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity. Yelton was a Delta Zeta sorority member from Clemson University. No fraternity affiliation has been listed for Rhea, a USC freshman.

One of the survivors, Tripp Wylie, was on the Today Show this morning talking about his friends (and girlfriend) who perished in the fire, and it was so hard to watch. Even Matt Lauer looked choked up during the interview.



You can find very comprehensive coverage on the website of the student newspaper The State here.

If you would like to send condolences to the USC Greek community, here's the address:

The University of South Carolina Office of Greek Life 1400 Greene Street Columbia SC 29208

Alcohol: Just another ploy by the white man!

It's National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week, and alcohol is on my mind. So, I thought I'd share this amusing story I found on the CNN website about the origins of New York City. Seems our nation's largest city might not even exist if the "white man" hadn't been handing out drinks.

In 1609, the Dutch sent English explorer Henry Hudson westward for a third attempt at finding the fabled Northeast Passage. A near mutiny forced him southward, and upon reaching land, he encountered members of the Delaware Indian tribe.

To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief, who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred to the island as Manahachtanienk -- literally, "The High Island."

And not "high" as in "tall;" high as in "the place where we got drunk." That island is what's now known as Manhattan.

Have we gotten a bit too casual about our t-shirts?

I've pretty much grown immune to Greek t-shirts that reference drugs, alcohol, and/or sex. After a couple of decades, I'm used to it, and it takes something pretty raunchy to even catch my notice.

The t-shirt in the picture is a pretty harmless example of the average Greek t-shirt I see out there. This one was for a fraternity philanthropy to raise money to fight ALS that involved swingsets. "Go High or Go Home" was the theme, and there you see a young man and woman in their swings. Of course, once you realize the date of the event is 4/20, going "high" takes on a special meaning. Clever fraternity men!

This shirt is very tame, as far as Greek t-shirts go. But since it's National Alcohol Awareness Week, the shirt reminded me how casual we've become about associating our letters with drugs and alcohol. We think it's cute and harmless. We chuckle. I bet the designers of this shirt didn't think that anyone over age 25 would get the "4-20" reference.

Swing high for ALS, my friends, but then I'm assuming that your chapter enjoys the weed. Use an alcohol reference for your recruitment t-shirt, and I assume your brotherhood is full of drunks.

Your t-shirts are the basis of your community reputation. When I see a sorority woman wearing a t-shirt that demeans women, fairly or unfairly, I make assumptions about that woman's self esteem.

Is there something we can do – short of enacting yet another policy – that discourages this sort of thing? It seems to me to be one of the simplest steps we can take to clean up our image in our campus communities.

Do you know a problem drinker?

Someone is a "problem drinker" when their drinking is causing problems. How simple is that? It's one of the best lessons I learned from my years working for the BACCHUS Network in the early 90's.

If you have a friend who consistently experiences negative consequences from his or her drinking episodes, then he or she is a problem drinker. This could include: injuries, incidences of violence, ill-advised hookups of any kind, damaged friendships/relationships, failed commitments, physical sickness, blackouts, violation of policies, getting in trouble with the law, and more.

College students tend to have a higher threshold of tolerance for problem drinking behavior in their friends. One thing we can all do this National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week is to question whether the problems our friends are experiencing when drinking are truly "normal college behavior." Is it normal to lose your job because you've missed work three times due to hangovers? Is it normal that he or she ruins romantic relationships repeatedly by going into drunken rages? How many problems will you allow your friend to have before you express concern?

Is your friend an alcoholic? I don't know. Actual alcoholism is a much larger mental and physical issue. I'm not even sure how alcoholism is diagnosed. But many people who are not alcoholics can still be problem drinkers.

The good news is that a problem drinker can take immediate and effective steps to change his or her behavior. You've heard the now-cliche statement that "the first step is admitting you have a problem." Well, sometimes this admission is what it takes to get a problem drinker back on a track of better choices. Maybe all he or she needs is a positive, constructive confrontation from a friend.

Do you know someone who experiences problems as a result of his or her drinking? If so, that person is a problem drinker. If you are truly a friend, you owe it to your friend to express concern and offer assistance.

Remember the non-drinkers at your next function

There are lots of reasons why people don't drink at parties. Many people simply don't like to drink and never (or almost never) do. Some are being responsible sober drivers. Some avoid it for physical training or religious reasons. Some of your friends might be recovering from addictions they acquired before even arriving at college. Some people, believe it or not, feel wrong drinking underage.

A really great thing to discuss at an upcoming social committee meeting is this: "What are we providing for the people who CHOOSE not to drink at our parties?" Providing non-alcoholic options for the non-drinkers is not only the responsible thing to do, whether you are planning a basic party, a tailgate, or an alumni event. Providing these non-alcoholic drinks for free to your participants is kind of classy, and it sends the important message that not drinking is a valid choice.

There are many stories about people who went to a party, planning to be a sober driver for their friends, who ended up drinking because there literally was no other choice. It's also important for those who might have drank alcohol earlier in the evening, but who are tryng to sober up before the end of their evening.

Think about: sodas, bottled water, energy drinks, bottled teas, etc. If you are in a fraternity or sorority, take note that there is not a single national or campus policy that prevents you from supplying non-alcoholic drinks in any social situation.

By the way, this week is National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week (NCAAW). This is a tremendous week to spend time thinking about how your organization deals with alcohol and your members' use or abuse of it.

Reconsider that Halloween costume idea

Halloween is coming, and all over the U.S., clueless students will go out in public with racially or culturally insensitive costumes to mark the occasion. Watch for the Facebook pictures beginning October 28. Someone will dress in blackface. White boys will don turbans and dress as "terrorists."

I'm actually looking forward to the gay Dumbledore outfits. I might do that one myself.

So, now would be a good time to approach your student newspaper and do a preemptive article encouraging students to avoid costumes that play to stereotypes. Have your fraternity and sorority leaders make announcements this week at their meetings that culturally offensive costumes will not be permitted at any Halloween-themed events. That sort of thing.

Inevitably, we will see articles in the national press the week of and the week after Halloween about some stupid guys dressed as the "Jena 6" with nooses. It's coming; mark my words. Or maybe some group of geniuses will dress up with "nappy headed" afro wigs and Rutgers jerseys. This will be followed by on campus demonstrations and claims by the young men that they were just trying to be funny. Unsuccessfully.

Halloween is a fun time, but the fun gets sucked out of it when people offend others with (what they believe to be) clever costume ideas. Spread the word now that people should avoid the temptation. We live in a world where photos fly around the nation on the Internet in minutes. You don't want your friends spending November receiving death threats and hate mail.

Personally, I'm off to Toys 'R Us to buy four baby dolls and four baby carriers. I'm going as Kevin Federline this year.

You had it made, until he got laid...

So, everything was fine, and then suddenly one of your officers did something completely stupid and unforgivable. He got a girlfriend. She got a boyfriend. He dumped his girlfriend because he suddenly got a boyfriend. What do you do when a perfectly productive officer suddenly falls in love and loses her mind?

Hey, it happens. And frankly, there aren't too many stories that end with the student leader falling in love, then tearfully breaking it off with Prince Charming because there's that goal-setting retreat that simply has to take priority. Get my drift? If you expect your officer to choose his responsibilities over love, infatuation, excitement, and possibly life-changing sex, you're delusional. If he would move mountains for his new girlfriend, he'll certainly push off a few deadlines and tasks you've assigned him.

So, the best thing to do is to be supportive, for a while. Let him talk about the new woman. Let her gush about the new guy. Meet the new hot thing in his life and be friendly. Invite the new boyfriend to an event, or maybe take the lovebirds out for a meal. Don't be hurt because suddenly your officer is prioritizing hormones over committee meetings. Don't become the spurned lover who feels neglected. That's just silly.

Usually, things will chill a bit after a week or two, and the hot couple will either flame out, or they'll settle down a bit. If your officer ignores responsibilities for a week or two, you can compensate. If it continues for longer, then have a conversation. Ask him if he can handle both sets of demands in his life? If not, ask him to move aside and let someone else take over. If she can't handle an officer's job and a boyfriend, then deal with the situation.

Hey, love is grand. Feeling wanted and sexually satisfied? Doesn't get much better than that, let me tell ya. If you are running your organization effectively, it doesn't live or die by the efforts (or lack thereof) of any one officer or leader. You can't always make your organization everyone's Number One priority.

Chances are, your officer will get her head on straight and will come back to reality soon enough. Hell, she might even act like a more well-adjusted person with a better attitude (getting a little lovin' can do that to people). Or, she might quit, rent a U-Haul, and move in with the new girlfriend. Whatevah! These things happen.

It's a lesson worth learning as a leader. Sometimes your best people need a little room to live their lives. Give them that room, and they can often reward you with increased commitment, dedication, and effort.

And, who knows. Maybe his hot new girlfriend has a friend...